Lori Hanson On How Authenticity and Vulnerability Pay Off and Help You Win Personally and Professionally

An Interview With Maria Angelova

Being authentic can reduce stress because you aren’t hiding the truth. You don’t have to remember who you shared with, and who you didn’t. You don’t have to worry about what you’re hiding or that presenting yourself as something you’re not.

Being vulnerable and authentic are some of today’s popular buzzwords. It may seem counterintuitive to be vulnerable, as many of us have been taught to project an air of confidence, be a boss, and act like we know everything. In Brene Brown’s words, “vulnerability takes courage.” So is vulnerability a strength or a weakness? Can someone be authentic without being vulnerable? How can being authentic and vulnerable help someone grow both personally and professionally? In this interview series, we are talking to business leaders, mental health professionals and business and life coaches who can share stories and examples of “How Authenticity and Vulnerability Pay Off and Help You Win Personally and Professionally.” As a part of this series, I had the pleasure of interviewing Lori Hanson.

Lori Hanson, The Success Whisperer is an Executive Performance Coach, Keynote Speaker and Author of 5 award-winning books. The founder and CEO of Lori Hanson International she left a successful tech sales career to inspire and help executives and leaders shift their mindset for success — to amplify their authentic voice, own their value, and step up to their Next Level of success. Lori believes you have NO Limits.

Thank you so much for doing this with us! Before we start, our readers would love to “get to know you” a bit better. Can you tell us a bit about your childhood backstory?

If we go all the way back, perhaps I was contemplating right from the start about how to make my entrance. I was born three weeks late. They actually pulled me out with forceps! Fortunately, I don’t think that is in use these days. My childhood shaped me to be independent from early on. My family moved a lot in the Midwest (Chicago, Columbus, all over in Michigan). In all, I attended 3 grade schools, 3 high schools and 2 colleges. I never really felt like I fit…anywhere. I wasn’t popular, pretty or the life of the party. I was very musical, an excellent violinist and gifted singer, I also played piano and saxophone.

I struggled with low self-esteem and body image from a young age — which led to an eating disorder for ~25 years. Despite this, I was very independent. I excelled at work — as a teenager. Working was the first place I felt valuable. My dad taught me accounting in the car on the way to school and I helped him manage properties for his client.
School was a means to an end; I was an average student. I was a bit of a rebel (still am), that’s where my courage and confidence showed up! I knew early on I was on this planet to be unique. I labeled myself “never good enough” for years. I was drawn to self-development and improvement as a young girl. This led to me finding my voice, learning how to be authentic, courageous and to live in my Zone of Genius as a speaker and coach (I love speaking and being on stage, feeling that exchange of energy with the audience. Powerful!).

Can you please give us your favorite “Life Lesson Quote”? Can you share how that was relevant to you in your life?

“Whatever the mind of man can conceive and believe, the human mind can achieve.” — Napoleon Hill

I’ve had this quote (slightly adapted to “human mind”) framed and on my wall for years. When I went to work for Combined Insurance, a company started by W. Clement Stone, in the early 80’s, I received a copy of the book he wrote with Napoleon Hill, Success Through a Positive Mental Attitude.

That was my first introduction to the concept that I actually had a choice about the decisions I made and that I had major influence on how to create success and how I lived my life. It planted a seed.

Over the next few years this led to a discovery of Jack Canfield (before his success with the Chicken Soup books) and the journey to setting an achieving goals in sales and being more comfortable in my own skin to own my voice and value. And most importantly to speak up. It took a hot minute.

Is there a particular book, podcast, or film that made a significant impact on you? Can you share a story or explain why it resonated with you so much?

There have been many, the most recent is, The Big Leap by Gay Hendricks. I received a copy a couple of years ago and just started reading it for the 6th time last weekend. The author’s description of the 4 zones we live in (zone of incompetence, competence, excellence and genius) and the difference of living in your Zone of Genius vs staying in the safety of your zone of excellence resonates so strongly. What really hit home for me is what happens when you hit your personal “upper limit.” And the ways we sabotage and self-adjust to unconsciously stay in our comfort zone. I’ve used the example of the thermostat for years (how we adjust back to our level of comfort just like a thermostat keeps the temp the same) and the author expands on it in a way that has really helped me understand why we do certain things to totally crash an incredibly happy moment; reaching a higher level of success and how to see it.

