Jennifer Perri On 5 Things You Need To Know To Survive And Thrive After A Divorce

An Interview With Fotis Georgiadis

Stay in touch with your current friends. It’s natural that you may lose some friends. Maintain as many of your good relationships as you can. Divorce requires starting over in many ways, but that doesn’t mean you have to start over from absolute ground zero.

As part of our series about the “5 Things You Need To Know To Survive And Thrive After A Divorce Or Breakup” I had the pleasure of interviewing Jennifer Perri.

Jennifer is a coach, consultant and mentor and has helped hundreds of women manage their toughest seasons victoriously: divorce, loss of a spouse, career transitions, and retirement. She has spent over 20 years equipping and empowering women to live financially fearless,embrace their true worth, and be the hero in their stories. Jennifer has been featured in the media as a thought leader, appearing in publications and on ABC, NBC, FOX, CBS, Vanity Fair ( February 2022, Atlanta Woman Feature), The Tycoon Magazine, The Boston Globe, Newsweek, Fortune, and Forbes.

Thank you so much for doing this with us! Before we dig in, our readers would like to ‘get to know you’. Can you tell us a bit about how you grew up?

Sure! I grew up in a small town, Eddystone, Pennsylvania, about twenty minutes outside of Philadelphia. I have an older brother, Joe, and was raised in a middle class family. My mom was in healthcare and my dad was in manufacturing.

Can you tell us a story about what brought you to this specific career path?

Empowering women to transform their lives has been a lifelong passion of mine. I became a Divorce Coach because I have been through divorce myself and can relate to the challenges that come along with it. You feel helpless and alone and don’t know where to turn to get the help you need. We all know that it’s a legal process to get divorced, but what was missing, when I needed it, was someone to guide me on what to do next. That is why I have created a team of professionals, the Divorce Divas, as well as a divorce aftercare process, to help divorcees confidently walk into the next chapter of their lives.

Can you share the most interesting story that happened to you since you started this career?

I think the most interesting thing that I noticed is the assumption that women just glide through the divorce process and immediately know how to move on and what to do next. It couldn’t be further from the truth. I have helped hundreds of women navigate the divorce process and there has not been one of them who knew each and every “next move”. Divorcees get stuck at different stages in the recovery of their divorce. Whether it’s an emotional or financial hurdle, it’s not a smooth transition. It takes time, patience and finding the right people to help you move toward your new life.

Can you share a story about the funniest mistake you made when you were first starting? Can you tell us what lesson you learned from that?

I can’t really think of a funny mistake, but a funny story I can share. When I decided to create the Divorce Divas, a community of female experts who help women navigate divorce, I was sharing what I do with a colleague of mine. He was so impressed with what we had created and desperately wanted to be part of the group. I explained to him that the community we created was all female by design as most, if not all, of the women who come to work with us prefer to work with other women. He understood and jokingly stated that when we expanded the group to “Divorce Divas & Dudes”, he wanted to be first on the list to be contacted.

Do you have a favorite “Life Lesson Quote”? Do you have a story about how that was relevant in your life or your work?

Do you have a story about how that was relevant in your life or your work? My favorite quote is “ You can’t go back and change the beginning, but you can start where you are and change the ending.” C.S. Lewis. I love this quote because it teaches us that no matter where we start our life story, we can always change how it ends. Some of us have had pasts that have been filled with hurt, betrayal, abuse and poor choices. Our pasts don’t define us nor do they automatically dictate how our story ends. You hold the pen, you can write the ending however you want.

Are you working on any exciting new projects now? How do you think that will help people?

Yes, I am actually! I am officially launching my new coaching firm, Shero Coaching & Consulting. I also am releasing a new book, Quiet & Badass, and I am creating an online academy that will provide resources for people in the areas of money, mindset, personal empowerment and divorce. I think it will help to educate and empower people in areas of their lives that they might be struggling with. It’s often difficult for people to ask for help directly. The online academy will allow people to get information they want and need and work through it at their own pace, privately. It will also give them the opportunity to connect with me for 1:1 coaching and accountability partnerships.

Ok. Thank you for that. Let’s now shift to the main part of our discussion. Can you tell us a bit about your experience going through a divorce, or helping someone who was going through a divorce? What did you learn about yourself during and after the experience? Do you feel comfortable sharing a story?

A divorce is one of the most stressful experiences anyone can face and radically changes a family if children are involved. There can be great financial pressure. Your self-esteem can take a hit. You might feel embarrassed. You might have a lot of doubt and fear regarding the future. It’s a lot to manage and overcome. When I went through divorce, I learned a lot about myself, my strength and my resilience. It certainly wasn’t easy, but I knew that my life was in my hands to make the most of it that I could. Life is about choices. You can choose to be bitter or make your circumstances better. You are 100% responsible for those decisions and how they shape the outcome of your life.

In your opinion, what are the most common mistakes people make after they go through a divorce? What can be done to avoid that?

The most common mistake I see women make after divorce is staying “stuck” in the trauma of the process. When you undo a marriage, there are many things that need to be addressed, some more timely than others. I meet women all the time that are just in a fog and don’t know how to move forward. It’s important to find someone who can encourage you to move forward and help you pick up the pieces.

People generally label “divorce” as being “negative”. And yes, while there are downsides, there can also be a lot of positive that comes out of it as well. What would you say that they are? Can you share an example or share a story?

