Happiness and Joy During Turbulent Times: Suzanne Teare Of Within Therapy Solutions On How To Live With Joie De Vivre, Even When It Feels Like The Whole World Is Pulling You Down
An Interview With Lucinda Koza
If today’s uncertainty feels overwhelming, it may be stirring up something deeper. As a therapist trained in Internal Family Systems (IFS), I help people recognize how current stress can activate old wounds. When we feel panicked or hopeless, it may be because parts of us are remembering past moments of fear or instability.
It sometimes feels like it is so hard to avoid feeling down or depressed these days. Between the sad news coming from world headlines, and the constant negative messages popping up on social and traditional media, it sometimes feels like the entire world is pulling you down. What do you do to feel happiness and joy during these troubled and turbulent times? In this interview series called “Finding Happiness and Joy During Turbulent Times” we are talking to experts, authors, and mental health professionals who share lessons from their research or experience about “How To Find Happiness and Joy During Troubled & Turbulent Times”.
As a part of this series, I had the pleasure of interviewing Suzanne Teare, MSW, LCSW.
Suzanne is the founder and clinical director of Within Therapy Solutions (www.withintherapysolutions.com), a group practice in Fair Oaks, CA, specializing in non-pathologizing approaches to mental health care. As a Licensed Clinical Social Worker (LCSW) and psychotherapist specializing in Internal Family Systems (IFS) and Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR), she helps individuals navigate and heal from trauma, anxiety, and depression. With a deep understanding of the mind’s resilience, Suzanne empowers clients to explore the root causes of their struggles and find healing, growth, and meaning, even in the face of life’s most difficult challenges. Through a compassionate, non-judgmental approach, she supports clients in reconnecting with themselves and cultivating lasting emotional well-being.
Thank you so much for joining us in this interview series! Before we dive into the main focus of our interview, our readers would love to “get to know you” a bit better. Can you tell us a bit about your childhood backstory? What or who inspired you to pursue your career? We’d love to hear the story.
My career was inspired by my childhood experiences. I grew up in a small town as a latchkey kid, and my mom was grieving and severely depressed after losing my dad to gun violence just three weeks before I was born. My brother, 4 years older than me, struggled a lot after losing our dad. Mental health struggles were a part of our family life, but we didn’t have the language or resources to understand them. The only narrative I knew was based on the medical model — that we were just born with our issues, and the only way to “fix” them was with medication. But medication wasn’t helping, and even as a kid, I remember thinking, this can’t be the whole truth.
When I turned 16, I graduated high school early and left the small town to head out on my own. I moved to the nearest big city, Sacramento, and began learning everything I could about mental health. It started with self-help books and years of therapy and eventually progressed into formal education. What stuck with me most were the therapy approaches that honored my natural ability to heal, approaches like IFS and EMDR, because those were the ones that helped me the most.
I’m not dismissive of the medical model in mental health; I think it’s incredibly valuable. But for me, I realized it wasn’t about being born with something unchangeable — it was about experiencing trauma and needing to heal. That’s why I’m so drawn to therapies that challenge the idea that we’re broken or stuck forever. I believe that each of us has an inherent ability to heal, and that belief is at the core of the work I do today.
None of us can achieve success without some help along the way. Was there a particular person who you feel gave you the most help or encouragement to be who you are today? Can you share a story about that?
There is a therapist I started seeing when I was around twenty-five years old, and nearly twenty years later, I still drop in for visits. She was the first to introduce me to non-pathologizing types of therapy. More than that, she truly made me feel cared for. She cried with me, laughed with me, re-parented me, and taught me how to love myself. While my childhood experiences inspired my career, she became the first real example of what I wanted my work to look like. She is unapologetically herself, even in the therapy room, and that authenticity has influenced the way I show up with my clients. I carry the same permission to be myself and care deeply for the people I work with.
Can you share the funniest or most interesting mistake that occurred to you in the course of your career? What lesson or take away did you learn from that?
