Laura Morlando, The Stress Commando On The Self-Care Routines & Practices Of Busy Entrepreneurs and Business Leaders

An Interview With Maria Angelova

Social self-care increases connectedness and improves mental health. Now more than ever we are feeling disconnected, isolated, lonely, and alone. Social self-care allows us to leave our island-of-alone and reconnect with colleagues and friends and make new connections too. When we connect with other professionals, we learn we are not alone and that we are not the only ones going through our challenges. We get to engage in Relational Networking to learn from someone and about someone, boosting our mental health.

All of us know that we have to take breaks in our day to take care of ourselves. “Selfcare is healthcare”, the saying goes. At the same time, we know that when you are a busy leader with enormous responsibility on your shoulders, it’s so easy to prioritize the urgent demands of work over the important requirements of self-care. How do busy entrepreneurs and leaders create space to properly take care of themselves? What are the self-care routines of successful entrepreneurs and business leaders? In this interview series, we are talking to busy and successful entrepreneurs, business leaders, and civic leaders who can discuss their self-care practices and self-care routines. As a part of this series, I had the distinct pleasure of interviewing Laura Morlando The Stress Commando, Founder and CEO of Down and Dirty Networking.

Laura Morlando The Stress Commando helps professionals and businesses Network Stress-Free, Work Stress-Free, and Look Stress-Free so they can be more effective and confident. She is a Marketing Consultant as well as the Founder and CEO of Down and Dirty Networking, an online community helping professionals and entrepreneurs Coelevate, Collaborate, and Connect. After going from top-tier corporate professional to successful entrepreneur due to her Dad’s Cancer illness, Laura pivoted her business 100% to the virtual space due to an Auto-Immune and Lyme diagnosis, so she knows the impact of stress and isolation on productivity and mental well-being and the importance of self-care to combat stress.

Thank you so much for doing this with us! It is an honor. Our readers would love to learn more about your personal background. Can you please share with our readers your personal backstory; What has brought you to this point in your life?

Thank you for having me! After an eleven-year career in Corporate America, my father was diagnosed with two rare forms of cancer when he was the most stressed out in his life. Since I did not believe that to be a coincidence, it was my wake-up call to make a change. Thus beginning my entrepreneurial journey as the Stress Commando “Combatting Stress One Solution At Time” for my clients and for myself. Fourteen years later, I received an Auto-Immune and Lyme Diagnosis that revealed how my former “simple” approach to life and business wasn’t simple enough. Being homebound, I had to pivot my entire business online into the virtual space streamlining processes and simplifying my lifestyle. Something I now do for my clients as a marketing consultant. Feeling isolated and alone, I realized I needed to reconnect and discovered others did too. So, I launched Down and Dirty Networking, a global online community focused 100% on Relational Networking that leverages my over 16 plus years of experience designing and leading networking trainings and workshops to eliminate professional isolation and disconnectedness.

What is your “why” behind what you do? What fuels you?

My family is my “why”. When my Dad was sick, my boss “gave me permission” to see him despite the fact that I had 12+ weeks of accrued vacation and as an executive, I did not need permission to take vacation. It was at that moment I vowed to never be in that situation again. I would be available to my family and for my family. I would do what I love and surround myself with people I love to work with and who love to work with me. Being able to help my family, friends, clients, and community members love what they do and work stress-free and not settle is what fuels me. I want them to NOT have to learn things the hard way the way I did.

How do you define success? Can you please explain what you mean from a personal anecdote?

Success is loving what you do and loving those with which you surround yourself. I am blessed to have a loving husband, family, and friends. I have clients I adore, community members that raise my vibrational energy, a team that makes working fun and fulfilling, and a network that encourages me to be my best self. I love what I do and love being able to create an impact every day.

What is the role of a growth mindset in your success? Can you please share 3 mindset mantras that keep you motivated, sane, and propel you forward?

A growth mindset is essential to success. If you are open to growing and learning, anything becomes possible and everything becomes easier. For example, the mantras that keep me going are 1) Learning is hard 2) I can do hard things 3) I’ve got this! The willingness to grow and the curiosity to learn coupled with the grace to adapt and the belief I can do it equals my winning formula for success.

You are by all accounts a very successful person. How have you used your success to bring goodness to the world?

