I Can’t Get No Satisfaction: Lawrence Essex On Why So Many Of Us Are Feeling Unsatisfied & What We Can Do About It

An Interview With Drew Gerber

Quasi-regular exercise is essential, especially as you get older — it’s the maintenance your body needs, much like how a car requires servicing to keep running smoothly over the years. After a big bad bout of Covid and a nasty leg break left me laid up on my ass for months, resulting in weight gain and seriously reduced strength, I reluctantly joined a gym. The initial effort was a slog, but over time the benefits were undeniable. Regular workouts boosted my confidence, improved my sleep, and encouraged better eating habits. My clothes fit better, I felt more energetic, and nagging pains diminished. Committing to the gym also cultivated my discipline and I developed a growth mindset, teaching me that persistence brings significant rewards over time. So look after your body, and your body will look after you.

From an objective standpoint, we are living in an unprecedented era of abundance. Yet so many of us are feeling unsatisfied. Why are we seemingly so insatiable? What is going on inside of us that is making us feel unsatisfied? What is the brain chemistry that makes us feel this way? Is our brain wired for endless insatiable consumption? What can we do about it? In this interview series, we are talking to credentialed experts such as psychologists, psychiatrists, therapists, brain science experts, as well as spiritual and religious leaders, and mind-body-spirit coaches, to address why so many of us are feeling unsatisfied & what we can do about it.

As a part of this series, I had the distinct pleasure of interviewing Lawrence Essex.

Lawrence is an author and filmmaker from the UK, he has directed projects that featured on the BBC and at acclaimed film festivals such as Raindance and the British Urban Film Festival as well as appearing on platforms like Apple TV. He has also shot campaigns and editorials for luxury brands and fashion labels as well as content for publications such as GQ and Billboard, featuring A-list talent such as Brad Pitt, Naomi Harris, and Sam Smith. In September 2023, his debut novel, “Ultimate Adventure,” a fantasy adventure filled with action, heart, and humour, is now available for purchase on Amazon and at reputable bookstores.

Thank you so much for joining us in this interview series! Before we dive in, our readers would love to know how you got from “there to here.” Inspire us with your backstory!

I’d like to chalk it up to talent and a creative flair, and maybe that plays a small part, but honestly, I think a lot of it boils down to a blend of dumb luck and stubbornness. Back in 2014, I waved goodbye to an utterly dismal gig at a production place you wouldn’t wish on your worst enemy and took the leap into freelance life — with little more than a hope and a prayer. Dreaming big, I wanted to direct films, and that’s precisely what I did, working on a shoestring with friends. Some of our work caught eyes — I made a short for the BBC, a web series I’d co-written and directed got a spot at Raindance. That’s where Ultimate Adventure sparked to life, starting as a TV pilot concept but then, it kind of snowballed.

The story stuck with me and when a friend said “you should write this as a novel” I figured I had nothing to lose. Having a pile of scripts was a goldmine starting point, and my skin had grown thick from my film days where ‘no’ was just another word. So, shifting gears to writing was like a refreshing breeze. I didn’t fret over the usual filmmaking woes — budget constraints, crew logistics, or even reality. Just needed my trusty laptop, a playlist, and a quiet corner anywhere in the world to write. And oh, did I write — took me a solid four years to tie up the manuscript, revisiting it so many times it probably knew me better than I did. I became quite the night owl, punching the keyboard into the wee hours.

Meanwhile on the career front, I kind of stumbled into shoots for big fashion brands and editorials with high end designers, piecing together a reel that turned heads. Then, the world went mad with covid, and suddenly I was getting booked for gigs with A-listers because big crews were a no-go internationally. That’s how I ended up behind the lens with celebs like F1’s Daniel Ricciardo for GQ, Janet Jackson for Allure, and not to drop names, but yeah, even found myself shooting Brad Pitt for Billboard at the legendary Miraval Studios.

What lessons would you share with yourself if you had the opportunity to meet your younger self?

There are so many things I’d say, the main take away would be believe in yourself, things are possible for you. Achieving what you want isn’t the hard part, figuring out what you want is the hard part, so do that. Don’t take anything personally. Who you know is more important than what you know, and it doesn’t matter how much you learn, you might always feel like an imposter, but you have a voice, and you’re good at this, and you should tell stories, so don’t quit and you’ll go places you’d never believed you could.