Therapy is funny because, honestly, I don’t think I’ve ever had a session where I haven’t made a mistake. In school, I was trained to reflect on every session, like what went well and what could have gone better. For someone with a bit of a neurotic streak like me, that can make for some rough days. But I do love that this career keeps me learning, and that’s definitely been true for me.
One of the things I find fascinating (and humbling) is how much there is to refine when it comes to presence and attunement. Noticing the slightest shift in a client’s breathing, a flicker of hesitation in their voice, or the way their posture subtly tightens. It’s an ongoing practice. Sometimes I catch it in the moment and follow the thread, and other times I realize after the session that I missed it. That can be frustrating, but I try to hold onto the belief that therapy is a cumulative process. Even if I don’t catch everything, the work unfolds over time, and there will be another chance to notice and attune more deeply.
What are some of the most interesting or exciting projects you are working on now? How do you think that might help people?
Right now, I’m focused on growing a team of like-minded therapists who are passionate about non-pathologizing approaches to therapy. I think this is especially important for people like me — people who have tried to make sense of their struggles through diagnoses or medication but haven’t found lasting relief.
Our work also helps people understand the role their bodies play in healing. A lot of our approaches focus on how trauma is stored in the body, not just the mind, which can be a game-changer for people who feel stuck in traditional talk therapy. It’s exciting to build a team that really believes in this kind of deep, whole-person healing.
You are a successful leader. Which three character traits do you think were most instrumental to your success? Can you please share a story or example for each?
I think being a good problem-solver, staying grounded, and being motivated to succeed have all contributed to my humble success. Growing up in a family with mental health challenges, I had to develop strong problem-solving skills early on. It’s probably the trait I rely on most, whether I’m navigating personal situations, helping clients, or leading my team. When challenges arise, I step into the problem-solving role, always focused on finding a way forward.
People often describe me as ‘grounded,’ which I hadn’t always recognized about myself. Though I don’t always feel grounded internally, I’ve been told that I have a “calm strength” that helps others feel confident and at ease. That feedback has helped me embrace this trait more fully over time. As for being motivated to succeed, I think that’s a common quality in most leaders. For me, the feeling of success is rewarding, but it’s even more fulfilling when I’ve guided others to achieve success as well.
For the benefit of our readers, can you briefly let us know why you are an authority about the topic of finding joy?
On a personal note, my own journey through trauma, depression, divorce, and single motherhood taught me invaluable lessons about finding joy. Professionally, helping others discover joy is the deeper purpose behind the thousands of hours I’ve spent in behavioral health education, training, and clinical practice. Beyond that, I believe joy is something we cultivate through daily intention and action, and I practice this in my own life every day.
Ok, thank you for all of that. Let’s now shift to the main focus of our interview about finding joy. Even before the pandemic hit, the United States was ranked at #19 in the World Happiness Report. Can you share a few reasons why you think the ranking is so low, despite all of the privileges and opportunities that we have in the US?
That’s a really interesting question. With all the resources, opportunities, and modern conveniences in the U.S., you might expect us to rank higher in happiness. But from a mental health perspective, there are a few key reasons why that’s not the case. First, despite a strong economy for much of the past two decades, income inequality remains high. Many people struggle with the rising cost of living, student debt, and healthcare expenses, which are factors that contribute to stress and anxiety. While money doesn’t necessarily buy happiness, financial stability plays a significant role in overall well-being.
Another major factor is work culture. In the U.S., there’s a big emphasis on productivity and success, which can lead to burnout. Many people work long hours, take fewer vacations compared to other countries, and feel pressure to always be achieving more. That doesn’t leave a lot of time for relaxation, hobbies, or meaningful social connections, which are all things that contribute to happiness. I see this often in my practice, especially among doctors. They are a powerful example of how economic success doesn’t always translate to personal well-being, as many struggle with stress, exhaustion, and a lack of work-life balance.
Loneliness is another big issue. Studies have shown that a lot of Americans feel isolated, even though we’re more digitally connected than ever. Other countries that rank higher in happiness, like Finland and Denmark, tend to have stronger social support systems and a bigger focus on community well-being. My clients who have strong support systems tend to recover more quickly — it’s one of the biggest factors in resilience. For those who don’t have that foundation, a key part of our work is learning how to build meaningful relationships and create a sense of belonging.
