Heroes Of The Addiction Crisis: How Pattie Vargas Is Helping To Battle One of Our Most Serious Epidemics
I don’t know if I can come up with 5 but the main thing is how incredibly important self-care would be and to give yourself permission to set boundaries and stick to them. I can’t do this 8 hours a day, 5 days a week. I need time to step away and recharge in order to give of myself to everyone I work with. I also can’t get involved in every single issue or cause surrounding a substance use disorder — I learned early on that I am not called to everything. The things that fuel me and leave me feeling like I provided a valuable service is what I’m meant to do. Those things that break me apart are better left to someone else.
As a part of our series about “Heroes Of The Addiction Crisis,” I had the pleasure of interviewing Pattie Vargas, Peer Parent Coach and Kessler Certified Grief Educator.
Following the death of her son, Joel, in November 2017, Pattie stepped down from leading a consultancy in behavioral, organizational, and personal change. As she dove into learning more about the disease of addiction, she found new purpose in advocating for meaningful change in the way we address substance use disorder and the accompanying stigma, trauma and collateral damage. She now focuses her speaking engagements, coaching, writing and interviews on helping families navigate the frightening journey through addiction, finding hope for recovery, and comforting those who have lost loved ones to this disease.
As a Peer Parent Coach with the Partnership to End Addiction, Pattie works one-on-one with parents using the CRAFT model, co-facilitates their online grief support community, and is also certified in the Invitation to Change Model from CMC:Foundation for Change. She is a California State Organizer with the Recovery Advocacy Project and a National Ambassador for Shatterproof. She serves on the RCO/RCC Advocacy Committee and was named the 2022 Architect of Recovery by CCAPP (CA Consortium of Addiction Professionals.) Her book, Secrets, Scars and Heart Shaped Jars, shares her family’s journey through addiction, loss and recovery. As a Kessler Certified Educator, Pattie focuses her practice on assisting those who have lost a loved one to substance use disorder.
Thank you so much for doing this with us! Can you tell us a bit of your backstory?
I live in Northern CA. We’ve been up here since 2012 after having lived in San Diego most of our lives. I worked as an organizational development consultant, primarily working with technology companies, until Joel passed in 2017. After some time off, I began to focus on supporting other families impacted by a substance use disorder.
Tell us more about your children and how that inspired you to get involved in your work with opioid and drug addiction.
I have three children, Stephen, Joel and Rebekah. Stephen has never struggled with substance use but Joel began experimenting when he was 14 or 15 years old. That saying “you don’t know what you don’t know” is so true. Had we understood the disease of addiction better, we would have handled our approach to his substance use much differently. Near the end of his life, our daughter started her own drug use and was with him when he died. Thankfully, she is now in long-term recovery and works in the recovery movement.
Can you explain what brought us to this place? Where did this epidemic come from?
Boy — that’s a huge question. People have been using substances forever — for a variety of reasons. The use of drugs isn’t the issue — our approach to drug use, is. The war on drugs doesn’t work and it was never a war on drugs anyway; it was a war on drug users. We can’t punish or arrest our way out of this. Instead of educating the public about drug use, we hide it, further increasing the shame and stigma, making it difficult to find help when you need it. If we brought this disease out into the open, we would deal with it as we do with any chronic illness. I liken it to cancer — there are a variety of resources readily available and no one shames the person when the cancer returns, like we do with relapse.
Can you describe how your work is making an impact in battling this epidemic?
When we realized we needed help with Joel’s drug use, we had no idea where to turn. In some ways, we were ashamed, too, believing our family would be judged. What I see when I am coaching a family is great relief — relief that they aren’t the only ones, and that someone gets it. Addiction is a very isolating disease that just further exacerbates the misinformation, fear and stigma. Sometimes all I do is listen — having a place to vent, cry, get angry, whatever, with no judgment is a true gift — one I wish I had been able to find.
Tell us more about your book, Secrets, Scars and Heart Shaped Jars.
I went through a sudden and painful divorce from my kids’ dad back in 1995 and was forced to build back from point zero in my forties. After remarrying and building a new life, we were thrust back into pain and chaos when Joel’s drug use spiraled out of control. As we were dealing with that, Rebekah started her own descent into addiction. For many years, I worried our family would never be whole. We were so isolated from anyone who could understand, and suffered under all the same stigma, shame and misconceptions about the cause of addiction. The more educated we became, especially after Joel’s death, I felt it necessary to tell our family’s story in hopes it would help others find healing and acceptance, and the ability to forgive themselves for what they didn’t know.
Can you share something about your work that makes you most proud? Is there a particular story or incident that you found most uplifting?
I think I am the most proud when I can address stigma from the perspective of the family. When I can speak to politicians at the local, state and federal level about what families need and how their policies impact family members, I feel like I am speaking up for the me of the past.
I also consider it a privilege to work with family members after their loved one has lost their battle. It is so hard to find someone who has actually been where they are and to be able to witness their pain and just hold space for them is an honor. It isn’t easy but I feel it is the service I’ve been called to do. When someone breathes out that “thank you,” I know exactly where they are coming from.
