Author Mary Willcox Smith On How to Raise Children Who Feel Loved and Connected

An interview with Pirie Jones Grossman

Consider “Special Time”. I save this for last because very often parents roll their eyes when I bring up “special time”. Somehow the term itself is off-putting, as if they weren’t special enough already! The immediate reaction is “I give my kids attention all the time!” or “There’s no way I can find an hour every week to go do something extra with each child.”

When someone comes to me and they are feeling particularly disconnected or that the child’s behavior is out of control, it’s one of the first things I consider. It’s not a magic pill for every situation but, when it is, for anyone who’s been able to stick to it fairly consistently for several weeks, they report feeling closer to their child and seeing significant changes in their behavior.

Parenting is challenging. We all try so hard to give our all to our children. We desperately want them to feel loved and connected. But somehow there is often a disconnect. Perhaps it’s a generational thing, or that we don’t seem to speak the same language as our children, or just all of the “disconnection” that our kids are dealing with in today’s frenetic world. What are steps that parents can take to help their children feel loved and connected? As a part of our series about “How to Raise Children Who Feel Loved and Connected” we had the pleasure to interview Mary Willcox Smith.

Mary Willcox Smith is a Parent Coach, Speaker, and Author. A mom to four daughters, Mary’s passion for neuroscience, mindfulness, and child development inspired her book, Small Moments, Big Impact: The MicroStep Method for the Overwhelmed Parent (September, 2023). Mary holds an MBA from INSEAD Business School, is a Master Certified Life Coach, and a Certified Positive Discipline Expert. She provides coaching to an exclusive roster of parents and frequently speaks with schools, corporations, and parent groups.

Thank you so much for joining us! Before we dive in, our readers would love to get to know a bit about you. Can you tell us your “childhood backstory”?

I grew up the fifth of six children. I didn’t require a lot of attention. My mother left me in the crib for hours because I never complained. I was affable, bright, cute, and easy and got good grades. My father was a brilliant trial lawyer. My mother was this beautiful, hard-working, kind person. We lived in an idyllic house on the hill, rode our own horses, and played tennis at the club.

But that’s only half the story. My father was also an alcoholic, paranoid, and bipolar. He was abusive. My mother tolerated his behavior, but she was overwhelmed and scared. Growing up for me and my siblings felt chaotic. That was the norm, and there were many times when we simply couldn’t count on our parents. It wasn’t “safe”.

My way of coping was to become a perfectionist. As you probably know, we have a big problem today with perfectionism and kids. It looks like “When I am perfect, I will be worthy and loved.” And that’s an awfully big hill to climb. But I was pretty good at it: captain, president, great college, more sports and leadership roles.

So as this resilient, very able little person, I grew up constantly pushing, succeeding, and ignoring that angst and pushing away that feeling of “how can everything be so great yet I can still feel so awful?” While I was high functioning and never had full blown depression as a child, I knew something was ‘off’.

For me, perfectionism was more like what we call a compensatory strategy. We do something with conviction to avoid something else. I could excel so I didn’t have to feel. I could be a robot. On the surface, these strategies are great for equipping us to “keep going,” but they don’t resolve the root problems. They really just perpetuate the pain and confusion, and very often lead to depression or anxiety.

Can you share the story about what brought you to this specific point in your career?

A big part of me getting into this career is that I had four girls in five years. My second child was born with a handful of serious medical conditions so she required a lot of extra care and was constantly in and out of the hospital and couldn’t go to school for fear of her getting sick. I was running around to all kinds of doctors and when it became an emotional problem, I looked externally: change schools, try to find a new activity, throw money at therapists.

Those first years with my girls were busy but amazing. All joy but not fun, as they say — but I was so focused on Catalina’s medical issues which was time consuming and mentally exhausting that I could let some of other little behaviors slide. My girls were pretty good. But as we hit double digits and tweens, behavior got worse, and I began to see my own depression and anxiety creeping up in my own girls. It was something I’d tried so hard to NOT let happen.

I’m self-aware and was reading everything, but suddenly the emotions surfacing for the girls were too much for me. I didn’t know how to handle them, or the behavior that came with them. So, while we looked like a model family from the outside, we had some really difficult years. I had never learned to hold boundaries so had no idea how to hold them with my own children.

