Ideas in the Wild: Alison Mitzner Aims To Show Us a Better Way to Parent

Parenting can feel overwhelming and exhausting. Even the most dedicated among us may sacrifice our own well-being on behalf of our kids — but that’s the wrong thing to do.

There is a better way.

Parenting doesn’t have to be a blur of sleep deprivation, stress, weight gain, and emotional chaos. We will be better parents when we first take care of ourselves. Doing that is not selfish. By learning how to balance caring for ourselves and our kids, we will be more confident, calmer moms and dads. That may seem impossible, but it’s not.

Pediatrician and single mom Alison Mitzner combines science-backed information with her own experience to fill the pages of Calm and Confident Parenting. Her manageable adjustments to improve nutrition, focus on fitness, and — critically — organize our time will make readers happier, better parents. I recently caught up with Alison to learn more about the book.

What happened that made you decide to write the book? What was the exact moment when you realized these ideas needed to get out there?

I really did start writing alongside the time I left practice, and parents who still had a lot of questions would come to me if they felt overwhelmed and there was so much misinformation out there. I started helping them with questions and then writing for mom blogs and then slowly, editors from media started reaching out. I did feel the need, when I was pregnant, that there should be more books that were easy to understand and easily digestible by parents.

I was getting frequent feedback on how much I helped them and how less stressed and calmer parents were feeling. I started to have more and more editors and media reached out and really loved helping parents feel calm and confident with their parenting and really felt the need for sure. I realized a book would be so valuable for parents and a place for them to have all this info in one place — in a book — as a reference and learn things they may not otherwise know.

What I found out was that it wasn’t so much the information that I gave that parents valued most. Yes, they needed that, but what they reacted to most was my calmness. It always stood out to me what the ability to find the calm meant to parents. I wanted to take this along with my experience and my medical backgrounds, and put it in a book that can really help moms and dads with their parenting. I wanted to also share the information from the angle of the parent — it all starts with the parent. All we do for ourselves impacts our parenting: how we parent, our families, our children, and who they are and will grow up to be.

The more and more I wrote, the more and more parents I supported. I realized these ideas needed to get out there and wanted to help more parents on a larger scale, too.

What’s the biggest lesson you’ve learned going through the journey you share in the book?

Often, being a parent means learning as your go, sometimes from difficult experiences. In my case, I had challenging pregnancies, a series of injuries and surgeries, and a difficult marriage and divorce that taught me so much that I would never have known otherwise.

All of this has made a huge impact on who I am as a person, my emotional state, my physical wellbeing, and how I manage as a busy mom. Therefore, it’s also had a huge impact on my children and the people they are growing into. All in all, I learned to keep myself and my family healthy and happy. To experience wellness and find balance, even when life is chaotic.

In other words: to take care of yourself as a way of taking care of your kids.

When I started writing blogs, short articles, essays, and then more with this book, it was everything that I learned from my past — not only the medical background, my personal experiences, and all I learned with alternative medicine — but also how everything that I was doing for myself really impacted my kids and my parenting and who they’re growing up to be. The more I wrote, the more and more I saw that this is so true, even in my life today.

I think a lot of that came even as I had the idea of the book and then throughout writing the book, how it all is intertwined and related and so important to get through to parents where they might not know what they don’t know. I was really excited to be able to share this in this book.

I wanted to write this for soon-to-be parents and also new parents. They can be busy moms, entrepreneurs, or single moms. Initially, I set out thinking this would be perfect for the single moms, and I’m now currently a single mom and about how you have to deal with everything. Then I felt a lot of parents still asking me questions and it was still relevant to all parents: busy moms, stay-at-home moms, entrepreneur moms, and dads too.

I think it is just for parents who are so busy and a lot of times putting their kids before themselves and seeing how that impacts their parenting and their ability to enjoy the parenting along the way, so really all parents can benefit and I want to share this info with them.

I wanted to write this book from the angle of the importance of starting with the parent — not only from the perspective of what you need to do for your kids (for example, in the first year of life), but from the angle of starting with yourself as the parent and how everything you’re doing for yourself really is impacting you, your parenting, your whole family and ultimately your kids, and what they’re learning and they were modeled and how they will be as adults.

How will you apply this lesson in your life moving forward?

I still continue to use all I learned from my past experiences that I share in my every day. Back when it was all happening, I thought “why me?” Now think it all happens for a reason.

I think about all I went through — the injuries, surgeries, learning about alternative medicine while waiting for a diagnosis — and using those tools through a difficult marriage and divorce. It’s all helped in every part of my life, including my parenting. Without those experiences, I would not be the person I am today, the parent I am today, and the role model I am for my children. I apply what I’ve learned every day. It motivates me and inspires those around me, as well.