I am focused on being generous with my time, sharing lessons learned, and providing resources, connections, or words of encouragement to everyone I interact with. The world needs more kindness and fine human beings. I strive to be a fine human being to everyone and always see how I can provide impact and positivity.

Can you share a mistake or failure which you now appreciate, and which has taught you a valuable lesson?

Where do I start? There have been so many! I think the earliest and most impactful mistake turned valuable lesson was when I was an inside sales rep. We were trying to figure out our semiconductor manufacturing client’s longstanding erratic product usage issue that would often result in a stock out and line stoppage. Which is catastrophic. We were on the verge of losing the account despite the issue being our client’s. I had done an exhaustive inquiry and shared my findings during the meeting, asking additional questions and trying desperately to show we were working on figuring it out. In so doing, I inadvertently identified a problem with the design of the product. A design I did not know was patented by one of my client’s engineers in the room. My questions and findings mistakenly ruined further use of his patented product and put the engineer in a shameful position with his coworkers as well as preventing future patent royalties. Once I realized what was happening, I quickly started asking other questions to offer another patent idea and thankfully was able to suggest a solution that would work and that he could patent. He offered to include my name on the patent but to help him save face I declined.

The lessons I learned were,

• Curiosity is good for solving problems but be ready to solve consequential problems your solutions create.
• Always be respectful when investigating problems and play nicely in other people’s sandboxes aka work areas. You never know what you will solve and inadvertently ruin.
• Patents are worth putting your name on, but doing the right thing is always right. I don’t regret passing on putting my name on that patent to help the engineer save face at work, though I do wonder what having my name on it would have gotten me.

You are a successful leader. Which three character traits do you think were most instrumental to your success? Can you please share a story or example for each?

Thank you and great question! The three traits I think have been the most instrumental to my success are:

1. Being Generous and Giving. I believe in being generous with my time, ideas, and resources. Early in my career, I often shared ideas and upgrades with interviewers about the job and often about the interview process. For example, during one of my first “real” job interviews, we were about to review my test scores from the computer proficiency test they had me take when I said, “Before you give me the results, I’d like to share how your computer test is not set up to reveal the most effective and efficient ways of doing things on the computer.” They asked me to show them, so I did. This led to a three-hour discussion where I helped them revamp their test to more accurately determine a candidate’s proficiency. They were so grateful for my feedback and willingness to give of my time and expertise to help them out. Sadly, I was not offered the job during that interview, but by the time I got home, I had a message that they were offering me another job based on my computer expertise, generosity of time, and pursuit of excellence. This has been a recurring theme throughout my career on the job, in interviews, or during my time serving on two different National Boards of Directors. Even today as a marketing consultant and for my Down and Dirty Networking members and interns, I am generous with my time, energy, and ideas to over-deliver any chance I can. I love it when I can help and make a difference!
2. Being Persistent. I will always find a way to solve a problem, reach a goal, or simplify a process. My persistence to learn and persistence in being available to my clients has led to many job offers and growth opportunities. That was the case when my largest vendor and customer merged. I remember the VP of the newly merged company telling me that anyone with this much persistence to learn and successfully apply the technical aspect of the business needed to be a part of the new team. This was high praise since I was working with engineers at the time and I was not an engineer. They actually created a new position for me in the new company. Later on, my role expanded from managing national markets to global ones because of my persistence to learn and provide excellence. By being persistent I have been able to find the perfect solutions for my customers and clients throughout my entire corporate and entrepreneurial career. As an entrepreneur, being persistent has helped me thrive and overcome any obstacle put in my way. Especially, when facing my latest health obstacle forcing me to pivot my entire business online in 2017. I was committed to finding a way that would allow me to do what I loved, leveraged my expertise, and worked around my new physical and cognitive challenges. More importantly, when it comes to my health, I am still being persistent to get to full remission. I am happy to say I have made a ton of progress and I am almost there!
3. Contagious Enthusiasm! This is something I have been told I possess since I was in grade school so I decided to embrace and own it. I think how you show up is what you get back. I prefer to receive enthusiasm, positivity, and good energy so that is what I focus on giving. Showing up in this way is what led to my first offer to be a speaker for an organization that then resulted in 40 more engagements with them, thereby launching my speaking career. Today, I often hear from attendees of Down and Dirty Networking events or attendees in my speaking engagements that they love my energy and contagious enthusiasm. This is high praise considering my energy is in low supply lately. Though it takes a lot of work to deliver high energy and contagious enthusiasm, I don’t plan to change a thing! It is much more fun and impactful to operate this way.