Suddenly behavior that I wanted and needed to control felt just out of my reach and control. I simply didn’t have the tools. And I should never have expected to have the tools. I had never learned them. We think parenting is going to be so obvious. We say, “I’m a good person, people like me. Surely parenting will be the same?” But you only bring to the table what you learned as a child. And for me, when I looked down into my parenting tool box, it was basically empty.

And then I started seeing the anxiety and depression crop up as well. I knew I had to give it all I had. When I realized there were many other overwhelmed parents just like me, I decided I wanted to be part of a different solution.

Ok, thank you for that. Let’s now jump to the core of our discussion. This is probably intuitive to many, but it would be beneficial to spell it out. Based on your experience or research, can you explain to us why it is so important to forge a strong connection with our children?

The reality is, I’m not so sure it’s completely intuitive. It wasn’t for me, and I’m an extremely social person who connects easily with people. I never really put a label on my ability to engage, listen, and empathize with people or the positive impact that had on my relationships. I had mistakenly assumed parenting would be the same.

In my book, Small Moments, Big Impact: The MicroStep Method for the Overwhelmed Parent, I explain that there’s connection and there’s “connection”.

The first type is that fun part of parenting, when everyone’s happy, laughing, rubbing noses, your kid has just won a trophy or got a great role in the play. They’re spilling coffee and syrup all over the place but bringing you breakfast in bed. In those moments, it’s so easy to see our children as the amazing humans that they are. We need that and it’s wonderful!

The second part, the “connection” is the piece around children being “seen and heard.” This connection is more about understanding them and their perspective and accepting them regardless of what’s actually happening. This is the “empathy” piece that we hear so much about.

The very quick brain science is that when babies are born, the umbilical cord which has been there to connect them to us and sustain them, gets cut. But they still need to be bonded to us. The physical umbilical cord is replaced by an “emotional umbilical cord.” And that is connection.

Louis Collazano is a brilliant therapist who specializes in neuroscience, trauma, and attachment. He says that we can add a corollary to Darwin’s survival of the fittest — those who are nurtured best, survive best. Healthy early connections allow for optimal growth of the prefrontal cortex and all of our amazing higher thinking capacities. These include impulse control, responsibility, motivation, good decision-making — all things we want our children to master!

What happens when children do not have that connection, or only have a weak connection?

Connection is one of a handful of hard-wired needs that kids have — just like food. If they aren’t getting that need filled, their survival systems jumps in and tries to figure out how to get it. Since kids don’t have the words to articulate what they need, “Excuse me Mom, if you could just try to understand my perspective, I might do what you are asking,” they resort to other measures.

Depending on the child this could look like acting out such as using irritating behaviors to get attention, fighting back to get attention, not doing homework, getting in trouble at school, refusing to cooperate, or becoming overly sensitive, or even shutting down and giving up “it’s no use trying.” And when we try to fix the problem but don’t get to the root cause, they often get louder and louder to get us to notice.

When clients come to me with a behavioral issue, I almost always look at the connection piece before anything else. And sometimes, all it takes is helping the child to feel connected again and the behavior follows. I almost wouldn’t believe it if I hadn’t seen it so many times with my own eyes.

Over time, if those emotions are repressed through fear or by our dismissal, they can start to simmer. It’s that festering that is often the precursor to issues with self-regulation, anger management, anxiety, or depression.

But I want to add that it is really, really important to know that you are going to blow up and disconnect. We’re all fallible. We aren’t robots. And that’s why we have the repair. You go back and make amends. They see you take accountability, and they see that you care. That’s parenting in a nutshell. Rupture, repair, repeat.

Do you think children in this generation are less likely to feel loved and connected? Why do you feel the way you do?

I want to say categorically that they are not less loved. Parents love their kids. Fiercely. And from everyone I see in my private practice, everything parents do, they do because they love their kids so much. I think the issue is more that the culture we live in today is very hard and confusing for raising children. Parents just don’t have the information or training that they need. Three things immediately come to mind.

One of my favorite authors is Gabor Mate; he talks a lot about the shift that’s happening where kids are more oriented towards their peers, rather than the adults around them. Children need attachment to their parents or caregivers. They need that north star. They need unconditional love, along with a safe haven to which they can retreat. Peers are fickle and self-absorbed, which they should be, but that is in fact the opposite of total acceptance and ultimate understanding, which is what parents offer in a true moment of connection.

