Healing from Toxic Relationships: Sandra Kushnir On How To Survive And Thrive After Psychological Abuse

An Interview With Wanda Malhotra

Therapy: Engaging with a therapist can help process the trauma and develop coping strategies.

Psychological abuse can leave deep and lasting scars, affecting all aspects of a person’s life. Healing from such toxic relationships requires resilience, support, and effective strategies. As a part of this series, I had the distinct pleasure of interviewing Sandra Kushnir.

Meridian Counseling was founded by Sandra Kushnir, LMFT, in 2017. Sandra, a first-generation American, came from a family that immigrated from Ukraine in 1990 following the USSR’s collapse. They settled in Salt Lake City, UT, seeking a brighter future and opportunities that Sandra, as a Jewish woman in Ukraine, could only dream of. This journey ignited in her a determination to pursue her big dreams, a passion to prove herself, and a love for creativity.

Initially, Meridian began as Sandra’s solo private practice. However, her unwavering commitment to destigmatizing mental health, making it affordable, accessible, and less intimidating, led her to envision more for Meridian. She recognized an opportunity to pioneer one of California’s first fully insurance-based therapy practices, driven by her desire to offer therapy to young professionals and students who couldn’t afford private pay rates.

As Meridian started accepting insurance, it became evident that there was a significant demand for in-network therapy services. Between 2017 and 2020, the program’s size doubled and then tripled, showcasing its positive impact.

During this transformative period, Sandra’s fiancé, Kevin Lehtinen, made a bold career move, leaving his role as a control systems engineer at Hyperloop One to join Meridian full-time. It was a leap of faith transitioning from engineering to the mental health space, but both Kevin and Sandra shared a vision of making the world a better place by increasing access to mental health care. With Kevin’s engineering background and unwavering dedication, Meridian rapidly grew into one of California and Utah’s largest mental health companies, currently serving thousands of clients monthly!

Meridian takes immense pride in being one of the few female and clinician-owned and founded mental health start-ups. What sets us apart is that we’ve entirely bootstrapped the company, never seeking external investment, even as we compete with tech giants backed by millions, sometimes billions, in funding.

Our philosophy centers on the belief that good care begins with quality providers. Our mission is clear — to deliver the highest quality care to as many people as possible while upholding our field’s integrity and resisting the allure of big tech and profits at the expense of exceptional care. We hold ourselves and our providers to the highest clinical standard of care.

Additionally, Meridian has achieved recognition as a CARF-accredited program and earned approval from CAMFT as a CE training program for therapists.

Thank you so much for joining us! Before we dive in, our readers would love to “get to know you” a bit better. Can you tell us a bit about your ‘backstory’?

My name is Sandra Kushnir and I am a licensed marriage and family therapist, and the CEO of Meridian Counseling. My journey into mental health was deeply influenced by my personal experiences. Growing up as a first-generation Jewish woman from the USSR, I faced generational trauma and later endured a 12-year emotionally abusive relationship. This relationship, marked by gaslighting and psychological manipulation, profoundly shaped my understanding of trauma and resilience. These experiences fueled my passion for trauma work, particularly in helping others navigate their own journeys of healing.

Can you share with us the most interesting story from your career? Can you tell us what lessons or ‘takeaways’ you learned from that?

When I reflect on my career, it’s not just one story that stands out, but rather the remarkable evolution of the mental health field over the past few years. Since I started my career, I’ve witnessed and been part of a profound shift in how society views and engages with mental health, which has been incredibly inspiring.

One of the most significant changes has been the increase in the number of people seeking therapy. More individuals are recognizing the importance of mental health and are actively pursuing therapy as a means to improve their well-being. This growing acceptance and proactive approach to mental health care is a testament to the collective efforts of mental health professionals, advocates, and the media in raising awareness and breaking down barriers.

Alongside this increase in therapy-seeking behavior, there has been a notable rise in people opening up and talking about their mental health experiences. Conversations about mental health, which were once considered taboo, are now becoming commonplace. This openness not only helps individuals feel less isolated but also fosters a supportive community where people can share their struggles and triumphs.

The destigmatization of mental health issues has been another crucial development. The societal shift towards viewing mental health with the same importance as physical health has reduced the shame and judgment often associated with seeking help. This change has empowered many to take the necessary steps towards healing and growth without fear of being judged.

Increased access to mental health care has also played a vital role in this transformation. Advances in telehealth and digital therapy platforms have made mental health services more accessible than ever before. This has been particularly impactful for individuals in remote areas or those with busy schedules, ensuring that more people can receive the support they need when they need it.

