Gillian Tietz of Sober Powered On How To Achieve Great Success After Recovering From An Addiction

An Interview With Penny Bauder

You are not alone. Even though you may think that no one can understand how you feel and that no one has gone through what you’re going through, many of us have. When I started sharing, I found that none of my suffering was unique. I wasn’t the only one who had massive anxiety after drinking or felt very suicidal. If you’re afraid or shy to share, then start by being present in sober Facebook groups or on sober Instagram. You will hear stories that you will be able to relate to.

When people are trapped in a severe addiction it can feel like there is no way out and there is no hope for a better future. This is of course not true. Millions of people are in recovery from an addiction and they go on to lead successful, fulfilling and inspiring lives.

Authority Magazine started a new series about women who were able to achieve great success after recovering from an addiction. The premise of the series is to offer hope and inspiration to people who feel trapped in similar circumstances.

As a part of this series we had the pleasure to interview Gillian Tietz

Gillian Tietz is the host of the Sober Powered podcast and works as a biochemist in the Boston area. When she quit drinking in 2019, she dedicated herself to learning about alcohol’s influence on the brain and how it can cause addiction. She used that knowledge to free herself from the shame she had about being unable to control her drinking. Today, she educates and empowers others to assess their relationship with alcohol. You can find Gill creating content on Instagram, YouTube, and wherever you listen to podcasts.

Thank you so much for doing this with us! Before we dig in, our readers would like to get to know you a bit more. Can you tell us a bit about your childhood “backstory”?

I grew up in a suburb outside of Boston. My parents had a bad marriage, and I grew up observing one of my parents drinking to cope with the marriage. When I was 10, I began to realize how bad my parent’s marriage was and started to hate my father because of it. I spent every day of my childhood filled with anger. Home wasn’t a place I enjoyed being, but I didn’t enjoy being at school either because I was bullied through all of middle and high school. I remember once in my junior year of high school I thought maybe it had been long enough and I could try to have lunch in the cafeteria. It was like a scene from a movie. I sat down and everyone at the table got up and left. I was in shock and couldn’t believe what had just happened, when one of the girls came back and sat across from me. Finally, I thought, someone was giving me a chance. She looked me in the eyes and said, “why don’t you go kill yourself already? Everyone hates you.”

Do you feel comfortable sharing with our readers how you were initially introduced to your addiction? What drew you to the addiction you had?

The first time I had a drink was when I was 18 years old and on a cruise with my family. We were cruising to Bermuda where the drinking age was 18 and I had my parents’ permission to have a glass of wine. Halfway through the glass I began to feel the effects of alcohol for the first time and was overcome with intense shame. I thought I was “bad”. After that experience I rarely drank until I started graduate school at 22. Everyone drank except for me, and I desperately wanted people to like me. I thought if I drank too, then I’d fit in. My drinking was immediately a problem. I had no control over myself and once I started, I could not stop. I became a daily drinker within the year.

As you know, addictions are often an attempt to mask an underlying problem. In your experience, what do you think you were really masking or running from in the first place? Can you explain?

Alcohol fixed a problem for me. I was so angry and overwhelmed throughout my childhood and late teens. I tried to find other ways to relieve this feeling, like food, but it only helped for a few minutes. When I started drinking, my anger and overwhelm disappeared. Unlike food, which only helped until the food was gone, the positive effects of alcohol lasted hours. I learned in graduate school that when you’re stressed, you drink, and the stress went away. Since I was always stressed and overwhelmed, I just drank every day. I didn’t see an issue with it.

Can you share what the lowest point in your addiction and life was?

At 28, I had been trying to moderate my drinking for 4 years with no success. My husband and I were having major problems and both of us were considering ending the marriage. My lowest point was feeling like I would lose my husband. He had pulled away from me emotionally and began treating me like I was an annoyance. This was the catalyst that propelled my drinking to its worst. I began chugging bottles of wine without even realizing it. I remember one Halloween I drank a bottle of wine in under 2 hours on autopilot. I drank 4 more beers and spent the night sitting at my dining room table crying by myself. Not only did I drink more during this time, but I also drank much faster.

Was there a tipping point that made you decide that you needed to change? Can you please share the story?