The second is obvious. The proliferation of digital distractions and social media only intensifies the negative impact of this decline in attachment parenting. Basically as soon as kids have social media or technology that connects them to other kids, they are going to prefer that over parents. It’s simply harder for parents to lure kids back into the fold. It takes more energy when you’re fighting behemoths like Meta who are doing their best to addict your children to their devices. And as we all know, once kids become engrossed in virtual connections, it’s at the expense of meaningful, face-to-face relationships.

Lastly, as parents, it’s easy to attach an inordinate amount of importance to our children’s achievements especially given a societal value of “win at all costs”. To be honest, I was no exception. I didn’t want to win at all costs, but my surge of pride was very fulfilling whenever a child “achieved” something, even though it really wasn’t ‘my’ achievement.

As parents, kids’ successes can sneak in as a reflection of our own self-worth. When we are experiencing their accomplishments vicariously, it’s difficult to be focused on their perspective. We think we are. We think our love is on display because we are helping them get a better grade or make the better team or get into the better class. But usually when we are driving our kids based on our own needs, it’s coming from fear or our own unmet needs. We think that’s what they need to feel good about themselves or to be confident or to have self-esteem.

Interestingly, research shows that parental over-involvement is one of the most consistent parenting predictors of anxiety in childhood.

We live in a world with incessant demands for our time and attention. There is so much distraction and disconnection. Can you share with our readers 5 steps that parents can take to help their children feel loved and connected? Please include examples or stories for each, if you can.

This is the focus of my new book, Small Moments, Big Impact: The MicroStep Method for the Overwhelmed Parent, and a topic I’m passionate about. Here are 5 steps I recommend:

1 . Embrace Interruption.Parenting requires a willingness to embrace interruption. Some parents feel like all they do is correct, criticize, or nag their kids, which can lead to a feeling of disconnection. A really quick and impactful way to build connection is to smile at your child when they walk in a room. The trick is to let your face speak what’s in your heart. Look them in the eye, and light up. Let your face say that you’re glad to see them. That’s it! This tiny gesture speaks volumes.

I was working with a Mom who had three kids and every morning her five-year-old would refuse to get dressed for school. More often than not, she had to leave with the other two girls and then come back for the third, which messed up her entire morning. It became clear that the mom was just directing the little girl around trying to get her to eat her breakfast, comb her hair, brush her teeth, find her clothes, etc.

We agreed that for one week, when the little girl would walk into the kitchen, disheveled and sleepy, that the mom would stop whatever she was doing, get down to eye level, and spend 30 seconds saying good morning and that she’d missed her all night and was so happy to see her. Then she’d ask, “what do you want to do first, get dressed or have breakfast.”

By the third morning, the girl started choosing to get dressed and mornings were miraculously better. No, it’s not always going to be a black and white turnaround like that, but regardless of our age, we’re all simple beings, and hearing something nice from the people you love and admire only reinforces your sense of self-worth and belonging.

2 . My Two Minute Rule. We don’t need research to tell us that phones are simply too hard to ignore. In Reclaiming Conversation, Sherry Turkle wrote about the impact of technology — mostly smartphones and social media — on face-to-face conversations and human connection. The truth is that just looking at your phone during a conversation often results in a deterioration of the moment. Inevitable as it is, our attraction to our phones has a real cost on human connection.

Think about it, when we make a choice to look at our phone, the message we give is “this text is more important than you.” That’s a hard pill to swallow. I don’t suggest giving up your phone or silencing social media forever, but I often recommend building in micro bursts of intentional face-only time with each child, and consciously putting the phone aside in those moments.

3 . Use TV Intentionally. Very often, especially with preschool or elementary-aged children, we simply run out of energy. We know that too much screen time is bad for them and we feel guilty about letting them watch too much. Are you ready for the good news? There is a mounting body of evidence that says if you can watch along with your child, there can be benefits. It’s something that we call “contingent engagement.”
What’s good for young kids are experiences that are built on contingency — the child does something and the parent responds. It’s a back-and-forth thing so kids learn that what they do has an effect, and they get a response. It feels good when someone shows interest in what you like. That’s the good news, but you can’t just hand over the remote.

There’s been so much research around this that we now call it “co-viewing.” As we’ve been discussing, it’s the social relationship that is so, so critical. When you watch TV intentionally, you are shifting from a relationship between your child and the screen to a one between you and the child.

4 . Laughter is the Best Medicine. Maya Angelou said, “I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.” The thing about laughter is that it releases endorphins, which are feel good hormones that interact with the opioid receptors in our brains. It actually promotes bonding! Plus, laughter reduces the production of adrenaline and cortisol which are the cause of our stress response.

