I Can’t Get No Satisfaction: Lindsay Dam On Why So Many Of Us Are Feeling Unsatisfied & What We Can Do About It

An Interview With Drew Gerber

Focus on what you can control. So much of our stress comes from trying to force things that are simply out of our control. When you realize what you can control is very different from you have been trying to control, you give yourself a tremendous sense of freedom and reclaim your personal power. Let go of outcomes, stop trying to force things to happen, and focus on you. You can’t force money to come any sooner, or someone to buy something, or even someone to do something. So focus on you can control — you.

From an objective standpoint, we are living in an unprecedented era of abundance. Yet so many of us are feeling unsatisfied. Why are we seemingly so insatiable? What is going on inside of us that is making us feel unsatisfied? What is the brain chemistry that makes us feel this way? Is our brain wired for endless insatiable consumption? What can we do about it? In this interview series, we are talking to credentialed experts such as psychologists, psychiatrists, therapists, brain science experts, as well as spiritual and religious leaders, and mind-body-spirit coaches, to address why so many of us are feeling unsatisfied & what we can do about it.

As a part of this series, I had the distinct pleasure of interviewing Lindsay Dam.

Lindsay Dam is a Transformational Breathwork Facilitator, energy healer and mindset coach for high performing entrepreneurs who have it all on the surface, but underneath wonder if this is really all there is to life. After creating success in her first business she found herself wanting more out of life and began a journey of discovering just that as she navigated single motherhood with her baby. Now, six years later she and her son travel frequently while homeschooling and serving her clients all over the world. She believes freedom comes from within, and when you achieve that internal state, your external world reflects it. She can be found at www.lindsaydam.com

Thank you so much for joining us in this interview series! Before we dive in, our readers would love to know how you got from “there to here.” Inspire us with your backstory!

I feel like this has been the story of my life, continually evolving. In high school I knew I wasn’t made for a four year college even though I had a sports scholarship already. At the time I gave massages to all of my friends at work and on swim team. One day, while we were discussing our futures my good friend said to me “Lindsay, you are always massaging people wherever we go. Why don’t you go to school for that and get paid for doing something you love?” That has stuck with me my whole life. I heeded his advice, and though he has since passed away I hear his words every time I am about to make a big life choice. At 16 I dropped out of high school and discovered a program that allowed me to finish my diploma on my own time. I graduated a year and a half early with honors and continued on to community college until I was old enough to go to massage school. At 19 I had my first license. After a few years of working for other people I decided I wanted more freedom and with zero plan I quit my job to start my own business. I didn’t know what to do but there was this feeling in my heart I can only explain as a mix of knowing, excitement and fear. I gave myself a year to figure it out, and eleven years later I sold that business when I went on maternity leave. That’s when things get really juicy because now I had a child to provide for. I made similar moves in following my heart and they took me to living with my mom to avoid being homeless. They took me to deeper depths of my Self than I had ever experienced. From those depths I have been able to uncover more and more of my own self, my own expression and bravery in that expression. I continually follow my heart and while there are often times of unknown, there is always greater levels of passion, pleasure, magic and appreciation for this life. I live my life in a way that shows my son he can have, be and do anything he wants. We live an alternative lifestyle that works for us. It provides us not only with the prosperity I desire, but more importantly with the fulfillment, love and experiences that help us feel this zest for life.

What lessons would you share with yourself if you had the opportunity to meet your younger self?

I would let her know 3 things:

1. You will never know the how. Don’t spend the energy or time focusing on that. Spend your time and energy on where you are going, and trust your heart. She will always guide you in the swiftest way.

2. Everything will always work out, one way or the other. Worry less, trust yourself more.

3. Appreciate what you have now. It’s easy to get caught up in what you want, and when you do that you disconnect from the blessings already bestowed upon you. There is always something to appreciate, no matter what your situation is. Consequently, the quickest way to shift where you are, is to appreciate it.

None of us are able to experience success without support along the way. Is there a particular person for whom you are grateful because of the support they gave you to grow you from “there to here?” Can you share that story and why you are grateful for them?

While there have been many guides along the way, too many to count I do have a few that I would like to name. My dear friend Zach Ross whom I mentioned before. Had he never asked me “why not get paid for doing something you love?” My journey would have looked very different and probably not nearly as fulfilling as it has been. He passed away many years ago now, but I still hear his voice and see his smile often. That brief moment was a pivotal moment in my life and I am forever grateful to him.

