I Can’t Get No Satisfaction: Carrie Myers Of Soul Shine On Why So Many Of Us Are Feeling Unsatisfied & What We Can Do About It
An Interview With Drew Gerber
Do the Work: Do Not Stop. This process is never complete. Continue to ground yourself while reaching for the moon, the stars, and the sun. Soul work is a lifelong journey. Once you feel it, you will crave more. You will notice your light rippling through the world inspiring others.
From an objective standpoint, we are living in an unprecedented era of abundance. Yet so many of us are feeling unsatisfied. Why are we seemingly so insatiable? What is going on inside of us that is making us feel unsatisfied? What is the brain chemistry that makes us feel this way? Is our brain wired for endless insatiable consumption? What can we do about it? In this interview series, we are talking to credentialed experts such as psychologists, psychiatrists, therapists, brain science experts, as well as spiritual and religious leaders, and mind-body-spirit coaches, to address why so many of us are feeling unsatisfied & what we can do about it.
As a part of this series, I had the distinct pleasure of interviewing Carrie Myers.
Carrie Myers, MSW, RYT500, author, mom and wife, has been going through a healing journey for many years. Throughout this process, she has meditated, journaled, written, read and dove deep into her own spiritual consciousness. With the wisdom from healing wounds, Carrie is passionate about sharing the ways to create and recognize the beauty that life’s messiness can reveal.
Thank you so much for joining us in this interview series! Before we dive in, our readers would love to know how you got from “there to here.” Inspire us with your backstory!
Thank you for inviting me here to share my wisdom and story.!
I thought I was happy, for a long time. I was grateful to be able to stay home with my three kids and thought I had such a blessed and incredible life, and for the most part, I did! When I found proof of my husband’s affair, after many times confronting him and being told I was crazy, I crumbled within myself. After years of tears, counseling and wallowing in the dark, I knew something had to change. I was in a vicious cycle that kept looping in on itself. So I tried something different, for the first time in my life, I had a tarot card reading. I was terrified to have it done, but had always been curious. She told the story of my life in those cards and then told me I had so much to offer this world and I needed to find my path to living from my soul’s purpose. This set me afire. I decided it was time to focus on myself and heal my very soul. Along with counseling, traveling, journaling, yoga, meditation, and diving into everything spiritual, I began to dig my way out of my pit of despair. I realized that I had never worked through old traumas nor healed from past hurts and that was one reason for the devastation that my husband’s affair perpetuated. Even though it hurt beyond words, it led me to heal from previous wounds that, I thought, I had left behind. In 2018, I woke up to a need to focus on me, my heart, my soul and my soul’s purpose. Through the last 4 years, (yes, it is a slow process) I have recalled minute details that left huge scabs on my being, that I often picked at without even realizing it. Those are now scars that remind me of how much I have learned and grown through my pain. I continue to meditate, journal, do yoga, read, meet new people and have gratitude for each challenge in my life. For those challenges have created my path to my soul’s calling and purpose.
What lessons would you share with yourself if you had the opportunity to meet your younger self?
If I could tell my younger self about what I know now, the list would be long. However, the most important thing, I believe, is that when others hurt you, it is not about you. We all carry our traumas within and allow them to spill over onto others. When you get hurt, move through it with compassion and empathy. Write about everything, every feeling, every doubt, every dream, every mistake and every person you meet. Use your own words to learn as you heal and grow through the pain. I would tell her to never get over anything, but to work to get through it and feel it all, then let it go.
Secondly, I would tell her to trust her intuition. I recall many times that I should have removed myself from a situation, a friendship, or a romantic relationship that was dragging me down. Being a people pleaser most of my life, I stayed in those detrimental relationships that dulled my shine and kept me in a low vibration.
Lastly, I would tell her to follow her heart and not listen to what everyone else thinks you should do. You have dreams and aspirations to guide you along your path for a reason. When you can let go of those “shoulds” to follow your heart, you will find the way to fulfill your soul’s purpose.
None of us are able to experience success without support along the way. Is there a particular person for whom you are grateful because of the support they gave you to grow you from “there to here?” Can you share that story and why you are grateful for them?