You can watch a funny movie together and laugh about the funny parts again afterwards. You can have a pillow fight, or tell a funny story from when you were little using silly voices for younger kids. At bedtime, my husband pretended a cherished stuffed animal could talk and would have conversations and make jokes with each child. They truly could never get enough of it. The other day I was in my 19 year old’s room and we were having a disagreement. I picked up Peggy Sue, the worn, one-eyed, stuffed animal, and said something. My daughter could not help but laugh! And then we could resolve what was going on.

So of course it is good for us as parents, too.

5 . Consider “Special Time”. I save this for last because very often parents roll their eyes when I bring up “special time”. Somehow the term itself is off-putting, as if they weren’t special enough already! The immediate reaction is “I give my kids attention all the time!” or “There’s no way I can find an hour every week to go do something extra with each child.” When someone comes to me and they are feeling particularly disconnected or that the child’s behavior is out of control, it’s one of the first things I consider. It’s not a magic pill for every situation but, when it is, for anyone who’s been able to stick to it fairly consistently for several weeks, they report feeling closer to their child and seeing significant changes in their behavior.

Why? Because an opportunity to have the parent’s full, attentive presence convinces the child that they are central to the parent, that they really matter, that they are important. This feeling of safety is a hard-wired emotional need and “special time” (the term is somehow so off-putting) is one of the quickest and easiest ways to build that foundation of safety for the child. What’s interesting is that this focused time often deepens a parent’s empathy for the child and, as we’ve discussed, this is what strengthens that connection.

How do you define a “good parent”? Can you give an example or story?

Hmmm. That’s a tough one. We are only human. And every day we show up, and we do the absolute best that we possibly can. I have never met a parent who said to me, “You know, for the last five years, I have really tried to be a bad parent.”

No. Every parent I know does the best that they can given what is in front of them at that moment. And what is in front of them is not only the child. It includes what’s going on for the child, if you’re having a bad hair day, what concerns you have, how your unresolved trauma is showing up (triggers), or what’s on your agenda that day.

One day that may look like you throwing the milk carton at the wall in a fit of fury, another it may look like rushing them out the door to an activity, and a third may look like sitting, waiting, and calmly sending the message, verbally or non verbally, “I see you. You’re safe, and you belong right here. I can wait,” while they scream for an hour because they couldn’t have ice cream.

We may be tempted to label the ice-cream parent the “good parent,” but I am fairly certain each of those parents woke up that morning promising themselves to be the best parent possible for their child — and probably went to bed berating and shaming themselves for being such a lousy one.
In conclusion, I’d say that a “good parent” is a parent who is trying, in whatever way possible for them, to move towards giving their child the gifts of unconditional love and the room for the child to find their unique path, write their own story. And this does not come at the cost of not achieving or not aiming big. In fact, it helps to encourage those things. So for anyone who can take our discussion and simply ponder what connection means to them and their children, I’d say that’s a good first step.

How do you inspire your child to “dream big”? Can you give an example or story?

The first thing I’d ask myself is: what is “dream big.” So many parents come to me worried that their kids haven’t developed a passion by the ripe old age of 11 or that they don’t seem to know what to do with their lives at 14.
In my book, I name one of my MicroStep Moments, “You’re not there . . . yet.” You’ve probably heard of the growth mindset. In essence, it’s the idea that talents and abilities can be developed through hard work, perseverance, or even asking for help and input from others. It’s more about the effort and the journey, than the outcome. Ultimately, I believe that you’ll be able to dream big if you can handle losing and know how to get up again and keep going.

When we say something sort of negative like, “Math’s not your thing; just do your best,” or when we say something really positive like, “You’re such a great athlete,” it is very possible for the child to get the impression that they are powerless over the outcome. If math isn’t my thing, then why would I try to get better? If I’m a great athlete, then what do I do when I don’t get the goal or don’t make the A team, am I now a bad athlete? Unwittingly, we kind of introduce feelings of helplessness and hopelessness: both hidden culprits behind poor motivation, low self-esteem, anxiety, and depression.
Studies have shown that the word “yet” gives kids great confidence. Just adding this one word can help convey to kids that the feeling of falling short is temporary. When we encourage our kids to engage with mistakes — process them, learn from them, and correct them — we are actually promoting motivation and a sense of control over their own lives. Even though they can’t see it at the moment (that’s where we come in), they’re making progress.

