Margaret Feldman Of HairStixies: What I Did to Heal Emotionally and Physically After a Challenging Childbirth
An Interview With Lucinda Koza
Take Time for You In an instant you become completely responsible for another human around the clock. This is a great responsibility that can leave you exhausted. During the postpartum period, when possible, I tried to take time for me, whether that meant taking a short walk outside to get some fresh air or going to acupuncture to help reset my nervous system, I tried to take time to recenter which would ultimately help me come back a better version as a mom. I also continued to work on HairStixies, which was actually really helpful for me. I felt like I still had something that was “mine” and was able to get a baby brain break and work on something different.
Childbirth can be a beautiful yet challenging experience that impacts women both emotionally and physically. The journey to recovery is often filled with unique hurdles and personal growth. We would like to feature and interview individuals who have navigated this journey to share their stories and insights on the steps they took to heal emotionally and physically after a challenging childbirth. As a part of this series, I had the pleasure of interviewing Margaret Feldman.
Margaret Feldman is the founder of HairStixies, a new invention that provides a solution for hair-filled shower walls. Margaret was driven to find a solution for her hair-filled shower wall during the Pandemic and came up with the idea for HairStixies — a sticky pad for your shower wall hair that looks like a notepad but functions like a lint roller. It took her over two years to research and design HairStixies, which is now patented. Margaret is also a mother and welcomed a baby boy a few short months after launching HairStixies.
Thank you so much for joining us in this interview series! Before we dive in, our readers would love to “get to know you” better. Can you tell us a bit about you and your backstory?
Absolutely! During the pandemic I was staring at a hair-filled shower wall and I had the idea for HairStixies — a sticky pad for shower wall hair. I decided to create a new invention even though this was unlike anything I had worked on before. While creating HairStixies my husband and I were preparing to start a family and I went in for routine blood work and discovered I had suboptimal thyroid levels which a) can cause hair loss and b) are not ideal for fertility and pregnancy. So, in tandem with working on HairStixies, I embarked on a health journey as well. I found a functional medicine doctor and worked with her to get healthy and my thyroid optimized. Fast forward, I got pregnant and later that year launched HairStixies. HairStixies ended up going viral and selling out when I was 8 months pregnant! And then a few weeks later I gave birth to our baby boy, Duke. It has been quite the adventure!
Can you share your childbirth experience and what made it particularly challenging for you, both emotionally and physically?
Well, I want to start by saying childbirth was initially my greatest fear in life. Also, for background I have passed out before getting simple bloodwork done so the idea of giving birth was quite daunting. I did a ton of prep work (extensive birth class, hired a doula, prepared my body during pregnancy) to prepare the best I could. And what I learned is how important your mindset is during birth. We are conditioned to fear birth but what I’ve learned is our bodies are designed to do this. I also did a lot of research regarding my provider and the hospital I gave birth at to try to ensure I had a team who I felt safe with. What was most challenging for me was the duration of labor. I was in labor for 29 hours. When I arrived at the hospital, I was 5 cm dilated (the scale is 0 to 10). After 20 hours of unmedicated labor (and doing all the things — dilation station on the toilet, walking the hallways, lifts and tucks, laboring in the shower) I only dilated to 7 cm and at that point the team discovered our baby was head down but facing the wrong way (“sunny side up”). At that point I decided to get an epidural and rest and then woke up and continued laboring. The nurses used a peanut ball between my legs and rotated me in various positions to help progress labor — which worked! Eventually I was ready to push. The pushing stage was long as well — about 3.5 hours. Towards the end I did also spike a fever. Despite the prolonged labor, our baby boy arrived exactly on his due date!
What were the first steps you took to begin the healing process after childbirth, and how did they help you cope with the initial emotional and physical aftermath?
The first steps I took to begin the healing process was to rest and give my body a chance to recover. I didn’t try to do too much. I also kept open lines of communication with my husband and the nurses in the postpartum unit if/when I had concerns or questions as a first-time mom.
Did you seek support from healthcare professionals, family, or community groups during your recovery? If so, how did their involvement contribute to your healing journey?
