Maria DiLorenzo Of MFD Style On The 5 Things You Need To Be A Highly Effective Public Speaker
An Interview With Fotis Georgiadis
Believe in Yourself and Your Message. We have to believe that who we are and what we have to say is worthy. If we allow the outside world to dictate that worth, it rocks our personal foundation and makes it too dependent on external forces. The true power of an effective public speaker comes from within. Speak your message with that belief in self, and watch the magic happen.
At some point in our lives, many of us will have to give a talk to a large group of people. What does it take to be a highly effective public speaker? How can you improve your public speaking skills? How can you overcome a fear of speaking in public? What does it take to give a very interesting and engaging public talk? In this interview series called “5 Things You Need To Be A Highly Effective Public Speaker” we are talking to successful and effective public speakers to share insights and stories from their experience. As a part of this series, we had the pleasure of interviewing Maria DiLorenzo.
Maria DiLorenzo is the Founder and CEO of MFD Style, a Boston-based wardrobe consulting business. For the last 15 years, she has educated and guided those who seek to make a stronger connection between their self-presentation and self-love, and with her intuitive styling approach, she has helped hundreds transform into the best version of themselves by leveraging their wardrobe to reflect this insight. After nearly 20 years of leading a wide variety of public gatherings, workshops, seminars, webinars, and trainings in both nonprofit and corporate settings, she now speaks about the intersection of psychology, spirituality, and style in her podcast, Above & Beyond Style. She holds a B.A. in psychology from Loyola University, New Orleans and a M.A. in pastoral ministry from Boston College.
Thank you so much for doing this with us! Our readers would love to get to know you a bit better. Can you tell us the story of how you grew up?
In retrospect, my childhood was pretty idyllic. I was born and raised in Irving, Texas with two older siblings. I think I had the best of both worlds growing up because I also got a taste of “only children” life, as I was 12 when my sister and brother moved away for school or a job. I was a focused kid and pretty academically competitive with classmates and friends. My parents truly never had to push me in school or activities. I always had enough intrinsic motivation to do what I needed and really wanted to excel, often to the point where they would encourage me to relax a bit! I had many authentic friendships, several of which I have maintained to this day. I was active in school clubs and organizations, cared about my education, and ultimately was a pretty happy child.
Life wasn’t perfect by any means, but I think I was lucky. My family loved me, supported me, and I actually enjoyed being with all of them. As many youngest children can attest to, I learned to hold my own. I was a quick study. I learned to play all the games the adults were playing. I got to taste alcohol before it became some kind of forbidden fruit, and I was encouraged to explore and experiment. I was pretty imaginative, too. My mom never had to ask me how things went at school because I would reenact everything that happened that day in my pretend bedroom classroom. I always wanted to be a teacher, which I think was kind of in the ether of my home, as my dad was a college professor. Education was definitely a pillar for our family, and I am someone who really enjoys learning, especially about people and behavior.
I was a fairly sensitive child- not in the way that it prevented me from living life, but I remember really “feeling” things. I think my emotional intelligence started from a pretty young age, likely before I ever really understood what that meant. It made me someone who cared about people and felt my own fair share of highs and lows.
Can you share a story with us about what brought you to this specific career path?
My career path has been anything but linear! And perhaps only now I can see how each of those twists and turns led me to being a wardrobe consultant. It’s like my entire life has been slowly releasing the breadcrumbs of where I am now, and as I pick up the piece that’s in front of me, I just keep trying to integrate what I am doing and learning along the way.
My educational background is in psychology and theology/ministry. I LOVED learning about what makes people tick and how that connects with their greater understanding/purpose in life. After finishing my master’s degree and an internship on a college campus, I got a job in higher education. I had a pretty formative college experience, and I thought I had a lot to offer college-aged students. Turns out I was right! I worked in higher education in a variety of roles for nearly 15 years. From there, I went on to hold roles in human resources and organizational development at the corporate level.
So how does all of this connect with me being a wardrobe consultant now? The crazy part is that I was styling as a “side hustle” through every professional role I have ever had. It began as a way to earn extra income and now has become my full-time career. I always loved clothes and the ways people express their individuality and communicate messages through wardrobe choices, but what I couldn’t have predicted is how psychology, spirituality, and style would be woven into everything I do.