None of us are able to experience success without support along the way. Is there a particular person for whom you are grateful because of the support they gave you to grow you from “there to here?” Can you share that story and why you are grateful for them?

I’ve always been fortunate to have been surrounded by good friends who have helped me throughout my career and creative endeavors. Whether it’s giving up their time to crew a short film or let me totally shuffle their house around to use it as a location, giving me a ride to a job when I didn’t have a car, reading my stuff when I’m working on it, or even just offering an empathetic ear while I vent over drinks. As life goes on and you get older, people tend to go their separate ways a bit, but I’d just like to say, Elliott, Richard, Melanie, Daniel, Jonny, Matt, India, Adam, Sophie, James, Barb, Callum and Tupac, I’ll always be grateful for all the friendship and support you’ve given me over the years. Whatever happens, and wherever we find ourselves in the world or in life, together or apart, I hope you know I’ll always cherish our achievements and collaborations and wish the best for you.

Are you working on any exciting new projects now? How do you think it might help people?

The main thing I’m working on right now is a feature length screenplay, it’s a horror comedy about a fashion cult and a bit of a satirical look at the fashion industry as a whole, and it’s loosely inspired by a lot of my own experiences shooting that kind of stuff. I’ve always found comfort in stories that resonated with me, and I’d like to think that my stories can resonate with other people. Even if it helps you just to forget your hardship for only a little while, or if the characters inspire you or help you feel seen, then that’s really something that inspires me to put my stuff out there. Most of the stuff I write deals with feeling like an outcast or not belonging, and for me when I hear songs or see stories that kind of reinforce that, it helps me feel less alone on a sort of existential level. So I hope that I can do that for others too.

Ok, thank you for sharing your inspired life. Let’s now talk about feeling “unsatisfied”. In the Western world, humans typically have their shelter, food, and survival needs met. What has led to us feeling we aren’t enough and don’t have enough? What is the wiring? Or in other words, how has nature and nurture played into how humans (in an otherwise “safe and secure” environment) experience feeling less than, or a need to have more than what is needed for basic survival?

In 1943, psychologist Abraham Maslow outlined a pyramid called the hierarchy of needs in his paper on human motivation. The pyramid starts with basic physical requirements like food and shelter at the bottom, followed by safety, then social needs like love and belonging, above that esteem needs such as confidence, and at the top, self-actualization, which includes creativity and purpose. Maslow noted that we must satisfy basic needs before higher ones motivate us, but also recognized that our journey through these needs isn’t always sequential — we can experience and act upon multiple levels at once. If you think about it, collectively as a species, only once our basic survival needs were met as we learned to herd our food which meant we could build shelter, and civilization was born from that, did we begin to dream bigger. Fashion, art, technology, none of the advancements would be possible were it not for our most animalistic needs being met by society.

Now in Western society today, it feels like we’re navigating through a sort of collective existential crisis. Life isn’t all doom and gloom, but we are constantly bombarded with advertisements, facing a market where home ownership is quickly edging beyond reach in the UK, and drifting into a kind of dystopian capitalism where everything is up for rent and ownership of any sort seems like a relic of the past. The costs for living — tucked away in those nightmarish subscription fees — creep up stealthily, nibbling away at our finances like an insatiable tapeworm. On top of this, apps like Instagram and TikTok offer us a portal into lives that seem greener on the other side, artfully polished and presented in a way that can skew our sense of reality.

Take, for example, a job I did for Billboard last year, capturing the essence of Brad Pitt’s new music studio. That job whisked me to a dream-like few days in Provence. Dining in an opulent yet rustic setting amidst the splendor of a state-of-the-art studio, surrounded by vineyards and a chateau. That meal, grown on the grounds and bursting with freshness, was a culinary highlight, a stark contrast to the moment days later when I was stood beneath dull gray skies of England, in vegetable aisle of little Tesco berating myself for even considering that splurging an extra 80 pence on ‘the good tomatoes’ was justified. While it was an incredible privilege that I got to experience that trip, the aftermath was a cold hard comedown to reality, like waking up with a hangover, except the sobering headache is my entire life. This is the crux of our collective discontent I think: for many of us today, the struggle to maintain basic needs like shelter and food is real, and yet, there’s a constant glimpse into the lives of those far better off, highlighting an apparent imbalance in fairness, as well as increasing pressure to appear like you’ve got it all figured out.