The lessons and takeaways from this overarching story are profound. First and foremost, it has reinforced the importance of community and support in fostering mental health. The more we talk about and share our experiences, the more we normalize seeking help and support. Secondly, it highlights the power of technology and innovation in expanding access to care, ensuring that mental health services can reach a broader audience.

Lastly, this evolution has underscored the importance of continued advocacy and education. By maintaining momentum in these areas, we can further dismantle the remaining barriers to mental health care and continue to support individuals on their journeys towards well-being.

Overall, being a part of this evolving field and witnessing these positive changes has been incredibly inspiring. It motivates me to continue advocating for mental health, supporting my clients, and contributing to a society that prioritizes mental well-being for all.

You are a successful leader. Which three character traits do you think were most instrumental to your success? Can you please share a story or example for each?

Empathy: Empathy has been crucial in understanding and connecting with my clients. During a particularly challenging case, my ability to empathize allowed me to build trust with a client who was initially very guarded. This trust was the foundation for her eventual breakthroughs in therapy.

Resilience: My personal experiences with trauma have taught me resilience, which I bring into my professional life. When Meridian Counseling faced early challenges in establishing our presence, it was this resilience that kept us moving forward, adapting, and growing despite obstacles.

Integrity: Maintaining integrity has been essential in building a practice that clients and staff can trust. A client once shared that my consistent honesty and ethical approach made them feel safe and respected, which was pivotal in their healing process.

Are you working on any exciting new projects now? How do you think that might help people?

Yes, we are currently undertaking several exciting projects at Meridian Counseling aimed at scaling our operations while maintaining the highest standards of care. We have consciously chosen not to seek venture capital funding to avoid the pressures that often come with rapid scaling, which can compromise the quality of care. Instead, we are focusing on sustainable growth and integrity in our practice.

One of our key projects involves improving our software platforms to enhance the efficiency and effectiveness of our services. We recently brought on a Chief Technology Officer (CTO) to lead this initiative, ensuring that our technological infrastructure supports our mission of providing exceptional mental health care. Additionally, we are increasing our advocacy and education efforts, aiming to raise awareness about mental health issues and promote the importance of seeking help. These projects are designed to improve accessibility, streamline our operations, and ultimately provide better support to our clients and the broader community.

Ok, thank you for all that. Now let’s shift to the main focus of our interview. Let’s start with a simple definition so that we are all on the same page. How would you define a Toxic Relationship?

A toxic relationship is one where there is a consistent pattern of behavior that is emotionally, mentally, or physically damaging to one or both partners. It often involves manipulation, control, and a lack of respect and support, which can severely impact one’s mental and emotional well-being.

What are the common signs of emotional, financial, and/or psychological abuse in various types of relationships (e.g., romantic, familial, professional)? How can individuals recognize and address these forms of abuse effectively?

Emotional Abuse: Constant criticism, gaslighting, isolation from friends and family, and making you feel worthless or guilty.

Financial Abuse: Controlling all financial decisions, restricting access to money, and preventing you from working or advancing your career.

Psychological Abuse: Manipulation, intimidation, threats, and constant surveillance.

How can someone begin the healing process after leaving a toxic relationship? Based on your research or experience, can you please share your “5 Things You Need To Heal After A Toxic Relationship”?

Therapy: Engaging with a therapist can help process the trauma and develop coping strategies.

• Example: A client found therapy crucial in understanding the patterns of their abusive relationship and learning to set healthy boundaries.

Support Network: Building a support system of friends, family, or support groups provides emotional backing and practical advice.

• Example: Another client joined a support group for survivors of emotional abuse, which helped them feel less isolated and more understood.

Self-Care: Prioritizing physical and emotional self-care helps in regaining a sense of control and well-being.

• Example: Incorporating regular exercise and mindfulness practices helped a client manage anxiety and improve their mood.

Education: Learning about the dynamics of abuse and recovery empowers individuals with knowledge to prevent future abusive relationships.

• Example: Reading books on emotional abuse helped a client recognize red flags and understand their own experiences better.

Rebuilding Identity: Rediscovering interests, hobbies, and passions helps in rebuilding one’s sense of self.

• Example: A client started painting again, which not only brought them joy but also helped them reconnect with their creative self.

Following financial abuse, what actionable strategies can individuals employ to rebuild their lives and achieve financial independence? What resources are instrumental in this process?

Create a Budget: Start by understanding their financial situation and creating a realistic budget.

