Jennifer Gray On How to Create Better Habits Around Stress

An Interview With Shawna Robins

Start each day with intention and purpose. Making changes to create better habits around stress requires you to have clarity, focus, and a plan, otherwise the morning crankies can spin you out.

In today’s fast-paced world, stress has become an inevitable part of life. Developing better habits to manage and reduce stress is essential for maintaining overall well-being and productivity. What are the best practices and strategies to create lasting habits that help individuals cope with stress effectively? As part of this interview series, we had the pleasure to interview Jennifer Gray.

Jennifer Gray is a renowned mental health therapist and expert in entrepreneurial well-being. She found success early on in her career while building her finance business in New York but despite her accomplishments, Jennifer was left feeling unfulfilled and dissatisfied. She relocated to Oregon and became a licensed mental health therapist, dedicated to supporting others on their journey and nurturing bold confidence. Jennifer’s unique blend of business knowledge and mental health expertise offers a comprehensive approach to helping entrepreneurs and professionals create the life they have dreamt of.

Thank you so much for doing this with us! Before we dig in, our readers would like to ‘get to know you’. Can you tell us a bit about your background and your backstory?

Absolutely! I was born and raised in a big Italian family in New York and on Long Island. I have always been interested in growth, bettering myself and the lives of others, and figuring out how to live life fully in a way that was true to my values. This often meant going against tradition, choosing paths that conflicted with the desires of others, traveling and experiencing others’ way of living, and getting to know myself more profoundly. And wow, that creates a lot of consequential stress that I also had to learn to manage or drown in. Now, I live in the Pacific Northwest with my partner, dog, and cat, traveling regularly and enjoying being present in the moment.

Can you share a story with us about what brought you to your particular career path?

With an ambitious heart, I started my own bookkeeping and consulting business in high school after taking an accounting class and realizing I had a natural skill with money and business. I spent several years building my business into adulthood, starting with families and folks needing financial education. I quickly realized how emotional money was for most people (I certainly knew it was for me and my family!). I became interested in the psychology of finances and how it impacted our perspectives on life and our relationships with ourselves and others. I pursued my Bachelor’s in Accounting while minoring in psychology. Eventually, I began taking on more businesses than individuals, and that is when my career path became really special to me. I could see the unique experience of being an entrepreneur in my own shoes and behind the scenes of other peoples’ businesses, and it was a completely different type of existence. A different type of stress, responsibility, drive and motivation, patterns, thoughts, and behaviors. Aligning with my own personal therapeutic journey, it became clear to me: I wanted my education and experience in finance and business to work in combination with my eventual graduate degree and licensure in the mental health counseling field. Now, I help overwhelmed entrepreneurs and professionals confidently make space for what truly matters so they can live really, really well!

Can you share with our readers a bit about why you are an authority in the stress and wellness fields? In your opinion, what is your unique contribution to the world of wellness?

My unique background positions me as an authority in stress and wellness. I have spent over twenty years gathering education and experience to best care for ourselves financially, physically, mentally, and spiritually. Receiving a Bachelor’s in Accounting and a Master’s in Mental Health Counseling. Completing extensive training for my licensure and to become an EMDR-trained clinician. Running my own business and helping others run theirs effectively and successfully. Engaging in therapy and other forms of challenge and growth, both personally and as a witness and facilitator professionally. All of this gives me a unique lens through which I view stress and wellness.

My unique contribution to the world of wellness lies in this holistic approach and perspective. I don’t just address the superficial symptoms of stress — I get to the root causes to uncover long-term change and fulfillment. Although many people I work with report that their business or career is overwhelming and they are unhappy, I support them in understanding the discourse through their personal lives just as much as their professional roles. Understanding and integrating their whole experience allows me to help entrepreneurs and professionals manage their stress in a sustainable and deeply transformative way, making a profound difference in how they live and work.

Do you have a favorite “Life Lesson Quote”? Do you have a story about how that was relevant in your life or your work?

“It’s good to have an end to the journey, but it’s the journey that matters in the end.” — Ursula K. Le Guin, celebrated author and award winner.

This quote resonates deeply with me as a Life Lesson. As entrepreneurs, professionals, humans in general, we often strive to finish the next thing, hit the next milestone, build, grow, have it all. While ambition is beautiful, if we only enjoy life in the moments of success and completion, we miss out on so much in between! Through each transition stage in my life — graduations, career changes, relationships, businesses to create and grow, I often found myself laser-focused on the finished product, on the degree completion, on the stability, on the “end. It wasn’t until I moved across the country, finished my graduate degree, sold a business, and started a new company that I realized how much my focus, while well-intentioned, kept me from not only enjoying the in-between and width of my life but from reflecting on and learning from the challenges, victories, and mistakes from the actual growth that I went through. This quote has helped me value every step, interaction, connection, and lesson. It has helped me savor my daily life more fully and find joy where I wasn’t looking before.

Ok, thank you for all that. Now let’s move to the main focus of our interview. Let’s start at the very beginning so that we are all on the same page. What is the definition of stress? How is it different than anxiety or overwhelm?