Perhaps the most interesting story is when I can pinpoint this realization. It was the summer of 2010, and I had a part-time job selling designer clothing at Nordstrom. I was in the break room with my lunch containers half-eaten when my sister called to say that my dad, who had been diagnosed with cancer a year prior, was failing rapidly. I quickly moved to action, booked a flight to Dallas, and began packing for what would likely be his funeral.
I remember sitting in my bedroom that evening pulling together clothes for the trip. Most people would gravitate to wearing black, as is customary to do. For a reason I am only now able to fully understand, I had a visceral reaction to wearing black. I couldn’t do it. It felt cold, dark, lonely, and harsh. I didn’t feel ANY of those things when I thought about my dad, nor did I want to feel that way when I would have to show up and attend his memorial service. I wanted to feel soft, supported, courageous, and brave as I did this impossibly hard thing. Without giving it a second thought, I selected a lovely cream silk wrap dress with a grey geometric pattern on it.
I went to my dad’s memorial service in that dress and felt exactly as I needed to that day: held, loved, courageous, and brave. I believed that I was worthy enough to give myself the permission to choose to feel gentleness, tenderness, and compassion, which I would extend to ANYONE else in this circumstance. It was then that a light bulb went off in my head about my wardrobe choice. Not only had I listened to my own inner voice about what I knew I needed, but I upheld that belief in what I wore. Self-presentation became an expression of my self-love, and it helped me do a really hard thing.
There is a profound relationship between how we feel and how we express those feelings through wardrobe, and this became the essence of my career choice. I wanted to help people see wardrobe for more than just a method for covering their body. With the right amount of intention and introspection, wardrobe can be the ultimate tool for support. My dad’s memorial service gave me first-hand experience with this fact, and I knew I was supposed to share that lesson with the world. Style is about the clothes, but it’s really not about the clothes.
Can you tell us the most interesting story that happened to you since you began your career?
One of my most interesting stories is my actual first paying client, which I found via Craigslist, back in the early 2000s. I placed an ad for in-person style services, and I had a gentleman reply who was looking for help creating outfit combinations because of his color-blindness. Aside from the fact that I went to a male’s home (as a single woman) without really any kind of screening process, I also never had worked before with someone who was colorblind. I remember texting a friend the address where I would be in case something went wrong. Gratefully, my client was incredibly kind and easy with which to work. I felt really proud of myself for that appointment because I created systems and strategies that would help him differentiate colors and ultimately create the outfits he wanted.
Can you share a story about the funniest mistake you made when you were first starting? Can you tell us what lesson you learned from that?
Maybe this is of no surprise for someone who works with clothing, but I’ll just say two words: wardrobe malfunction. And I will spare the client’s name, but we had an incredible laugh when we discovered (gratefully in the fitting room) what special body part was showing off a bit too much. The lesson: always give yourself a full-body once over before walking out the door!
None of us are able to achieve success without some help along the way. Is there a particular person who you are grateful towards who helped get you to where you are? Can you share a story about that?
My first retail job was at Anthropologie, and this was in the days before in-house stylists were common. I often worked shifts with the in-house stylist, and she was the first person who opened my eyes to an actual career in styling. She had independent clients alongside her work at Anthropologie, and it was her model that I would reference many, many times as I built my own styling business. I recently reconnected with her (thanks to social media), and I am deeply grateful for her influence.
You have been blessed with great success in a career path that can be challenging and intimidating. Do you have any words of advice for others who may want to embark on this career path, but seem daunted by the prospect of failure?
There truly is nothing to gain when you operate from a mindset of fear of failure. Being a small-business owner requires overcoming any beliefs that say you are not worthy, good enough, or don’t matter. I am fiercely committed to maintaining a mindset of abundance, love, and possibility. In my mind, there are always two paths to choose: fear or love. I always want to choose the path of love, and whatever lights me up in love, I know that it’s worthy to follow, even if it turns out differently than I expected.
What drives you to get up everyday and give your talks? What is the main empowering message that you aim to share with the world?
My father’s death was the most transformative moment in my life to date. It was through the experience of his memorial service that I discovered a key message for me: Self-presentation is an expression of self-love, and it can enable us to do hard things in life. I want as many people as possible to understand and integrate this powerful insight. It feels like if I do that, I am living my purpose.
You have such impressive work. What are some of the most interesting or exciting projects you are working on now? Where do you see yourself heading from here?
