Dr Juanita P Guerra On How Authenticity and Vulnerability Pay Off and Help You Win Personally and Professionally
An Interview With Maria Angelova
Being authentic and vulnerable builds trust. People know what to expect from you because you’re honest and transparent, because you are clear in what you believe in and in what you value. Trust is a central component of all relationships, whether personal or professional.
Being vulnerable and authentic are some of today’s popular buzzwords. It may seem counterintuitive to be vulnerable, as many of us have been taught to project an air of confidence, be a boss, and act like we know everything. In Brene Brown’s words, “vulnerability takes courage.” So is vulnerability a strength or a weakness? Can someone be authentic without being vulnerable? How can being authentic and vulnerable help someone grow both personally and professionally? In this interview series, we are talking to business leaders, mental health professionals and business and life coaches who can share stories and examples of “How Authenticity and Vulnerability Pay Off and Help You Win Personally and Professionally.” As a part of this series, I had the pleasure of interviewing Juanita P. Guerra.
Dr. Guerra is a licensed clinical psychologist in NY with over 20 years of experience. She specializes in trauma and has worked for many years with social service departments and the NY Courts to champion the needs of children and their families. She is the author of “Mind Your Business: 6 Key Strategies Guaranteed to Help You Speak and Live Your Truth,” a transformational memoir where she shares her personal and clinical experience to show others how to be more self-aware and authentic and live a more empowered life. To learn more about Dr. Guerra please go to her website @drg.world.
Thank you so much for doing this with us! Before we start, our readers would love to “get to know you” a bit better. Can you tell us a bit about your childhood backstory?
I was raised in a poor single parent Puerto Rican household with three older brothers. This basically means that my mother struggled and worked hard to provide for us and that she instilled in us cultural beliefs and expectations that led to a lot of angst for me. I experienced immense external pressure to be a traditional female in the Puerto Rican sense. In my home this translated to females do all the work while the three stronger males got catered to. Can you see and feel where I’m going with this?! I struggled throughout my youth trying to live up to my mother’s culture-based expectations. It was not in my nature to love all things domestic, and I resented the freedom and privilege my brothers got simply because they were boys. You can see how the stage was setup for me to struggle with my identity.
Can you please give us your favorite “Life Lesson Quote”? Can you share how that was relevant to you in your life?
My mom had tons of quotes that she used repeatedly and ingrained in me. One of my favorites is “El golpe avisa” which basically means life’s hard knocks will teach you. This quote is a reminder that we learn by experience. When things go wrong it is a clear sign that whatever you did or are doing is not in your best interest. It’s like a wakeup call. If you “listen” to the experience and learn from it, great. If you don’t “listen” get ready because life will knock you on your bottom again and again until you get the lesson. Like most people, I have learned the hard way what can happen when you don’t “listen.” I believe I’m a much better listener now than I was in the past.
Is there a particular book, podcast, or film that made a significant impact on you? Can you share a story or explain why it resonated with you so much?
When I was 13 years old, I watched Scarface with Al Pacino. He plays the role of an immigrant that becomes a successful drug lord. There are two scenes in that movie that impacted me. In one scene he looks up and sees a blimp that has the message “The World Is Yours.” You can only imagine the impact this had on a young adolescent being raised in poverty in a home where she felt like a slave. It gave me hope! The other scene is my favorite part of the movie. While in a drunken stupor in a restaurant Pacino’s character goes a on rant where he basically tells everyone staring at him that they’re all fake and pretend to be what they’re not to be accepted or to look good in front of others. He called everyone out on their lack of genuineness and how they judged him for living in his truth. Wow!!! This was such a powerful lesson. It resonated with me big time; still does. I believe most of us struggle to be authentic and to live in our truth. I believe this is a primary reason so many people are unhappy. Addressing this core challenge is the motivation that drives my Mind Your Business initiative.
Let’s now shift to the main part of our discussion. Let’s begin with a definition of terms so that each of us and our readers are on the same page. What exactly does being authentic mean?