What are some of the most interesting or exciting new projects you are working on now? How do you think that might help people?

I am excited I just launched my Stress-Free Networking Toolkit. This five-piece toolkit saves you time and stress to network with consistency and ease regardless if you are a seasoned networker, new to networking, socially awkward, an introvert, or hate sales pitches.

We are working on expanding the video content we provide on the Down and Dirty Networking YouTube Channel and the Networking Know-How Live trainings streamed on LinkedIn and Facebook. What’s new and exciting is we are going to be expanding the live stream to YouTube and we will be conducting interactive interviews with key people who have powerful messages or resources to share to help professionals and entrepreneurs network stress-free.

Lastly, Down and Dirty Networking is participating in an intern program to help High School Students gain valuable skills and professional experience. I have enjoyed being able to give back and provide to my interns what I wish I would have been taught in school about business, marketing, sales, and networking. It has been meaningful to work with these fine young minds and rewarding to see the solutions and outcomes of their projects.

OK, thank you for all of that. Let’s now shift to the core focus of our interview about Self-Care. Let’s start with a basic definition so that we are all on the same page. What does self-care mean to you?

I believe that self-care is anything that recharges and renews you. It is all about powering up and being restored. Often, we think of self-care as all of the BIG things to relax and recharge like week-long vacations, or hour-long massages, or huge lifestyle changes that involve diet and exercise. Though all of those things ARE self-care, I have found that it is the little things done consistently over time that make the biggest difference. When we are already stressed out, overwhelmed, or burned out, the thought of taking time to do those BIG things causes more stress and anxiety and keeps us on the stressed-out hamster wheel with no way out. What I have learned and teach my clients is how impactful the little things can be and that ALL of them are simple and within our reach. The way out of stress is with self-care and it is easier than we think.

As a successful leader with an intense schedule, what do you do to prioritize self-care, and carve out regular time to make self-care part of your routine?

First, I realize that self-care means I can do more of the things I love and do them more effectively for the ones I care about. So that awareness makes it easy for me to prioritize self-care. With my current health journey, my body forces me to build in power up and recovery in everything I do. I have learned that self-care is not only something we do or prioritize, but it is a mindset. For me, it is important to be present, be excellent, and to show up powerfully. Because that is important to me, I adopted a self-care mindset and focused on the little things I could do consistently. This means I do not have to focus on doing anything “extra” or adding to my long list of “to dos” or expending energy I don’t have. Instead, I look at all of my activities through a lens of self-care and ask how I can make things simpler and easier and most importantly, how can I love doing them.

Will you please share with our readers 3 of your daily, or frequent self-care habits?

Of course! Basically, it comes down to my morning routine, my bedtime routine and the words I say throughout my day.

First, my cell phone is NOT allowed in my bedroom. This allows me to truly unwind and power up without any screen time before bed or first thing waking up. Without my phone to distract me or take my full attention, I can focus on my morning and bedtime routine. I am very intentional about what I say to myself first thing in the morning and the last thing I say to myself before I fall asleep.

Before I am fully awake and aware of whatever ache, worry, or to-do for the day, I say my gratitude mantra. Thank you for another day to serve, thank you for my bodily functions, and…then I fill in the blanks for whatever I can sense around me like my warm bed, soft pillow, air-conditioning or heat, etc. Once fully awake I get out of bed. This gratitude practice is a HUGE help in setting the tone for my day and for how my body feels.

At night, lying in bed, I say “I am proud of” … and I fill in the blanks of what I’m proud of that I have accomplished, overcame, or released in the day. I then list the things I am proud of that WILL happen in the future and allow myself to speak of them and feel the pride and accomplishment as if they have already happened. This helps me fall asleep more quickly, rest well, and etch those future pride feelings into my brain so I can wake up committed to making them happen.

