Jared Dillow Of SUN Behavioral Health Kentucky On Raising Children Who Are Mentally & Emotionally Healthy

Practice what you preach: Our children are always watching and always learning. The skills and conversations that we have with our children regarding their mental health will carry far more weight if they’re able to recognize that we’re regularly using them in our own lives. It is important as parents to monitor our own mental health, use health strategies to maintain high levels of well-being, and reach out to professionals for help when needed.

Our children are facing challenges that didn’t exist just a short while ago. They are growing up with social media, constantly being connected, and the hurried pace of life today, as well as the pandemic, and the often frightening news. In short, our children are facing unprecedented mental health challenges. Anxiety, depression, and even suicide are on the rise. As parents and educators, what can we do to raise children who are mentally healthy? In this interview series, we are talking to authors, parenting experts and mental health professionals who can share their expertise and advice on Raising Children Who Are Mentally Healthy.

As a part of this series, I had the distinct pleasure of interviewing Jared Dillow.

Jared is a Licensed Psychological Practitioner (LPP) who is the Director of Outpatient Services for SUN Behavioral Health in Lexington, Kentucky. SUN Lexington is an outpatient center for people who are working to recover from substance use and mental health disorders. Dillow has spent the entirety of his career working in various aspects of the behavioral health field.

Thank you so much for joining us in this interview series! Before we dive in, our readers would love to hear a little about you. Inspire us with your backstory!

I’m a lifelong Kentucky resident that’s been in the behavioral health field for over a decade, working in various academic and clinical settings. But this wasn’t the plan initially. In fact, if you’d asked me when I was young what my career ambitions were, the behavioral health field wasn’t even on my radar.

My first real exposure to the field of psychology was during my sophomore year of college. Like many undergraduates, I wasn’t particularly disciplined with my studies, and I didn’t have much of a plan with respect to my academic trajectory. I took my first psychology class that fall, and I was interested enough to see what else that department had to offer. This was a notable change from my previous approach to selecting classes which was based largely on whether I thought I could maintain my current scheduling preferences (in other words, I didn’t want to take 8 AM classes) and pad my GPA.

I remember feeling excited about the classes that I was taking. I was captivated by the scope and applicability of the field, and I remember having the sense that the principles and theories we were discussing in the psychology classes could be applied to other courses or other areas in my life. I felt that I could see models and concepts from school at work in my daily life and it was exciting. And while that excitement led to some overly ambitious and loosely constructed homework assignments (I apologize, in particular, to my American Lit professor that had to read a paper in which I tried to argue that Freud’s personality elements were embodied by the characters in Joseph Conrad’s Heart of Darkness), the enthusiasm was palpable.

I eventually declared psychology as my major and tried to take advantage of opportunities to gain experience and engage in the field. I served as the president of my university’s psychology club, presented research at academic conferences, and earned an undergraduate research fellowship for the summer prior to the start of graduate school. I obtained my master’s degree in clinical psychology in 2010. Since that time, I’ve managed a university’s behavioral neuroscience laboratory, worked in a variety of clinical settings, and spent time serving as an adjust professor at local universities.

I’m an independently licensed psychological practitioner, a father of two beautiful (though rambunctious) children, and my most recent adventure is taking on the role of the director of outpatient services for SUN Behavioral Health in Lexington, Kentucky. My enthusiasm for the field remains, and I’m excited to serve the needs of the community in this area.

What are some lessons you would share with your younger self if you had the opportunity?

I’d want to stress the importance of being patient and being present. I think there’s an inherent tendency in youth to keep your eyes downfield and your focus on “the next thing.” And there’s certainly some benefit to being forward thinking, but too much focus on the future can prevent us from fully experiencing the here and now. Not every experience is a stopgap to the next item on a to-do list. And navigating your experiences as such places us at risk of missing opportunities to learn and detracts from our capacity to build and maintain meaningful relationships. I’d want to encourage myself to slow down and feel confident that I was exactly where I was supposed to be.

