Jessica Frick of Metamorphosis Counseling On How We Can Solve The Loneliness Epidemic Among Young People

An interview with Pirie Jones Grossman

Encourage young people to take time to connect with others. Our culture is extremely focused on being productive and working hard, which leaves little time for leisure. Encourage the young people in your life to do whatever they can to have a healthier work/life balance, and to spend some of their downtime with others.

Our youth are facing a loneliness epidemic like never before. They have “social” media, but many are lacking healthy social lives. Many have likes and virtual “friends” but not real live friends. They can text and tweet but not speak and listen and connect. And they are feeling it. Humans were made for real live interaction, and we crave it when we don’t get it, or don’t even know how to go about looking for connection. How can we solve this loneliness epidemic that young people face? As a part of our interview series about the ‘5 Things We Can Each Do Help Solve The Loneliness Epidemic Among Young People ’ we had the pleasure to interview Jessica Frick, LPC.

Jessica is a therapist in Erie, Pennsylvania who specializes in working with Millennials and Gen Zers who experience anxiety and OCD. Jessica in particular loves working with clients who have experienced difficulty expressing themselves and setting healthy boundaries. Jessica prides herself on providing a safe and inclusive therapy atmosphere which consists of taking steps toward a better life, not just talking about it.

Thank you so much for doing this with us! Our readers would love to “get to know you” a bit better. Can you share your “backstory” with us? What was it that led you to your eventual career choice?

It’s my pleasure! I decided to become a therapist because I was fascinated by psychology and the mind. To tell you the truth, I was dead set on becoming a software engineer in high school, but once I actually started doing the coursework in college, I realized it wasn’t for me. I felt lost — that was my whole life plan! When I thought about what made me feel a passion, something I could enjoy doing, psychology and mental health came up without hesitation. I didn’t know what I wanted to do specifically until I myself started seeing a therapist. Feeling what it was like to be validated, supported, and encouraged to heal made me realize that that was what I wanted to do for others, for the rest of my life.

Can you share the most interesting story that happened to you since you started your career?

That’s a hard one! I think the most interesting thing to happen to me has been opening my business. It has challenged me in a way I’m not used to — as a therapist, my mindset is often very different to an entrepreneur’s. It’s taken a lot of work and dedication to be able to switch hats.

It has been said that sometimes our mistakes can be our greatest teachers. Can you share a story about the most humorous mistake you made when you were first starting? Can you tell us what lesson or takeaway you learned from that?

When I was first starting as a therapist, I worked at a community mental health agency where I saw a wide range of populations — kids, young adults, older adults — and a variety of concerns — anxiety, depression, psychosis, you name it. Most therapists have a particular population or concern that they do their best work with. I had thought mine would be kids, as I had worked with kids in other ways up until this point. I started working with kids and teens in schools and realized very quickly that I am a grandma at heart. I struggled so much with relating to the kids and appearing as more than just another adult they are forced to talk to. I realized after a semester that this wasn’t my niche! I’m glad I was able to make this mistake so that I could experiment with different populations — that’s how I was able to find my current niche of people I love to work with.

Are you working on any exciting new projects now? How do you think that will help people?

I am currently working on my practice’s offerings — namely, supervising pre-licensed therapists and potentially opening up to hire new therapists under the ACT model. ACT (Acceptance and Commitment Therapy) is a type of therapy that prioritizes changing what you can and learning to accept what you cannot — living the life that you want and knowing how not to get in your own way. There’s not a lot of therapists in my area who practice ACT as their main modality of therapy — I think that having more therapists trained in this way will help people improve their mental health in their own unique ways. In my opinion, other models tend to be very cookie-cutter and struggle to account for individual differences, socio-economic stressors, and other factors (racism, sexism, oppression, etc.).

Can you share with our readers a bit about why you are an authority on the topic of ‘The Loneliness Epidemic Among Young People’?

I am a therapist specializing in the treatment of Millennials and Gen Zers, on the mid to upper end of young people in our society today. A lot of my clients are just entering their twenties, and are realizing how lonely life can be compared to the forced commonality of high school and college. I often assist my clients to find ways to have more meaningful connections, meet new people, and have healthy boundaries.

Ok, thank you for that. Let’s now jump to the main focus of our interview. According to this story in the New York Times, loneliness is becoming an increasing health threat not just in the US, but across the world. Can you articulate for our readers 3 reasons why being lonely and isolated can harm one’s health?

Humans as a species are social beings. We are meant to be around others — in stone age times, being alone or away from people would have meant certain death. That drive to be around others is largely unchanged now compared to then.

