Jeanne Huybrechts of Stratford Schools on How to Raise Children Who Feel Loved and Connected

An interview with Pirie Jones Grossman

Listen to your children. Really listen — especially when it is your child who initiated the conversation. Extend conversations by saying “tell me more” or asking follow-up questions. Give your full attention to your conversations with your child by putting down your cell phone when conversing or during family-time activities.

Parenting is challenging. We all try so hard to give our all to our children. We desperately want them to feel loved and connected. But somehow there is often a disconnect. Perhaps it’s a generational thing, or that we don’t seem to speak the same language as our children, or just all of the “disconnection” that our kids are dealing with in today’s frenetic world. What are steps that parents can take to help their children feel loved and connected? As a part of our series about “How to Raise Children Who Feel Loved and Connected” we had the pleasure to interview Jeanne Huybrechts.

Jeanne Huybrechts’ commitment to education spans more than three decades and includes teaching, school leadership, and school governance in public and private schools, as well as single-sex and co-ed schools. Jeanne serves as Spring Education Group’s Chief Academic Officer, leading a team of sixteen education experts who serve as the organization’s research and development arm, partnering with 230 school-site leaders to translate vision to strategy and implement key improvement initiatives.

Thank you so much for joining us! Before we dive in, our readers would love to get to know a bit about you. Can you tell us your “childhood backstory”?

My first foray into education was as a Chemistry and Physics teacher, and I did that for several years in two Los Angeles high schools. I enjoyed both the intellectual and personal elements of that work. Lesson planning itself is an intellectually stimulating and creative activity. Figuring out how to make abstract science principles comprehensible and relevant to teenagers’ experiences is a great fun puzzle to be solved, a game to be won! And, despite what most people think, spending extended time with teenagers is an absolute joy. They are curious, open to new experiences and perspectives, and fun to be around.

After a little less than a decade teaching high school science, I eventually found myself pivoting away from the classroom experience into another area of education as the Chief Academic Officer at Stratford Schools.

Can you share the story about what brought you to this specific point in your career?

I currently serve as Chief Academic Officer (CAO) for Stratford Schools, a school network of about 30 campuses serving several thousand children, preschool through high school. The CAO is the team leader for a group of Education practitioners, each with expertise in multiple areas of school support — among them child development, curriculum and instructional design, educational technology, and accreditation.

Over a period of four decades, I taught about a dozen different middle school and high school courses, developed curriculums, was a middle school and high school principal, served on the board of a charter school network, and completed a doctoral program (in Educational Leadership) at UCLA.

Ok, thank you for that. Let’s now jump to the core of our discussion. This is probably intuitive to many, but it would be beneficial to spell it out. Based on your experience or research, can you explain to us why it is so important to forge a strong connection with our children?

It is important to forge strong bonds with our children because they are our future and our legacy. We want to support them through their early years of development, to prepare them to be future leaders of the world.

What happens when children do not have that connection, or only have a weak connection?

Creating strong relationships with children is key to their healthy mental health. Strong bonds are forged through listening, legitimizing their point of view — even when we disagree — and sometimes even shifting our mindset. When we communicate openly, honestly, and frequently with children about their needs and the challenges they may face along the way, it helps them feel safe and builds strong connections.

Do you think children in this generation are less likely to feel loved and connected? Why do you feel the way you do?

There is a recent phenomenon that is leaving children feeling “disconnected,” and that, I think, is due to the extreme “busyness” of their parents and caregivers. For reasons that are complicated, parents are needing to do more — often work more hours– and are more distracted (often by ubiquitous tech) leaving children deprioritized or, at the very least, left on their own. At the heart of “connectedness” is structure and attention, and those elements are sometimes lacking or under-emphasized in today’s “busy” world.

We live in a world with incessant demands for our time and attention. There is so much distraction and disconnection. Can you share with our readers 5 steps that parents can take to help their children feel loved and connected? Please include examples or stories for each, if you can.

1. Listen to your children. Really listen — especially when it is your child who initiated the conversation. Extend conversations by saying “tell me more” or asking follow-up questions. Give your full attention to your conversations with your child by putting down your cell phone when conversing or during family-time activities.
2. Don’t be afraid to “parent.” Children and adolescents of all ages need strong guidance and limits. There are times when it is appropriate to be your child’s friend, but, for the most part, they need you to be the authority. They will feel “loved and connected” by feeling “safe” in your care.
3. As appropriate, bring your child into your world, remembering that you are “raising adults.” If possible, occasionally take them to your work and/or give them grown-up responsibilities that connect them to your world.
4. Participate in their activities. Rather than watching your child play at the playground, join in the fun. Discover/cultivate fun activities that you can enjoy with your child. The goal should be to have a common hobby, something you enjoy doing together.
5. Remember, a child’s path to adulthood is seldom linear. Children and adolescents will regularly advance, then regress, then advance again in their development. They seldom advance to developmental milestones on time or without detours or bumps in the road. During these cycles, they will necessarily want more autonomy or perhaps need more structure. Learning to “read” your child is an acquired skill but it is definitely worth cultivating.