“Yet” implies optimism, confidence, and a sense of grit. For example, if you say, “You might not have gotten it right this time, but you haven’t figured it out yet,” implies that mistakes are a part of learning. Or by saying, “You haven’t mastered it yet, but you’re making progress. Keep up the good work!” you’re actually communicating, keep trying, you’re on a learning curve.

Think about what got you to where you are today: process, focus, strategies, and effort. Improvement! We want our kids to do the same: grab onto, and be proud of, their unique path into an infinite, undetermined future. It’s not that everyone’s the same; it’s that everyone can grow their abilities.

How would you define “success” when it comes to raising children?

All day long, I talk to parents who are Type A. They are perfectionists who are overwhelmed and frequently shame themselves for not being better parents. I really shy away from this concept of “parenting success.” We live in a world paradigm of be more, do more, achieve more. What if instead of defining “success” solely in the context of traditional parenting measures like achievement and external accomplishments, we embrace a new perspective that celebrates the small, meaningful moments that contribute to genuine connections with our children?

In that case, the true measure of success would lie in the daily efforts we make to be present, empathetic, and supportive caregivers. It’s about creating an environment where our children feel seen, heard, and unconditionally loved, irrespective of their achievements. By fostering emotional well-being and building strong bonds, we empower our children to navigate life’s challenges with resilience and confidence, which ultimately becomes our most profound achievement as parents. And, the reality is, the “traditional” measures of success will follow.

This is a huge topic in itself, but it would be worthwhile to touch upon it here. What are some ideal social media and digital habits that you think parents should teach to their children?

As you know, digital material is addictive. The industry is no different than the tobacco industry of the late 19th century. A bunch of very savvy people are doing everything they can to addict children to electronics, social media, video games, etc.

We’ve been talking all about connection and extolling the virtues of listening, validating, connecting, and encouraging emotions. I think this is where parents have a hard time sometimes juxtaposing connection with setting limits.

Holding boundaries is very hard. For some of us, saying “No” to kids can feel mean, authoritarian, or too strict. We might feel guilty because we think we’ll hurt our child’s feelings, make them feel rejected, or make them think we don’t trust them. My advice would be to get support. Your spouse, a friend, a mother-in-law, a coach. Someone who can support you and keep you accountable. Decide what your rule is and how you can enforce that.
Start with something little. Maybe your child has to put the tablet back in the basket when the timer goes. Make sure they know this ahead of time and know the consequences. If they don’t put the tablet into the basket within 5 minutes or so, that’s ok because they are young and learning, but the tablet will go into the closet for a day. They can try again in two days.
I don’t want to make it sound like it’s simple. It is emotionally exhausting to hold boundaries, but it’s possible.

What are your favorite books, podcasts, or resources that inspire you to be a better parent? Can you explain why you like them?

I have to mention Jane Nelsen’s Positive Discipline book because it was one of my favorites way back when I started diving into child development. Something that really resonated with me — and she explains it really well — is based on the work of Alfred Adler and Rudolf Dreikurs. They believed that so much challenging behavior can be linked back to a child’s hardwired emotional needs: to be heard, to feel capable, to feel independent, or to feel a sense of belonging. She does a great job of explaining how kids mistakenly use behavior to get those needs met and what we should do about it.

My real passion that drove me into this business is to be part of a solution to reduce teen and young adult anxiety and depression and the incredible suffering it causes. And I believe one way to start is to help parents understand the profound impact they can have on their child’s mental health. Emotions are either processed by feeling or experiencing them to release them, or they are suppressed and they simmer. It’s that festering that’s the precursor to stress, anxiety, and/or depression.

Dr. Bruce Perry is one of the world’s leading experts on childhood trauma, and he focuses on the long-term effects of trauma in children and adolescents on the developing brain. As I mentioned, there are so many childhood experiences that as parents we may not even notice but they have an incredible impact on mental health later on. So, for me personally, always reminding myself of the fuzzy distinction between trauma and stress, and how we can help our kids heal from those experiences is really helpful. I listen to him anytime I have the chance.

If I am completely honest about what inspires me to be a better parent, I have to call out the importance of a confidante or friend. In my case it’s my sister-in-law. When I am at the end of my rope and feel like I don’t have the energy to summon that goodness of mine that my kids need, I call her. She knows the history, my trauma and triggers, and some of the relationship ups and downs I’ve had with my girls.