I’d also like to thank my mom. I’ve always had different ideas and have forged my own path. My journey looked very different than most, especially at a time when it was very against the norm to go to alternative schools and to start a business at a such a young age, or to sell a business when going on maternity leave! No matter how wild and crazy my ideas or visions have been, she has always supported me. Through the tears (good and bad!), the twists and turns, the painful moments and the celebrations, she has always been the person I want to tell first and the person who consoles me when I feel like I’m crazy for doing this next big or scary thing. There are many moments when I’m stepping on the verge of a new level and I feel like I’m all alone, yet I can pick up the phone and she will remind me that I’ve always discovered a way and it has always worked out. She helps bring me back to my faith.

Lastly, this may sound crass, I’d like to thank my younger self. It is scary to go against the grain. It is scary to follow your dreams at times. It is scary to put everything on the line. It is also exhausting to be different than everyone else all the time. Yet through her continued faith, bravery and perseverance she has created an outstanding life for herself and her son. And for her continual efforts I get to be here sharing this with you today.

Are you working on any exciting new projects now? How do you think it might help people?

Ohhhh I always have many things in the works! My most recent modality and addition to my work has been Transformational Breathwork. This work has helped me heal from intense trauma both physically and mentally/emotionally. I went from being in grief after losing a pregnancy and experience intense emotional abuse to returning to my greatest personal power, deepest expression of self and recovering more powerfully than I have ever experienced in a short period of time. I have since shifted my entire business and the way I serve to be centered around breath work. In one session we can regulate the nervous system, heal trauma and bring people back to the truth of who they are. Witnessing the results for my clients makes me feel a level of fulfillment I have never felt. So this year I am hosting my first ever live retreat centered around breath work and transformation. I am also beginning to work with bigger groups and have the vision of being in stadiums helping people to release their trauma and recognize their own worth. Imagine a world where everyone accepted and loved themselves… this is the world I am here to help create.

I can say with certainty 100% of my clients over the last 6 years of doing this work has struggled with trusting themselves, loving themselves and fully accepting themselves. Yet they want others to. Life is a mirror of your internal state. The more you trust, love and accept yourself.. the more it will be reflected back to you in your relationships. It’s truly incredible how quickly everything can shift when you shift. Through this work the world will truly become a more peaceful, fulfilled and healthy place for ourselves and for generations to come.

Ok, thank you for sharing your inspired life. Let’s now talk about feeling “unsatisfied”. In the Western world, humans typically have their shelter, food, and survival needs met. What has led to us feeling we aren’t enough and don’t have enough? What is the wiring? Or in other words, how has nature and nurture played into how humans (in an otherwise “safe and secure” environment) experience feeling less than, or a need to have more than what is needed for basic survival?

It’s easy to look outside and see that there is so much, but the problem I see with my clients is the internal state. Most people are walking around in a state of trauma, whether from a big life event or from several small events growing up that taught them to believe they weren’t safe to be themselves. You can use the example of a child crying in a store for something they want and being reprimanded from their parent. That experience on repeat would tell that child that what they want doesn’t matter, their feelings don’t matter and are a burden, and that it’s not safe to express what they want or how they feel. This can create an internal state of being hyper vigilant — or always on guard — and not wanting to rock the boat. As this child grows up they will likely put everyone’s needs ahead of their own. This child’s emotional well-being wasn’t cared for in the way they needed and they are living life in a fight or flight — or unsafe — state.

This is very trans generational and requires constant reflection and self work to shift the paradigm for the next generation to experience feeling safe. The wounds that cause the experience of feeling less than or to need more are emotional. When you heal the emotional body and free it from the physical body, a new way of living or being is born. It is all about the health of the internal state of being. When you shift the internal world, your response to the external world shifts and more so, your entire external world begins to shift. Relationships become healthier, your physical body becomes healthier, and your level of satisfaction or fulfillment tend to greatly appreciate.

How are societies different? For example, capitalistic societies trade differently than communists. Developed nations trade differently than developing nations. In your opinion, how does society shape a human’s experience and feelings of satisfaction?