Finally, mental health itself plays a huge role. While awareness is growing, access to affordable mental health care is still a challenge for many people. Stress, anxiety, and depression are common, and not everyone gets the help they need. So even though the U.S. offers a lot of opportunities, happiness isn’t just about having wealth or success. It’s also about having balance, meaningful connections, and well-being.
What are the main myths or misconceptions you’d like to dispel about finding joy and happiness? Can you please share some stories or examples?
There are a lot of myths about happiness that can actually make it harder to find real joy. Social media often reinforces these myths, making people feel like they must be doing something wrong if they’re not as happy as everyone else seems to be. But these ideas are often misleading. Here are a few of the misconceptions I see most frequently:
I’ll be happy when I achieve X.
A lot of people think happiness comes from reaching big goals, like getting a dream job, buying a house, or finding the perfect relationship. While these things can bring excitement, that feeling often fades because our brains are wired to seek the next new thing. I can particularly remember when I was in my undergraduate program, and I was certain that I would be happy once I graduated. When I finally graduated, the stress of finding a job hit and I suddenly had something else to feel unhappy about, and another goal to achieve. We don’t really “arrive” somewhere as a final destination. Life is a continuous journey, with new challenges and opportunities always ahead.
Happiness means feeling good all the time.
People often think being happy means never feeling sad, angry, or frustrated, but real joy includes the full range of human emotions. Allowing yourself to feel difficult emotions makes happiness more accessible, actually. This is because emotions don’t work like a light switch — we can’t selectively numb the painful ones without also dulling the positive ones. When we avoid discomfort, we risk getting stuck in a state of emotional avoidance, cutting ourselves off from joy as well. Imagine someone going through a tough breakup. If they try to force themselves to be happy and ignore their sadness, they might actually feel worse. But if they allow themselves to grieve and process their emotions, they can heal and find deeper happiness in the future, and even experience glimmers of joy along the way.
Other people have it easier, so they must be happier.
With social media, it’s easy to compare our lives to others and assume they have everything figured out. But what we see online is often just a highlight reel. Even the people who seem to “have it all” struggle with insecurities, stress, and personal challenges. Think about those moments when you found out a celebrity you admire has been struggling with depression, or when you watched a documentary revealing how a social media health guru or yoga teacher was secretly suffering behind the scenes. It’s a reminder that even those who seem to have it all together can be fighting battles we don’t see. While it’s not exactly comforting to think about, it can be helpful to remember when we catch ourselves believing that others have life all figured out while we’re somehow getting it wrong.
Happiness is something you find — it’s not something you create.
This one is important. A lot of people think joy is something they have to chase, always just out of reach. But happiness isn’t some distant prize. It’s something we cultivate through daily habits, mindset, and relationships. I remember when I was going through my divorce, I was convinced I couldn’t feel joy during such a stressful, painful time. And it’s true — I felt a lot of stress and unhappiness. But a small shift in my mindset changed everything for me. I started believing that even the smallest glimmers of joy mattered. So, I began paying more attention to the things that reliably brought me joy, like my morning coffee routine, time with friends, and being outside. I couldn’t make the hard feelings disappear, but I could create moments of joy between them. And over time, those moments of joy started to take up more space than the stress. Joy isn’t something we wait for. It’s something we make room for, even in the messy moments.
In a related, but slightly different question, what are the main mistakes you have seen people make when they try to find happiness? Can you please share some stories or examples?