She can empathize but, more importantly, she brings a fresh perspective to the situation. There are times when she calls me out after letting me vent a bit. But just as often, she reminds me that I have been a “good” parent and I can keep going. So, it’s not a book or a podcast, but I wish for all parents a resource for support, insight and accountability.

Can you please give us your favorite “Life Lesson Quote”? Can you share how that was relevant to you in your life?

“In the midst of chaos, there is also opportunity.” — Sun Tzu

Obviously raising four girls born within just five years was chaotic and filled with challenges. The short story is that I got to a point where I felt like a complete failure as a parent. I kept trying to overhaul systems in the house in the hopes of making long term changes that would improve behavior, but they never stuck for more than a week or two. Literally, the eight-year old would say to her sister, “Oh, don’t worry about the chore chart, mom will forget about it in a few days.” I hired therapists for me, for them, for anyone I could get to do it, and despite some minor shifts, the long term transformations I was seeking just weren’t happening.
I remember the one day when I had a quiet moment with one of my daughters and I started asking her some questions that led her to opening up in a way I’d never seen before. I talk about this in the curiosity chapter of my book. The emotional release that came along with it was visible, I could see her shoulders drop, her whole body relax as she was talking.

And then something funny happened: over the next few days, this child, the one who was usually the source of my greatest frustration as a parent, behaved better. She emptied the dishwasher without being asked. She left her sisters alone where normally she’d push buttons. It was only a few days, but the change was enough for me to take notice.

Then I started to notice that on days where I had gotten in a walk or a yoga session, I was asking more questions, slowing down a little bit, and being just the slightest bit more present with my kids, and the same things would happen: better behavior, a calmer household. That’s when the lightbulb went off. Because I was on my own journey of dealing with anxiety and depression, I’d been studying neuroscience and mindfulness and its impact on emotions, and I started connecting the dots to childhood development and behavior. I realized that if I could embrace some small moments with my kids, then I could focus less about transforming everything or trying to change my kids.

Instead, I started to embrace opportunities when they presented themselves. Just as Sun Tzu discovered, within the challenges and chaos — of parenting in my case — there lie countless opportunities. I began to call them “MicroStep Moments” because over time, they add up, leading to lasting impact.

Movement: You are a person of great influence. If you could inspire a movement that would bring the most amount of good to the most amount of people, what would that be? You never know what your idea can trigger. :-)

I would like to inspire a movement giving parents the tools they need to better understand how to better connect with their children one moment at a time, in order to not only help them build confidence and resilience, but to let go of their own guilt for all of their parenting mistakes.
These MicroStep moments are the idea behind so much of my work with families and the theme of my upcoming book. Parenting today is hard. Everyone needs support. I want to tell parents that it’s okay to not be perfect. It’s okay if your children aren’t perfect. Here’s how finding those small moments throughout the day with your child makes all the difference.

Thank you so much for these insights! This was so inspiring!

About The Interviewer: Pirie is a TedX speaker, author and a Life Empowerment Coach. She is a co-host of Own your Throne podcast, inspiring women in the 2nd chapter of their lives. With over 20 years in front of the camera, Pirie Grossman understands the power of storytelling. After success in commercials and acting. She spent 10 years reporting for E! Entertainment Television, Entertainment Tonight, also hosted ABC’s “Every Woman”. Her work off-camera capitalizes on her strength, producing, bringing people together for unique experiences. She produced a Children’s Day of Compassion during the Dalai Lama’s visit here in 2005. 10,000 children attended, sharing ideas about compassion with His Holiness. From 2006–2009, Pirie Co-chaired the Special Olympics World Winter Games, in Idaho, welcoming 3,000 athletes from over 150 countries. She founded Destiny Productions to create Wellness Festivals and is an Advisory Board member of the Sun Valley Wellness Board.In February 2017, Pirie produced, “Love is Louder”, a Brain Health Summit, bringing in Kevin Hines, noted suicide survivor to Sun Valley who spoke to school kids about suicide. Sun Valley is in the top 5% highest suicide rate per capita in the Northwest, prompting a community initiative with St. Luke’s and other stake holders, to begin healing. She lives in Sun Valley with her two children, serves on the Board of Community School. She has her Master’s degree in Spiritual Psychology from the University of Santa Monica and is an Executive Life Empowerment Coach, where she helps people meet their dreams and goals! The difference between a dream and a goal is that a goal is a dream with a date on it!