Actually, that person is my husband. We decided to work through his affair, his childhood traumas and all my traumas together and separately. Marriage counseling and individual counseling has helped significantly. Along with hours on the couch, he has allowed me time to myself to travel alone, go to retreats, read, write and meditate. He held me as we cried together and let me go when I needed the space to breathe alone. I am positive that there are times he wanted to give up as much as I did, but we held on. I am grateful for the fortitude and dedication that our marriage has reclaimed through hard and hurtful times. We have both grown significantly in spirit and devotion.
Are you working on any exciting new projects now? How do you think it might help people?
I am working on several projects that will invite people to dive deeper within.
My friend, Jeri Senor, and I are hosting a yoga retreat in Bali in September 2023, called Awakening Within, Creating a Soul Path. She will be leading Yoga for Personal Practice sessions and I will be leading my Re~Connect to S*E*L*F program.
I have a new collaborative book coming up with the Unbound Press. It is a continuation of Soul Shine: Excavate Your Light and Claim Your Soul’s Purpose. Looking toward November 2023 to be published, we are going to be recruiting authors for Sensual Soul Shine, starting in January 2023. This new Soul Shine book will be inspiring stories of women reclaiming, or maybe claiming for the first time, their sensual and sexual power, worth and gifts.
I have 2 yoga programs, one for Teens and one for Women. S*E*L*F (Spirit, Empowerment, Love Foundations) and the other, Re~Connect to S*E*L*F. Both are 6-week programs to discover, honor and grow your authentic self through yoga, meditation and journaling.
Lastly, I have a book I am beginning to write, called Donuts with Daddy. This book is to honor my father through his last days with lung cancer. I was blessed to sit with him at least once a week for 8 months and we talked and reminesced about everything we could think of, until he passed away in August 2022. I hope this book will encourage people to connect with and absorb the wisdom of our elders, honoring their story and challenges in life, while showing them the love they deserve in their last days.
Ok, thank you for sharing your inspired life. Let’s now talk about feeling “unsatisfied”. In the Western world, humans typically have their shelter, food, and survival needs met. What has led to us feeling we aren’t enough and don’t have enough? What is the wiring? Or in other words, how has nature and nurture played into how humans (in an otherwise “safe and secure” environment) experience feeling less than, or a need to have more than what is needed for basic survival?
First off, I feel being driven to want more, other than materialistically, is a good thing. We should never settle for what is handed to us or what we are told our limits are. We ask ourselves, “what do I want, need and desire for my life?” I pray that every person begins to ask themselves, from within, what does more mean for me? How can I live fulfilled and bright as opposed to living robotically, bored and surrounded by clutter? If we do not look for and ask ourselves these profound questions, we will never grow and never live in our full soul’s purpose.
I do not believe we are wired to be materialistic, but have been programmed to glorify and cherish the inanimate over the divine. I do believe that our society has perpetuated our “worth” based on the amount of stuff and the name brand across our “things” along with the idealistic. This society values a collection of items, titles, and power more than it values what is within each of us.
However, there are many things that contribute to low self-worth, feelings of not enoughness, and heavy self-doubt. As we know, comparison is the detriment of creativity, self-love and growth. In the world of social media and filters, we all try to be perfect to the outside, mechanical, and virtual world. Seeing snippets of someone’s day does not tell the whole story of who they are in this world, and, most certainly, does not reflect who you are or are not. Too often, those filtered, edited and joyful people are hiding just as much pain, trauma and self-doubt as the next person.
Throughout my life, I have experienced many times that even friends compete or compare themselves to each other. When this happens, it wreaks havoc on the friendship and someone will get hurt. As I grow within myself, I am able to see more clearly how comparison and competition have engulfed our world for centuries, mostly to the detriment of women. When we can replace stuff with self-love and compassion, we will find our true worth and unique gifts that will contribute to the overall joy of a life well lived and well loved.
How are societies different? For example, capitalistic societies trade differently than communists. Developed nations trade differently than developing nations. In your opinion, how does society shape a human’s experience and feelings of satisfaction?
