Ideas in the Wild: How Dr. Lisa Bravo Aims To Help Parents Deepen The Connection They Have with Their Teenagers
Raising teens with extreme behaviors can unravel even the most loving, stable, and consistent parents: Is this normal? Should I be worried? What should I do? How do I help?
If life with teens feels like an endless series of battles and crises, Dr. Lisa Bravo says: don’t give up. Her new book, The BRAVO Effect: Strategies for Parenting Extreme Teens, can transform relationships, shifting parents out of negative, chaotic patterns into balance and connection.
With simple, proven methods developed over two decades, Dr. Bravo shows readers how to change the narrative of any crisis, turning daily obstacles into opportunities. They’ll learn to develop healthy coping strategies, resiliency, and a more trusting, bonded relationship with their children as they learn not just to survive, but to thrive together. I recently caught up with Dr. Bravo to learn about her journey writing the book and the biggest lesson she learned.
What happened that made you decide to write the book? What was the exact moment when you realized these ideas needed to get out there?
I have seen an immense shift in the parent/child relationship over the past 2 decades in practice. The disproportionate rise in dangerous behaviors, suicide, and drug overdose among teens in the past several years called me to take a closer look at what I was seeing in my practice. I began to take a closer look at systemic factors, society, and adolescent subculture as a whole, to begin to try to make sense of the lack of resilience and motivation that seemed to be common among the teens I was seeing. I had so many experiences with educated and loving parents who had no idea how to connect with their teens.
Many have seemingly lost the ability to rely on their instincts/intuition and have defaulted to finding answers through “Dr. Google.” The problem with this is that there is a lot of conflicting, competing, and parent-shaming information that leaves parents more confused and often paralyzed. I wanted to offer a simple framework for assessing and intervening that would equip parents with the tools they need to effectively communicate and connect with their teens.
The BRAVO Effect is an interventional framework that optimizes the opportunity inherent in each moment and helps the parent analyze the situation through the multiple lenses of Behavior, Relationship, Attitudes, Values, and Opportunities.
What’s the biggest lesson you’ve learned going through the journey you share in the book?
Connection is the most important ingredient in the parent/teen relationship. I learned that you, the parent, have everything you need to create change and optimize your relationship with your teen. All behavior is communication and if you — the parents — see it as such, you will have a much better understanding of what your teen is trying to communicate.
Understanding what is being communicated by your teen sets the stage for enhancing your relationship. Healthy connection provides the impetus to greater understanding, and the opportunity to cultivate trusting connection — and healing.
How will you apply this lesson in your life moving forward?
My family served as a relevant laboratory for understanding the intricate parent/teen relationship. As the mother of two now young adults, I learned how to actively and consistently nurture the relationship, even through the crisis.
Fostering healthy connection goes way beyond positivity. It is the intimacy that develops when you consciously connect, see, and accept the people in your life while honoring their truth. It is the framework that I have been applying to every relationship in my personal life and it has allowed me to develop profoundly intimate relationships.
For many, the technology centric world we live in, often leaves us feeling lonely and disengaged. This approach significantly changes that experience and offers a concrete and attainable way to cultivate healthy, intimate relationships.