In my clinical practice, one of the biggest challenges I see people struggle with is the belief that they shouldn’t feel unpleasant emotions, and if they do, it must mean something is wrong with them or that happiness is out of reach. I often talk to my clients about their experience of having “anxiety about the anxiety.” It’s incredibly common to feel something painful, then worry about the fact that we’re feeling something painful, and before we know it, we’re caught in a spiral of anxiety and unhappiness about our anxiety and unhappiness. But the truth is that it’s completely normal to feel anxiety, pain, stress, sadness, and all the other difficult emotions. The key is noticing when we’re judging ourselves for these feelings and instead reminding ourselves that they’re part of being human. When clients really get this — when they start making room for pain or anxiety instead of fighting it — they often find that they can also make room for happiness. The road to joy is truly not about eliminating discomfort. It’s about allowing both joy and struggle to exist side by side.
Fantastic. Here is the main question of our discussion. Can you please share with our readers your “5 things you need to live with more Joie De Vivre, more joy and happiness in life, particularly during turbulent times?” (Please share a story or an example for each.)
Right now, it’s easy to feel overwhelmed. The political climate is intense, the news cycle never stops, and so much feels out of our control. Many people find themselves caught between two extremes — either feeling consumed by fear and frustration or wanting to disengage completely. But neither extreme brings real peace. The challenge is finding a way to stay informed and prepared without losing ourselves in the process — and somehow still finding a way to experience our birthright: happiness. Because it’s natural to be experiencing increased stress and anxiety during these times, it’s also important to become even more intentional about creating joy. Here are my 5 things you need to live with more Joie De Vivre:
1. Balance — In today’s world, worry can feel like a constant companion. Doomscrolling, debating, and bracing for the worst can feel necessary, but they often leave us drained and anxious. The first step in breaking this cycle is to pause and check in: What is this doing to my mental well-being? From there, refocus on what actually matters, whether that’s staying engaged in a way that feels sustainable, setting boundaries with the news, or choosing when and how to have meaningful conversations. In our home, we have a twice per week limit on checking the news and a strict ‘no phones in bed’ rule. This helps us stay informed, protect our well-being, and nurture what matters to us most — our relationships.
2. Peace — If today’s uncertainty feels overwhelming, it may be stirring up something deeper. As a therapist trained in Internal Family Systems (IFS), I help people recognize how current stress can activate old wounds. When we feel panicked or hopeless, it may be because parts of us are remembering past moments of fear or instability. Instead of ignoring those feelings or letting them take over, we can acknowledge them with compassion. Sending internal messages of understanding — I see why you’re afraid, but we’re in a different place now — can help us separate the past from the present, creating more room for clarity and resilience. After the election, I personally noticed old wounds surface. By closing my eyes and acknowledging the fears and uncertainties tied to those wounds, I could distinguish past troubles from present uncertainty, leading to a greater sense of peace and groundedness. If you find yourself feeling overwhelmed and suspect it might be connected to past experiences, reaching out to a therapist could be a helpful step in navigating these emotions with support and understanding.
3. Connection — In challenging times, it’s easy to withdraw or feel isolated in our struggles. But connection, whether with loved ones, community, or even ourselves, can be a powerful grounding force. When we share our fears, hopes, and frustrations with trusted people, we remind ourselves that we’re not alone. Small, intentional acts like checking in with a friend, joining a supportive group, or simply sitting in the presence of someone who understands can help strengthen our resilience. In my own life, I’ve found that even a short, heartfelt conversation can shift my perspective and provide a sense of steadiness. As a family, we are also focused on building and strengthening a sense of community with people we can trust and lean on during difficult times.
4. Self-Compassion — It’s natural to feel a mix of emotions in uncertain times, like anxiety, grief, frustration, or even exhaustion. Rather than judging ourselves for how we feel, we can practice self-compassion. This means acknowledging our emotions without shame and responding to ourselves with kindness. If a friend were struggling, we’d likely offer them patience and understanding. We deserve the same from ourselves. Taking a deep breath, offering a comforting phrase, like I’m doing the best I can, or allowing ourselves to rest can be powerful acts of care. The more we nurture ourselves, the more capacity we have to show up for what matters most.
5. Joy, of course — These are heavy times, but joy is still possible — and necessary. Once we create space for balance, peace, connection, and self-compassion, we have more energy to focus on what truly fulfills us. This might mean being present with loved ones, engaging in activism in a way that feels right, or simply allowing ourselves to rest. Joy isn’t about ignoring what’s hard. It’s about making sure we don’t lose sight of what makes life meaningful.
