Leading with Heart: Tammie Otukwu On The Power of Authentic Women’s Leadership

An Interview With Pirie Jones Grossman

Building Trust: When you’re honest and open with your team, they trust you more. Sharing your own experiences helps them see you as a real person, not just a boss.

In today’s dynamic world, the concept of leadership is continuously evolving. While traditional leadership models have often been male-dominated, there is a growing recognition of the unique strengths and perspectives that women bring to these roles. This series aims to explore how women can become more effective leaders by authentically embracing their femininity and innate strengths, rather than conforming to traditional male leadership styles. In this series, we are talking to successful women leaders, coaches, authors, and experts who can provide insights and personal stories on how embracing their inherent feminine qualities has enhanced their leadership abilities. As part of this series, we had the pleasure of interviewing Tammie Otukwu.

Tammie Otukwu is an accomplished author, a certified coach, and a Legal Administrative Specialist at the U.S. Department of Veterans Affairs. Her dedication lies in enhancing the quality of life for U.S. Veterans as they transition from military service to civilian life.

Thank you so much for joining us in this interview series. Before we dive into our discussion about authentic, feminine leadership, our readers would love to “get to know you” a bit better. Can you share with us the backstory about what brought you to your specific career path?

My story is one of a girl seeking purpose and security. I was born and raised on Army bases around the world as the daughter of a career soldier. However, that comfortable life was lost when my mother decided that my father’s gambling addiction was too much for her to live with. My mother and I would move from our home where we slept in the comfort of our own beds to sleeping on the couches of family members. Even though I was a child, I felt like I had lost everything. When I grew to adulthood, I turned to the army, knowing that the Army would provide me an education. My father always told me that a good education would allow me to have a good life, so I followed his advice. That decision led to a challenging, yet fulfilling career and life. The challenges I endured to reach my career goals, from enduring homelessness to overcoming a debilitating injury that left me bedridden for months, spurred my desire to work with Veterans after retiring as Sergeant First Class. I made it my mission to assist the soldiers who were not fortunate to overcome their disabilities, emotional, psychological, and even financial hardships. Now I am following my ultimate dream of becoming a certified life coach.

Can you share the most interesting story that happened to you since you started your career?

The most interesting story in my career was when I left my home and family, terminated my lease on my apartment, and traveled to Fort Jackson, South Carolina, to pursue a promotion in the Army. I was putting it all on the line because I had to qualify for this position. Qualifying for a position in the Army meant I had to be prepared mentally and physically. The grueling physical training test, along with height and weight requirements, was administered within the first few days of reporting to the school. If I failed any portion of those requirements, the Army would have been forced to terminate my orders, leaving me without a place to live once again. I find this to be the most interesting story of my career because it is a time that taught me that I can achieve anything.

What do you think makes your company stand out? Can you share a story?

What makes my company stand out is our mission to be a hero to our forgotten heroes: US Veterans. They risk health and limb for the freedoms, comforts, and leisure that we take for granted. Many of these Veterans return shattered — broken spiritually, emotionally, psychologically, and financially. As a life coach, it is an honor and a blessing to assist these heroes as they battle to put their lives back together.

You are a successful business leader. Which three character traits do you think were most instrumental to your success? Can you please share a story or example for each?

In my journey as a business leader, I’ve found three important traits: resilience, empathy, and adaptability. Throughout my years in the Army, I faced countless challenges that demanded resilience, both professionally and personally, but one particular experience stands out. There was a time when a back injury left me bedridden for months. I couldn’t walk, let alone fulfill my duties in the Army. It was a painful and frustrating time, but I refused to let it define me. Through sheer determination and perseverance, I overcame that disability. It wasn’t easy, but eventually, I was back on my feet and qualified for reentry into the Army. This experience taught me the true meaning of resilience — pushing through adversity, even when it seems insurmountable. It’s a lesson I’ve carried with me throughout my career as a leader, reminding me that no obstacle is too great to overcome with the right mindset and determination.

Empathy has been another hallmark of my leadership journey. As a life coach for Veterans, understanding their struggles and experiences is paramount. By truly listening to their concerns and offering genuine compassion, I’ve been able to establish trust and provide personalized guidance. Many Veterans I’ve worked with have felt lost or disconnected after leaving the military, but by empathizing with their feelings and tailoring my support to their needs, I’ve helped them find direction and purpose in civilian life.