Simply stated being authentic means that you think, act, and behave in ways that are in alignment with who you genuinely are at your core, at your Soul level. It means being true to who you are as a person, to what you believe in, and to your moral code and values. We are all born with a core sense of self, and you can see it in a baby’s innate temperament, disposition, personal preferences, etc.
This initial way of being changes over time as we interact with loved ones and the world, and we receive clear messages about what is acceptable and not. Over time, our core self, as a self-protective mechanism, kind of goes underground and we develop ways of being that are socially acceptable, but not necessarily intrinsic to who we are at our core.
What does being vulnerable mean? Can you explain?
People often look at vulnerability as a weakness, but I like to view it as a strength. When you’re vulnerable you allow yourself to be seen. It’s like you let down the defensive armor we all walk around with, and you open yourself up to be seen in all ways. Put another way, being vulnerable means that you expose your true self, the good, the bad, the strong, the weak, the pretty and the ugly. We take a huge risk when we do this because we don’t ever really know how others will respond. In being vulnerable we place ourselves in a position to be criticized or judged and this can be scary, and sometimes it can be used against us.
The other possibility in being vulnerable is that we open ourselves up to the possibility of being seen in our true essence and this can lead to an amazing opportunity to connect and relate to others in a more intimate manner. Being vulnerable allows us to interact with others in more meaningful and purposeful ways. We unfortunately live in a superficial world where true genuineness and intimacy are hard to come by. So, when the opportunity to be vulnerable or to honor another person’s vulnerability presents itself, we should cherish the moment.
What are the positive aspects of being authentic and vulnerable? Can you give a story or example to explain what you mean?
Being authentic and vulnerable makes life easier because you show up in the world as your true self. You don’t waste time and energy pretending to be someone or something you’re not or people pleasing. This by itself will set you apart from others and can be magnetic. We live in a world where so many people are plastic and superficial. So, when you meet someone that lives in their essence, it’s like a breath of fresh air. You must respect and admire their ability to be their genuine self. People that embrace their authentic selves, whether they know it or not, are brave and courageous and pave a path for others to follow. They set an example simply by being themselves.
Rosa Parks is a perfect example of someone that lived her truth. She stood up for what she believed in, her right to be treated as an equal to all other humans. In being her authentic self, she ignited a movement and paved a path for others to follow.
Are there negative aspects to authenticity and vulnerability? Can you give a story or example to explain what you mean?
One of the drawbacks to being authentic and vulnerable is that you put yourself in a position where others can judge or criticize you. It is hard to be vulnerable, to open yourself up to someone. If this is met with dishonor or it’s used against you, it can feel devastating. It can put you at risk for emotional or psychological harm and it can diminish your trust in others and in relationships.
Many years ago, I knew someone that was training to be a life coach. He had asked several people in our circle to help him practice and develop his coaching skills in exchange for free coaching. Someone in the group agreed to help him and they worked together for a few sessions. One day we were all at dinner and I don’t know how the conversation shifted but this friend that was training to be a coach, divulged, in a challenging and condescending manner, some of the things our other friend had disclosed to him in confidence during their coaching sessions. That was a very tense and awkward moment for everyone. Of course, it then escalated and turned into a very ugly moment. I will never forget the look of betrayal and rage on the face of the friend that had agreed to help this other friend develop his coaching skills. Her confidence and trust had been violated. Everyone at that table felt horrible. It was clear that she felt exposed and judged and that her vulnerability was used against her.
You never know how people will respond to your efforts to be vulnerable. Always be authentic but choose wisely who you share your vulnerability with.
From your experience or perspective, what are some of the common barriers that hold someone back from being authentic and vulnerable?
Fear is what holds us back from being authentic and vulnerable. Fear of being rejected. Fear of being criticized. Fear of being judged. Fear of being shamed. Fear of being hurt. Fear of facing our inadequacies. This can become an exhaustive list, but in the end, it is fear that most commonly stops us from being authentic and vulnerable.
