Karen Brown of Exponential Results: Giving Feedback; How To Be Honest Without Being Hurtful

Be an advocate and champion for your team members. Keep their confidences and secrets, supporting them as individuals, before the company. This is how team members will come to you when they are thinking of leaving or are unhappy, or really want a promotion, etc.

As a part of our series about “How To Give Honest Feedback without Being Hurtful”, I had the pleasure of interviewing Karen Brown.

Karen Brown is the Founder and CEO of Exponential Results. She draws on 30 years of success as a corporate executive with over 20,000 hours of senior executive coaching experience. Ms. Brown is the author of Unlimiting Your Beliefs: 7 Keys to Greater Success in Your Personal and Professional Life (Morgan James Publish, 2018), endorsed by Brian Tracy, a world-renowned public speaker and self-development author.

Thank you so much for joining us! Our readers would love to “get to know you” a bit better. Can you tell us a bit about your ‘backstory’ and how you got started?

I am the founder and CEO of Exponential Results, a company that uses the principles of neuroscience to make leaders more effective and maximize their potential. I have 20 years of success as a corporate executive with over 20,000 hours of senior executive coaching experience. Years ago, I discovered the key to greater performance and effectiveness: identifying and addressing blind spots — the repeated thinking patterns that impede success. My discovery led to the creation of Exponential Results’ proprietary Power Pathways™ method, rooted in neuroscience. I am also an international-level, ultra-endurance athlete, having completed the Ironman World Championships in Kona, Hawaii; Ultraman Championships; and 18 other ultra-marathon and triathlon events around the world.

What do you think makes your company stand out? Can you share a story?

The use of neuroscience to make leaders more effective is a huge differentiator between me and my competitors. The use of neuroscience in our coaching methods gives us an edge over firms that are offering coaching services based solely on strategic and tactical methodologies. The neuroscience model is a proven, behavior-based structure that shows a far greater incidence of measurable, permanent success. That’s because this model allows us to reach the unconscious and subconscious parts of our clients’ brains; this is where patterns form and also where real change takes place. Once these presenting behaviors are addressed, rapid and permanent leadership elevation is possible. Without this, leadership development is nothing more than generic training, which isn’t unique to each leader, nor does it result in long-lasting, exponential results.

Can you share the most interesting story that happened to you since you started your career?

There were two things that really stand out since I started my career. The first was when I crossed the finish line at the Ironman World Championships (IMWC) at age 46, two years after pursuing this dream and having never run a marathon. The IMWC was a particularly life-changing experience. Most of my life, I had been a recreational athlete but not overly competitive. What propelled me to undertake the Ironman was the feeling deep inside that perhaps I have what it takes to achieve great things and I might not be tapping into that potential. The interesting part was finding out that if I dedicated myself to something — really dedicated my whole being to it — there was nothing I couldn’t accomplish. More importantly, I also discovered is true for all of us.

The other was actually starting my own business as a female minority. Having learned about neuroscience and behavioral patterns (I’ve always been interested in human behavior), I had an “a-ha” moment when I realized that it was my own behavioral patterns holding me back from the successes I craved; what’s more, it works the same way for all of us. From then on, I learned and ultimately became an expert in performance behavioral patterns, and applied this knowledge to myself and clients, with resounding success.

Can you share a story about the funniest mistake you made when you were first starting? Can you tell us what lesson you learned from that?

I don’t believe this actually qualifies as “funny,” but back in 2008, I was a complete failure in my first CEO role. Despite all my knowledge and training, I did such a poor job, I was fired. That really hit me hard — so much so, that I had to look deep down inside myself and asked some very basic questions: what am I doing, why am I doing it, where is it coming from, and what are my own behavioral patterns that are causing me to work this way? This was before I had a mastery-level degree in behavioral patterns, executive leadership coaching, and neurolinguistic programming, so I cut myself some slack. Still, after being a leader for almost 18 years, I should have known better; it was my own hubris that got in the way.

I learned a vital lesson from that experience, not only about my unique operating system but how it produced the pride and arrogance that caused my failure. I learned so much from this experience because humans, by and large, are motivated to change through pain. It’s not always the positive lessons that stick with us the most; pain has a way of teaching us hard lessons we don’t easily forget. Plus, it helped me see and understand the way that many senior leaders work: what kind of leadership motives they have; and whether they’re looking to make a difference, bring people along, and produce dramatic results for the company and everyone in it or are just there to collect a big paycheck and build prestige.