I became suicidal whenever I was very drunk, which was a few nights per week. I’d drink, pass out, jolt awake at 2 or 3 am and force myself to lie awake for the rest of the night hating myself and thinking very scary thoughts. I started most days by looking myself in the mirror and repeating “I hate you” over and over until I made myself cry. Eventually, the suicidal thoughts became so strong that I felt afraid I might do something about it. My husband and I had attended therapy and our marriage was a lot better. He comforted me all those nights and stayed awake trying to help me feel better. One sleep deprived Sunday in March 2019 we were watching the sun come up after a brutal night of self-loathing. I looked at my husband and said, “I can’t drink for 90 days”. By day 2, the suicidal thoughts had disappeared, and they didn’t return during my 90 day challenge. The problem was, I challenged myself to 90 days to “cure” myself so when I returned to drinking, I could drink moderately. I spent the 90 days focused on the end goal of drinking again and missed many of the benefits of sobriety.

Can you tell us the story about how you were able to overcome your addiction?

I returned to drinking after my 90 day challenge and was able to moderate for 2 months. I had 2 glasses of wine on Saturday’s nights on dates with my husband and didn’t even want anymore. I was cured! Then we went on a cruise around Europe with the drink package. I thought I’d drink the way I wanted on vacation and then come back home and moderate again. I humiliated myself so many times all around Europe during that trip. I ruined my first time to Europe and all the memories I wanted to create. By the time we got home I was right back at it. The suicidal thoughts quickly returned. I suffered for 4 more months and then one sleep deprived Sunday in November 2019 my husband and I were sitting on the couch watching the sun come up after a brutal night of self-loathing. I looked at my husband and said, “I can never drink ever again”. The realization and fear that I could act on those thoughts forced me into accepting that I had a problem and could never change the way I drank.

How did you reconcile within yourself and to others the pain that addiction caused to you and them? Can you please share a story about that?

I felt so much shame, and still do, about all the things I did when I was drinking. It’s hard to let go of that and it’s something I’m working on in therapy. I spent years telling myself that my drinking only affected me and didn’t impact my husband in any way, but once I got sober, I realized it had a major impact on his life too. Close to a year into my sobriety I was finally able to have a conversation with my husband and ask him how the experience was for him. It was hard to hear what he had to say, but I know he needed to get it out. I still struggle with worrying that I permanently damaged his love for me, even though our marriage and connection is better than ever.

When you stopped your addiction, what did you do to fill in all the newfound time you had?

I used to get drunk, sit on the couch, and watch TV every day. I spent all day every day obsessing about alcohol, beating myself up for drinking too much, or drinking. When I stopped drinking, I knew I couldn’t just sit on the couch and watch TV. Instead, I sat in my bedroom and read quit lit books with a cup of tea. I spent every night either reading books or reading about addiction science and psychology. It helped to change my routine. I made plans for the weekends, so I wasn’t just sitting around doing nothing. My husband and I started going to fancy restaurants, which we would never have gone to while I was drinking because all that alcohol was very expensive.

What positive habits have you incorporated into your life, post addiction, to keep you on the right path?

I go to bed at the same time and wake up at the same time every day, even on weekends. Keeping a regular routine helps my mood and I’ve found that waking up earlier gives me more energy for the day. I walk every morning and listen to an audio book or a podcast. I enjoy learning new things and walking first thing in the morning helps me with my mood.

Can you tell us a story about the success that you achieved after you began your recovery?

When I stopped drinking, I wanted to understand if this was my fault. I spent my whole drinking shaming myself and telling myself I was a weak loser because I couldn’t moderate like everyone else could. I believed the stigma that addiction is a choice and strong people wouldn’t let that happen to them. I have a master’s in biology and work as a biochemist, so I knew how to find and understand the research. I read papers every day for hours, learning about why addiction happens to some people and not others, and why it’s so hard to stop drinking. One day when I was around 8 months sober, I woke up and felt compelled to share what I was learning with the world. It was helping me so much that I knew it would help others with their shame. I decided the best way to do that was by launching a podcast, but the only problem was I had no idea how to do that. I recorded my first episode by zoom calling myself and launched Sober Powered later that day. Now, over a year later my podcast is in the top 1% of all podcasts globally. The messages that I receive from my listeners keep me going. I have helped many people re-evaluate their relationship with alcohol and let go of their hopes and dreams of moderating their drinking someday.