From birth, we are sponges to the rules, the “shoulds,” the expectations and all the ways we need to “fit in” in this world. The bigger question is how can we not allow society to impact who we are and who we are meant to be in this world? Every aspect of our environment impacts how we move in this world, so it is impossible to not absorb generational and societal flows and flaws. We are smothered by all the ways we “should” be in this world with social media, advertisements, magazine covers, commercials, education, politics and family. From kindergarten, probably before, we are asked, “what do you want to be when you grow up?” We are told to study, go to college, wear the power suit and make an abundance of money and then we will be happy. We are bombarded with labels and categories that we need to find our place in, molding ourselves and fitting in wherever we can. Society rejects individualism and wants us all to be molded into squares so we can be neatly categorized, stacked and boxed in. If we are not living from our soul’s purpose, our freedom and uniqueness, we are hindered, thus our satisfaction and feelings of self-worth are minimalized and broken. We feel if we do not fit in, possibly, because we are trying too hard, that we are not worthy of taking up the appropriate space in society. Breaking free of this mold and looking within, asking ourselves what we are meant to be and how we are meant to shine as an individual, creative and perfect soul, is a complete rebellion to all who long to control and have power over us. The one way to live fulfilled and powerful, is from your soul’s purpose and all that you were meant to be from the moment of your creation.
With a specific focus on brain function, how has the brain and its dominion over the body and beliefs been impacted by the societal construct?
We have all heard, what you believe, you become. There is also theories such as the self-fulfilling prophecy. When we think about ourselves, our body listens and responds accordingly. For example, when our mind gets out of control and we have a panic attack, our body is out of control. When we slow down and tell ourselves that we are safe and all is good, our body responds with a calming heartbeat and breath.
Societal constructs tell us who to be and how we are defined, based on weight, education, race, hair color, job, status, bank account and so much more. When we feed into these categories, especially the dysfunction, control and detriment around such labels, we tend to believe that is the only way we can be, because it is written, advertised, and fire-hosed upon us. Our brain absorbs, over and over again, all these messages and they replay in our subconscious. Even when we are not aware, we are being impacted, and our body feels it. These messages create pathways in our brain that become like a well worn, and easy path to go down, every single time. With the power that society holds, and the ease of that well worn path, we become less sentient to the brunt effects that dull our shine.
Through this, we never even ask ourselves who we are and how we are meant to shower our uniqueness onto the world. How sad is it that so many ideas, gifts and blessings are stagnated, shut down and never explored because people do not even think they are valuable to this world?
Do you think the way our society markets and advertises goods and services, has affected people’s feelings of satisfaction? Can you explain what you mean?
Absolutely!!! Advertisements are all about solving what is wrong with you. Every product is a solution to your shortcomings. You must use these products, solutions, systems, and strategies for the rest of your life so you can heal all that is making you not fit in and be perfect within our society. According to societal standards, you need these “solutions” to make you better. So when those jeans do not make you look like you just lost 10 pounds, you are the failure, not the product or the false advertisement. There is no perfect, so there can be no magic pill for perfection. We get caught up in a cycle of hope and disappointment, maybe even laziness, because we do not want to put forth the effort it takes to make those true changes, never realizing that we were born perfect. We rarely look within and find our uniqueness and fulfillment, because society is always drawing our attention outward. When we look inward, we discover we have all we need to heal, grow and be who we were born to be.
How is the wiring of the brain, body, and beliefs shaped by marketing, language, and how humans trade?
According to Gabor Maté, in The Myth of Normal, advertising has delved into our brain using a profession called neuromarketing. This science is used to activate pleasure centers in the brain in order to get people “addicted” to products, happiness and fulfillment that can only be achieved by whatever they are pushing. When we hear or see an advertisement, we are listening to all the ways we are not suitable for society and how “they” can help us be more like everyone else. One of our foundational needs is to belong and marketing plays on that need and drags us along to model ourselves to be like everyone else, while filling their pockets. We start to believe that the only way we can belong and be happy is to look, act, believe and be like everyone else. Most never even know that we are not meant to be like anyone else.
I work in marketing so I’m very cognizant of this question. In your opinion, how do you think marketing professionals can be more responsible for how their advertising shapes humans’ health and experience of happiness overall?
This is very simple… Be honest in your advertising. Do not give people false hope of losing 50 pounds without moving their bodies. Do not offer solutions to problems with colorful guarantees and promises. Tell people that this product, this company, wants to be a solution to your issues, but there is way more to happiness than a great pair of heels. Create collaborations with other companies that can offer a wholeness to humanity and create community without boxing people in or making them feel lesser than. Create advertisements that tell consumers they support you in your goals and dreams without guaranteeing that they have the magic solution to all your problems and self-loathing doubts. Acknowledge the beauty of imperfection, failures and coming together in love, health, joy and support.
