I Can’t Get No Satisfaction: Chad Osinga On Why So Many Of Us Are Feeling Unsatisfied & What We Can Do About It
An Interview With Drew Gerber
Personal Growth: When each day is about how you can be just a smidge better than who you were yesterday, life, time, and relationships become so valuable. Every moment is to be savored and looked at as an opportunity.
From an objective standpoint, we are living in an unprecedented era of abundance. Yet so many of us are feeling unsatisfied. Why are we seemingly so insatiable? What is going on inside of us that is making us feel unsatisfied? What is the brain chemistry that makes us feel this way? Is our brain wired for endless insatiable consumption? What can we do about it? In this interview series, we are talking to credentialed experts such as psychologists, psychiatrists, therapists, brain science experts, as well as spiritual and religious leaders, and mind-body-spirit coaches, to address why so many of us are feeling unsatisfied & what we can do about it.
As a part of this series, I had the distinct pleasure of interviewing Chad Osinga.
Chad is a retired US Army sniper who has experienced many challenges since birth. Despite being faced with immense hardship, Chad found a way to turn his pain into his purpose and obstacles into opportunities. As a resilience expert, Chad helps his clients uncover the legend within themselves and begin to thrive in life by also turning their obstacles into great opportunities.
Thank you so much for joining us in this interview series! Before we dive in, our readers would love to know how you got from “there to here.” Inspire us with your backstory!
First, thank you for having me. It is truly an honor. I grew up in a small town in the Shenandoah Valley. I was born with Erb’s Palsy, a learning disability, and a mother addicted to crack cocaine. My mother struggled with drug use for many years. Unfortunately, her dependency on alcohol and cocaine became stronger. As a result, she brought the men she was buying drugs from to live and operate their drug business out of our home.
At fourteen years old my home was raided by law enforcement. My mother was sent to federal prison and I to family in Oklahoma. My move to Oklahoma was intended to be a reset in my life, a place where I would be able to taste a better life. That was not the case. For roughly eighteen months, I would be physically and emotionally abused by my aunt and uncle. Finally, having enough I ran away and made it back to Virginia safely.
Eventually, I found the woman of my dreams. We got married and I decided I needed to provide a better life. So, I joined the US Army where I would become a sniper and combat applications instructor. I had the privilege of training every branch of the military, FBI, US Marshals, SWAT, DEA, and many other organizations.
While at the height of my career tragedy would strike. My five-year-old daughter would have a stroke. In a matter of minutes, our lives all changed. Doctors told us she would never walk, talk, or eat on her own ever again. However, armed with a relentless attitude his daughter would prove the doctor wrong by doing everything they said she would not be able to do.
My wife and I had two more children and they would be diagnosed with autism. Both were on different spectrums, one would be non-verbal for seven years, and our youngest would struggle with severe meltdowns. Our hands were full, but together we found the greatness hidden in our struggles. And we worked tirelessly to ensure they would be able to have a meaningful life.
Once I retired I began riding motorcycles, and tragedy would strike two more times. 2018 I would be t-boned while riding my motorcycle by a careless driver traveling at forty-five miles per hour. Not even two years after I would be hit off my motorcycle once more.
This time my injuries were very severe, I would be in ICU for seven days, in the hospital for fourteen days, flat line twice, and have seven surgeries. Doctors told me I would not walk for at least eighteen months, but determined, I was able to walk in just five months.
The best thing that could have ever happened to me was this last accident. Many look at me funny when I say that, but the truth is I was going down a bad path before the last accident. I had all but given up on life. While in ICU I faced the man in the mirror and received a revived spirit for life. My purpose was clear and so were the trials I had faced up to this point.
Today, I help others unleash the legend that is within them. I have a lofty goal of helping as many people as possible unleash the legend within them. Everything I do is to move the needle closer to this goal. I truly enjoy helping people lean into their potential and rise to heights they had only dreamed of previously.
What lessons would you share with yourself if you had the opportunity to meet your younger self?
Growing up I did not have a lot of guidance and made quite a bit of mistakes. Therefore, the first lesson would be that we either win or learn. The only time we can lose is if we quit. The second would be that our current situation is due to our thinking. Lastly, to invest in himself before anything or anyone else.
None of us are able to experience success without support along the way. Is there a particular person for whom you are grateful because of the support they gave you to grow you from “there to here?” Can you share that story and why you are grateful for them?
I have had several different people along my journey in this life, but none bigger than my wife. My wife met me when I was sixteen years old and from the first day she saw something in me I could not see at the time. Despite not making the best decisions early in my life she kept the attitude that I had something big within me. After twenty-four years of being together, with nineteen of those years being married she still believes in the greatness within me. She is continually encouraging me and is steadfast in her faith in my abilities. I would not be the man I am today without her influence, support, and love.
Are you working on any exciting new projects now? How do you think it might help people?
I have a couple of things I am currently working on. The first is a book that aims to help readers thrive in life by doing internal work and using universal principles. I will use many of my life stories in the book, which will show the relevance and power of the principles I will talk about throughout the book.