The other part of my morning ritual is to make sure I accomplish one thing. Early on, the hardest part of my health journey was not having the energy or cognitive wherewithal to do ANYTHING. Often, getting out of bed was all I could do. So, once I could get out of bed more easily, I needed to add something else to “accomplish”. So, I decided to always make my bed. I simplified what needed to happen to “make the bed” and yet keep it looking inviting and stylish. Once I had a simplified “make the bed” look and routine, I made sure I stuck with it every day AND celebrated that I did it. That feeling of accomplishing one thing first thing in the morning right after my gratitude mantra propels me to start asking, “What else can I do today?” This is a much more powerful and less burdensome way to start my day. The best part is that I return to a serene bedroom at night to rest.

The other important self-care habit I work on is to focus on the words I say to myself and others. I have learned that most of us would not speak to our best friends the same way we speak to ourselves. So, I focus on speaking to myself as if I am my best friend, removing any negative language. If we want to change our world, we need to change our words and that starts with what we say to ourselves. Words have energy and affect our mindset, actions, body, and mood. Even if we don’t recognize it immediately, over time there is a profound impact. Two words I am actively removing from my vocabulary and the culture of my team and clients are the words “just” and “should”. I am “just” a nurse is what one of my colleagues in my mastermind said in a recent conversation. That word “just” used that way minimizes and marginalizes her worth and impact as a nurse. So, removing that word IS self-care so she can own the significant impact and good she is doing in this world. Some of you might be reading this and thinking, “I know I should be doing all of this or I should be making self-care a priority.” The challenge is “should” suggests that what you ARE doing isn’t good enough. “Should” places another burden of things to do and left undone on our already overloaded lists. “Should” can also often place an unfair expectation of things to get done. Shortly after my diagnosis, I was “shoulding” on myself daily saying things like I “should” be able to do this and I “should” get this done. “Should” has such a negative energy to it yet we often fan the flame of “should“ by saying and thinking it throughout our day. This is why I focus on removing “should”. When I say it, I catch myself and make a decision by asking “Do I want to do this and can I do this?”. If I don’t or can’t, I release the desire to focus on this and move on. If I do, I schedule it into my daily routine.

This is the main question of our interview. Based on your own experiences or research can you please share 5 ways that taking time for self-care will improve our lives?

Absolutely!