Being lonely or feeling isolated can hinder your mental health. Even the most introverted of people crave human connection, even if they don’t realize it. We discuss our interests, we process problems, or just exist around other people, which helps us feel fulfilled. We are drawn to others — so if we don’t have connection, it may seem as though there is something missing. Even without being able to put our finger on it, that missing connection can contribute to significant mental health effects, including depression and suicidal thoughts.

We can see the direct effects loneliness has on our physical health when we examine studies on solitary confinement. One study has shown that individuals who were placed in solitary confinement during a period of incarceration were 24% more likely to die within one year of release, in particularly due to suicide, homicide, or drug overdose (Brinkley-Rubinstein et al., 2019; https://jamanetwork.com/journals/jamanetworkopen/fullarticle/2752350). Loneliness can contribute to similar effects, albeit on a lesser scale.

The longer we remain alone, the more likely we are to forget how to connect with others. We learn our social skills as children when we are placed with others and encouraged to socialize. Even from a young age, children will “parallel play” with other children, where they don’t interact with others directly, but are near each other; this affects their language development and ability to socialize. Our social skills can deteriorate over time, so even if we want to connect with others, we aren’t sure how to do so. Then, we either are too afraid to put ourselves out there, or make a mistake that causes our inner critic to get loud and for us to regret trying to socialize.

Based on your experience or research, are children impacted differently than adults by the loneliness epidemic? How?

In my experience, children may not appear significantly affected by the loneliness epidemic, but they are — children learn to socialize by being around other children. Kids with siblings may do just fine, but only children likely struggle with learning and practicing social skills. The skills children use with other children vs. the skills they use with the adults in their life are different, and both very valuable.

Adults, however, are affected on a more personal level. While they likely have the necessary skills to socialize, it is much harder to meet people and connect as an adult when compared with children (who have the forced gathering that school provides). Without something in common, adults often struggle to put themselves out there and connect — the loneliness epidemic is only making this worse.

On a broader societal level, in which way is loneliness among our youth harming our communities and society?

When we think about children still in school and still developing social skills, loneliness is contributing to changes in development. Kids who suffer/have suffered significantly from loneliness may have difficulty even attempting to socialize in the future, which of course may affect their ability to work and live a typical life.

Youth coming into young adulthood, exiting college and entering the workforce experience significant difficulty resolving problems. The social skills that would come into play during leisure time and are missing through loneliness are still important during work and productive times. Many Gen Zers come to me because they struggle with interpersonal relationships — parents, family, friends, coworkers, you name it — and don’t know how to resolve disagreements, address value differences, or understand social cues while interacting in-person.

The irony of having a loneliness epidemic is glaring. We are living in a time where more people are connected to each other than ever before in history. Our technology has the power to connect billions of people in one network, in a way that was never possible. Yet despite this, so many people are lonely. Why is this? Can you share 3 of the main reasons why our young people are facing a loneliness epidemic today? Please give a story or an example for each.

The literal connection experienced with technology differs significantly from the perception of connection we get when interacting directly with others. While we all, in particular young people, can interact with people across the world with the click of a button, that doesn’t mean we have meaningful connections. The people young adults are connecting with may feel superficial with social media followings, or more distant through actual physical distance (e.g. befriending someone in a different country, which doesn’t allow for incidental connection like living closely would).

The high connection that we think is present with technology can also exacerbate the stigma that comes with loneliness. In a generation that is more connected than any that came before it, Gen Zers can be hypercritical of themselves if they don’t have a large group of friends or a huge social media following. That stigma can lead to even more withdrawal, and more loneliness — which, as you can see, becomes a vicious cycle.

The world we live in today is incredibly uncertain. Most people working full-time for minimum wage cannot afford the basic necessities of life. Even those who are earning amounts of money they would have thought in childhood to be a lot are often just barely above water. We as human beings have basic needs that need to be met before we can free up the energy to pursue social connections. When we seem to need to spend most, if not all of our time working in order to just scrape by — we don’t have the time or energy to branch out, meet new people, and put ourselves in the vulnerable positions required to make friends.

What signs would you tell parents, friends, or loved ones to look for in young people they think may need help? Can you please explain?

One of the biggest signs is overall depression. If a young person isn’t doing what they used to, seems down or numb, or stops taking care of themselves (changes in their eating, showering, and self-care habits for more than a few days at a time) — talk to them about what you’re noticing. Depression occurs when we consistently avoid feeling negative emotions, or doing things that challenge us — which will only make loneliness worse.

While it may seem self-explanatory, if a young person isn’t socializing like they used to, it’s worth it to check in. It may be nothing, but if they’re feeling very lonely, they may appreciate some human kindness and connection while they try to figure out next steps.

Ok. It is not enough to talk about problems without offering possible solutions. In your experience, what are the “5 Things Each Of Us Can Do To Help Solve The Loneliness Epidemic Among Young People?” Please give a story or an example for each.