During recovery we worked with healthcare professionals for both my baby and myself. We worked with a lactation consultant to help establish breastfeeding and ensure proper weight gain. We also did a lot of bodywork to help our son with tension post birth. We worked with a craniosacral therapist, osteopath, pediatric chiropractor, feeding therapist and dentist. For my recovery, I saw my functional medicine doctor, chiropractor and acupuncturist. All of these professionals helped us both recover after the long birth we experienced. We also heavily leaned on support from immediate family who came to help us when our son was initially born. Their help was essential in helping us manage those early, difficult days. Whenever I had questions, I also reached out to mom friends who had babies just slightly older and they were all so supportive, kind and helpful.
Were there any specific practices, such as mindfulness, therapy, or physical exercises, that played a significant role in your emotional and physical recovery?
I started meditating before I got pregnant and I have found that practice has been helpful not only during my pregnancy and labor but also during the postpartum period. Acupuncture is also a personal favorite. My body responds really well to it and I leave those sessions feeling calm and recentered. I also have continued seeing a therapist who helped me on my health journey before getting pregnant (probably the single most important thing I did before becoming a mother) and who has helped me now as I transition to life as a mother and the challenges that come along with motherhood.
Can you please share “5 Things You Need to Heal Emotionally and Physically After a Challenging Childbirth”?
1 . Time to Rest This sounds so simple but I think is often overlooked. I made it a priority to stay in bed and rest early on. You are swollen, sore, bleeding and you are exhausted. I truly think the best thing you can do is take time to rest. Give your body and mind a break and a chance to repair and heal. This is the time to slow down, cuddle your baby and just take in the moment and give yourself credit for the feat you just conquered. Many of the health practitioners I deeply respect who supported me while I was pregnant emphasized how many women do too much too soon and that actually hinders their recovery. For me personally, any formal exercise regimen has been off the table — I do walks, play with my baby etc. When I get a moment of reprieve I choose to sleep and it has been the best thing for my body and mind postpartum.
2 . Support for Household Tasks My husband and I had a pretty good system in place for maintaining our house before the baby arrived. When the baby came, everything was turned on its head. Laundry and dishes pile up, cooking feels like a monumental task. You really are in survival mode. If you can get support lined up to help you take care of those daily/weekly household responsibilities it’s a huge burden lifted and allows you to focus on what matters most to your healing which is resting and bonding/taking care of your baby. We prepared some freezer meals ahead of time (highly recommend doing that) and when we had support for these tasks it helped decrease our stress. Having healthy meals to nourish your body is also an important consideration. Your body just did the ultimate marathon and you are depleted and eating healthy foods certainly helps in recovery.
3 . Take Time to Process Your Birth Giving birth is such a monumental moment, especially as a first-time mom. I vividly remember a moment my husband and I took in the postpartum room when we finally had time to ourselves to begin to process what had just happened. I also had the opportunity to debrief my birth with our doula who had supported us before and during labor as well as the midwife who ultimately delivered our son. Having those conversations was so important because it allowed me to reflect on what happened, what went well, what was difficult and ask questions I had. I also scheduled time with my therapist to support me during postpartum because it is such a challenging time where you are dealing with an identity shift, sleep deprivation and a whole new set of challenges.
4 . Take Time for You In an instant you become completely responsible for another human around the clock. This is a great responsibility that can leave you exhausted. During the postpartum period, when possible, I tried to take time for me, whether that meant taking a short walk outside to get some fresh air or going to acupuncture to help reset my nervous system, I tried to take time to recenter which would ultimately help me come back a better version as a mom. I also continued to work on HairStixies, which was actually really helpful for me. I felt like I still had something that was “mine” and was able to get a baby brain break and work on something different.
5 . Support for Your Infant Birth is an experience that not only impacts the mother but also greatly impacts the child as well. And if a child is in distress, that will greatly impact a mother’s ability to heal post childbirth. A prolonged birth was stressful on my son. As the early newborn days unfolded, we learned just how much the birth impacted him. For example, he was holding his head up within the first couple of days and we thought, wow he is so strong. But we later learned holding his head up so early was a clear indicator of tension he had from the birthing process as well as a tongue tie. Our son was extremely colicky not only during the newborn days but also months afterwards which initially impacted his weight gain as well as affected his daytime and nighttime sleep. I strongly believe colic is not a diagnosis but a symptom so we spent a significant amount of time and resources trying to 1) identify the root cause of his discomfort (extremely hard to do when there are so many factors to consider and when the person you are trying to help can’t communicate) and 2) give him as much support as possible for his body to release tension and process birth trauma. During his first year of life we’ve worked with lactation consultants, bodyworkers (pediatric chiropractor, craniosacral therapist and osteopath), a feeding therapist and dentists. As we approach his one-year birthday I think we are on the right path and he is now thriving! It takes time to figure everything out and get the support you need.