Build Credit: Slowly rebuild their credit by opening a secured credit card or paying off small debts.

Seek Financial Advice: Consult with a financial advisor or use resources from local non-profits that offer financial planning assistance.

Education: Take courses on financial literacy to gain confidence in managing finances.

For those impacted by multiple forms of abuse, what comprehensive strategies and support systems are most effective in facilitating their healing journey?

• Holistic Therapy: Engaging in therapy that addresses both emotional and physical aspects of trauma.
• Support Groups: Joining support groups specific to each type of abuse experienced.
• Legal Assistance: Accessing legal resources to protect against ongoing abuse and navigate any legal repercussions.
• Integrated Care: Utilizing services that provide integrated care, including mental health, medical, and social services.

What strategies can survivors use to rebuild their self-esteem and confidence?

• Affirmations: Practicing positive affirmations to combat negative self-talk.
• Achievements: Setting small, achievable goals to build a sense of accomplishment.
• Self-Compassion: Practicing self-compassion and forgiving themselves for any perceived failures.
• Therapeutic Activities: Engaging in activities that boost confidence, such as art therapy, physical exercise, or skills training.

How can friends and family best support someone who is recovering from psychological abuse?

Listen: Provide a non-judgmental, empathetic ear.

Validate: Validate their feelings and experiences without trying to fix everything.

Encourage Professional Help: Encourage seeking professional help if they haven’t already.

Respect Boundaries: Respect their boundaries and avoid pushing them into actions they are not ready for.

Offer Practical Support: Assist with practical needs, such as childcare, transportation, or financial aid if necessary.

What role does therapy play in recovering from psychological abuse, and how can one find the right therapist? Additionally, what tips do you have for overcoming common barriers to accessing therapy?

Therapy plays a crucial role in understanding the dynamics of abuse, processing trauma, and developing coping strategies. It provides a safe space for individuals to explore their experiences, identify harmful patterns, and work towards healing and empowerment. Finding the right therapist involves looking for someone with experience in trauma and abuse recovery. It’s important to feel comfortable and build a trusting relationship with your therapist, as this trust is foundational for effective therapy.

Overcoming barriers to accessing therapy has become more feasible with the increased number of providers accepting insurance and advancements in technology. Here are some practical tips:

1. Insurance Acceptance: Many therapists now accept various insurance plans, which can significantly reduce the financial burden of therapy. Check with your insurance provider for a list of covered therapists or use online directories that allow you to filter by insurance type.
2. Sliding Scale Fees: Some therapists offer sliding scale fees based on income, making therapy more affordable for those who might not have insurance or whose insurance does not cover mental health services adequately. Don’t hesitate to discuss financial concerns with potential therapists to see if this option is available.
3. Teletherapy Options: The advent of teletherapy has revolutionized access to mental health care. Virtual therapy sessions can be just as effective as in-person sessions and offer the convenience of receiving care from the comfort of your home. This is particularly beneficial for individuals with mobility issues, those living in remote areas, or those with busy schedules.
4. Community Mental Health Resources: Many communities offer mental health resources through non-profit organizations, community health centers, and local government programs. These resources can include free or low-cost counseling services, support groups, and educational workshops.
5. Increased Access Through Technology: Beyond teletherapy, there are various apps and online platforms that provide mental health support, resources, and connections to licensed therapists. These tools can help bridge the gap for those who might face geographical or financial barriers to traditional therapy.

Expanded Insights for Overcoming Barriers:

Insurance and Financial Accessibility: The inclusion of mental health services in many insurance plans is a significant step forward. Always verify the coverage details with your provider and ask potential therapists about their insurance policies. Additionally, many therapists understand financial constraints and are willing to discuss payment options that can work for you.

Technological Advancements in Care: The COVID-19 pandemic accelerated the adoption of teletherapy, making it a standard practice. Teletherapy offers flexibility, reduces travel time, and can provide a sense of safety and comfort for those who find face-to-face sessions intimidating. Moreover, digital platforms and mental health apps can offer supplemental support between sessions.

Community Support and Resources: Look into local mental health organizations and community centers. Many offer sliding scale fees or free services based on need. Support groups, both in-person and online, can also provide a sense of community and shared experience, which is invaluable for healing.

Could you name a few organizations or professionals that provide crucial support for individuals seeking to restart their lives after experiencing abuse, particularly when they have dependents relying on them?