None of us are able to experience success without support along the way. Is there a particular person for whom you are grateful because of the support he/ she gave you to get where you are today? Can you share that story and why you are grateful for that person?

I’ve been very fortunate to have consistently supportive friends and family members. My dad has been particularly influential and supportive. My family used to have “movie nights” where we’d select a movie (from a video rental store, which ages me a bit), get snacks, and set up in the family room of our home. These nights would almost certainly end with my dad falling asleep in his recliner, which at the time was humorous. Looking back as an adult, I know that he’d fall asleep because he was waking up at 4:30 each morning and working up to 16 hours at a time; all while never missing a ball game or practice.

I have more perspective now and feel incredibly fortunate that I didn’t have to look too far for an excellent role model that exemplifies working hard, being fair, and doing what you know is right even if no one is watching. He was crucial in helping me understand the importance of going to school, maintaining grades, and taking advantage of opportunities to gain experience.

It’s certainly easier to take calculated risks, personally and professionally, when you know you’ve got a great foundation and ongoing support system to help you meet your goals.

Are you working on any exciting new projects now? How do you think it might help people?

There are several exciting projects in store at SUN Behavioral Health in Lexington. One of the characteristics of the organization that I like the most is their goal to meet community needs by assessing where there are gaps or underserved populations. Within this area, for example, we found that there weren’t many options for partial hospitalization (PHP) or intensive outpatient (IOP) programs for adolescents. We’ve been able to implement several of these programs and we’re, therefore, able to ensure that young people in the area have access to the full continuum of care. Our programs have been very successful and we’ve been able to onboard multiple new staff members to help serve the high volume of participants in the area.

Additionally, we work very closely with the public school system and starting in October 2023 we were able to embed a program at one of the local schools. The feedback for this program has been overwhelmingly positive and we would like to use this model to expand that type of program into other schools.

In June, the organization will be initiating PHP and IOP programming for adults, in addition to the youth programs, and will continue to keep our finger on the pulse of community needs to incorporate new services as needed.

Ok, thank you. Let’s talk about raising emotionally and mentally healthy children. In the Western world, humans typically have their physical needs met. But what has led to the tremendous downgrade in emotional and mental health that we are seeing today, especially for children? What is lacking in the mental health arena? Why are so many of our children struggling today?

There are several factors that contribute to the patterns that we’re currently observing in the mental health arena. We live in the most technologically advanced point in human history and, while there are undoubtedly advantages to our technological capabilities, I think we’re finding that there are significant downsides as well. The ease of access to information, instant gratification allotted by technology, and the constant stimulation make it difficult to disconnect and reset. Adults, for example, may feel pressured to answer work emails outside of designated work hours or lose sleep because they find themselves “doom-scrolling” on their devices. This can lead to increased levels of stress, anxiety or depression related to disturbing world events, and an overall decline in mental health.

Our children, while their basic physical needs are met, are contending with stressors that other generations haven’t necessarily faced. In addition to all the things that already make growing up difficult (navigating social interactions, hormonal changes, etc.) this generation of children is also tasked with making sense of all the information to which they’re exposed (which often outpaces what they are developmentally equipped to process), protecting themselves against cyberbullying, and ensuring that they don’t fall prey to dangers that are unique to the digital age including misinformation, scams, predators, etc. The use of technology is so engrained that, from a parent’s perspective, it is difficult to monitor, and there’s a sense that the dangers we need to be cognizant of are evolving as quickly as our interventions.

So, we have a perfect storm of overstimulation, exposure to issues and information outside of our developmental capabilities, and an intrinsic difficulty disconnecting from the very technology that is negatively impacting our mental health.

How does technology play into the equation of mental and emotional well-being? What about social media?

Technology, as we’ve mentioned, is a bit of a double-edged sword. On one hand, we have a highly effective tool that assists us in making various facets of our lives easier. Within the context of mental health, technology allows us to have quick access to resources related to mental health. We can educate ourselves about diagnoses, options for treatment, detailed overviews of medications and their side-effects, and the use of technology has opened access to various lines of support including crisis chat lines, support groups, etc.