How are societies different? For example, capitalistic societies trade differently than communists. Developed nations trade differently than developing nations. In your opinion, how does society shape a human’s experience and feelings of satisfaction?

Community, at its heart, whether in capitalist or communist societies, is the cornerstone of human connection and well-being. It’s widely recognised that people flourish when they feel they belong. There’s a saying that a child who is not embraced by the village will burn it down just to feel its warmth. Without the sense of belonging that community provides, people can spiral towards destructive behaviors, with loneliness and isolation breeding a bitterness that can turn into animosity towards others. Essentially, everyone is seeking acceptance and care. Eastern cultures often emphasize the collective well-being of the community and family, whereas Western ideology often celebrates individual triumph and personal success. I think this can lead to a kind of self-obsession, overlooking the communal wisdom that is often embraced by our global neighbors.

There’s a problematic aspect to our societal values where the less fortunate are often stigmatized, while the super affluent are idolized. Western society places those with wealth and power on a pedestal, subtly urging us to chase after these emblems of success rather than fostering virtues like empathy, kindness, and compassion. This cultural narrative is splashed across the pages of glossy magazines and screens of our devices, where the affluent and influential are glamorized, their lifestyles envied and emulated. Yet, the relentless pursuit of wealth and power for their own sake can overshadow the intrinsic worth of genuine human connection and moral integrity. Too frequently, those worshiped as idols are unmasked as having flawed characters and questionable ethics. They say never meet your heroes, and I think that’s a reminder that our true value lies not in what we accumulate, but in the quality of goodness we bring into the world.

The internet, with its infinite echo chambers, has this paradoxical effect of both connecting us and polarizing us. It offers platforms where beliefs can be broadcasted and amplified, sometimes turning conviction into fanaticism. The phenomenon of cancel culture, no matter what side of whatever argument you’re on, often shuts down the nuanced conversations that are essential for social progress. Instead of encouraging understanding and transformation, it can lead to a hardening of positions, with individuals retreating deeper into their own ideological bunkers. In the absence of open dialogue, beliefs can become increasingly radical, edging toward extremism, as the middle ground is eroded by a lack of discourse and the pressure to conform to the prevailing winds of online opinion. Nowadays, a brief scroll online can plunge you into the midst of fiery debates over politics, identity, ideology and even pop culture. It feels like a lot of discourse is saturated with polarized and extreme views — think about the last time you saw a video with a caption like ‘X movie is trash’, or ‘Insert film here ruined my childhood.’ It’s okay to refrain from taking a hard stance; in fact, it’s often wiser. The truth typically resides in the nuanced middle ground, not the fringes. If we invested more energy into listening and learning from each other rather than engaging in endless, often pointless quarrels, we might just steer our world toward a more harmonious future.

With a specific focus on brain function, how has the brain and its dominion over the body and beliefs been impacted by the societal construct?

There was a neuroscientist called Paul Maclean who came up with this concept he called the Triune brain, wherein he basically broke down the human brain into three hierarchical regions. So, there’s our Reptilian brain, which operates unconsciously and is all about ensuring our survival needs — so food, shelter, safety that sort of thing. Then we have the Limbic system or the Mammalian brain, which is much younger by evolutionary standards and governs emotions like fear, joy, even pleasure and memory. Lastly there’s the Neocortex, aka the most advanced part of our brain, where higher functions like sensory perception, cognition, abstract thinking, and complex social behaviors arise, and, while the neocortex is biologically a part of us, its utilization and development, even the neural pathways formed within it are significantly shaped by our societal constructs and cultural environment.

Society creates different levels of stress and socio-economic status, which can massively influence the development and functioning of the neocortex. Chronic stress for example, often experienced by people in lower socio-economic conditions can negatively affect cognitive functions. Even technology influences how we interact with information, which can rewire the brains circuitry over time — research indicates our attention spans are becoming shorter. Some studies show that in the last 20 years our attention span has diminished to less than that of the common goldfish. Throughout our history, we have never consumed information as abundantly and as quickly, and the content being pushed out reflects that. Look at Instagram reels and YouTube shorts following TikTok’s micro length video model. And how many of us are guilty of just repeating a headline without having bothered to read full the article? Information in a readily available bite sized chunk is easy to swallow but, but thumbing through a feed of thirst traps, war crimes, dash cam footage crashes, cute animals, celebrity gossip, and movie trailers while I’m sat on the toilet must be warping my brain chemistry in ways neuroscientists can only begin to fathom.