A recent exciting project is the launch of my podcast, Above & Beyond Style, where I unpack the intersection of psychology, spirituality, and style. I had been toying with the idea of hosting my own podcast for nearly two years, and in the summer of 2021, I recorded what would become my first episode. I know that I have a unique perspective with these three topics, and it informs many of my speaking engagements. The podcast gives me one more place to promote my ideas and share the lessons where style informs more than just what meets the eye. It would be crazy cool and fun if someone like Brené Brown listened and shared my work! In the meantime, I am excited to invite select guests as relevant thought-leaders for season 2.
Can you please give us your favorite “Life Lesson Quote”? Can you share how that was relevant to you in your life?
“The plan is there is no plan.” It’s attributed to a spiritual coach I’ve worked with, and she inspired me to let go of focusing so much on outcomes and redirect my attention to the feelings and emotions I want to experience along the way. As a recovering Type A personality, I often would get hyper-focused on the many steps between point A and Z (the cursed “how” questions would plague me!) and spend an inordinate amount of time trying to predict outcomes. Once I learned to release the pressure of knowing the plan, I began to enjoy the process and engage more fully in the present experience. There was also more unexpected joy in the ways the plan actually plays out.
Ok, thank you for all that. Here is the main question of our interview. What are your “5 Things You Need To Be A Highly Effective Public Speaker?” Please share a story or example for each.
- Practice:
Every successful public speaker will tell you practice truly makes perfect. There are no short cuts to getting better; you simply have to do it as often as you can. I am forever grateful all of my professional positions required me to get in front of large groups of people and speak, for all sorts of reasons. Malcolm Gladwell said you have to practice 10,000 hours to become an expert at something. Exceptional public speakers are exceptional because we practice a LOT. - Pay Attention to Your Speech Cadence:
The inflection of your voice has power beyond the words you use. Effective public speakers know that the way we deliver our content matters. How you raise or lower the volume of your voice, the articulation of certain words, and the pacing of your speech are essential to mastering cadence. - Get Personal:
Public speaking requires you to communicate information and ideas, and as humans, we process new information and ideas more effectively when we can relate it to something in our existing environment or life. Your personal stories not only allow your audience to relate to you as a human, but people may imagine themselves in your story, too. This kind of transference actually creates an emotional connection to your message, almost like we might feel when watching a movie. - Be Emotive:
This links to getting personal as we are emotional beings. Effective public speakers know the importance of leveraging emotions to tell their stories. Part of storytelling is the willingness to share vulnerabilities and lessons that some may not admit to, while normalizing you felt a certain way. When I told the story of my dad’s memorial in my podcast, I was floored by the number of listeners who responded positively to the way I shared that transformative emotional experience. - Believe in Yourself and Your Message
We have to believe that who we are and what we have to say is worthy. If we allow the outside world to dictate that worth, it rocks our personal foundation and makes it too dependent on external forces. The true power of an effective public speaker comes from within. Speak your message with that belief in self, and watch the magic happen.
As you know, many people are terrified of speaking in public. Can you give some of your advice about how to overcome this fear?
I think this basic fear comes from the inner angst of looking or sounding foolish, with the anticipation of being judged negatively by your audience. Overcoming this fear requires deep belief in who you are and what your message is. I guarantee you will begin to “settle in” the more deeply rooted your belief in self becomes. It takes a great deal of inner work, but fear won’t stand a chance once you realize that little voice undermines who you really are and what you have to say.
You are a person of huge influence. If you could inspire a movement that would bring the most amount of good to the most amount of people, what would that be?
This is a really fun question because I spend a lot of time dreaming about this very scenario. If I could inspire a movement of people to fully embrace their self-worth and see the connection between their wardrobe choices and their self-beliefs, I would feel like my soul’s purpose would be fulfilled.
Is there a person in the world whom you would love to have lunch with, and why? Maybe we can tag them and see what happens!
Can I have two?! A podcast listener told me that I sound like a blend of Brené Brown (@brenebrown) and Tan France (@tanfrance), and I haven’t stopped wishing to talk with them both! They clearly have an appreciation for human behavior and the power of leveraging our choices to live a happier, healthier life.
Are you on social media? How can our readers follow you online?
I can be found on the web at www.mfdstyle.com or on Instagram at @mfd_style. My podcast, Above & Beyond Style, is available on all major podcasting platforms.
This was so informative, thank you so much! We wish you continued success!