What character traits have you transferred from your addiction to your current achievements? Please share both the positive and negative.

My all of nothing mentality. If I’m going to do something, I’m going to do it. Going all in is helpful because I am a high achiever, but it also keeps my obsessive mindset alive. I went from obsessing about alcohol all day every day to obsessing about sobriety all day every day. Some sober people obsess about the gym and their fitness when they get sober, but I obsessed so much about sobriety in general that I stopped going to the gym to work on creating content and learning instead. Now at 2 years sober I feel that I am finding a balance between being passionate about sobriety and having a life outside of it. I still go all in on my dreams and helping people get sober and find freedom has been the dream I’m working on. I think this is why my podcast became so popular despite no one knowing who I was when I launched it.

Ok super. Here is the main question of our interview. Can you share five pieces of advice that you would give to a person who is struggling with some sort of addiction but ashamed to speak about it or get help?

1. Consume sober content. Join sober Facebook groups, make a private account on Instagram, read quit lit, and listen to sober podcasts. This will all open your mind to the possibility of quitting drinking. You do not need to be sober to join a sober Facebook group. People understand where you’re at. I was a member of sober Facebook groups for over a year before I did my 90 day challenge. I posted all the time about my struggles with moderation, and everyone was kind to me.
2. Look at the reality of your drinking, not what you hope it could be like someday. You can’t change the amount of alcohol that satisfies you. It’s not that we wish we could have 1 drink, we wish we could be satisfied with 1 drink. Think about the times you did you have 1 or 2 drinks and stop, was it worth it or did it seem like a waste of time?
3. Work with a therapist. Not drinking or using is just the first step. There’s a lot behind an addiction and that comes out when you get sober. When I stopped drinking, I dealt with extreme amounts of rage that seemed to come from nowhere. It was hard to even function sometimes it was so intense. My therapist has helped me understand why I feel so angry and how to manage it. Now, I’m not filled with rage anymore. A therapist helps you make connections that you are too close to your own life to see.
4. Develop your self-awareness. People who struggle with addiction also struggle to deal with negative emotions and stress. Self-awareness allows you to understand what you’re feeling and why, so you can begin to identify your triggers and take steps to manage them. Working on this skill has allowed me to pause and choose healthier options when powerful negative emotions hit me instead of getting drunk. Drinking may feel like it helps because it calms you down, but we’re just extending our suffering when we drink it away. Alcohol and drugs do not allow us to work through any of our problems, so they just hang around and continue to get worse.
5. You are not alone. Even though you may think that no one can understand how you feel and that no one has gone through what you’re going through, many of us have. When I started sharing, I found that none of my suffering was unique. I wasn’t the only one who had massive anxiety after drinking or felt very suicidal. If you’re afraid or shy to share, then start by being present in sober Facebook groups or on sober Instagram. You will hear stories that you will be able to relate to.

We are very blessed that some very prominent names in Business, VC funding, Sports, and Entertainment read this column. Is there a person in the world, or in the US with whom you would love to have a private breakfast or lunch, and why? He or she might just see this if we tag them.

Matt Heafy from Trivium. Trivium’s music has helped me through the darkest times in my life. I discovered them when I was 16 and listening to them helped me distract myself when I was bullied. I developed PTSD at 18 from a traumatic event and could not sleep because of flashbacks and nightmares. I would lie in my bed every night and listen to a full album of Trivium’s and by the time it finished I would usually be able to sleep. At the end of my drinking, I’d stay awake by myself and listen to Trivium and cry. I have been a super fan of Matt Heafy and Trivium for most of my life. Their music is healing.

How can our readers further follow your work online?

If you search for Sober Powered, you will find me. That’s my website, Instagram, Facebook group, YouTube channel, and my podcast can be found wherever you listen to podcasts,

Thank you for these fantastic insights. We greatly appreciate the time you spent on this.

Thank you so much for allowing me to share!