Lastly, adaptability has been key in both my military and business leadership roles. In the Army, I learned firsthand the importance of being flexible and resourceful in various situations. Whether it was adjusting plans due to unexpected changes or navigating uncertain environments, my adaptability allowed me to make quick decisions and lead my team effectively. In the corporate world, this trait has served me well in responding to market shifts and guiding my team through uncertainty.

Leadership often entails making difficult decisions or hard choices between two apparently good paths. Can you share a story with us about a hard decision or choice you had to make as a leader? I’m curious to understand how these challenges have shaped your leadership.

When I decided to join the military at 22, I faced a tough decision. On one hand, I really wanted to grow personally and have the chance to go to college, which the Army offered. But on the other hand, leaving my daughter for two months was hard for me as a mom.

In the end, I chose to enlist. It wasn’t an easy choice, but I saw it as an opportunity for both personal and family growth in the long run. This decision taught me the importance of making tough choices that align with my values and goals, even when they are not easy or popular.

This experience showed me that leadership often entails dealing with complex situations and making decisions that might be tough but are necessary for the greater good of all parties. My time in the military taught me a lot about resilience, determination, and adaptability — qualities that have shaped how I approach leadership challenges and tough decisions since then.

Ok, thank you for that. Let’s now jump to the primary focus of our interview. Can you share a personal experience where embracing your unique leadership style, which might not align with traditional expectations, led to a significant positive impact in your organization or team?

One personal experience where embracing my unique leadership style, which diverged from traditional expectations, had a significant positive impact was during my time serving as a platoon leader in the Army.

In a traditionally male-dominated environment, I brought a different perspective and leadership approach influenced by my background as a mother and a woman. While some may have expected a more authoritative or rigid leadership style, I chose to lead with empathy, inclusivity, and a focus on building strong relationships within my team. By opening up and showing vulnerability, I was able to connect with my soldiers on a deeper level, fostering trust and camaraderie within the team.

In your journey as a leader, how have you balanced demonstrating resilience, often seen as a masculine trait, with showing vulnerability, which is equally powerful, but typically feminine? Can you give an example where this balance created a meaningful difference?

In my leadership journey, I’ve discovered the importance of striking a balance between demonstrating resilience, often associated with masculine traits, and showing vulnerability, typically perceived as feminine. This equilibrium is essential for cultivating a supportive and authentic leadership style.

As a leader, I recognized the necessity of exhibiting resilience in navigating the uncertainties and challenges that accompany change. However, I also understood the significance of displaying vulnerability to forge deeper connections with my team. Instead of projecting an image of invincibility, I openly shared my own struggles and uncertainties regarding the changes we were encountering. By acknowledging my vulnerabilities, I created a space for my team members to do the same. This equilibrium between resilience and vulnerability empowered my team to confront challenges with confidence and adaptability. They felt supported knowing that their leader was both strong and human.

As a woman in leadership, how have you navigated and challenged gender stereotypes, especially in situations where traditional male-dominated approaches are the norm? What strategies have you employed to remain authentic to your style?

As a woman in leadership, navigating and challenging gender stereotypes, I’ve remained committed to staying authentic to my own leadership style. Instead of conforming to stereotypical expectations of assertiveness or aggression, I’ve chosen to lead by example, embracing qualities such as empathy, collaboration, and emotional intelligence. By demonstrating the effectiveness of these traits in leadership, I’ve challenged preconceived notions and shown that there’s more than one way to lead successfully.

I’ve actively sought out opportunities to advocate for diversity and inclusion in the workplace, building strong networks and support systems by surrounding myself with mentors, allies, and peers who share my values and beliefs. Overall, navigating and challenging gender stereotypes in leadership requires resilience, determination, and a commitment to authenticity. By embracing my unique strengths and qualities as a leader, I’ve been able to navigate male-dominated environments while remaining true to myself.

How do you utilize emotional intelligence and active listening to create an inclusive environment in your team or organization? Could you share a specific instance where these qualities particularly enhanced team dynamics or performance?”

I utilize emotional intelligence and active listening to ensure everyone in my team or organization feels included. My focus on understanding others’ feelings and perspectives helps create an environment where everyone feels valued.

What role has mentorship played in developing your authentic leadership style, and how do you communicate authentically to inspire and empower both your mentors and mentees?