Not to mention the paradox of choice. Excessive choice can lead to brain fatigue. Does this sound familiar — you’re trawling through Netflix or Prime Video’s catalog for something to watch only to realize the amount of time that’s slipped by could amount to the runtime of a feature film. Imagine if you sat at a restaurant and the menu had over two or three hundred dishes on it? It would be overwhelming. Extend that sentiment to modern dating. With apps like Hinge and Tinder, meeting someone has never been so convenient, and we’ve all heard the saying there’s always more fish in the sea, but never has that been so accessible. With a literal sea of men, women, and everything in-between at our fingertips, the illusion of choice is leading people to sabotage potentially lasting relationships on the idea that the next person will be better.

I think it’s this hyper-commoditization of our world and experiences that is leading us to feel a sense of emptiness in our lives. If everything comes easy, then does anything have meaning and does life become sterile?

Do you think the way our society markets and advertises goods and services, has affected people’s feelings of satisfaction? Can you explain what you mean?

Certainly, the engine of capitalism thrives on consumption. You’ve got to have the latest thing, and nothing is built to last. From womb to tomb society ingrains a message on our psyche, to aspire to the next best thing, to have more. Every spring and summer clothing companies pump out new lines, tech giants like Apple release a new phone every year. The cycle is perpetuated by planned obsolescence. Where products are designed to have short lifespans, nudging us towards the next purchase. Not only are we constantly being told what we have is inadequate, the new thing is better but the thing we have will soon perish. Were a wave of contentment to sweep over us all, I think capitalism as we know it would collapse in a matter of weeks.

Take for example, the rise of subscription models, where you’re not even allowed to own the thing you’re paying for. You’re just renting it, and guess what, now that thing you’ve been using, that thing that’s made your life more bearable, well every year it’s more expensive, what are you going to do about it? Look at Netflix, in 2017 their slogan was something along the lines of “Love is sharing a password” well hard cut to 2023, and now sharing a password is treason. It’s like that old piracy advert you’d see on DVDs — you wouldn’t share a car, you wouldn’t share a handbag, you wouldn’t share a television. Password sharing is stealing. I could go on about how messy the whole business model of streaming services has become, it made sense when there were only two or three, and everything you could ever want to see was split between them but now every studio and their mother has launched its own streaming service, and surprise, surprise, they’re all hemorrhaging money because none of them have enough content to attract people to warrant paying the subscription fee. So, I think that this a whole new level of dissatisfaction, these days human and corporate greed is not only rinsing consumers for everything they’re worth and in turn providing a subpar product that we don’t even actually own, but in a lot of ways I think it’s standing in the way of genuine positive progress.

And just think about the way society markets everything to us, brands and marketing agencies pay millions to platforms like YouTube, Instagram, TikTok, Spotify and now even streaming services like Prime Video, to show us ads, while we can simultaneously pay them NOT to see those ads. So, who’s winning here? Nobody but the platforms. And how do those platforms encourage you to pay for something that you can use for free? Well by making the ads so intrusive and over saturated that it eventually kills the entire experience unless you cave in and pay for an ad blocked version. It’s only a matter of time before we’re going to have to pay to start our cars or flush our toilets without watching a series of short ads.

How is the wiring of the brain, body, and beliefs shaped by marketing, language, and how humans trade?

Marketing influences our desires and preferences, often using emotional appeals that tap into our brain’s reward system. This can affect our belief in what we need to be happy or successful, influencing our choices and habits. When McDonalds advertises a burger with vibrant, appealing images and happy people enjoying it, it can create a positive association with that food. Over time, seeing these ads repeatedly can make us start to believe that we’ll feel happy and satisfied if we eat that burger, even if it’s not the healthiest choice.