Can you share three things that the community and society can do to help you address the root of the addiction crisis? Can you give some examples?
- Educate beginning at the grade school level — in age appropriate ways — about addiction. For example, “Addiction is an urge to do something that is hard to control or stop.” As students progress through school, the education can become more scientific and societal. Take away the shame, normalize it as a true health issue, and they might be more likely to ask for help.
- Addiction treatment should be readily available and cost effective for all, available right within communities. If we are successful with #1 above, people wouldn’t find it necessary to leave their communities to find help but could remain in their communities, hopefully with community support. In addition, if parents weren’t afraid their children would be taken away from them, they might be more likely to seek treatment.
- In the event someone encounters the criminal justice system, they should find compassion and creativity with interventions that are geared toward restoration rather than punishment. Most of the time, when someone has served their sentence, they leave jail or prison at a deficit. They don’t have money, job, a home, prospects, and yet they are expected to become productive members of society again. Until this changes, the streets to prison to streets revolving door will continue.
- (I know you asked for three but …) Treatment would include medical, emotional, life skills training, etc. — whole person, holistic treatment. There needs to be an understanding that addiction takes a toll on personal growth and the skills we take for granted may not even be present and yet we expect people with substance use disorders to re-enter society and without being properly equipped.
What I am describing (briefly, as there are more facets to it) is called Recovery Organized Systems of Care (ROSC), designed to normalize SUD treatment, rehabilitation and restoration.
If you had the power to influence legislation, which three laws would you like to see introduced that might help you in your work?
- Criminal Justice Relief: no-cost expungement, nationwide “ban the box” laws, voting rights restored.
- A curated, current nationwide database of treatment programs, low or no cost, to make it easier for families to find support when needed. Treatment providers should be assessed regularly, with an emphasis on feedback from families and clients. Be aware of places that can’t provide referrals from prior clients.
- Disconnect the FDA from the pharmaceutical lobby so that treatment modalities that don’t rely on medications can achieve FDA approval quickly and without interference.
I know that this is not easy work. What keeps you going?
That there was no one there for me. I’m sure there were counselors or services that could help but when you don’t know where to begin, it’s hard to find.
Do you have hope that one day this leading cause of death can be defeated?
Yes, but we are going to need to eliminate the stigma, increase availability of new treatment modalities, and stop punishing drug users. The current trend of increasing penalties is going in the wrong direction.
How do you define “Leadership?” Can you explain what you mean or give an example?
Leadership has nothing to do with title, position or wealth. A leader inspires others to follow them by walking their talk and never forgetting that everyone is at a different place in their life, rather than requiring everyone be just like them. A leader isn’t threatened by hard truths and when the status quo needs questioning, they aren’t afraid to go there. Finally, a leader needs to understand they are not the smartest person in the room and give up the leadership “position” to others when they are not the right person for a given job.
What are your “5 things I wish someone told me when I first started this work” and why? Please share a story or example for each.
I don’t know if I can come up with 5 but the main thing is how incredibly important self-care would be and to give yourself permission to set boundaries and stick to them. I can’t do this 8 hours a day, 5 days a week. I need time to step away and recharge in order to give of myself to everyone I work with. I also can’t get involved in every single issue or cause surrounding a substance use disorder — I learned early on that I am not called to everything. The things that fuel me and leave me feeling like I provided a valuable service is what I’m meant to do. Those things that break me apart are better left to someone else.
You are a person of enormous influence. If you could inspire a movement that would bring the most amount of good to the most amount of people, what would that be?
Establishing the ROSC I mentioned earlier is my dream. There are no telethons for fighting addiction. When our loved one dies, there’s no “meal train” initiated by the church or community, and why? Because this disease is not recognized as a disease. Monies that are given to communities to fight addiction should be used for that — not for more policing, but for community centers and treatments centers. I would love to see treatment centers that recognize recovery is not achieved in 30=day increments but includes treatment, education, re-entry programs, follow-up and a warm welcome back in the event relapse occurs.
Can you please give us your favorite “Life Lesson Quote?” Can you share how that was relevant to you in your life?
“Forgive yourself for not knowing what you didn’t know before you learned it.”- Maya Angelou Most parents are simply doing the best they can without the tools that could make the job so much easier. Forgiving yourself for not being all-knowing is a gift of grace. Hard to do, though.
Is there a person in the world or in the U.S. whom you would love to have a private breakfast or lunch with, and why? They might see this, especially if we tag them.
President Obama — he has the empathy and compassion, as well as access to people and resources, that could make a difference.
How can our readers follow you on social media?
https://theresilientjourney.net/
https://www.facebook.com/theresilientjourney
https://www.instagram.com/pattiev123/
https://www.threads.net/@pattiev123
https://post.news/@/pattiev
Membership in The Refuge (group grief coaching and resources) https://bit.ly/3uKlLvR
This was very meaningful. Thank you so much!
Thank you!