Stress is our natural response to demands that feel above our current capacity for that moment, whether physical, emotional, or psychological. Stress can be short-term, like a tight deadline or the kids home from school for the summer, or it can be chronic and long-term, like a stressful job that you are too scared to quit. Chronic stress is often exacerbated by indefinite timelines we don’t feel in control of, like sudden financial strain.

Anxiety is a feeling of worry or unease about something in the future and with an uncertain outcome. Anxiety is stress, but worse, as it can be a much more internal experience, persisting when there are no apparent triggers or the initial stressor is gone. Overwhelm is when stress and anxiety pile up, become too much to handle, and feel paralyzing to move forward from — you are completely buried, and even the most minor tasks or emotional requests feel impossible. You can no longer function as effectively as you once did.

What are some common misconceptions about stress and habits that people should be aware of?

People often come to therapy so they never have to feel stress again, but stress is a normal and healthy response to our environment. Stress can let us know something isn’t right. Maybe we are taking on too much. Perhaps we aren’t asking for help. Maybe we need a boundary with someone. In moderation, stress motivates us to strengthen self-awareness and make healthy changes. The actual issue with stress is we don’t know how to handle it, or we just want plain to avoid it. We think we need to overhaul our lives, or we are unfixable (another misconception): change everything around us, buy new things to help us de-stress, and perfect our schedule to have tons of structure. The reality is that we become less stressed through small, consistent changes, including strengthening our self-awareness, allowing for fluidity, and learning to reshape our decision-making with intention.

People often think stress is the enemy, but it’s not always the villain. Stress, in moderation, can be a motivator. The real issue is how we handle it. Another misconception is that you need to overhaul your life to manage stress. It’s not about grand gestures but small, consistent changes. Also, people believe habits are fixed and unchangeable. In reality, habits are fluid and can be reshaped with intention and effort.

Can you share an example of a successful habit transformation that effectively reduced stress?

I’d love to! A financial advisor entrepreneur I was working with was on the complete brink of burnout from chronic stress. She started her days before her kids woke up, diving into work immediately. She left little to no time for herself, poured all her energy into every role (mom, wife, employer, advisor, board member, to name a few!), and often felt disconnected and unable to be present with the people she cared about the most. When she had a few minutes, she would fill it with work or zone out to whatever technology was around. We looked at external and surface changes like client scheduling availability, outsourcing support at home with a house cleaner, and marking off consistent personal time like she would during a client meeting. Those boundaries and needs being fulfilled made an immense change. The most significant part of the transformation was uncovering the old messages the client collected over the years about her worth, her time, her avoidance of spending time on herself, and what it meant to fulfill each role in her life. The insight, combined with the small changes, reduced her stress levels significantly, allowing her to feel in control, less reactive, and more connected in the moment. We utilized EMDR to heal and reprocess these unhelpful narratives and eventually ended our professional, therapeutic relationship successfully.

What are some key daily habits that can significantly reduce stress levels?

1. Start your day with intention. It is easy to roll out of bed, tired and cranky, setting the tone for our day. Let yourself be crunchy for a set time, then shake it off and set a new intention for how you want the day to be. Continue to come back to this intention when stressful events inevitably happen.
2. Prioritize your tasks. As humans, we love to complete the low-hanging fruit on our to-do list so we can get a little serotonin boost. This can quickly snowball into stress when we avoid more high-level projects, especially when those deadlines are near! Tackling the most important, or dare I say difficult, items first prevents them from looming in your unconscious indefinitely (a common energy drainer reported by my clients) and gives you more feel-good chemicals than a quick win.
3. Schedule your damn breaks! This might mean having every Thursday afternoon off if you have schedule flexibility or getting a sitter for the hour your kids get home from school so you can exercise and decompress from the day before engaging. It may mean setting a timer for regular stretches if you sit a lot like me. It can even mean developing a wind-down ritual to signal to your body when work is over, and it’s time to relax. Get curious. Experiment. See what works for you. But please, please schedule the break!

How can individuals identify and replace habits that contribute to their stress?

The first step to identifying and replacing habits that contribute to stress is self-awareness. Keep a running note open on your phone for a week. Throughout the day, or at least at the end of each day, jot down the times you noticed you felt stressed. Look for patterns in activities, times of the day, interactions, responsibilities, and body sensations associated with your unique stress experience. This can help you be more in tune somatically, deepening your awareness. Notice what tends to stress you out and how that shows up in your body. That way, you can identify solutions for change, starting with small, consistent adjustments. And don’t hesitate to connect with a friend or professional to help you explore — when our brain has experienced a pattern for a long time, the rigidity can make creative resolutions inaccessible.

How can someone stay consistent with new stress-reducing habits amidst a busy schedule?

Consistency is critical, but consistency doesn’t mean perfection. Consistency is about continued effort and commitment, so start small. Don’t try to change everything all at once, even if you really want to! Rather than trying to revamp your whole morning routine, integrate one or two manageable changes into your existing habits (even if some of those habits eventually need to change, too). Try 5 minutes of yoga instead of a whole morning. Keep the TV off during dinner to help reduce consumption instead of trying to cut the habit cold. You can slip up, but hold yourself accountable. What matters is trying the new habit again instead of giving up because you missed a day.