In what ways has society supported you as a new mother recovering from a traumatic birthing experience?
I think society is particularly good at celebrating and sharing in the excitement when a baby first arrives. I’m also incredibly grateful to the family and friends who reached out to me post birth to check in to see how I was doing. We had immediate family who came to help out in those early days which we are incredibly grateful for. That early help gave me time to sleep, rest and heal. We also had friends who came over to visit who brought us homemade meals. I will never forget the kindness we received from family and friends during such a vulnerable time. It really meant the world to me and my husband.
In what ways have you felt unsupported, invalidated, or even re-traumatized?
I do not think the general public understands the full extent of what mothers go through during birth and in postpartum. I have to admit, I really did not get it until I went through this experience myself. The sheer exhaustion and lack of support at times in the postpartum period is really, really difficult. I also think that women aren’t really given time to process or acknowledge the superhuman act they just did by bringing life into the world. Birth still feels like a taboo topic and I think that prevents women from talking about their experiences which hinders information sharing which would benefit everyone by 1) allowing women to know they are not alone 2) allowing women to go into birth more educated and 3) allowing others to be more empathetic and understanding of what mothers go through to bring life into the world. Probably one of the most hurtful things that has happened to me post-birth is when someone criticized my empathetic reaction to my baby’s cries. I still think we have a long way to go in understanding and recognizing the psychological effects a mother experiences when her baby cries and also respecting a mother’s own intuition for her individual child.
How did you navigate the balance between taking care of your newborn and prioritizing your own healing needs during the postpartum period?
Taking care of your newborn while also trying to recover postpartum is a tricky thing to balance. My husband played a huge role in taking care of our newborn so that I could get time to sleep/rest when I wasn’t pumping or taking care of the baby. He also took extra unpaid time off from work so he could be there for us as we navigated those tough early months with a colicky baby.
Wonderful. We are nearly done. Is there a person in the world, or in the US, with whom you would like to have a private breakfast or lunch, and why? He or she might just see this, especially if we tag them. :-)?
Sara Blakely! She’s been my virtual mentor for years now and she doesn’t even know it! :) She is an incredibly talented businesswoman and I admire how she built her company. Not only that, but she is a mother of four. I deeply admire her ability to follow her dreams but also support her family and care for her children. She has made an incredible impact — not only by the example she has lived but her philanthropic efforts as well.
If you could start a movement that would bring the most amount of good to the most amount of people, what would that be? You never know what your idea can trigger. :-)
There are so many movements worth considering! One that comes to mind that I think is relevant is providing education and support for children (and their families) during their early, critical years. We spend so much time, money and resources on children during school and college years but the early years when a child is so vulnerable, so malleable and impressionable, where rapid brain development is taking place and social and emotional development is taking place, attachment is forming — during these critical years, parents can feel isolated and can also feel like they are drowning and under resourced to put it frankly. And if a parent is feeling that way, children will undoubtedly feel it too. If we could place greater emphasis on this critical time in a child’s development by a) better educating about the importance and fragility of these early years and b) provide resources to better support children and their families (i.e., better maternity/paternity leave policies, access to support professionals, access to community) that will profoundly impact the rest of their life. I think such a movement would have a ripple effect that would not only positively impact one individual child but create healthier and happier children for generations to come.
How can our readers follow your work online?
Professionally you can visit HairStixies.com or @HairStixies for our socials. Personally, you can follow me @MargaretFeldman on socials.
Thank you so much for joining us. This was very inspirational.
About the Interviewer: After becoming her father’s sole caregiver at a young age, Lucinda Koza founded I-Ally, a community-based app that provides access to services and support for millennial family caregivers. Mrs. Koza has had essays published in Thought Catalog, Medium Women, Caregiving.com and Hackernoon.com. She was featured in ‘Founded by Women: Inspiration and Advice from over 100 Female Founders’ by Sydney Horton. A filmmaker, Mrs. Koza premiered short film ‘Laura Point’ at the 2015 Cannes Film Festival and recently co-directed ‘Caregivers: A Story About Them’ with Egyptian filmmaker Roshdy Ahmed. Her most notable achievement, however, has been becoming a mother to fraternal twins in 2023. Reach out to Lucinda via social media or directly by email: lucinda@i-ally.com.
