Focus on your achievements — big and small — An example of this is starting small by cleaning your room, car and being consistent in it, then you can move on to your goals like owning your business, helping others, and having a family.
As a part of my series about “Connecting with Yourself to Live With Better Relationships” I had the pleasure to interview Hazel Walcott, whose real name is Roxanne Little. However, she writes under her pen name Hazel Walcott. While dealing with the reading challenges her daughter was facing, and at the same time, a supervisor on a campaign to defame her character, Hazel Walcott turned to God for guidance. Then, one night, a dream gave Hazel her solution and the story was born. “I received a vision of the character, Rachel, and how God saw her through her trials and tribulations.”
Thank you so much for joining us! I’d love to begin by asking you to give us the backstory as to what brought you to this specific career path.
I’ve always loved storytelling and writing was a way to get my thoughts and ideas down and then discuss them with friends and family. I would write and share my stories with my mom before she passed, and she would always encourage me to keep writing.
Are you working on any exciting new projects now? How do you hope that they might help people along their path to self-understanding or a better sense of wellbeing in their relationships?
1. Yes. I’m currently working on the second part of Rachel’s journey. After being adopted, Rachel must decide if this is the life she really wanted. She always wanted to be with a loving family, and now she is. But how does she know this family won’t take her back to the orphanage if she’s unable to adjust?
2. I think readers will find a lot to relate to in this story as it deals with learning to love yourself, accept who you are and what you have to offer, as much as learning to trust.
Do you have a personal story that you can share with our readers about your struggles or successes along your journey of self-understanding and self-love? Was there ever a tipping point that triggered a change regarding your feelings of self-acceptance?
1. Yes. What I would like to share with others is never to give up. It’s hard to succeed when you feel every obstacle possible is being thrown in your way. Take it one day at a time and don’t let the negative thoughts get in the way of what God has in store for you.
2. As for a tipping point, I would have to go back to when I was a teenager when I had my first crush. He was the cutest guy in school, and he had a certain type of women that he liked breast and big but. I had the butt, however my breast didn’t develop yet. I had to decide do allow this shortcoming to stop from saying hello. It was nice when we talked and we dating for 3 years. He was my first boy friend and I allow the things from TV say what I should look like.
According to a recent study cited in Cosmopolitan, in the U.S., only about 28 percent of men and 26 percent of women are “very satisfied with their appearance.” Could you talk about what some of the causes might be, as well as the consequences?
I believe society has led many men and women to think they’re supposed to look like the models found in magazines. I was blessed to have parents who consistently told me I was beautiful and to be myself. That’s a philosophy hard to stick with when we’ve got so many celebrities selling their bodies to make a dollar. Societal values have changed too, making such things acceptable. I believe we need to get back to educating our youth with manners and morals. Teach them the importance of respecting not just themselves but others as well. Perhaps then we can begin to change how we look at each other.
As cheesy as it might sound to truly understand and “love yourself,” can you share with our readers a few reasons why it’s so important?
First and foremost, you must learn to love yourself because no one else can love you better.
Second, setting and maintaining boundaries is an important part of discovering not just who you are but who you want to be.
Third, be yourself and don’t let anyone tell you that you need to change. We all need to grow as individuals and refine ourselves. But don’t let anyone tell you who you need to be.
And last, love the skin you’re in — God blessed you with it!
Why do you think people stay in mediocre relationships? What advice would you give to our readers regarding this?
I think the fear of being alone is a predominant factor. Many believe the person they first fell in love with is still there, and that the fault is their own for what has happened in the relationship. Many make the mistake of thinking that if they change their own behavior, the relationship will improve. It then takes a long time for them to realize their error and leave the situation. Instead of just telling someone to go, which can easily encourage them to stay, be supportive in the decision that you both should move on. Sometimes, this can be accomplished by saying less, thus encouraging the other person to leave on their own.
When I talk about self-love and understanding I don’t necessarily mean blindly loving and accepting ourselves the way we are. Many times, self-understanding requires us to reflect and ask ourselves the tough questions, to realize perhaps where we need to make changes in ourselves to be better not only for ourselves but our relationships. What are some of those tough questions that will cut through the safe space of comfort we like to maintain, that our readers might want to ask themselves? Can you share an example of a time that you had to reflect and realize how you needed to make changes?
