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Female Disruptors: Amber Amour of Consentopia On The Three Things You Need To Shake Up Your Industry

“You gotta feel it to heal it.” We need to connect with our emotions, instead of burying them with work, food, and addictions. We can only heal when we face ourselves. This requires facing our shadow, our pain, and our sadness. Recognize the feelings and then let them go.

As a part of our series about women who are shaking things up in their industry, I had the pleasure of interviewing Amber Amour.

Amber Amour is a holistic healer, spiritual coach, certified Kemetic Reiki practitioner, CEO of Ancestral Essentials, and the author of the popular Consentopia e-book series. She specializes in the education and healing of sexual assault survivors from all walks of life: LGBTQIA+, adult entertainers and marginalized communities. Amour’s four-part Consentopia e-book series deeply explores topics of consent with personal stories on how to heal after experiencing sexual assault. She is also a highly regarded guest speakers at universities worldwide, helping college students to understand the meaning of rape culture and offering resources for protecting themselves against vulnerable situations.

Thank you so much for doing this with us! Before we dig in, our readers would like to get to know you a bit more. Can you tell us a bit about your “backstory”? What led you to this particular career path?

As a survivor of childhood sexual abuse and countless sexual assaults, I became determined to create a better world so that no other child would suffer from the pain of sexual assault. As an adult, I reported and spoke up about being sexually abused, but it was clear that the justice system did not care. I believe in a better world. I believe we can create lasting change. I am a firm believer that in order to eliminate our current rape culture, we must create a culture of consent. To create a culture of consent, people need to understand what consent is, what rape culture is, and what healing from sexual assault looks like. I have helped thousands of sexual assault survivors around the world, and I’m only just beginning.

Can you tell our readers what it is about the work you’re doing that’s disruptive?

My work disrupts the current culture that blames and shames survivors of sexual assault. Consent culture is all about believing survivors who speak up about rape and it also puts an emphasis on not blaming them for what someone else did to them — even if they were drunk, even if they were in a relationship, even if they were an adult entertainer — no one is “asking for it” and no one is to blame for being raped except the rapist.

Can you share a story about the funniest mistake you made when you were first starting? Can you tell us what lesson you learned from that?

Whew! I would say the most embarrassing mistake that I made is oversharing to the world. After I went viral for getting raped, I thought that I needed to share my highs and lows, every step of the way. Fame got the best of me and I began to overshare my healing journey. I would get on Instagram Live crying my eyes out; I would post videos sharing details of the assaults I had experienced, without trigger warnings, and not caring who was watching (I had a lot of celebrities following me who unfollowed after I did these things). I was too real, too raw, and too much to handle. These types of posts triggered my fans, many of which turned against me. I learned that healing is not pretty — it is downright ugly sometimes, and it’s not for the world to witness. If I could do it again, I would have shown the results, not the messy process of healing severe trauma. That is between me and my healers only.

We all need a little help along the journey. Who have been some of your mentors? Can you share a story about how they made an impact?

I never would have made it if it wasn’t for my Kemetic Reiki Teacher, Kajara Nebehet. She taught me how to clear away negative energy through purification, ancient healing modalities, and aura cleansing. Before meeting her, I was holding in a lot of pain and trauma that I was able to release with reiki. Queen Afua was extremely helpful. I am currently enrolled in the Sacred Woman program which teaches ancient healing techniques from Kemet (the original name of Egypt). I was already on a healing path but taking the Sacred Woman program helped me tap into the pain I had been suppressing so I could finally let it go.

In today’s parlance, being disruptive is usually a positive adjective. But is disrupting always good? When do we say the converse, that a system or structure has ‘withstood the test of time’? Can you articulate to our readers when disrupting an industry is positive, and when disrupting an industry is ‘not so positive’? Can you share some examples of what you mean?

People say that a system has “withstood the test of time” when they are afraid to change. Disrupting an industry is positive when it helps people. Disrupting an industry is not so positive when it hurts people. For example, disrupting rape culture to create a culture of consent is positive in every way. Disrupting Indigenous Tribes to colonize Africa was a horrendous act because it disrupted the natural flow of life and it harmed millions.

Can you share 3 of the best words of advice you’ve gotten along your journey? Please give a story or example for each.

“We are the healers who lighten the darkness” — this is from Queen Afua’s book, Sacred Woman. To me, it means that I must lighten the darkness within myself and by doing so, I inspire others to lighten the darkness within themselves, too.

“You gotta feel it to heal it.” We need to connect with our emotions, instead of burying them with work, food, and addictions. We can only heal when we face ourselves. This requires facing our shadow, our pain, and our sadness. Recognize the feelings and then let them go.

“Nothing ever out-serves its purpose.” My mom always says this, especially when I’m afraid to face a new chapter in life. It’s a reminder that there is a season for everything. When time is up, it’s because something new and better is on the horizon.

We are sure you aren’t done. How are you going to shake things up next?

I’m only just beginning because we have a long way to go in creating a culture of consent. My next major plan is to open up a holistic retreat center for survivors of sexual assault. The retreat center will include therapy, life coaching, reiki cleanses, yoga, meditation, art therapy, music therapy, an equestrian center, and a camp site for children who can have fun while their parents focus on healing. Ideally, my retreat center will be somewhere warm and sunny like Puerto Rico.

In your opinion, what are the biggest challenges faced by ‘women disruptors’ that aren’t typically faced by their male counterparts?

Women are expected to be quiet and submissive, unlike men. Because of this, female disruptors are often silenced and/or ignored. To create a better world, we need to start listening to women. Women are insightful and intuitive. This is all the more reason to listen to them!

Do you have a book/podcast/talk that’s had a deep impact on your thinking? Can you share a story with us?

“Yoga for Dummies” changed my life. I was desperate for healing and needed something free and accessible. When I discovered this book, I was amazed to learn that yoga, meditation, and breathwork could reduce stress. I immediately began practicing the techniques laid out in the book. That was 10 years ago, and I still do yoga regularly to this day.

You are a person of great influence. If you could inspire a movement that would bring the most amount of good to the most amount of people, what would that be? You never know what your idea can trigger. :-)

I would inspire a healing movement for survivors of sexual assault. I could see myself leading movement of love. This movement would create unconditional love for rape survivors. It would create a world where sexual assault no longer exists. A world where survivors are believed — no matter their race, background, gender, sexual orientation, or profession.

Can you please give us your favorite “Life Lesson Quote”? Can you share how that was relevant to you in your life?

“I keep myself lifted in high consciousness, no matter what the appearances are.” -The Oath of Manifestation by Michael Beckwith. I love this quote because no matter what my life may look like — messy, traumatic, dramatic — I stay rooted in prayer and high vibrations. Instead of going down the rabbit hole of self-loathing and self-pity, (I refuse to do that) I focus on what can go right. I focus on miracles. I focus on what I can achieve, no matter how grim the circumstances may appear.

How can our readers follow you online?

They can follow me on Instagram www.instagram.com/realamberamour and visit my website www.amberamour.com for more information.

This was very inspiring. Thank you so much for joining us!

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Candice Georgiadis

Candice Georgiadis

Candice Georgiadis is an active mother of three as well as a designer, founder, social media expert, and philanthropist.