For you personally, if you have all your basic needs met, do you feel you have enough in life?
I know I have enough. But life is not about enoughness. Life is about fulfillment and love. Outside of basic needs, enough is an illusion and something that is not calculable. We are all striving to feel alive, fulfilled and loved, even if most do not realize it. The only way to truly achieve that is to go within ourselves and excavate all the excess gunk and live from our authentic selves. Once you discover the ease of living authentically, you will want more! However, when we live from scarcity, we will never feel complete, and always look outward for fulfillment that just does not exist. In Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs, we can not ascend to the next level if we do not tend to each aspect of the level we are on. Being stuck in that scarcity prevents us from ever growing toward the next level. So, to answer your question, I do have enough and set my intention to live from an attitude of abundance and gratitude, in order to work toward my authentic self and self-actualization.
Okay, fantastic. Here is the main question of our interview: Can you share with our readers your “5 things we can each do to address the feeling of not having enough.” Please share a story or example for each.
1) Ask Yourself the Hard Questions. Are you happy, truly happy? Are you fulfilled? Are you excited to be alive? Do you love who you are? What will make you live from gratitude instead of lack?
The moment I realized that I had been living to please, take care of and meet other people’s expectations, I crumbled where I stood. When I asked myself what I truly wanted and who I am, to my core, my world opened up and I was lit afire.
In 2012, my husband and I built a house. It is a very large house that truly is excessive. I never questioned building the house, because it was fun and exciting. After a few years, the trauma of the affair and so much more, it became clear that building this grand home was my husband trying to prove to himself and possibly his dad that he was successful and had earned his worth in this world. He had not even considered he was already worthy and perfect without showing his accomplishments with a large home. His question to the world was “how can I prove to you my value?” and never “how do I honor and love myself without requiring approval from others?”
2) Meditate, journal, and talk it out. Take the time to quiet your mind from all the existential noise that fills your thoughts. Allow yourself to feel into your being, and your soul. Stay present in your body and mind, to see what is there, what has always been there. We often do not even know what is swirling through our thoughts until we write or speak it. Taking the time to just allow your thoughts to flow will uncover and ignite true revelations to yourself.
I have journaled throughout my life, and within my words scribbled in those notebooks, I found wisdom, grief, challenges, pain and accomplishments that I did not even realize I was holding on to. When I meditate in conjunction with journaling, I find even deeper meaning and wisdom coming through. I journal about what I see, feel, learn in my meditations and explore what that means to me in the current situation.
3) Forgive and Let Go. Living from a place of resentment and anger will block you from raising your vibrations and living in your true purpose. Release past grievances so you can make the space for joy and love. Allow your challenges to become a path to where you are meant to be and who you are authentically.
After discovering my husband’s affair, I lived in and held onto my resentment, anger and pain. I was stuck in a low vibrational circle of fury and I wore it like a badge of honor. I have never been one to forgive. I would just cut you from my life and move on. But with him, I could not do that. For me, I had to forgive and release my resentment. The anger and grudges were physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually killing me. I practiced the words, “I forgive you,” long before I felt them in my soul and could release them out to him. When I did, I felt lighter, clearer and more centered than I had been in years.
4) Rewrite Your Story. You will begin to notice your mindset shift and your steps getting lighter. You will see yourself moving from “why did this happen to me,” to “what is this teaching me and how can I grow through it?” Keep journaling as you write and rewrite your journey.
Shifting my victim mentality to a” what is this teaching me” mentality, led me to see the bigger picture. First, it allowed me to heal my past traumas that I got over and never worked through. Secondly, it showed me the way to uncover my soul’s purpose and become a guide to others who are suffering through traumas. Thirdly, I learned to let go of shame and other people’s expectations for my life and start living more authentically than I ever have. Living from a place of truth, without masks and shields, allows for ease and flow in life.
5) Do the Work: Do Not Stop. This process is never complete. Continue to ground yourself while reaching for the moon, the stars, and the sun. Soul work is a lifelong journey. Once you feel it, you will crave more. You will notice your light rippling through the world inspiring others.