There are several organizations and professionals dedicated to providing crucial support for individuals seeking to restart their lives after experiencing abuse, especially those with dependents relying on them. Here are a few notable ones:

1. Meridian Counseling: As a clinician-owned telehealth and in-person mental health platform, Meridian Counseling offers comprehensive support tailored to the unique needs of individuals and families recovering from abuse. With a focus on maintaining high-quality care, Meridian Counseling provides therapy, counseling, and group support to help survivors heal and rebuild their lives.
2. The National Domestic Violence Hotline: This organization offers 24/7 support through their hotline, providing confidential assistance to survivors of domestic abuse. They offer resources, safety planning, and connections to local shelters and services, ensuring that individuals and their dependents have access to the necessary support to begin anew.
3. RAINN (Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network): RAINN operates the National Sexual Assault Hotline and provides survivors of sexual violence with access to local resources, counseling, and support services. Their programs also include advocacy and public education to help prevent abuse and support survivors.
4. Safe Horizon: As one of the largest victim services agencies in the United States, Safe Horizon offers a range of services including emergency shelters, counseling, legal assistance, and advocacy. They focus on helping individuals and families escape abusive situations and rebuild their lives in safety.
5. The Joyful Heart Foundation: Founded by actress Mariska Hargitay, this foundation focuses on transforming society’s response to sexual assault, domestic violence, and child abuse. They offer healing programs and advocate for policy changes to support survivors and their families.
6. Women’s Law Center (WLC): The WLC provides legal services and advocacy for survivors of domestic violence, offering support with restraining orders, custody issues, and other legal matters. Their goal is to empower survivors and help them navigate the legal system to ensure their safety and stability.
7. DomesticShelters.org: This online resource offers a searchable database of domestic violence shelters and programs across the United States and Canada. It provides information on services available in local communities, including emergency housing, counseling, and support groups for survivors and their dependents.

You are a person of enormous influence. If you could start a movement that would bring the most amount of good to the most amount of people, what would that be? You never know what your idea can trigger. :-)

I am already taking steps towards this goal through the platform I’ve built with Meridian Counseling. Here’s how I envision expanding this movement:

1. Education and Awareness: Leveraging the reach of Meridian Counseling, we conduct workshops, seminars, podcasts, and social media campaigns to educate the public on the complexities of intergenerational trauma and narcissistic abuse. Sharing real-life stories and expert analyses helps people recognize these patterns in their own lives and communities.
2. Support and Resources: We are dedicated to establishing support networks and providing resources for those affected by these issues. This includes access to counseling, therapy groups, online forums, and community centers where individuals can find help and connect with others who have similar experiences.
3. Advocacy and Policy Change: Using our platform, we advocate for policy changes that support mental health services, protect survivors of abuse, and promote educational programs in schools and workplaces. Influencing policy ensures these issues are addressed systematically and sustainably.
4. Jewish Community Focus: Highlighting the unique challenges and resilience within the Jewish community, our movement addresses internalized anti-Semitism and other specific issues faced by Jewish individuals. Celebrating Jewish culture, history, and contributions fosters pride and solidarity.
5. Storytelling and Personal Branding: By sharing my journey through various platforms, I aim to inspire others and bring these issues to the forefront of public discourse. Building a personal brand centered on advocacy and education allows me to leverage my influence to reach a broader audience and effect change.
6. Collaborations and Partnerships: Partnering with other organizations, influencers, and experts in the field amplifies the movement’s impact. Collaborative efforts create a unified front, bringing diverse perspectives and resources together to address these issues comprehensively.

The ultimate goal of this movement is to break the cycle of trauma and abuse, foster healing and resilience, and build a more compassionate and understanding society. By continuing to use the platform I’ve built through Meridian Counseling, we can inspire others to join the movement, creating a collective force for positive change.

What is the best way for our readers to continue to follow your work online?

Direct website: www.meridian-counseling.com

Instagram: @meridian.counseling and @sanj_kushnir

This was very inspiring. Thank you so much for the time you spent on this. We wish you only continued success.

About the Interviewer: Wanda Malhotra is a wellness entrepreneur, lifestyle journalist, and the CEO of Crunchy Mama Box, a mission-driven platform promoting conscious living. CMB empowers individuals with educational resources and vetted products to help them make informed choices. Passionate about social causes like environmental preservation and animal welfare, Wanda writes about clean beauty, wellness, nutrition, social impact and sustainability, simplifying wellness with curated resources. Join Wanda and the Crunchy Mama Box community in embracing a healthier, more sustainable lifestyle at CrunchyMamaBox.com .