Language provides the framework for our thoughts. The words and narratives we are exposed to can shape our perceptions and beliefs, coloring the way we interpret the world and our experiences in it. While trade introduces us to the concept of value and exchange, which influences our understanding of worth and scarcity, which can drive our behavior towards acquiring and using goods and services. These factors interact with our neurobiology, affecting how we think, feel, and behave. Think about “limited edition” products. The notion that a specific pair of trainers or a new handbag that’s only available for a short period of time or a limited run, creates a sense of scarcity and exclusivity. This influences our belief that owning these products will enhance our status, leading us to value them higher and be more eager to trade our money for them. Our brains become wired to seek out these scarce items for the social capital they supposedly offer — remember when legions of Rick & Morty fans flocked to McDonalds when it brought back Szechuan sauce for a limited time only?

All of this rewires our neural pathways through learning and habituation, leading to changes in our belief systems and even our physical health, as our actions and lifestyle choices are often a reflection of our beliefs and the influences around us.

I work in marketing so I’m very cognizant of this question. In your opinion, how do you think marketing professionals can be more responsible for how their advertising shapes humans’ health and experience of happiness overall?

I think they should focus on encouraging healthy lifestyles and fostering a positive self-image by representing diversity and challenging unrealistic beauty standards. Sustainable practices should be emphasized, advocating for environmental consciousness and the value of enriching life experiences over material possessions. Additionally, I think supporting mental health through mindful advertising and awareness campaigns can contribute positively to the collective well-being of consumers.

For you personally, if you have all your basic needs met, do you feel you have enough in life?

Well, I mean, from an animalistic survival perspective sure, and sometimes I do remind myself to be grateful and remember how lucky I am that I’ve got a roof over my head, money in the bank and food on the table. But I think there’s something inside me that drives me to want to be more and do more. I’ve always got to have a thing on the go, a project in the works, otherwise I kind of spiral a bit. I think that direction is healthy though, and I’ve tried to diversify it so that it’s not just work or creativity that I’m pouring all my attention into, but also personal relationships, and my physical health, as well as learning new skills and living new experiences. I think that life isn’t about whether you have enough in a material sense, but it’s about growth. If I sit still too long, if I stop working on myself or my goals, then life becomes quite stagnant, and I think looking back, those are the times when I’ve struggled with feelings of depression and anxiety.

Can you share with our readers your “5 things we can each do to address the feeling of not having enough.”

Okay so let’s science this (sort of) and break down the different aspects of being alive today. We’ve got our physical health, mental health, our social circle, our goals and aspirations and life itself. So, let’s get into my full proof plan for a happy and healthy life.