My wife and I are also beginning to coach and mentor couples. Having been together for twenty-four years and overcoming some very large obstacles has given us quite a bit of wisdom that we can now use to help others. We enjoy helping couples have and maintain healthy and prosperous relationships. Almost fifty percent of marriages end up in divorce and our goal is to reduce that number and help couples avoid being a part of those statistics. Marriage has come under a negative light in recent years, and we aim to revive the joy that exists in the union of two people who love one another.
Ok, thank you for sharing your inspired life. Let’s now talk about feeling “unsatisfied”. In the Western world, humans typically have their shelter, food, and survival needs met. What has led to us feeling we aren’t enough and don’t have enough? What is the wiring? Or in other words, how has nature and nurture played into how humans (in an otherwise “safe and secure” environment) experience feeling less than, or a need to have more than what is needed for basic survival?
I believe there are several components to that equation. First, we learn by copying our parents and others who are close to us. Essentially, others’ beliefs about the world are passed down to us, and not knowing any better we take those beliefs and make them ours. So we learn from birth that we need much more than what we have, we learn more is better, and we are taught in many cases that certain things are only for a specific group of people.
Secondly, we live in a society that is constantly throwing the newest and best thing at us. With the use of social media, we now have an even larger spotlight on what another person may have that we don’t. And under a constant barrage of advertisements. Today, more than ever we are under a continuous pull to have more. Whether it has been presented as a tool that will make your life easier, or as a status symbol we are surrounded by something that is intended to enhance our lives.
Lastly, we are in a world that is hurting. One that has been taught to seek comfort through external things. I am not against having nice things, however, our worth should not be attached to an object or a status. In my opinion shopping for many is no different than alcoholism for others. When we are empty inside, we become desperate to fill the void, stop the bleeding, and ease the pain. Unfortunately, the void will never be filled through more things, having the most likes, or standing on top of the financial ladder of life.
How are societies different? For example, capitalistic societies trade differently than communists. Developed nations trade differently than developing nations. In your opinion, how does society shape a human’s experience and feelings of satisfaction?
Our society plays a large role in our feeling of satisfaction. While in Iraq I saw poverty on a scale most of the western world could not comprehend. In those societies, there is little hope of much better than their current situation. With that said, from my experience people who have been subjected to societies that are under immense poverty, are more grateful as they have much less. The willingness and hunger to work hard are more present, but again when opportunities are scarce the willingness to go above and appreciate the smallest of blessings is more present.
In the western world, there is a stark difference between those countries who live in extreme poverty. However, growing up I was fortunate not to have money, and grow up fairly hard compared to the average person in the Western world. And I have noticed the ability to be grateful, to extract the moments of joy in each day seems to be much higher than in the homes of those who have much more.
Both developed and developing countries have their versions of “the haves and have-nots.” Both seem to shape those who reside in them in a manner that fits the direction that the country desires to go.
With a specific focus on brain function, how has the brain and its dominion over the body and beliefs been impacted by the societal construct?
I would say our mind has dominion over the body as the mind is not the brain. The way we think about things directly affects how we feel and our behaviors. As we grow up we are wired to process the world around us every day in a specific manner. Each mistake, experience, or response from the external world around us shapes what we believe to be true about our existence and ultimately, us. From education to the quality of life we deserve is being engrained into our minds from the day we are born.
Therefore, whatever results we have in this life are based solely on our belief system. There is a reason that in a down economy, people are making millions, and in an up economy, individuals lose badly. Moreover, the same is true with families that have less than most but can live with joy each day. On the reverse side, many very successful people are miserable despite having a healthy bank account. So our beliefs truly define the quality of life, the opportunities we will have, and the limit, or lack there we will have throughout life.
Do you think the way our society markets and advertises goods and services, has affected people’s feelings of satisfaction? Can you explain what you mean?
Yes, of course, that is their job. A good marketer will advertise their products in a way that entices customers to want the next shiny thing. Moreover, it is their job to leverage human desire and the allure that their product will satisfy their desire. As the sales process continues to evolve I believe marketers will become better equipped at creating and facilitating these unsatisfied desires.
How is the wiring of the brain, body, and beliefs shaped by marketing, language, and how humans trade?
I am not sure if they shape our beliefs as much as they take advantage of human design. A good marketer takes advantage of human psychology. For example, the use of scarcity, or exclusivity to make a sale. If a popular singer makes a limited edition shirt and makes only ten of those shirts, the likely hood of all ten being bought immediately for an extremely high price is certain. Humans will spend money they don’t have to purchase an item they perceive as limited. Marketers just take advantage of human nature, it would be extremely inaccurate to blame the overall wiring of the human population on intelligent marketing.
I work in marketing so I’m very cognizant of this question. In your opinion, how do you think marketing professionals can be more responsible for how their advertising shapes humans’ health and experience of happiness overall?
