Marjan Najafi of Qyro On How We Can Solve The Loneliness Epidemic Among Young People

An interview with Pirie Jones Grossman

Join a community — after you understand yourself better, then you can go out there and find communities of people who like the same things as you. This is one of the silver linings of technology. I never thought I would find a group of bankers who would be interested in meditation and mental relaxation. I was just not looking in the right places. So I found them and we are growing our little community!

Our youth are facing a loneliness epidemic like never before. They have “social” media, but many are lacking healthy social lives. Many have likes and virtual “friends” but not real live friends. They can text and tweet but not speak and listen and connect. And they are feeling it. Humans were made for real live interaction, and we crave it when we don’t get it, or don’t even know how to go about looking for connection. How can we solve this loneliness epidemic that young people face? As a part of our interview series about the ‘5 Things We Can Each Do Help Solve The Loneliness Epidemic Among Young People ’ we had the pleasure to interview Marjan Najafi.

Marjan is the CEO and co-founder of Qyro Ltd, an award-winning company providing stress management and resilience solutions to professionals globally. She spent 14 years in the financial industry as a senior private banker before deciding to merge her life-long passion for mental well-being and business success through Qyro.

Thank you so much for doing this with us! Our readers would love to “get to know you” a bit better. Can you share your “backstory” with us? What was it that led you to your eventual career choice?

Cortisol. In one word that´s the main reason why I left the financial industry to start my own venture helping business professionals. There is excessive levels of toxic and chronic stress in the corporate world, and I faced it personally as well. Nobody really teaches you how to handle this level of pressure, and yet you are expected to outperform year on year. There seemed to be a huge gap between resources available and the expectations. And that´s why I decided to leave my job, get all the certifications I could and partner with psychologists and other experts to create new solutions for professionals to help them with their stress and resilience. There is no one solution that fits all when it comes to stress. So for the first time (at least in the corporate sector), we are offering techniques which can be tailored to each individual´s particular needs. In addition to that, I am a certified coach. Getting a coach during my most troubled days was a life-line. Now I aim to do the same for my clients through my coaching.

Can you share the most interesting story that happened to you since you started your career?

I remember one year I was behind my sales targets. I was usually doing fine, but this particular year, I was quite behind…and it was already September, so only a couple months to go before the end of the year. I remember my big boss, like boss´s boss´s boss, came flew in from abroad and was going around saying hello to everyone. Just checking in to see how they are doing. I was so scared cause I was convinced he will fire me as soon as he sees me. So, I snuck out and went to the washroom hiding, hoping if he didn’t notice me, then I would be safe. This is a very sad way of responding to fear. And reacting purely from a place of fear. This was the problem. My judgment had become clouded. I wasn’t thinking clearly about anything.

After this episode, I sat down one day and thought to myself, ok, what was that? Why did I react this way? This is when I started reflecting a lot, and then realizing that my life was really driven by fear.

I started having some other warning signs too. The pressure of reaching my targets was getting too much. I was not sleeping well. My eating habits were not healthy. I was drinking. I gained weight.

And by pure chance, I met a coach, and decided to give it a go. I never used to believe in coaching to be honest. I used to think it is too hippy, or it´s a waste of money.

But I decided to give it a chance. Cause I knew something wasn’t right in my life. Something was off balance.

And it was through coaching that I realized wow. I needed a lot of work re-aligning my life with what mattered to me. My values. My goals in life. And it was incredibly helpful.

It has been said that sometimes our mistakes can be our greatest teachers. Can you share a story about the most humorous mistake you made when you were first starting? Can you tell us what lesson or takeaway you learned from that?

On my first day at work, I misspelled my boss´s name on an email which I sent to the whole company by mistake. Lesson learned: always double-check emails before sending!

Are you working on any exciting new projects now? How do you think that will help people?

Yes — we have just created 4 new e-learnings on stress management and relaxation techniques. These skills are key in this time and age as our lives are getting more complex by the day. Most people are still not aware of these incredible skills which they can easily learn and integrate into their busy lives. “Autogenic Training” is one example. The name sounds intimidating and weird, but trust me, once you learn it, you will be able to relax in minutes no matter where you are, whether you are sitting at your office desk, waiting for a meeting to start, or at home on your sofa.