1. Quasi-regular exercise is essential, especially as you get older — it’s the maintenance your body needs, much like how a car requires servicing to keep running smoothly over the years. After a big bad bout of Covid and a nasty leg break left me laid up on my ass for months, resulting in weight gain and seriously reduced strength, I reluctantly joined a gym. The initial effort was a slog, but over time the benefits were undeniable. Regular workouts boosted my confidence, improved my sleep, and encouraged better eating habits. My clothes fit better, I felt more energetic, and nagging pains diminished. Committing to the gym also cultivated my discipline and I developed a growth mindset, teaching me that persistence brings significant rewards over time. So look after your body, and your body will look after you.
2. Beyond physical fitness, it’s vital to nurture your mental well-being too. After all we are essentially just brains piloting meat suits. I think feeling stagnant is counterproductive to a healthy mind since life is about growth and evolution, get out there and push beyond your comfort zone. Embrace the challenge of learning new skills or honing existing ones. Often, we’re labeled early in life, leading us to internalize false limitations. I once believed I couldn’t write a book because I wasn’t an academic star and wasn’t an avid reader like some of my friends. Yet, with dedication and self-education, I managed to overcome these misconceptions about myself. Remember, your potential is boundless. Mastery in any field — whether playing the guitar, excelling in sports, or speaking a new language — simply requires time, effort, and commitment. Investing just 20 minutes a day can make you proficient in a year, surpassing the average skill level of many.
3. Say yes to more and experience new things. You know, that nagging sense of lacking something? It’s less about the stuff we own and more about the flavor we add to our lives. Here’s a thought: get out there and mix it up. Strike up conversations with strangers, and increase your self-confidence. Tweak your daily grind — maybe take a different path to work, who knows what you’ll discover? How about a last-minute road trip? Or catch a movie you know nothing about. Hit up a new restaurant in town, try something you’d never usually eat. The key is to break from the norm and embrace the unusual. And look, if the idea of stepping out of your comfort zone scares you, well, doing it scared is better than not doing it at all. After all, stories worth telling never came from “I just stayed put.” And as your comfort zone expands, you’ll find that the fear that held you back slowly starts to fade away.
4. Discover something you love to do and give it space in your life. It’s not a requirement for this passion to pay your bills; that’s not the point. Whether it’s painting, making music, writing stories, coding games, gardening, building miniatures, swimming, whatever it is — when you engage in something you truly love, it does something magical to your spirit. It brings joy, lights up your days, and fills you with a sense of purpose. For me it’s writing, and while I never set out to do it to make money, I just wanted to get the stories in my head out onto paper (so to speak), and some of the most fulfilling moments I’ve had in recent memory were just me alone with a laptop and a playlist blitzing my word count for hours and hours. So, carve out time for your passion. Maybe it’s early mornings, or late-night sessions, or lazy weekend afternoons spent doing just what makes your heart sing. This isn’t about impressing anyone or hitting some high mark. It’s about living your truth and stoking that inner fire. And who knows? What starts as a hobby could blossom into something more, but the real win is in the happiness and fulfillment it brings to your everyday life.
5. Spend time with people that enrich your life. Trust me, sometimes the issue isn’t you — it’s the crowd you’re in. I remember this rough patch where I felt all kinds of down, pissed off, and stressed out. Then I was out one evening with friends and it hit me — it wasn’t all on me, I had just spent the last few chest-deep in a sea of jerks. So, I made time to reconnect with friends. We tackled an escape room, devoured some dim sum, and just caught up. And man, did it make a difference. The dark clouds swirling around my head lifted, and the sun came out. Being around people who ‘get’ you, it’s like a breath of fresh air. Find people who are like chicken soup for your soul, people who get your quirks, light up your life, make you feel all kinds of understood, appreciated, and supported. Those are the people you want in your circle. If you’re sitting there thinking, “I don’t have anyone like that,” well, time to get out there and find some. Because they are out there, and you’ve still got so much time, there are people you haven’t even met yet that will absolutely change your life for the better, and you absolutely deserve to find your tribe.

Do you have any favorite books, podcasts, or resources that have inspired you to live with more joy in life?

How to make friends and influence people by Dale Carnegie really helped me get out of my shell and become good at talking to people. I think the biggest thing is music and films. I’m a big fan of losing myself in stories, I think human beings have always been storytellers and personally there’s nothing better for me that watching a movie or reading a book with characters whose struggles resonate with me. I think that helps me feel a lot more connected to the world, because it’s a reminder that whatever you’re going through, you’re not alone out there. Other people get it.

You are a person of great influence. If you could start a movement that would bring the most amount of good to the most amount of people, what would that be? You never know what your idea can trigger. :-)

If I could start a movement, I think I’d focus on global education equality and aim to provide better access to quality education for children and adults everywhere, regardless of their economic status, gender, or geographical location. I believe that education — and not necessarily standardized schooling — but knowledge, is the foundation that can empower individuals, uplift communities, and ultimately drive progress in every aspect of society. By ensuring that everyone has the opportunity to learn and grow, we can address the root causes of many social issues, from poverty and inequality, to crime, healthcare and environmental sustainability. I’m talking more than just reading, math and science. It’s about getting everyone to think critically, stay savvy with technology, financial management, and understand the world better, to prepare individuals to better tackle the challenges of the 21st century. The ripple effects of this could trigger advancements in healthcare, poverty reduction, and lead to a more informed and positive global community.

What is the best way for our readers to continue to follow your work online?

My book Ultimate Adventure is available from Amazon and UK Bookstores, You can follow me on Instagram @LawEssex, linkedin.com/in/lawrenceessex, or check out my work at www.Lawrenceessex.com

This was very inspiring. Thank you so much for the time you spent on this. We wish you only continued success.

About The Interviewer: For 30 years, Drew Gerber has been inspiring those who want to change the world. Drew is the CEO of Wasabi Publicity, Inc., a full-service PR agency lauded by PR Week and Good Morning America. Wasabi Publicity, Inc. is a global marketing company that supports industry

social media marketing, every campaign is instilled with passion, creativity and brilliance to powerfully tell their clients’ story and amplify their intentions in the world. Schedule a free consultation at WasabiPublicity.com/Choosing-Publicity