Ok. Here is the main question of our discussion. Can you please share “5 Ways to Create Better Habits Around Stress”? If you can, kindly share a story or example for each.

1. Start each day with intention and purpose. Making changes to create better habits around stress requires you to have clarity, focus, and a plan, otherwise the morning crankies can spin you out. One of my clients decided to wake up 15 minutes earlier so she could sit with her coffee quietly and set a fluid intention for the day, increasing her proactivity, and reducing her overwhelm.

2. Practice mindfulness in everyday tasks. We sometimes think of mindfulness as a “meditative monk” or being spiritually connected, but that is a high goal for someone just starting their awareness journey. Bringing more mindfulness to everyday tasks like washing the dishes helps train your brain for other experiences that may be more triggering or emotional. Noticing the water’s warmth, the soap’s foam, and the slickness of the plate as you wash it off — all of this is strengthening your mindfulness. One of my clients started her mindfulness journey with small everyday tasks, and within days, she was already noticing how relaxed and aware she was when engaging with clients who used to stress her out!

3. Whether you like exercise or not, moving your body regularly is an incredible stress reducer. Our body releases chemicals to help us feel better, our rhythmic movements can help our brain process experiences differently, and the flow of our body will help lessen tension, tightness, and discomfort. One of my clients incorporated a quick 15-minute walk between the end of her work day and when her kids came home from school. Immediately, she noticed her ability to be more present, caring, and calm with her kids during a time when they were most chaotic. A bonus is that she feels more rested with sleep and more productive the next day!

4. Set boundaries and learn to say “No”, Period. It is easy as we take on more roles and responsibilities to fill our plates so full that we can barely see the joy in life. This is a fast route to burnout and misery. One of my clients established firm work hours, communicated with her clients when she would and wouldn’t be available, and developed a healthier work-life boundary. The best part is that her clients cheered her on as a wonderful example of self-care and success!

5. Reflect and rest, and repeat. Taking a few minutes each day to reflect on how things went, how you felt, and what you would like to have different tomorrow is an incredibly effective way to manage stress. You aren’t here to beat yourself up but to strengthen your growth mindset. We reduce our stress immensely when we view difficulties as something to learn from and overcome rather than control and criticize. One of my clients found reflecting on each morning at her lunchtime was helpful. This allowed her to salvage her day when it was becoming too stressful by reorienting herself with a focused and intentional mind.

What role does mindfulness play in developing better stress management habits?

Mindfulness is a cornerstone of developing better stress management habits because self-awareness is necessary for us to identify the cause of our discontent, how it manifests in our bodies, lives, and relationships, and how we can manage or eliminate it. Mindfulness helps you notice stress triggers and your responses to them. Practicing mindfulness can also help you see and respond to stress thoughtfully in the moment rather than acting impulsively or needing to spend a lot of time reflecting on past experiences. The more mindful you are, the more in the moment you are, and that is an excellent formula for breaking negative patterns and creating positive ones.

How can technology be leveraged to support the creation of stress-reducing habits?

Apps can help you track progress, set reminders, and engage more thoughtfully with your day. Apps can also guide you in self-care exercises like Down Dog Yoga or Headspace. Technology can also help you stay accountable, keep your goals fresh in your mind, and stay connected to support systems.

Wonderful. We are nearly done. Is there a person in the world, or in the US, with whom you would like to have a private breakfast or lunch, and why? He or she might just see this, especially if we tag them. :-)

Sophia Amoruso is a businesswoman and inspiration. She has navigated the highs and lows of entrepreneurship and mental health, and her journey is incredibly empowering and authentic. I deeply admire her ability to build and rebuild, seek help, and stay true to herself. I would love to discuss her insights on resilience, business, and finding joy in the journey.

How can our readers further follow your work online?

Check out my website at www.JenniferGrayCounseling.com. There, you can read my blog, join my newsletter, connect with my social media accounts, stay informed of what’s happening with me, and get to know me and my approach to therapy better.

This was very meaningful, thank you so much. We wish you only continued success on your great work!

About the Interviewer: Shawna Robins is an international best-selling author of two books — Powerful Sleep — Rest Deeply, Repair Your Brain and Restore Your Life, and Irresistibly Healthy — Simple Strategies to Feel Vibrant, Alive, Healthy and Full of Energy Again. Shawna is the founder and CEO of Third Spark, an online wellness hub for women over 40 who want to reignite their sleep, reset healthier habits and respark their lives. Shawna is a sleep expert, hormone health expert, and a National Board-Certified Health and Wellness Coach (NBHWC). She has been featured on many podcasts including Dr. Mindy Pelz’s “The Resetter Podcast” and in Authority Magazine, Thrive Global, and The Huffington Post. A free download of her latest book can be found at www.thirdsparkhealth.com/powerful-sleep/ You can follow her on YouTube, Facebook, Instagram and LinkedIn.