Our culture and the conditioning within it greatly help to form the conditions, or rules, with which we tend to live by. They can shape our values and what is important to us. In a society that values worth on an external thing, like money, the people of the society will continuously seek outside of themselves for their own worth or validation. This is a never ending cycle of seeking validation that will ultimately result in being unhappy, burned out and in having unfulfilling relationships. It is a constant search for filing a void that can only be filled by ones own self.

If one is raised in a culture where they are valued simply for being, for their breath and for their presence someone will grow up feeling whole in and of themselves. This allows them to give without expectation of receiving something. The image of giving from an overflowing cup comes to mind. In a society where people are nurtured on all planes (physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually) the inhabitants will likely have less externally yet have a much more fulfilled experience. This is not to say they won’t be financially fulfilled by any means. In fact my clients often experience far more financial gain when they are experiencing greater satisfaction and fulfillment. This is an important aspect of our society, however the drive and intention are very different. This leads to a different expression of wealth altogether.

With a specific focus on brain function, how has the brain and its dominion over the body and beliefs been impacted by the societal construct?

Our brain is like a sponge. It picks up everything we are exposed to whether we are conscious of it or not. What the brain sees and hears over and over will turn into a belief. So with societal constructs when we hear our parents talking or arguing about things society has deemed “important” or “the way it is” we will grow up to believe until we begin to question it. A societal construct in itself is a “collective agreement”. Money itself is a societal construct. I use this as an example because this is something my clients come to me for support with often, specifically my female clients. Money is widely recognized as highly valuable and important. In terms of brain function, the brain will file that in the “very important” file and will move the person towards being more motivated to achieve a high financial position. Another societal norm that has been shifting for the last several decades in our culture are the gender roles. Historically women couldn’t make or own money, and when they were able to it wasn’t as much as men. So what happens when these societal constructs overlap? This is when we get into the many layers of entanglements where there are different beliefs that have been constructed in conflict with each other. The high importance of money clashes with the “women can’t have it, or all of it” beliefs that many of my clients suffer from (and to be honest myself!).

The brain ultimately is a computer. And the constructs within our society, and also our families, create the coding for this computer. Think about a computer from the 90’s. How would it be operating in todays standards? It would probably not be able to function! Yet, this is often the kind of operating system people are running with internally. It creates for a lot of inner conflict where the body, heart and soul want something different from how the brain is coded.

There are a myriad of modalities that can help you upgrade the coding within your own brain to become ahead of the game and to rewrite your own internal constructs so you can decide if what you’re exposed to consistently is something you want to adopt into your own personal life.

Do you think the way our society markets and advertises goods and services, has affected people’s feelings of satisfaction? Can you explain what you mean?

I think there is no one way answer to this question. It depends on what goods and services we are taking about, and of course their own unique marketing strategy. I do believe a lot of marketing is unhealthy. As I mentioned earlier, most people are walking around unconsciously in a trauma, or fight or flight state. This is when the nervous system is unregulated and people are what I call “pin balling” through life. Bouncing from one reaction to the next. In a regulated state people choose their reactions and what they react to.

A lot of marketing is very fear based or urgency based. It can also be very loud and upfront. This is very un regulating to the nervous system. In an unregulated state the body is focused on one thing: safety. So the ability to sit and be, to take in the surroundings and to make clear calls of discernment are impaired. A lot of marketing puts the receivers nervous system in an un regulated state which can entice the person to make a decision that isn’t in their best interest. This is usually an attempt on the brain to soothe itself through buying the item or service when really it will simply be a bandaid for a short time, until the nervous system is activated once again. The short term “satisfaction” that comes from having a soothed nervous system will get the buyer into a state of constantly having to buy to fill their internal void.

I don’t believe the marketing has caused people to feel unsatisfied, however I do believe they feed off of others’ voids of it, and this perpetuates a toxic cycle.

How is the wiring of the brain, body, and beliefs shaped by marketing, language, and how humans trade?

The average person is marketed to approximately 10,000 times per day as of 2021. There is no possible way we can be consciously aware of all the times we are sold to. However the subconscious remembers everything from every second of every day. And whether something is true, if we see it enough we will start to believe it. So when we see an ad for something enough times we will eventually get to a point of acceptance of it unless we consciously challenge it. If it is for something we long for internally, we will be more quickly receptive to it. For example if someone wants to lose weight and feel amazing but hates running, a Nike shoe commercial might at first not be intriguing. But if we don’t do anything to change our state eventually that shoe commercial might make us think that if we go buy the shoes we might start running.