On the other hand, technology can expose children to information, ideas, and events that are outside of their maturity level. Any time an individual logs on to their electronic device there’s a risk of contact with divisive political commentary, examples of a challenging social climate, violence, sexually explicit content, and a seemingly endless array of other disconcerting content.

Even when the content is not explicitly “negative” or inappropriate, technology can yield negative, though inadvertent, outcomes and social media is a good example of that, especially for young people. Social media is often lauded as a way to connect with others but may actually increase isolation or anxiety. This may sound counterintuitive, but there’s evidence that individuals may replace in-person interactions with virtual ones which can lead to an increase in feelings of loneliness and poorer overall mental health.

Social media can also create unrealistic expectations for children and adolescents, and they may experience negative emotions when comparing their own lives to the seemingly storybook events and experiences that others are posting online. Youth may have a hard time recognizing that some content is contrived (even sponsored), or simply false.

Social media also presents opportunities for bullying that may be difficult to detect for adults and teachers. Youth may engage in negative messages to one another or intentionally document embarrassing experiences intentionally with little regard for how those actions impact the victim, especially since they’re not observable in person.

Obviously, this is a huge issue, and it seems to be growing. What are some small, practical tips, or tweaks, that parents and educators can easily implement to help their children who are struggling?

There are several small tweaks that parents and guardians can make to improve a child’s relationship with technology and social media. Setting limits on screen time, regularly monitoring interactions and use of apps, and using parental controls are all good starting points. I think it’s important to have open dialogue early, and to check-in often to educate children and adolescents regarding the risks associated with technology. I’d recommend providing plenty of opportunity for in-person social interaction to ensure well-developed social skills and healthy emotional intelligence.

Finally, and importantly, I think we can’t overstate the importance of modeling healthy habits. Children are constantly watching us to learn how to interact with their environment. Our instructions and recommendations are going to be much less meaningful if we’re not practicing what we preach. We should remind ourselves to disconnect, engage in good self-care (including focus on our mental health), practice healthy relationships with technology, and set good boundaries. If we’re able to do these things and practice what we preach, our children are likely to adopt a similar approach.

In your professional opinion, what are certain triggers or signs that the state of a child’s mental and emotional health is not at its best? What is the best way to be proactive and address these signs from the get-go?

Children aren’t always capable, or willing, of verbalizing their thoughts and feelings. In these instances, it may be helpful to lean on behavioral observations to identify deviations from baseline. Children may exhibit disruption to their sleep schedule, changes to appetite or weight, irritability and/or outbursts, withdrawing from social interactions, problems with academic work, somatic complaints (stomachaches, headaches, etc.), difficulty concentrating, significant changes to mood or personality, talking about self-harm or suicide, or avoiding preferred tasks and activities.

Parents should also remain mindful that behaviors outside of the home are important as well. Behavioral changes may be observed in the classroom or during their extracurriculars, so it’s important to connect with other important figures in the child’s life (teachers, friends, relatives, coaches) to obtain as many details as possible if there are concerns. This information should then be discussed with a mental health professional.

Communication is key when it comes to being proactive and addressing mental health issues quickly. Educating your child regarding their thoughts and feelings (as well as developing strategies to navigate negative thoughts and feelings) from a youthful age will pay dividends in developing sound mental health and a robust repertoire of coping skills and compensatory strategies. Regular check-ins with your children will increase the likelihood that they discuss the topics openly if there’s a change to mental health functioning.

Do you think we can do a better job of educating our children about their emotional and mental health? What would that look like?

Psychology, as a field, is young and is constantly evolving based on new, and increasingly sophisticated research. We’ve expanded our knowledge base, over time, regarding the manifestation and treatment of psychological disorders and I believe this will continue. With that in mind, there’s always going to be opportunity to improve our understanding of emotional and mental health as well as the protective and reactive strategies that we can utilize to maintain psychological health.