I would love to see people take their experiences and learn from them, as opposed to giving up as a victim of circumstances. If we each could be responsible for our healing and, in turn, be guidance for others to heal, grow and love, we could make this world a brighter and more loving place. Recognizing challenges and trauma as a part of the human experience, allows us to open our hearts and feel into other people’s pain. If we all could share our stories and be vulnerable about our battles and ways we worked through them, we could learn from each other and heal the world. Living from love, compassion and truth, would turn our world on its head.
Do you have any favorite books, podcasts, or resources that have inspired you to live with more joy in life?
So many books have filled my library since I decided I wanted to heal and work on my spiritual awakening. One of the books that set me on fire was Glennon Doyle’s Untamed. Through her stories of struggle and self-doubt, I found my own stories and realizations of how I have been shrinking myself for most of my life. Women Who Run with the Wolves by Clarissa Pinkola Estés, reminded me of the power that women have always held. Any book by Brené Brown is enlightening, but Atlas of the Heart had the biggest effect on how I see emotions and even other people in their emotions.
The Unbound Writer’s Club podcast inspires me to write from my truth, let down walls and not worry about what others might think. Fierce Conversations podcast, from Fierce Truths magazine (and the magazine) has been informative, uplifting and affirming in my healing journey. I even have a few articles in their magazines. A few other podcasts that I listen to on a regular basis are We Can Do Hard Things, The Intuitive Girls Guide and Oprah’s Super Soul podcast.
I also use Hertz frequencies to meditate, sleep and realign my body and mind. I have discovered that this type of music relaxes and heals. You can find a large variety on Spotify and YouTube.
You are a person of great influence. If you could start a movement that would bring the most amount of good to the most amount of people, what would that be? You never know what your idea can trigger. :-)
My biggest dream is for our kids to know, love and believe in themselves. In our world of today, children are surrounded by political agendas, strict educational guidelines, little free time to play and less time to be bored and innovative. I believe the only job of children is to be curious, explore, play and learn through doing. Too many adult issues worry our children today, during the time they should be learning about themselves and experiencing freedom within.
My S*E*L*F (Spirit*Empowerment*Love*Foundations) program revolves around learning who you are authentically and having the confidence to love yourself through the challenges of life. Through yoga, meditation and journaling, these students will acquire skills to add to resilience and healing throughout their lifetime.
S*E*L*F Mission:
A 6 week yoga, meditation and journaling curriculum to help Tweens and Teens to develop Self Love, Empower them to live in their authenticity, grow through compassion, share their unique selves and truths and develop healing and self-care tools to carry with them throughout their lives.
Each week, we will focus on an aspect of the Self, while incorporating Meditation, Yoga and Journaling exercises into each class.
Week 1: Introduction and Goal Setting
Week 2: Mindfulness and Presence
Week 3: Self-Acceptance
Week 4: Self-Discipline
Week 5: Self-Love
Week 6: Gratitude
Through this course, we help youth discover who they authentically are before the world tells them who they should be. We strive to give them skills to deal with challenges that emerge through the most formidable years and work toward recognizing and, possibly, preventing detrimental experiences at this young age. We also hope this will connect them with a trustworthy and dependable community.
The Re~Connect to S*E*L*F Program is similar and helps women to regain their authenticity and purpose after raising a family or working a career and doing all the shoulds throughout their lives. My hope is that if we catch them in the 5th-8th grade that they would not need the Re~Connect program in their future.
What is the best way for our readers to continue to follow your work online?
On instagram @cjmyerspoet, @yourselfprogram and @soulshineunbound.
My websites are https://www.yourselfprogram.com/,
https://www.carriemyersauthor.com/ and
https://www.soulshineunbound.com/
This was very inspiring. Thank you so much for the time you spent on this. We wish you only continued success.
About The Interviewer: For 30 years, Drew Gerber has been inspiring those who want to change the world. Drew is the CEO of Wasabi Publicity, Inc., a full-service PR agency lauded by PR Week and Good Morning America. Wasabi Publicity, Inc. is a global marketing company that supports industry leaders, change agents, unconventional thinkers, companies and organizations that strive to make a difference. Whether it’s branding, traditional PR or social media marketing, every campaign is instilled with passion, creativity and brilliance to powerfully tell their clients’ story and amplify their intentions in the world.