Consequently, if we see an ad for yoga pants that fits bodies of all shapes and sizes and everyone is feeling calm and blissful and that is a state we deeply desire and has meaning for us, we will more than likely be inclined to purchase so yoga pants. The truth is you can feel calm and blissful and accepted without those yoga pants. You could take a few slow, deep breaths right now and say thank you to your body a few times and you would be much closer to that state. But when something is seen and heard enough times and is deemed important by your brain, you will be more likely to purchase this.

Marketers spend a lot of time learning about what you want and will talk in a way that will either make you feel like you will feel better in having it or will make feel bad for not having it. Either way it is the emotions that tend to lead people to purchasing. Emotions are the gateway to the subconscious and will either lead the body towards the good or service being marketed, or away from it.

I work in marketing so I’m very cognizant of this question. In your opinion, how do you think marketing professionals can be more responsible for how their advertising shapes humans’ health and experience of happiness overall?

I really love this question and I’m so glad you brought it up. Humans are emotional beings. We purchase to feel better most of the time. So for a marketer being aware of the state your buyers are in and to market in a way that honors people’s experiences and feelings. People will always remember how you made them feel, so create an experience that feels good on an over worked nervous system. This will also impact what marketers will sell as well. We need more goods and services that are going to benefit people as well as marketing strategies that align with those products.

Think about what someones experience is in life. How can you encourage a sense of safety, calm or ease into your marketing efforts. In a society where most people are running around overstressed, overworked and emotionally under nourished, give them what they need. A feeling of peace, of happiness, and of the space to thrive are all synonymous with a regulated nervous system. I believe it is a collective effort to aid in the healing of human health and well — being, and with more conscious marketing there will be a healthier sense of be-ing throughout.

For you personally, if you have all your basic needs met, do you feel you have enough in life?

I’ve been in situations where my basic needs weren’t being met, or were being met sporadically and it is an incredibly stressful time. However a large majority of the population hasn’t experienced that struggle, and while that is a blessing it does however impact the level of appreciation. Even for me there were moments of relief when I would finally be able to get groceries or to turn my utilities back on. But the moment I started thinking about the next month I would start to become stressed out and dysregulated again.

It wasn’t I started an intentional practice of appreciation that I started to feel like I had enough. When my son was a baby I was in a space where I chose every other month which utility to get turned off. I didn’t realize how I felt had so much power over my experience. This is when I started learning about growth mindset and wealth consciousness. I began I practice of appreciating things I had in my life at that moment. It was when I began this practice that started to feel and realize just how much I actually did have!

We are conditioned to look at what we don’t have, and a lot of marketing efforts really aid in that! But when we decide to shift our focus to what we do have, we start to feel a deeper sense of wholeness. We begin to relax and realize how supported we are and always have been by something greater than ourselves, or even perhaps by something within ourselves. We begin to fill our own cup. And since what we focus on expands, when we focus on the things we have NOW, we tend to attract more things to appreciate.

So to answer your question, simply having my needs met only temporarily made me feel like I had enough because soon I would begin to stress about things in the future. It was only when I began to flex my appreciation muscle did that sense of enoughness really begin to settle in. Consequently… that is the moment my life began to change for the better.

Okay, fantastic. Here is the main question of our interview: Can you share with our readers your “5 things we can each do to address the feeling of not having enough.” Please share a story or example for each.

1: First things first, as I shared in the previous answer, is to find appreciation for what you have NOW. When I first tried this I would use the word “gratitude”. There are a lot of people who preach on having an attitude of gratitude, and I support that! But what about when you have had every lemon in life thrown at you? It’s very hard to find a place of gratitude. At this point for me I was living with my mom at 34 years old with a 7 month old and my two dogs in her small 2 bedroom house. I had moved across the country to live with her to avoid being homeless. Finding gratitude was not easy. I was angry about my circumstances and was in a very victim mentality. I had been the victim of a sexual assault that changed my entire life. I felt justified in being angry. But that only kept me from experiencing the life I wanted to live. I remember the first time I woke up and felt appreciation. I was laying in my bed with my sleeping baby and outside in the courtyard was the sweet sound mourning doves cooing. I had never heard them before, or had never listened, but I had just started this appreciation practice. It felt forced at first. And then that morning came. I woke up and just listened. It was the most wonderful sound in the world. That morning I knew everything was about to change, and I was right. Appreciation for what you have now is the most important thing you can do to feel like you have enough and to change the trajectory of your life.