1. Self-care increases effectiveness, productivity, and clarity. When my father was sick, I was the financial breadwinner. My focus was on providing for my family so my father could focus on getting well, my mother could focus on caring for him, and my brother could focus on his studies. I piled on the responsibility and dismissed stress and self-care because I didn’t have time for it. What I quickly learned is that this was NOT a sustainable approach. The harder I worked and “powered on” the less effective, productive, and clear I was. I finally realized that I had to slow down to speed up. I started building in time for self-care and found I was more focused, clear, and productive. For example, I started with the little things I could do consistently every day that didn’t take much time or money. Such as taking a walk, meditating, taking time out to listen to music, actually eating lunch away from my desk and office, taking advantage of the free massage therapy that my company offered onsite, and reaching out to friends and family to connect and unwind. Though I still had the stress of my father’s illness, I could better manage it and not have to work so hard to provide for my family.
2. You said this earlier, self-care is health care. I couldn’t agree more! My father always said I loved to burn the candle at both ends. And though I denied this at first, I grew to realize he was right. What I now say is that I love burning the candle at both ends and I make sure I don’t run out of wick and wax. The ONLY way to not run out of wick and wax is to focus on self-care. My father got sick at the most stressed-out time of his life. Once he was diagnosed my father shifted his focus to self-care. His positive attitude and stress management is why I believe he defied the odds and outlasted the lifespan they predicted for him. But interestingly, it was a cardiologist I heard speak for the Go Red For Women Campaign for the American Heart Association that said, my Mom and I were at greater risk of dying from heart disease because of the stress we were under caring for my Dad than my Dad’s risk of dying from his rare cancers. I found that hard to believe at first. But thanks to my work with the American Heart Association, I learned that heart disease kills more women and men than all cancers combined and that stress is the leading cause of heart disease. This is why I was a volunteer speaker for the American Heart Association, to help find the professionals like me that were dismissing stress and self-care and to help companies realize the cost of stress on their bottom line. This was also my way of reminding ME to focus on my emotional, spiritual, and physical self-care for my healthcare by being intentional about what I eat, think, say, and do. I have come to realize that I control my responses and am not at the mercy of the situations around me. Knowing I am in control makes it easy for me to step back, slow down, recharge and power up. This intentional action helps shift my mood to a more positive one and clears my focus, improving my health and replenishing my “wick and wax”. When I am more focused and clear I am more decisive, productive, and healthy.
3. Creative self-care decreases fatigue and brain fog. There is a reason kids have recess. It allows them to burn off negative energy and engage their mind playfully, imaginatively, and creatively. I have found that as adults, we need a recess from our analytical minds. When we take time to engage in creativity this is a form of self-care for our brains. Brain fog and fatigue are something I currently experience often. Especially when I am spending lots of time in my analytical mind. The best way for me to avoid brain fog and fatigue is to actively and regularly engage in creative self-care. This can be something as simple as dreaming of how I want to redecorate my office or singing along to my favorite music, or visualizing that I am at the beach by engaging all of my senses to hear the waves, smell the salty air, see the blue sky and white-capped waves, feel the sand on my bare toes, and taste a fabulous beverage or snack. This not only rests the mind, it resets and rejuvenates it.
4. Emotional and mental self-care increases empathy and compassion. When I take time to care for my emotional and mental well-being, I am more compassionate and more in tune with my empathy. As an empath, I absorb the energy of others. This can be a good thing IF I manage what I am absorbing AND manage what I’m feeling and saying to myself. Though not everyone is an empath, every leader needs empathy to lead effectively. The only way you can increase your empathy and compassion is to show empathy and compassion to yourself first. This includes paying close attention to your self-talk language and making sure what you say to yourself is something you would say to your best friend. Often, it is not. Since I am a lifelong learner like most leaders, I allow myself the grace to learn. Learning is hard, and often I find we berate ourselves or place unfair expectations about how fast we should be “getting it.” So, giving yourself the grace to learn is an important act of self-care. I have learned that we can’t give what we don’t have. So, it is important to focus on emotional and mental self-care for ourselves so we can encourage it in those we lead. Not only will you be a better leader, but you will also be a better family member, friend, and citizen to those you interact with.
5. Social self-care increases connectedness and improves mental health. Now more than ever we are feeling disconnected, isolated, lonely, and alone. Social self-care allows us to leave our island-of-alone and reconnect with colleagues and friends and make new connections too. When we connect with other professionals, we learn we are not alone and that we are not the only ones going through our challenges. We get to engage in Relational Networking to learn from someone and about someone, boosting our mental health. When I was first diagnosed with an Auto-immune and Lyme disease, I immediately reached out to my clients and friends that were dealing with similar diagnoses for guidance. This helped me wrap my mind around what I was facing and quickly create a plan of action instead of staying in a place of despair and overwhelm saying “Ok, now what?” A few years into being homebound, the island-of-alone and isolation became too much to bear. At that time, the global quarantine had just started so everyone I reached out to was feeling exactly the same way. This is when I decided to launch Down and Dirty Networking to offer professionals a 100% Relational Networking experience to connect and share ideas and resources in a collaborative environment free from the sales pitches common in Traditional Networking. In fact, according to Cigna, the COVID-19 pandemic fueled an epidemic of loneliness that continues today. They also found that loneliness and mental health go hand-in-hand. So, it is important we safeguard our mental health by focusing on our social self-care.

Sometimes we learn a great deal from the opposite, from a contrast. Can you please share a few ways that NOT taking time for self-care can harm our lives?

Not taking time for self-care hurts your physical and mental health. This in turn negatively impacts your ability to work effectively and support those you care about. When I would come home to give my mom a break from caregiving for my Dad, she would start to spend the time doing housework and chores. I remember telling her, “Mom, who is going to take care of Dad if you don’t take care of Dad’s caregiver? Mom, you need to take a break. You can take a walk, take a nap, pray, call a friend or family member or go enjoy some retail therapy. Anything that will recharge you so you can keep taking such great care of Dad.” Reluctantly she listened and each time she would say how much better she felt with that break. So, ask yourself, “Who do you want to be there for?” And then ask, “What happens to them if you don’t take care of their spouse, caregiver, friend, boss, etc.?”