Let’s now shift to the main part of our discussion. Let’s begin with a definition of terms so that each of us and our readers are on the same page. What exactly does being authentic mean?

Do you remember the ad campaign, “Is it live or is it Memorex?” Back in the days of cassette tapes (how I first heard Jack Canfield), this was a phrase we heard often. It comes to mind when I think of authentic. Could you tell if the sound was genuine, authentic or was it a recorded copy?

Before you leave the house for work, for a party or for a very important meeting — you put on your best face, right?
You dress more selectively and maybe you don a bit of makeup, to show up as your “best self.” This is a public persona, and most likely not the way you look at home.

Being authentic is lifting the mask of this public persona and allowing others to see the “real” you. You demonstrate through your style of leadership that you aren’t perfect, and share a little of who you really are. A personal tidbit that makes you relatable. And you do so without obsession over whether someone likes you — or not.

When it comes to communication, being authentic, it means that you communicate with integrity, honesty, and compassion. As a leader if you must share news that is uncomfortable, you may start with, “This isn’t news I’m really comfortable sharing, however it’s something that we need to discuss and work through.” or “There’s something I need to tell you, that you may not like, but it’s important that I share this with you.”

What does being vulnerable mean? Can you explain?

Being vulnerable is having the courage to open up to someone and share something personal with them.
Being vulnerable can increase your sense of worthiness and authenticity. It can also open the door to a deeper connection with another individual, team or group.

What are the positive aspects of being authentic and vulnerable? Can you give a story or example to explain what you mean?

I remember the first time I had the courage to share in a keynote speech that as a result of starting my first business, I ended up many thousands of dollars in debt and even lost my home. I didn’t plan to ever share this…boy was I surprised by the result!

By sharing this (back in 2011), audience members came up and thanked me for sharing my story and told me that they too had lost their home in 2008–2010.

I became much more relatable in that program — and it encouraged me to be more authentic, and not so perfect when I speak. Something that has made a big difference in my ability to inspire and motivate people, and gives me a wider opportunity to influence as a thought leader.

Are there negative aspects to authenticity and vulnerability? Can you give a story or example to explain what you mean?

The biggest risk of being authentic and vulnerable, and why people often tend to avoid doing so, is it leaves you open to judgement. If you are concerned what other people think, you may avoid this. However, I go back to a quote by Eleanor Roosevelt, “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.”

If what someone else thinks about your opinion censor’s you, then you’re not really being authentic. Your full life isn’t on display, you can choose to take calculated risks.

For example, as a thought leader and public person, I don’t share my political views — because it’s personal and I’m not here to influence others politically. It really comes down to the level of risk you’re ready to accept.

From your experience or perspective, what are some of the common barriers that hold someone back from being authentic and vulnerable?

Common barriers as I mentioned above is the willingness to be the first to be vulnerable, to share, to open the door. We’ve likely all been in situations where you share something private and asked that it not be shared — the first time you did it at work and it came back to haunt you, it made you think twice about doing it again.

It’s that tightrope of sharing something that can be used against you — and deciding where you need to be strategic about what you share. I had a client who recently ended up the scapegoat in a work situation. They learned from it and have already adjusted what they will/won’t share going forward. There is a line between over sharing and being authentic and vulnerable. It’s a personal line that only you can determine where it is for you.

Here is the central question of our discussion. What are five ways that being authentic and vulnerable pay off, and help you win, both personally and professionally?

1 — Being authentic can reduce stress because you aren’t hiding the truth.
You don’t have to remember who you shared with, and who you didn’t.
You don’t have to worry about what you’re hiding or that presenting yourself as something you’re not.

You don’t have to live in fear that who you are and how you show up will come back to haunt you.
Being authentic is a freedom that is the opposite of imposter syndrome, which has a foundational element of living in fear of not being good enough and thinking that you need to emulate someone else to measure up.

2 — Being vulnerable is an amazing way to create a solid foundation to a real connection with another person.
You are actually serving them, showing you care by opening the door and inviting them in — to your inner circle. Even if only one small step. Think about how nice it feels when someone you trust and respect shares something with you that makes you feel like you’re in the inner circle…you can tell when it’s not a façade with a hidden agenda. It allows you to make a calculated, strategic decision on what you can share with them. And of course — every conversation doesn’t have to be “calculated.”