Can you share with our readers a bit about why you are an authority on the topic of ‘The Loneliness Epidemic Among Young People’?

Loneliness is a big topic that keeps coming up in our coaching. And it is something that is evident across all industries and seniority levels. I have been coaching clients who are very young, just about to graduate their university and they are feeling extremely lonely inside. I also have senior leaders who are in their 50s and feel the same. Loneliness knows no age, and it stems from so many factors in our lives. In our coaching framework, we use a myriad of techniques to help individuals who are facing loneliness. These include Cognitive Behavior Therapy (CBT), affirmations, mindfulness, and also relaxation techniques such as autogenic training and progressive muscle relaxation, which all help our clients first relax their body and mind before talking about their feelings and anxieties. We first assess what type of relaxation technique would work best on the individuals, and then only after the mind is relaxed, we start talking about blockages. In most cases, people have developed toxic core beliefs about themselves, such as “I am not good enough” or, “I don´t deserve happiness”, which then blocks them from building meaningful connections or doing activities that would bring them joy.

In some cases, they have lost touch with themselves and that´s why they find it difficult to connect meaningfully with the people around them. Developing skills such as CBT, affirmations, mindfulness or autogenic relaxation really help individuals to first become aware of what is happening in their minds, and then creating an action plan based on that. We first need to encourage people to start from a place of understanding and self-love, before moving to any solutions. And this seems to be the hardest thing. There are so many toxic and negative self-beliefs that are formed which really hamper efforts to build solid meaningful relationships. Only after this step is done, then we encourage moving to creating an action plan.

We see this as the most effective and helpful method towards a positive direction.

Ok, thank you for that. Let’s now jump to the main focus of our interview. According to this story in the New York Times, loneliness is becoming an increasing health threat not just in the US, but across the world. Can you articulate for our readers 3 reasons why being lonely and isolated can harm one’s health?

1. It is no secret that we as social beings thrive when we have meaningful connections in our lives. This could be with friends, partners, or family members. When this is lacking in our lives, we feel the void and this negatively impacts our mental health and well-being.
2. When our mental health and well-being are jeopardized, then this affects our physical health as well. We resort to toxic behaviors such as smoking or drinking. Short term pleasures with long term damages.
3. Sometimes loneliness leads to filling the “void” in our lives with meaningless relationships just so that we are “escaping” feeling lonely. This tends to lead to additional loneliness.

Based on your experience or research, are children impacted differently than adults by the loneliness epidemic? How?

I am not a child expert however loneliness can be experienced differently depending on a myriad of factors. Age can be one factor.

On a broader societal level, in which way is loneliness among our youth harming our communities and society?

Loneliness knows no national boundaries and is evident in even the most affluent communities. If support is not provided or help is not sought, then it can lead to extreme behaviors or reactions. When this happens, of course, the whole community or society at large suffers.

The irony of having a loneliness epidemic is glaring. We are living in a time where more people are connected to each other than ever before in history. Our technology has the power to connect billions of people in one network, in a way that was never possible. Yet despite this, so many people are lonely. Why is this? Can you share 3 of the main reasons why our young people are facing a loneliness epidemic today? Please give a story or an example for each.

1. Social media — despite its potential to be revolutionary when it comes to connecting people, most young people I see suffer from social media fatigue where they are constantly bombarded with advertisements or stories/pictures of their idols or friends having a heavenly life. This leads to a lot of pressure on the young minds and leads to negative core beliefs such as “I am not good enough”, or, “I am less worthy of love”.
2. Negative core beliefs — even if some people are off social media, there are still many can of worms inside us that people don´t want to open. These are core beliefs which have been formed over the years, usually since childhood. And they dictate the terms in our minds. Many young people today suffer from this and in most cases, they don´t even know it unless they speak to a professional.
3. Core values — many people are confused about their values: what is important to them? What do they want to achieve in life? What does a happy self look like? These are some key questions that many young people are not clear about. And the best way to tackle them would be to speak to a professional.

What signs would you tell parents, friends, or loved ones to look for in young people they think may need help? Can you please explain?