2: Focus on what you can control. So much of our stress comes from trying to force things that are simply out of our control. When you realize what you can control is very different from you have been trying to control, you give yourself a tremendous sense of freedom and reclaim your personal power. Let go of outcomes, stop trying to force things to happen, and focus on you. You can’t force money to come any sooner, or someone to buy something, or even someone to do something. So focus on you can control — you.

3: Stay in your lane. There is no quicker way to feel like you’re not enough or don’t have enough than to compare yourself to others. This is a one way ticket to misery and frustration. Focus on you. Your thoughts, your feelings, the words you speak and the actions you take. Even if it’s messy. Even if you’re not certain. Even if you don’t fully know what you’re doing… stay in your lane, focus on where you are now and keep your eyes on where you’re going.

4: Take inventory. Look around you right now. Look at everything you have and take stock. The clothes in your closet, the food in your pantry, the books on your shelf, the toys in your kids’ room. When you focus on what you don’t have or what you want and don’t have yet, you put yourself into a state of lack. This will only make you feel like you don’t have enough. Walk around your home and look at all of your objects, pictures, belongings and start saying thank you to them for being there. You’ll realize just how much you already do have and will begin to feel more abundant in nature.

5: Focus on your abundance. Similar to taking inventory when you focus on your abundance you go deeper into that state of having enough all right now. Write a list of all of the evidence of your abundance. Remember that abundance isn’t just about money. Perhaps you have plenty of money but feel empty in relationships, or vice versa. Everything is energy and it will flow to other areas of your life. Here is an example:

I am abundant in:

My breathe, memories, potential, dreams, running water, cells, energy, ideas, appreciation, moments of the day, space, clothes, books, opportunities, people I love, people who love me, thoughts and ideas, plants, nature, ability, capability, abundance!

Everything is a reflection of you, and what you put out you get back. If you practice these 5 things every day I promise you will start to see a difference in a matter of days, but first you will FEEL different and that is the secret sauce to truly transforming your life.

Do you have any favorite books, podcasts, or resources that have inspired you to live with more joy in life?

A very pivotal book for me was “the Gifts of Imperfection by Brene Brown”. This book helped me accept my situation at the time and also gave me a sense of hope in a time of darkness.

I’m a huge fan and follower of Abraham Hicks and listen daily via YouTube in my car and even while running or skiing. The sweet sound of Esther’s voice as she channels Abraham always brings me back to my core and helps me to set the tone for the day or the coming hour. I recently began saying I live Abraham, and though the teachings are simple they are constant reminders and have truly helped me to find lasting and ever continuing transformation in my life.

You are a person of great influence. If you could start a movement that would bring the most amount of good to the most amount of people, what would that be? You never know what your idea can trigger. :-)

I have a dream of being on stage in full stadiums guiding people through transformational breath work journeys. Just imagine tens of thousands of people crying, screaming and smiling as they release their traumas, rewire their entire being and come home to a state of natural bliss. This is my dream for a movement. A movement of freeing ourselves, altogether to create a collective state of internal freedom, safety, LOVE and bliss. It is the vision for my work that drives me every day. I am so excited to witness the collective healing.

What is the best way for our readers to continue to follow your work online?

Follow me online at www.instagram.com/healyourselfrich

This was very inspiring. Thank you so much for the time you spent on this. We wish you only continued success.

About The Interviewer: For 30 years, Drew Gerber has been inspiring those who want to change the world. Drew is the CEO of Wasabi Publicity, Inc., a full-service PR agency lauded by PR Week and Good Morning America. Wasabi Publicity, Inc. is a global marketing company that supports industry leaders, change agents, unconventional thinkers, companies and organizations that strive to make a difference. Whether it’s branding, traditional PR or social media marketing, every campaign is instilled with passion, creativity and brilliance to powerfully tell their clients’ story and amplify their intentions in the world.