1. Advocate for the policies that will support young people. Mandatory coverage for mental healthcare, increased minimum wage, anti-discrimination laws, and universal healthcare are just a few. Each of these issues is something every one of my Gen Zer clients has brought up to me. The overall acceptance that Gen Zers have (and Millennials had before them) that they will perpetually be in debt and be unable to meet milestones previous generations did (such as buying a house) has a huge impact on Gen Zers’ mental health, and therefore, their ability to feel motivated to connect with others.
2. Destigmatize loneliness. Encourage young people to discuss their loneliness, and listen without judgment. One of the first judgments I hear from Gen Zers is that they should have more friends, or be more connected. Normalize feeling lonely, so that young people aren’t scared to approach others.
3. Encourage young people to take time to connect with others. Our culture is extremely focused on being productive and working hard, which leaves little time for leisure. Encourage the young people in your life to do whatever they can to have a healthier work/life balance, and to spend some of their downtime with others.
4. Advocate for more free or low-cost activities for everyone, especially young people. It is very hard as a person in our society to exist without spending money. Many of my young clients live with parents, family, or a lot of roommates, and therefore don’t have a lot of space to entertain — but going out costs more money than it ever has. They tell me that if there were more activities they could do without spending money, they would do them — but these opportunities seem to be drying up.
5. Normalize therapy. Sometimes loneliness is due to a different, deeper issue that needs help from a professional. If your young person wants to see a therapist, commend them — it’s harder than you’d think to recognize you need help and then verbalize that to someone. Many young people have shared with me that it took them longer than they would have liked to connect with a therapist due to someone in their life who had negative viewpoints about therapy, and fear of judgment or even declining to allow the young person to attend (through payment, or declining insurance charges).

Video here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lwzNIVvb6LU&t=11s

You are a person of great influence. If you could inspire a movement that would bring the most amount of good to the most amount of people, what would that be? You never know what your idea can trigger. :-)

I would love for there to be more public spaces that don’t require spending exorbitant amounts of money to exist in them. I’ve always loved the idea of public halls where you can rent space to play games, socialize, or have a home cooked meal together. As I mentioned before, many young people don’t have room to entertain, and don’t have the money to go out to clubs or go out to eat every evening. Giving them a place to be where they can do things they might normally do in their own home can support deeper connections, and support those people who fall outside the extroverted “clubbing scene”.

We are blessed that some of the biggest names in Business, VC funding, Sports, and Entertainment read this column. Is there a person in the world, or in the US with whom you would love to have a private breakfast or lunch with, and why? He or she might just see this if we tag them :-)

I would love to have a sit-down with Russ Harris, who is one of the world’s leading educators on acceptance and commitment therapy. His ideas have completely transformed the way that I practice as a therapist, and picking his brain is a dream of mine!

How can our readers further follow your work online?

I run a blog on my own website, www.metamorphosiscounseling.net. I’m also active on both Instagram (@metamorphosiscounselingerie) and Tiktok (@metamorphosiscounseling) with short-form mental health content on a regular basis.

Thank you so much for these insights. This was so inspiring, and so important!

Thank you so much for allowing me to speak on this topic! I am very passionate about helping the next generations grow and improve, and this topic is very important to address.

About The Interviewer: Pirie is a TedX speaker, author and a Life Empowerment Coach. She is a co-host of Own your Throne podcast, inspiring women in the 2nd chapter of their lives. With over 20 years in front of the camera, Pirie Grossman understands the power of storytelling. After success in commercials and acting. She spent 10 years reporting for E! Entertainment Television, Entertainment Tonight, also hosted ABC’s “Every Woman”. Her work off-camera capitalizes on her strength, producing, bringing people together for unique experiences. She produced a Children’s Day of Compassion during the Dalai Lama’s visit here in 2005. 10,000 children attended, sharing ideas about compassion with His Holiness. From 2006–2009, Pirie Co-chaired the Special Olympics World Winter Games, in Idaho, welcoming 3,000 athletes from over 150 countries. She founded Destiny Productions to create Wellness Festivals and is an Advisory Board member of the Sun Valley Wellness Board.In February 2017, Pirie produced, “Love is Louder”, a Brain Health Summit, bringing in Kevin Hines, noted suicide survivor to Sun Valley who spoke to school kids about suicide. Sun Valley is in the top 5% highest suicide rate per capita in the Northwest, prompting a community initiative with St. Luke’s and other stake holders, to begin healing. She lives in Sun Valley with her two children, serves on the Board of Community School. She has her Master’s degree in Spiritual Psychology from the University of Santa Monica and is an Executive Life Empowerment Coach, where she helps people meet their dreams and goals! The difference between a dream and a goal is that a goal is a dream with a date on it!