A therapist would be in best position to answer this. In my experience, the thing about loneliness is that it can be really well-hidden. So sometimes you may seem people who “seem” like the happiest people, however, they still have their loneliness inside them. My top advice would be to not make any judgements unless you have actually had a heart-to-heart conversation with the person.

Ok. It is not enough to talk about problems without offering possible solutions. In your experience, what are the “5 Things Each Of Us Can Do To Help Solve The Loneliness Epidemic Among Young People?” Please give a story or an example for each.

1. Encourage therapy or coaching — they have been a gamechanger for my personally, and I would highly recommend everyone to seek professional support. When speaking to an objective third person, such as a coach, you end up learning immensely about yourself, your values, and your deeply hidden core beliefs. Once you are aware of that, then that would be the best starting point to make positive changes in your life.
2. Find the relaxation technique that is right for you — nobody teaches us this skill in life unless you proactively go for it. I used to think of it as another “hippie” thing every time someone mentioned “relaxation”. But after delving into it, I realized that wow, it is actually really powerful and life changing. My top suggestions would be to start with autogenic relaxation or progressive muscle relaxation.
3. Understand yourself and your core beliefs — our beliefs about ourselves drive our behavior. Which means our lives depend on them. They say, “you are what you think”. And this is so true. Try to find out what your beliefs are and how/why you have them. Once you do that, then you can use “affirmations” to make them even better. This is something that really helped me immensely personally, especially during the most difficult times in my life. For example, I used to get nervous before important conversations. And by using affirmations, I was able to strengthen my confidence and become much, much better at it.
4. Stop comparing yourself to your “friends” or idols on social media. I hope this is self-explanatory!
5. Join a community — after you understand yourself better, then you can go out there and find communities of people who like the same things as you. This is one of the silver linings of technology. I never thought I would find a group of bankers who would be interested in meditation and mental relaxation. I was just not looking in the right places. So I found them and we are growing our little community!

You are a person of great influence. If you could inspire a movement that would bring the most amount of good to the most amount of people, what would that be? You never know what your idea can trigger. :-)

I would make a movement to make it compulsory for companies to offer a host of relaxation and stress management techniques to their employees in a way that respects individual needs — not in a “one solution fits all approach” such as offering a meditation app and asking everyone to “just mediate and feel better”. This won´t work. In my movement, companies would provide the right platform and solutions so that each individual can create their own relaxation journey.

We are blessed that some of the biggest names in Business, VC funding, Sports, and Entertainment read this column. Is there a person in the world, or in the US with whom you would love to have a private breakfast or lunch with, and why? He or she might just see this if we tag them :-)

I would love to have breakfast with Adam Grant! I love his work, and would have a million questions to ask him if we met.

How can our readers further follow your work online?

Qyro.io

Thank you so much for these insights. This was so inspiring, and so important!

Thanks for the opportunity!

About The Interviewer: Pirie is a TedX speaker, author and a Life Empowerment Coach. She is a co-host of Own your Throne podcast, inspiring women in the 2nd chapter of their lives. With over 20 years in front of the camera, Pirie Grossman understands the power of storytelling. After success in commercials and acting. She spent 10 years reporting for E! Entertainment Television, Entertainment Tonight, also hosted ABC’s “Every Woman”. Her work off-camera capitalizes on her strength, producing, bringing people together for unique experiences. She produced a Children’s Day of Compassion during the Dalai Lama’s visit here in 2005. 10,000 children attended, sharing ideas about compassion with His Holiness. From 2006–2009, Pirie Co-chaired the Special Olympics World Winter Games, in Idaho, welcoming 3,000 athletes from over 150 countries. She founded Destiny Productions to create Wellness Festivals and is an Advisory Board member of the Sun Valley Wellness Board.In February 2017, Pirie produced, “Love is Louder”, a Brain Health Summit, bringing in Kevin Hines, noted suicide survivor to Sun Valley who spoke to school kids about suicide. Sun Valley is in the top 5% highest suicide rate per capita in the Northwest, prompting a community initiative with St. Luke’s and other stake holders, to begin healing. She lives in Sun Valley with her two children, serves on the Board of Community School. She has her Master’s degree in Spiritual Psychology from the University of Santa Monica and is an Executive Life Empowerment Coach, where she helps people meet their dreams and goals! The difference between a dream and a goal is that a goal is a dream with a date on it!