Mentorship has played a significant role in shaping my authentic leadership style. Throughout my career, I’ve been fortunate to have mentors who guided and supported me, helping me discover my leadership style.

I strive to communicate authentically with both my mentors and mentees. When interacting with my mentors, I express gratitude for their guidance and support, and I’m honest about my aspirations and challenges. By being transparent and open, I create a trusting and supportive relationship.

Similarly, when mentoring others, I aim to inspire and empower them through authentic communication. I help mentees feel valued, heard, and empowered to embrace their unique leadership styles and pursue their goals with confidence. Ultimately, mentorship is a two-way street, and authentic communication is key to its success.

Based on your experience and research, can you please share “5 Ways Leading Authentically As A Woman Will Affect Your Leadership”?

Leading authentically as a woman can have a significant impact on how your team works together and how they feel about their jobs. Here are five ways it can make a difference:

1. Building Trust: When you’re honest and open with your team, they trust you more. Sharing your own experiences helps them see you as a real person, not just a boss.

2. Including Everyone: Being yourself encourages others to do the same. By embracing your background and identity, you show your team that it’s okay to be themselves too.

3. Helping Others Grow: When you’re genuine, it inspires others to be their best selves. By being a role model and supporting your team members, you help them reach their goals.

4. Keeping Everyone Motivated: When you’re passionate about your work, it rubs off on others. Sharing your enthusiasm helps keep your team engaged and excited about what they’re doing.

5. Dealing with Challenges: Being open about your struggles makes it easier for your team to deal with tough times. By showing that it’s okay to make mistakes and learn from them, you help your team bounce back stronger.

Are there potential pitfalls or challenges associated with being an empathetic leader? How can these be addressed?

There are indeed potential pitfalls and challenges associated with being an empathetic leader.

One challenge is the risk of being perceived as too soft or indecisive, particularly in environments where toughness and assertiveness are valued. As a woman in leadership, I’ve encountered expectations to conform to traditional masculine norms, which can sometimes overshadow the effectiveness of empathy in leadership.

Another challenge is the emotional toll that comes with empathizing with others’ struggles and challenges. It can be draining to absorb and process the emotions, pains, and sorrows of other people, particularly in high-stress or emotionally charged situations.

I’ve learned to strike a balance between empathy and assertiveness. Empathy doesn’t mean being passive or avoiding tough decisions; rather, it involves understanding others’ perspectives and emotions while still maintaining firmness and clarity in leadership. Clear communication and setting boundaries can ensure that compassion doesn’t compromise your ability to make tough decisions or hold others accountable.

You are a person of great influence. If you could start a movement that would bring the most amount of good to the most amount of people, what would that be? You never know what your idea can trigger. :-)

I would ensure no US Veterans suffer hunger, homelessness, or poverty.

How can our readers further follow you online?

Follow me at www.WarAftertheMilitary.com

Thank you for the time you spent sharing these fantastic insights. We wish you only continued success in your great work!

About The Interviewer: Pirie is a TedX speaker, author and a Life Empowerment Coach. She is a co-host of Own your Throne podcast, inspiring women in the 2nd chapter of their lives. With over 20 years in front of the camera, Pirie Grossman understands the power of storytelling. After success in commercials and acting. She spent 10 years reporting for E! Entertainment Television, Entertainment Tonight, also hosted ABC’s “Every Woman”. Her work off-camera capitalizes on her strength, producing, bringing people together for unique experiences. She produced a Children’s Day of Compassion during the Dalai Lama’s visit here in 2005. 10,000 children attended, sharing ideas about compassion with His Holiness. From 2006–2009, Pirie Co-chaired the Special Olympics World Winter Games, in Idaho, welcoming 3,000 athletes from over 150 countries. She founded Destiny Productions to create Wellness Festivals and is an Advisory Board member of the Sun Valley Wellness Board.In February 2017, Pirie produced, “Love is Louder”, a Brain Health Summit, bringing in Kevin Hines, noted suicide survivor to Sun Valley who spoke to school kids about suicide. Sun Valley is in the top 5% highest suicide rate per capita in the Northwest, prompting a community initiative with St. Luke’s and other stake holders, to begin healing. She lives in Sun Valley with her two children, serves on the Board of Community School. She has her Master’s degree in Spiritual Psychology from the University of Santa Monica and is an Executive Life Empowerment Coach, where she helps people meet their dreams and goals! The difference between a dream and a goal is that a goal is a dream with a date on it!