What advice would you give to other CEOs and business leaders to help their employees to thrive and avoid burnout? (WE’RE GOING TO SKIP THIS ONE.)

How do you define “Leadership”? Can you explain what you mean or give an example?

Leadership is a practical skill, encompassing the ability of an individual, group or organization to “lead” — that is, influence or guide other individuals, teams, or entire organizations. I would take this a step further adding that “authentic leadership” is the most effective leadership style in organizations today. It encompasses being your genuine whole self, transparently sharing strengths, weaknesses, mistakes, and successes and inviting others to do the same. And part of the formula for success is to be able to provide and solicit feedback, regardless of your leadership level.

In my work, I often talk about how to release and relieve stress. As a busy leader, what do you do to prepare your mind and body before a stressful or high stakes meeting, talk, or decision? Can you share a story or some examples?

Getting my body and mind ready for a stressful work-related situation involves two main modes of preparation: short-term and long-term. From a short-term perspective, I make sure that I have thoroughly done my homework. So if I’m doing a talk, I practice until it’s second nature. For a meeting, I gather all the background material I can get my hands on. If I’m making an important decision, I ensure that I have all the facts at my fingertips so that my decision will be well-informed. Basically, if I’ve done all the necessary upfront work, I feel prepared to tackle any situation.

But I also employ a long-term strategy with regard to my preparation. It’s a holistic approach that goes beyond a single meeting, talk, or discussion. I maintain a healthy diet. I have an early bedtime. I exercise regularly. This lifestyle allows me to function at my peak in virtually any scenario. So the combination of short-term preparation and a healthy long-term living routine puts me in a great position to put forth my best self at the most critical times.

Ok, let’s jump to the core of our interview. Can you briefly tell our readers about your experience with managing a team and giving feedback?

As soon as I was promoted to leadership, and in every situation thereafter, I have managed a number of teams. What I found in seeking how to do this effectively is that authentic interactions are a must. Whether casual conversations, formal meetings, or work sessions, openness to sharing authentically and safely are paramount. And these interactions form the foundation of trust, which has to be present for clear feedback. In this way, feedback also needs to be two-way; from leader to team member and vice versa. As the leader, you must be open to hearing feedback and actively solicit it.

This might seem intuitive but it will be constructive to spell it out. Can you share with us a few reasons why giving honest and direct feedback is essential to being an effective leader?

You certainly are right that it’s intuitive. But let’s start with the most obvious reason — if you don’t give honest feedback, you will not be giving the person a fair chance to change or modify the problem behavior. If you water down or sugar coat your feedback, the core of your message will simply not get through, and the issues that are present will remain.

Then there’s the fact that if you’re honest with your assessments and your feedback, there’s a far better chance that your team members will believe that you’re being honest about everything. You’ll be building a foundation of trust — or adding to the one you’ve already constructed. If you’re not honest and your team members discover your façade, it will be hard to regain whatever trust you’ve already earned.

And finally, if you’re honest and direct with your feedback — in a non-confrontational, positive manner — it’s much more likely that your team members will afford you the same courtesy when you ask for their feedback in return. You need to mirror the type of feedback you’d want to receive yourself: honest but sensitive, direct but not off-putting.

One of the trickiest parts of managing a team is giving honest feedback, in a way that doesn’t come across as too harsh. Can you please share with us five suggestions about how to best give constructive criticism to a remote employee? Kindly share a story or example for each.

1. Clear Expectations: Set clear expectations at the beginning of work projects or goals, so that you can reference them later. Often, there are no expectations at all, or they are extremely vague. If you are jumping in and no or unclear expectations were set, establish them now. Team members need to have answers to the questions, “What are the goals for this project?” and “What is (are) the desired outcome(s)?”
2. Regular Feedback: Set up regular intervals for feedback that go alongside milestone check-ins. Or establish delivery in the moment (or right after the moment) in private. It’s critical that you are transparent in sharing the reasons for regular feedback, whatever those reasons might be.
3. Don’t Use the Word “You”: When delivering the actual feedback, use either “I” or third-party statements and questions, rather than saying YOU. Examples: “I noticed a gap between actual progress and expectation on the project.” Visually show the gap between the two. “I’d like to understand what’s causing this and find ways to rectify it. Can we walk through it?” When they agree, thank them, and say, “ Looking at the gap, what is at the base of it? In other words, what’s causing the gap?” Never used the word YOU or hurt someone’s feelings; simply ask the cause for the current state of performance.
4. Use Third-Level listening: Really pause and take in what people are saying with the genuine intention of understanding where they are coming from and what’s happening for them. Acknowledge by nodding your head or saying, “mm hmm,” and maintaining eye contact. Once they’ve gotten down to the base of the gap, it will be an “ah-ha” moment for them. You may have to let them talk for a bit to work through it layer by layer until they arrive at their contribution to the underlying cause.
5. Ask for Options: Now ask, “Seeing clearly now, what can be done to close the gap and put us back on track?” Enable them to come up with options, any of which they can choose to take, but do not take on their work for them. Once options are laid out, ask “Which one do you see as the best?” Once they choose, ask what you can do to support them and when they can commit to completing it.