Here is the central question of our discussion. What are five ways that being authentic and vulnerable pay off, and help you win, both personally and professionally?
Being authentic and vulnerable gives you the freedom to be yourself. There is nothing more liberating than being genuine and having integrity to self. For a variety of reasons, many of us feel pressured to be or act in ways that are not in alignment with who we are at our core. This can lead us to be become disconnected from our essence and this is never a good thing. The gift of being authentic and allowing yourself to be vulnerable is priceless!
Being authentic and vulnerable creates opportunities to build and deepen our relationships to others. It creates the possibility for true intimacy. Connecting to others is a basic human need and it feeds our Souls. When that connection stems from efforts to be authentic and vulnerable it is invaluable.
Being authentic and vulnerable builds trust. People know what to expect from you because you’re honest and transparent, because you are clear in what you believe in and in what you value. Trust is a central component of all relationships, whether personal or professional.
Being authentic and vulnerable increases your self-awareness. When you operate from this space, you cannot help but question and analyze your thoughts and actions. This ongoing self-monitoring builds your self-awareness and is critical to you remaining genuine to self. The better you know yourself, the better you become at helping others know you too and this helps in defining and building relationships across all areas of your life.
Being authentic and vulnerable increases your emotional intelligence. I don’t think we fully comprehend the value of emotional intelligence, of being able to manage your own emotions and understand the emotions of the people around you. The ability to effectively connect and relate to another depends on our ability to comprehend and manage our own emotional world first and then on our efforts to understand the emotional world of those around us. I believe that being authentic and vulnerable increases our emotional intelligence and this helps our personal and professional relationships evolve organically.
You are a person of great influence. If you could inspire a movement that would bring the most amount of good to the most amount of people, what would that be?
Many years ago, I saw a movie called “Pay It Forward.” It’s about a kid who is inspired by his teacher to come up with a project to change the world, to make the world a better place. He comes up with the idea that he’s going to do something big and challenging and kind for three people and then these three people in turn each must do something big and hard and kind for three more people and so on. The number of people that are doing extraordinary things for others grows rapidly; it kind of spreads like wildfire. If I could help three people in an extraordinary manner for the sheer sake of being a good human and they could each help three more people and so on, I envision a beautiful wave of love and kindness spreading throughout the world, impacting people everywhere. The thought of this makes my heart smile.
Is there a person in the world whom you would love to have lunch with, and why? Maybe we can tag them and see what happens!
I would love to sit and talk with Oprah. I used to watch her all the time and I always loved how honest and open she was. She would cry with her guests. She took you through her challenges with her weight. If she found something that worked for anything, she shared it with the world. She was kind, compassionate, and generous. She was transparent and you could trust her. Watching her be her true self and being comfortable in her skin doing so, encouraged me to do the same. She was a real role model for me.
How can our readers follow you online?
I have a website, @drg.world, Instagram, @mindyourbusiness_dr.g, and Facebook, @Dr.G.
Thank you so much for sharing these important insights. We wish you continued success and good health!
About The Interviewer: Maria Angelova, MBA is a disruptor, author, motivational speaker, body-mind expert, Pilates teacher and founder and CEO of Rebellious Intl. As a disruptor, Maria is on a mission to change the face of the wellness industry by shifting the self-care mindset for consumers and providers alike. As a mind-body coach, Maria’s superpower is alignment which helps clients create a strong body and a calm mind so they can live a life of freedom, happiness and fulfillment. Prior to founding Rebellious Intl, Maria was a Finance Director and a professional with 17+ years of progressive corporate experience in the Telecommunications, Finance, and Insurance industries. Born in Bulgaria, Maria moved to the United States in 1992. She graduated summa cum laude from both Georgia State University (MBA, Finance) and the University of Georgia (BBA, Finance). Maria’s favorite job is being a mom. Maria enjoys learning, coaching, creating authentic connections, working out, Latin dancing, traveling, and spending time with her tribe. To contact Maria, email her at angelova@rebellious-intl.com. To schedule a free consultation, click here.