3 — Being authentic and vulnerable in personal relationships with a partner will create a much more solid foundation for lasting friendship, communication and collaboration as a couple. There’s a gal in my Authentic Leader Forum who recently shared that she doesn’t express her preference often with her husband. And with my encouragement, she made a commitment to start small, expressing her preference for what they watch on television. She’s been allowing him full “remote control” for years.

By starting small with a preference about what you eat, where you eat, what you watch together, what trips you plan…you can foster growth in a beautiful way, no matter how many years you’ve been together!

And if you’ve forgotten — you have just as much value as everyone else on this planet! We are all here for a purpose.

4 — Being authentic and vulnerable requires clarity, confidence and courage. Powerful life skills that will boost you up to your next level — whatever that happens to be for you.

Clarity — you’ve got to have a vision that is clearly defined.
Clarity to know what you want, who you want to be, how you want to show up and how you want to lead in this life.

Confidence — by developing a clear vision whether personal or professional, it will assist you in boosting your confidence (not ego) to continue to be more authentic and vulnerable.

Courage — when you have clarity and confidence, it’s much easier to find the courage to “BE YOU.”
This can release you from all the indecisiveness of whether you should, could or want to. Think of a courageous person you know and what you love about what they said, did and the impact of their action(s).

Candor — have you had conversations with someone who is honest with you, in a way that doesn’t hurt or feel like an attack? That comes from a perspective of compassion.

I was in sales for many years in the tech world, and it was far more helpful to have someone tell me, “No, we’re not interested, or we don’t have a budget for it,” than to lead me on over a series of meetings, or worse yet, to say, “I love it!” and then avoid me. Why is it people are so resistant to say “No thank you?”

I heard this quote years ago which still rings true, “People believe they can lie to a salesperson and still get to heaven.” Have the candor and respect not to waste their time or yours…it is far more comfortable than hiding and lying.

Compassion — a key element for stepping into confidence and courage.
In learning to be effective while being authentic and vulnerable requires compassion. Instead of an abrasive “Take me or leave me,” delivery, it’s taking the time to think carefully about what you want to say and how you deliver the message — whether personally; in or out of the bedroom; or professionally to a person who just isn’t cutting it. Having the compassion to let someone know they aren’t hitting the mark, are underperforming and providing guidance for them with a roadmap to get back on track…if that’s possible, is powerful.

5 — One of the biggest rewards for being authentic and vulnerable is the ability to feel satisfied.
Feeling satisfied is a place that allows you to appreciate everything you have, everything you’ve done, and who you’ve become — no matter where you are today. There’s a phrase I live by that is “Feeling satisfied and eager for more.” That means I’m in a great place with where I am vs. comparing myself to others, being envious, feeling not enough, etc. Being dissatisfied leads to dis-ease in life.

Starting every day from a place of being satisfied with who you are in this moment, is a powerful way to start your day! It’s a shift in energy that will fuel you and positively impact others you meet.

You are a person of great influence. If you could inspire a movement that would bring the most amount of good to the most amount of people, what would that be?

From where I stand today, creating momentum for people to be more compassionate, to genuinely care about each other would be so rewarding. I’m a huge animal lover. Animals regularly demonstrate many examples of caring and compassion with true, authentic energy. I’ve said for years, “If we all had tails there would be no politics!” Animals know who they can trust and who they can’t because they are in tune with their pure energy and follow their instincts.

If more people trusted their instincts and had compassion for each other and animals, this world could be an amazing place. A place where people thrive, collaborate and respect one another…for the simple fact that every one of us has value. Every one of us is here for a reason and every life is important.

Is there a person in the world whom you would love to have lunch with, and why? Maybe we can tag them and see what happens!

I’d love to have lunch with Goldie Hawn. I remember an interview she did once, where she said from a young age her goal was to be happy. She radiates happiness! I’ve enjoyed her laugh and zest for life for many years (all the way back to Laugh-In), and the way she’s connected with her family. I love the mindset work she is doing for kids through her foundation with MindUP; she’s giving back in a compassionate way to help the young ones find a better way to engage with life. That’s a beautiful thing.

How can our readers follow you online?

Website: LoriHansonInternational.com (Take the Voice Confidence Quiz)
Twitter: LoriHansonSpkr
Instagram: lorithesuccesswhisperer

Thank you so much for sharing these important insights. We wish you continued success and good health!