Can you address how to give constructive feedback over email? If someone is in front of you much of the nuance can be picked up in facial expressions and body language. But not when someone is remote.

How do you prevent the email from sounding too critical or harsh?

Believe it or not, 67% of all communication is non-verbal; this is what is picked up in person (via virtual methods) but which generally gets lost via email. I would urge readers not to give feedback over email; doing it via Zoom or even phone are better methods than email. If you have no choice but to use email, I would follow the same steps as above but be very succinct and to the point. No one likes a LONG email, especially when it’s feedback on job performance. What’s more, the shorter the email, the less likely it is to be misconstrued in any way.

Of course, instead of email, you can create a collaborative document that is linked in email, which invites their thoughts and feelings about what is being shared. This is a two-way exchange, rather than the one-way nature of email.

In your experience, is there a best time to give feedback or critique? Should it be immediately after an incident? Should it be at a different time? Should it be at set intervals? Can you explain what you mean?

The answer to this question was presented in our five suggestions about how to best give constructive criticism to a remote employee, so no need to repeat here. However, I will emphasize that some team members may appreciate the regularly scheduled input to help them stay on track. Others may dread being evaluated so frequently, especially those who lack confidence in their performance. Either way, this must be done up front, gaining buy-in from each team member. It is ineffective to try and do it in the moment just before you give feedback.

How would you define what it is to “be a great boss”? Can you share a story?

For me, being a great boss means:

• Always being open and listening to team members.
• Being authentic and sharing your whole self — show your humanness!
• Hold high standards and support team members to rise to them, not lower them.
• Show compassion, empathy, and kindness and establish what these qualities look like up front, so everyone is on the same page
• Communicate very clearly; in fact, take communication to a new level. Sometimes, simpler is better.
• Be an advocate and champion for your team members. Keep their confidences and secrets, supporting them as individuals, before the company. This is how team members will come to you when they are thinking of leaving or are unhappy, or really want a promotion, etc.
• Be a good example of balance — everyone takes their cues from you, so manage your work and time well, take regular time off, exhibit self-care and healthy practices, and manage response times.

You are a person of great influence. If you could inspire a movement that would bring the most amount of good to the most amount of people, what would that be? You never know what your idea can trigger. :-)

I would create a movement to eradicate limiting beliefs and empower all leaders, through the use of neuroscientific leadership development techniques, to reach their true potential and have vast, positive impact. Think about it: as a senior leader, you impact the lives of many people — everyone you work with, your family, friends, and the community at large. I actually wrote a book on this subject entitled, “Unlimiting Your Beliefs,” which examines limiting, or negative beliefs that everyone has — beliefs that generate doubt in one’s abilities and, subsequently, inaction.

Can you please give us your favorite “Life Lesson Quote”? Can you share how that was relevant to you in your life?

“What you resist will persist until you deal with it.” That quote is from the eminent psychologist Carl Jung. He is one of my all-time favorites, and this quote sums it up for me and leadership development, specifically feedback. You will likely hear nothing new; rather, you will hear things you’ve heard before but didn’t address, mostly because you decided it was unnecessary. What Jung is saying is that these things will keep showing up repeatedly, even in different places and ways, until you finally decide to address and change them. This is our opportunity as leaders and humans.

How can our readers further follow your work online?

They can visit our website at https://yourexponentialresults.com/. They can also follow us on LinkedIn at https://www.linkedin.com/in/karenbrown/.

Thank you for these great insights! We really appreciate the time you spent with this.

It was my pleasure.