I remember when my assistant was diagnosed with her second bout of cancer. She was a wife and mom of two in her early 20s. I called my Dad and asked him how I could best support her. He gave me a lot of great advice but made sure I insisted that she take time for her self-care because her health and life depended on it. He gave his guidance on what that looked like and I agreed to give her the space to implement this self-care plan if she wanted to. She took me up on the offer and would thank me and my Dad often because she didn’t know how she could manage without it.

What business owners and leaders fail to realize is how not taking time for self-care harms productivity, performance, and the bottom line. OSHA has deemed stress a hazard in the workplace. According to WebMD, doctors report that 75% to 90% of all doctor visits are the result of stress. According to Cigna’s 2019 Data, stress-related absenteeism alone costs businesses an estimated $154 billion annually. The data also showed that lonely employees are twice as likely to miss a day of work due to illness and more than five times as likely to miss work due to stress. They are also three times more likely to admit they are less productive than workers with a similar job.

So NOT taking time to address your personal self-care and those you lead hurts you, your business, and those you care about. Trust me it is worth addressing.

What would you tell someone who says they do not have time or finances to support a regular wellness routine?

I would say, I totally understand. I used to think the same thing too. What I failed to realize is that a regular wellness routine doesn’t have to cost money or take a lot of time.

First, decide that you want to be well for those you care about. Let that become your “why” and fuel you. Then focus on doing one thing consistently for five days for your wellness and self-care. Keep your one thing something simple, like making your bed, or starting your day with a gratitude mantra, not having your cell phone by your bed at night, by drinking more water, taking a walk and mental recess in the middle of your day, or connecting with one person each day, or doing five minutes of stretching daily. Something doable. After five days, if you need more time to feel comfortable making that one thing a habit, do the one thing for another five days. If, however, you are ready to add another one thing, then add one more thing for five days. Continue this process and soon you will start asking yourself “What more can I do?” You will have developed a complete wellness routine that didn’t take much time or money AND you will be feeling so much better and armed with a self-care mindset. Remember it is the little things over time that make the biggest impact. One of my favorite sayings is “Inch by inch it’s a cinch. Yard by yard it’s hard.”

We are very blessed that some of the biggest names in Business, VC funding, Sports, and Entertainment read this column. Is there a person in the world, or in the US whom you would love to have a private breakfast or lunch with, and why? He or she might just see this, especially if we both tag them :-)

Only one person?!?! I have a list of so many I would love to learn from. Top of mind would be Oprah Winfrey or Robin Roberts so we could discuss the importance of connectedness, the power of community, and the difference mindset can make in life and business. I also have a list of San Francisco 49ers like Jerry Rice, Eddie DeBartolo, Joe Montana, George Kittle, and so many more that I would love to talk to about preparation, teamwork, and success. Finally, I have a list of Star Wars greats like George Lucas, Kathleen Kennedy, Dave Filoni, and John Favreau to name a few. I would like to talk to them about building an empire (pun intended), the art of storytelling, and balancing the demands of deadlines without sacrificing quality and the creative process. To all of them, I would ask what their biggest challenge is today and what support they need most.

What is the best way for our readers to continue to follow your work online?

LinkedIn is the best way to connect with me and follow what I’m doing online.

You can find my LinkedIn link here: https://linktr.ee/stresscommando

This was very inspiring. Thank you so much for the time you spent on this. We wish you only continued success.

About The Interviewer: Maria Angelova, MBA is a disruptor, author, motivational speaker, body-mind expert, Pilates teacher and founder and CEO of Rebellious Intl. As a disruptor, Maria is on a mission to change the face of the wellness industry by shifting the self-care mindset for consumers and providers alike. As a mind-body coach, Maria’s superpower is alignment which helps clients create a strong body and a calm mind so they can live a life of freedom, happiness and fulfillment. Prior to founding Rebellious Intl, Maria was a Finance Director and a professional with 17+ years of progressive corporate experience in the Telecommunications, Finance, and Insurance industries. Born in Bulgaria, Maria moved to the United States in 1992. She graduated summa cum laude from both Georgia State University (MBA, Finance) and the University of Georgia (BBA, Finance). Maria’s favorite job is being a mom. Maria enjoys learning, coaching, creating authentic connections, working out, Latin dancing, traveling, and spending time with her tribe. To contact Maria, email her at angelova@rebellious-intl.com. To schedule a free consultation, click here.