This is a tough question, but I would say being ethical in the way marketing is being approached. I used scarcity earlier so I will stay in that vein. If I were to launch a group coaching session and opened it up to only fifteen people. Using this tactic is perfectly fine, but I would not open it up to fifteen individuals and then say ninety percent of the program was filled up, though no one had signed up yet. The problem is not the tactic, it is using it with dishonesty, ultimately tricking your way to more clients or sales.
That being said, I do not believe that marketing can be blamed for human health or happiness. We as individuals should be held responsible for our decisions. We all have the power to say no, not follow the crowd, and find higher value in our life. Our job as humans is to connect with our higher self and live our lives according to what that is.
For you personally, if you have all your basic needs met, do you feel you have enough in life?
Yes and no. I feel that having more in life is not the problem, rather, being attached to more is. I have a mission to help one hundred million people and that will require resources. So, to fulfill the journey to help this world I must say no. But, in that same breath, I am happy, and complete, and do not need anything more than the necessities. If you are looking for more to fill a void you will stay empty, there will always be a hole sinking the ship. In my life, I have tried to find happiness outside of myself, and each time I was let down. Once I began loving myself, understanding my potential, and learning how to live inside out I have not wanted another day of my life.
Okay, fantastic. Here is the main question of our interview: Can you share with our readers your “5 things we can each do to address the feeling of not having enough.”
1) Gratitude Journal: I start my day with gratitude. Learning to be grateful for the smallest aspects of life has changed me as a person dramatically. There is good and bad in every situation, we have the choice of what our focus will be placed on. If we choose to focus on all the negative things then the negative will expand in our life. However, if we choose to apply our attention to what is good and right in our life that is what expands and fills our lives.
To assist in my gratitude pursuit, I write five things I am grateful for that I have at that moment. It can be small stuff like a cup of good coffee, or large things like closing a big deal at work. The point is to get in the feeling of being grateful and focusing on all the good around you. I also write five things I am grateful for that I don’t have yet but am in pursuit of manifesting. The point is to again feel as though you already have those things and create forward momentum in your thinking and actions.
2) Give To Those Less Fortunate: There is no better way to realize how blessed you are than to go to a homeless shelter or another organization that helps less fortunate people. Doing this also places you in a position to give. As you give your time, effort, love, and support to those who cannot return to you what has just been given, you create a vacuum. What you sow, you will reap, and the universe will fill your life beyond what you can comprehend.
3) Meditate: Not only does meditation have proven health benefits, but it also allows us to become one with ourselves. The more we practice meditation, we gain an understanding of self, as well as an appreciation for who we are. A relationship with ourselves is created and the need for external objects to fill voids disappears, as we become whole.
4) Identify North Star: Direction trumps destination! Most humans are hoping to land in a beautiful spot in life where they can kick their feet up and relax. The problem with that thinking is first, if we are not growing we are dying. Second, we are basing our peace and happiness on an exterior situation. That place we believe holds the key to our freedoms seems to never arrive, and we find ourselves always needing something to bring us peace. Thirdly, value is found in the journey. Want a valuable life? Identify a life direction and sail that way until your last breath is taken.
Lastly, our North Star can be called our purpose. When we know where we are going and why we give life context. A bigger picture is drawn and having the next cool thing becomes incomparable to the purpose we were born to fulfill. Now everything and everyone must align with our direction or it does not even get considered.
5) Personal Growth: When each day is about how you can be just a smidge better than who you were yesterday, life, time, and relationships become so valuable. Every moment is to be savored and looked at as an opportunity.
Do you have any favorite books, podcasts, or resources that have inspired you to live with more joy in life?
My favorite books are, Think And Grow Rich, Outwitting The Devil, The Compound Effect, Mastery, Psycho-Cybernetics, & Breaking The Habit Of Being Yourself. Podcasts, The Legend Of You. Youtube is a great resource and anything with Dr. Joe Dispenza, Bob Proctor, Earl Nightingale, Jordan Peterson, & the JustMotivation channel will empower anyone who listens.
You are a person of great influence. If you could start a movement that would bring the most amount of good to the most amount of people, what would that be? You never know what your idea can trigger. :-)
The movement I would love to start is one of loving and being oneself. Today more than ever, I see people wanting to be everything but who they are. We were all made uniquely, and I firmly believe we were all made to touch this world in a way only we can. There is a power and freedom that comes with knowing oneself and then allowing yourself to unapologetically be that every day.
What is the best way for our readers to continue to follow your work online?
https://mybulletproofmarriages.com
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCy5BIjv2RwU1TR6oawSgxcA
https://www.facebook.com/chad.osinga
This was very inspiring. Thank you so much for the time you spent on this. We wish you only continued success.
About The Interviewer: For 30 years, Drew Gerber has been inspiring those who want to change the world. Drew is the CEO of Wasabi Publicity, Inc., a full-service PR agency lauded by PR Week and Good Morning America. Wasabi Publicity, Inc. is a global marketing company that supports industry leaders, change agents, unconventional thinkers, companies and organizations that strive to make a difference. Whether it’s branding, traditional PR or social media marketing, every campaign is instilled with passion, creativity and brilliance to powerfully tell their clients’ story and amplify their intentions in the world.