None of this is easy. But in a world that often demands our outrage, we can choose something different — responding with intention rather than reaction, making space for both engagement and rest, and allowing ourselves to find steadiness even in uncertain times. And through it all, we can remember that happiness is not something we have to earn — it’s something we all deserve, even if right now, it takes more conscious effort than ever to prioritize our well-being and create moments of joy.
What can concerned friends, colleagues, and life partners do to effectively help support someone they care about who is feeling down or depressed?
If someone you care about is feeling down or depressed, what’s likely the most helpful thing you can do is listen without trying to fix things right away. Let them know you’re there for them and that their feelings are valid. Offer practical support, like helping with tasks or simply being present, and encourage them to seek professional help if they haven’t already. Regular check-ins, whether through a text or just spending time together, can remind them they’re not alone. Try to focus on just being with the person rather than fixing their depression. This is often what’s most meaningful.
It’s sometimes helpful to suggest small activities like a walk, but in a gentle, non-pressuring way. The most important thing is to be patient and keep showing up, even if the progress is slow. Your consistent care can make all the difference.
Lastly, if you’re especially close to this person, it’s important to remember that this is hard for you too, which makes caring for yourself just as essential. It can be difficult to accept that we can’t fix everything, no matter how much we want to help. Taking time for your own well-being allows you to show up in the best way possible for everyone in your life, including yourself.
Ok, we are nearly done. You are a person of great influence. If you could inspire a movement that would bring the most amount of good for the greatest number of people, what would that be? You never know what your idea can trigger.
If I could inspire a movement, it would center around the shift toward non-pathologizing mental health care. We’re seeing a growing awareness that emotional struggles, like chronic unhappiness, aren’t personal failures, but often the result of unmet needs, unresolved trauma, or disconnection. This movement is already underway thanks to amazing pioneers like Dick Schwartz and Gabor Maté.
My hope for this movement is to amplify the narrative, so that more people feel empowered to seek support, share their struggles, and build resilience without the weight of judgment or shame. We need to normalize the idea that it’s okay to not be okay and that healing comes from understanding, connection, and compassion.
Perhaps most importantly, to create real change, this movement needs to push for the integration of non-pathologizing mental health care across all areas of healthcare. The connection between emotional and physical well-being is undeniable, and a more holistic approach would allow us to address the root causes of suffering, not just treat the symptoms. If we could shift the way we think about mental health care by focusing on prevention, healing, and overall well-being, I truly believe it would help alleviate much of the burnout, discontent, and chronic unhappiness that many face.
We are very blessed that some of the biggest names in Business, VC funding, Sports, and Entertainment read this column. Is there a person in the world, or in the US, whom you would love to have a private breakfast or lunch with, and why? He or she might just see this, especially if we both tag them 😊
A private breakfast with Gabor Mate would be a dream!
How can our readers further follow your work online?
Readers can visit my group therapy practice website at www.withintherapysolutions.com and subscribe to our newsletter at http://eepurl.com/i_rbTo.
Thank you for these really excellent insights, and we greatly appreciate the time you spent with this. We wish you continued success and good health!
About the Interviewer: After becoming her father’s sole caregiver at a young age, Lucinda Koza founded I-Ally, a community-based app that provides access to services and support for millennial family caregivers. Mrs. Koza has had essays published in Thought Catalog, Medium Women, Caregiving.com and Hackernoon.com. She was featured in ‘Founded by Women: Inspiration and Advice from over 100 Female Founders’ by Sydney Horton. A filmmaker, Mrs. Koza premiered short film ‘Laura Point’ at the 2015 Cannes Film Festival and recently co-directed ‘Caregivers: A Story About Them’ with Egyptian filmmaker Roshdy Ahmed. Her most notable achievement, however, has been becoming a mother to fraternal twins in 2023. Reach out to Lucinda via social media or directly by email: lucinda@i-ally.com.