How do you define a “good parent”? Can you give an example or story?

That’s a tough one — especially as few of us are “good parents” all the time. In my observation, the best parents of young children and teenagers are prioritizing their children without making parenting their singular obsession (which I have also seen). Good parents have their own fulfilling “adult” lives and, also, spend a lot of quality time with their children.

How do you inspire your child to “dream big”? Can you give an example or story?

I don’t know that there is a single formula for this, but I can share my own “dream big” story. I grew up in a time when society, in general, did not really encourage girls to “dream big.” But I was lucky that my mother worked (as a medical technician) and took me to her work several times each year, so that I could do more than imagine potential paths for myself: I would see them! I also was lucky to have had several teachers who recognized some capacity in me and pushed me a little to take a harder math class or sign up for something that was out of my comfort zone. I think I was not alone in needing tangible examples of “possibilities” and/or direct encouragement to move in a particular path. I have tried to incorporate such practices in my teaching and school leadership.

How would you define “success” when it comes to raising children?

Well, the true measure of “success” is the adult the child became. When I have asked groups of parents about their highest aspirations — their dreams — for their children, it is for them to become, stable, self-sufficient, productive, and happy adults.

This is a huge topic in itself, but it would be worthwhile to touch upon it here. What are some ideal social media and digital habits that you think parents should teach to their children?

At Stratford Schools, Digital Citizenship is a crucial part of the curriculum. In this increasingly technology-based world, it is important to teach children the importance of extending their respect, kindness, patients, empathy, and tolerance through every social media and online interaction. Children must be taught the negative ramifications that come from cyberbullying and why it is crucial not to participate or even act as a bystander in cyberbullying situations. We must teach our children to immediately inform an adult whenever they see anything inappropriate or harmful on the internet.

What are your favorite books, podcasts, or resources that inspire you to be a better parent? Can you explain why you like them?

My current favorite parenting books are Parenting from the Inside Out by Daniel Siegel and Mary Hartzell, written in 2003 and How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish, first published in 1980.

Both books really complement each other. The first book features more psychology (child psychology and understanding our own motives and ways of thinking) while the second is full of more practical wisdom.

Can you please give us your favorite “Life Lesson Quote”? Can you share how that was relevant to you in your life?

Arguably, the greatest microbiologist of all time, Louis Pasteur, said “Luck favors the prepared mind” — five words that speak to the value of education and hard work (prepared mind) while humbly acknowledging chance (or luck). Louis Pasteur’s “accidental” discoveries would not have been possible if he hadn’t recognized what he had stumbled upon. Looking back at my life as educator — and even personally — I see now how my education and some of the choices I have made have served me well when a “lucky” opportunity presented itself.

You are a person of great influence. If you could inspire a movement that would bring the most amount of good to the most amount of people, what would that be? You never know what your idea can trigger. :-)

I am a big supporter of government-sponsored, universal child care, with preschool for all four-year old children.

Thank you so much for these insights! This was so inspiring!

About The Interviewer: Pirie is a TedX speaker, author and a Life Empowerment Coach. She is a co-host of Own your Throne podcast, inspiring women in the 2nd chapter of their lives. With over 20 years in front of the camera, Pirie Grossman understands the power of storytelling. After success in commercials and acting. She spent 10 years reporting for E! Entertainment Television, Entertainment Tonight, also hosted ABC’s “Every Woman”. Her work off-camera capitalizes on her strength, producing, bringing people together for unique experiences. She produced a Children’s Day of Compassion during the Dalai Lama’s visit here in 2005. 10,000 children attended, sharing ideas about compassion with His Holiness. From 2006–2009, Pirie Co-chaired the Special Olympics World Winter Games, in Idaho, welcoming 3,000 athletes from over 150 countries. She founded Destiny Productions to create Wellness Festivals and is an Advisory Board member of the Sun Valley Wellness Board.In February 2017, Pirie produced, “Love is Louder”, a Brain Health Summit, bringing in Kevin Hines, noted suicide survivor to Sun Valley who spoke to school kids about suicide. Sun Valley is in the top 5% highest suicide rate per capita in the Northwest, prompting a community initiative with St. Luke’s and other stake holders, to begin healing. She lives in Sun Valley with her two children, serves on the Board of Community School. She has her Master’s degree in Spiritual Psychology from the University of Santa Monica and is an Executive Life Empowerment Coach, where she helps people meet their dreams and goals! The difference between a dream and a goal is that a goal is a dream with a date on it!