The best part of a divorce is the opportunity to start over and create a new life. Difficult times are often ripe with opportunities. Decide that you’re going to get everything you can out of this experience. There are benefits to a divorce. One of the most important things is to learn from it. For example, you can make positive adjustments to your approach to dating and marriage. What did you like or dislike about your spouse? What mistakes did you make in your relationship? What characteristics do you need in a partner? What characteristics can you simply not tolerate? Learn everything you can from your previous relationship and figure out ways to use that information to your advantage in the future.

Some people are scared to ‘get back out there’ and date again after being with their former spouse for many years and hearing dating horror stories. What would you say to motivate someone to get back out there and start a new beginning?

Just take it slow. There is no need to rush right into another relationship. Take some time to re-evaluate what went wrong in your previous relationship and lay out specific expectations you have for the next. That being said, I encourage you to find activities that will give you the ability to meet new people.

What is the one thing people going through a divorce should be open to changing?

Their mindset. Going through the divorce process can be emotionally overwhelming and financially challenging. Very rarely can you come out of it and feel 100% satisfied with the results. Often divorcees live with a scarcity mindset and feel that the resources they will have post divorce won’t be enough. You need to take time to take an inventory of your life and finances and work with someone who can help you retrain your mindset into one of growth and abundance.

Ok, here is the main question of our discussion. If you had a close friend come to you for advice after a divorce, what are 5 things you would advise in order to survive and thrive after the divorce? Can you please give a story or example for each?

1. Celebrate. You did it! You survived what was probably the most challenging situation of your life. You can expect the majority of your life to be easy, relatively speaking, by comparison. Any challenge you successfully navigate will make you a stronger and more resilient person. Surviving a divorce can give you the confidence to conquer other obstacles.
2. Stay in touch with your current friends. It’s natural that you may lose some friends. Maintain as many of your good relationships as you can. Divorce requires starting over in many ways, but that doesn’t mean you have to start over from absolute ground zero.
3. Make some positive changes. It can be easier to make some positive changes, since you have all this momentum on your side and a new life. Many people find divorce is a great time to: Join a gym, go on a diet, get a new wardrobe or haircut, learn a new skill, or start a business.
4. Drop some dead weight. With all this change going on, take full advantage of it. It’s the perfect time to cut out the undesirable activities and people from your life. We all accumulate people and activities that drain our spirit, patience, or bank account without a reasonable return on our investment. Where possible, let these things and people go.
5. Forgive your ex and yourself. You might be totally justified in the seething hatred you feel toward your ex when you think of them, but you are only making yourself miserable. No one is without blame in a divorce. You probably believe that you made your share of mistakes, too. But everyone makes mistakes. The best you can do is to learn from your mistakes and forgive yourself.

The stress of a divorce can take a toll on both one’s mental and emotional health. In your opinion or experience, what are a few things people going through a divorce can do to alleviate this pain and anguish?

Divorce can be terribly difficult and take an emotional toll on everyone involved. In addition to getting through all the moving parts that divorce entails, you may also feel abandoned, cheated on, and alone. Here are some proven techniques you can use to overcome the negative emotions and move forward.

1. Seek out professional help. Find a therapist and a life coach who can help you work through your emotions. Just knowing that you have help in getting through this tough time makes it easier to remain calm as you tackle your challenges.

2. Practice stress-reducing techniques. Activities like meditation, positive self-talk, and taking part in activities that you enjoy can help alleviate stress. Schedule this time for yourself just as you would any other important activity.

3. Build an ample support system. Utilize friends, neighbors, or relatives for a sounding board if you need to. They may also want to help with various other needs, such as daycare for children or helping with the household chores until you get a new routine in place.

4. Join a support group. A support group can offer many benefits. The members of the group have been through the same thing as what you’re going through. They will have all kinds of information to share on what they did to overcome different situations in their divorce.

5. Remain cooperative with your ex-spouse. This is especially important if there are children involved. It is beneficial for all of you if you can be civil to each other. If you can’t remain cooperative at all, ensure that you have ample legal help for any difficulties that might arise.

Overcoming divorce is a difficult process. Know that you’re not alone, and you’ll be able to get through it and move on.

Do you have any favorite books, podcasts, or resources related to this topic that you would recommend to our readers?

I would definitely recommend to the readers to check out the resources available on The Smart Money Gal Alpha Academy. There are divorce resources as well as other assets they might find beneficial. I host two podcasts, “The Smart Money Gal” and my new podcast called “Conversations that Connect Us” both are available on Spotify, Apple and Buzzsprout.

Because of the position that you are in, you are a person of great influence. If you could inspire a movement that would bring the most amount of good to the most amount of people, what would that be? You never know what your idea can trigger. :-)

If I could inspire a movement, especially amongst those who have experienced divorce, is that each person could truly find a renewed happiness and joy in their lives. There are over 750,000 divorces each year and so many people remain trapped in the experience and don’t see the ability to reinvent themselves and the new opportunities that surround them. You can survive divorce and live joyfully again!

We are very blessed that very prominent leaders read this column. Is there a person in the world, or in the US with whom you would love to have a private breakfast or lunch and why? He or she might just see this if we tag them :-)

I would love to have coffee with Brené Browne. I love the messages that she shares about courage and vulnerability and I find her to be very inspirational in my own life.

Thank you for these great insights and for the time you spent with this interview. We wish you only continued success!