Parents can begin the process of educating their children about their mental health by naming (sometimes called “tacting”) emotions, identifying the physiological signs associated with emotional change, and discussing thought patterns associated with emotions. The internal world of children is robust, but they don’t often possess the sophistication of language to communicate their experiences or needs. By equipping them with the ability to identify thoughts, feelings, and emotions, we can normalize the experience of those emotions and educate children on what healthy responses to those internal events might look like.

Can you share with our readers “5 things parents can do to raise children who are emotionally and mentally healthy”?

1. Explore: Actively listen to what your children are saying and explore further if they report anything that gives you pause. Even children that do not have the capacity or motivation to verbally discuss their internal experiences are providing information related to their overall mental health. Be mindful of events from their lives that might impact their emotional state and make note of changes to their mood, attitude, and behavior. If you feel as though something is not quite right or you have concerns, listen to your instincts and take a deeper dive to investigate.
2. Educate: Engage in open communication with your children early and often. Begin the conversation on emotional health and mental well-being early in your child’s life. Educate your family members on effective coping skills, compensatory strategies, and appropriate self-care, and provide education to your children on how to monitor for any changes to their thoughts, feelings, and behaviors.
3. Validate: Support your children by acknowledging their thoughts, feelings, and reactions to their various life-events and experiences. Let your children know that their feelings are valid and that, even if those emotions are “big” and overwhelming in that moment, they are still manageable with adaptive strategies. Those adaptive strategies will become easier to implement with practice and we will be better equipped to navigate demanding situations.
4. Consult: Despite our best efforts, there are some issues and concerns that extend beyond our area of expertise. If you have questions or concerns about your child’s mental health, don’t hesitate to reach out to a mental health professional for consultation. I’m a proponent of erring on the side of caution, especially when considering that prognoses for various conditions is better if intervention is initiated early.
5. Practice what you preach: Our children are always watching and always learning. The skills and conversations that we have with our children regarding their mental health will carry far more weight if they’re able to recognize that we’re regularly using them in our own lives. It is important as parents to monitor our own mental health, use health strategies to maintain high levels of well-being, and reach out to professionals for help when needed.

Do you have any, favorite books, podcasts, or resources you recommend to our audience reading this interview?

There are many excellent resources on parenting and mental health issues in children. I very much liked Permission to Feel: Unlocking the Power of Emotions to Help Our Kids, Ourselves, and Our Society Thrive by Marc Brackett and How to Raise Successful People: Simple Lessons for Radical Results. I also think that incorporating mindfulness techniques can be effective for helping children manage their emotions (as well as parents) and would recommend exploring resources on Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT). I tend to read more than listen to podcasts, but have enjoyed the episodes of the Mental Illness Happy Hour podcast.

You are a person of great influence. If you could start a movement that would bring the most amount of good to the most amount of people, what would that be? You never know what your idea can trigger. :-)

I would love to see a greater acknowledgement and action taken to improve mental health in our daily work lives. The percentage of families with two working parents has increased since the 1970s and we’ve previously mentioned the tendency for individuals to feel pressure to stay connected to work because of their digital devices, even outside of normal business hours. I think that the average employee is unlikely to recognize the impact of mental health on overall well-being, productivity, and happiness. The impact of simple changes within the workplace (additional break time, changes to the structure of the work week, etc.) could yield significant benefit not only in the personal lives of employees, but the efficacy of the organization. By bolstering awareness and dedication to the mental health of employees within the workforce, we’re better equipping them to recognize and manage mental health concerns in their families and providing a more stable, healthier environment for children.

What is the best way for our readers to continue to follow your work online?

I’d love for readers to check out https://sunkentucky.com/ and https://www.facebook.com/SUNKentucky.

This was very inspiring. Thank you so much for the time you spent on this. We wish you only continued success.

I appreciate the opportunity. Thank you!