Instead of questions to ask, I would encourage everyone to remember that self-love and understanding, in my opinion, are essential in understanding who you are. Always remind yourself to:
1. Trust God first and always;
2. Believe in yourself;
3. Stay true to who you are;
4. Never give up; and
5. Love yourself through it all.
So many don’t really know how to be alone, or are afraid of it. How important is it for us to have, and practice, that capacity to truly be with ourselves and be alone (literally or metaphorically)?
I believe an important aspect of learning to be alone comes with being able to self-reflect. By self-reflecting, we give ourselves the opportunity and ability to have guaranteed time with no conflicts or compromises.
How does achieving a certain level of self-understanding and self-love then affect your ability to connect with and deepen your relationships with others?
Once you have a deep understanding for yourself and loving yourself there is nothing that can stop you from having a deep relationship with others. You learn to understand and respect others as individuals.
In your experience, what should a) individuals and b) society, do to help people better understand themselves and accept themselves?
Love. Love and acceptance.
What are 5 strategies that you implement to maintain your connection with and love for yourself, that our readers might learn from? Could you please give a story or example for each?
1. Having and keeping the faith — An example is not give up or keeping through to what you believe in
2. Stop comparing yourself to others — An example is comparing yourself to someone like Beyonce, or your co-worker. GOD made you different for a reason with different goals in mind and your skillset makes you unique, so it’s important to be yourself
3. Focus on your achievements — big and small — An example of this is starting small by cleaning your room, car and being consistent in it, then you can move on to your goals like owning your business, helping others, and having a family
4. Make a list of all your awesome traits — An example of this everyday when you get up in the morning journal 5 things that are important about who you and why you love yourself and why you are so blessed
5. Nurture your dreams — An example of this is creating a vision board of where you see yourself in 3 to 5 years and stay on course of your future
What are your favorite books, podcasts, or resources for self-psychology, intimacy, or relationships? What do you love about each one and how does it resonate with you?
1. Who Moved My Cheese by Spencer Johnson -What I love about this book is being able to change your course when things don’t go the way you would like. Look at it as a success and not a failure
2. A Day with a Perfect Stanger by David Gregory — This is one of my favorite books because it is when this passenger on the plane encounters GOD and it was so enlighten for me, because I talk with him everyday for guidance daily
3. The 18 Rules of Happiness by Karl Moore — This book has helped me when my mother passed away. I felt lost and I needed to find my way back. I would pray and it wasn’t helping, however this book allowed me to realize that we can life in the past and learn from experience of sorrow in our lives
4. How Successful People Think by John Maxwell — This book has help me to stay focus and guide me through my successes and failures, as well as learning from my failures
5. How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie — This book has helped me in more ways than one. It has help me by looking at other perspectives and not my own
You are a person of great influence. If you could inspire a movement that would bring the most amount of good to the most amount of people, what would that be? Maybe we’ll inspire our readers to start it…
What I would like to do is educate our young men and women in understanding the importance of love and respect. Don’t allow others to influence your decisions. Learn to build with each other as one.
Can you please give us your favorite “Life Lesson Quote” that you use to guide yourself by?
· “Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts.”
– Winston Churchill
· “Believe in yourself. You are braver than you think, more talented than you know, and capable of more than you imagine.”
– Roy T. Bennett
· “Whatever the mind can conceive and believe, it can achieve.”
– Napoleon Hill
· “If you don’t like something, change it. If you can’t change it, change your attitude.”
– Maya Angelou
· “Inaction breeds doubt and fear. Action breeds confidence and courage. If you want to conquer fear, do not sit home and think about it. Go out and get busy.”
– Dale Carnegie
Can you share how that was relevant to you in your life and how our readers might learn to live by it in theirs?
These life lessons are relevant in my life today because they remind me to remain focused and not allow what’s happening in my life at the moment to determine my future or destiny. It’s hard at times due to the situations that arise. However, I always remind myself that it’s only temporary and God has it all in control.
Thank you for joining us!