Mental Health Champions: Why & How Author Darlene Taylor Is Helping To Champion Mental Wellness

An Interview With Michelle Tennant Nicholson

Journaling — Lastly, I rely heavily on journaling to help me maintain my mental well-being. It is a wonderful way to process the things that are going on in my life and work through hard emotions. Sometimes I am not even away of what I am feeling or thinking about an issue until I write it down. Journaling helps me make better decisions by helping me get clear on what I feel and what I want. We all know what is best for us, but sometimes the noise in our heads drowns out that knowledge. Journaling is a great way to slow down and process our emotions which helps us move through the world in a more grounded and intentional way.

As a part of our series about Mental Health Champions helping to promote mental wellness, I had the pleasure to interview Darlene Taylor.

Darlene has over 20+ years of experience counseling people through self-discovery, growth, and education. She earned her Master’s in Social Work from the University of Cincinnati and spent more than ten years as a licensed social worker and therapist. Darlene recently published her first book, “It’s Not About Us: A Co-parenting Survival Guide for Taking the High Road” which is part memoir, part survival guide that gives parents 15 hard-won wisdoms she learned through her own co-parenting journey. She wanted to help others going through the trials and tribulations of divorce to realize that it’s not about them, it’s about their children. Darlene evolved her counseling career to guide co-parents in redefining their family in new and positive ways — and by building a better co-parenting relationship than they ever imagined.

Thank you so much for doing this with us! Before we dig in, our readers would like to get to know you a bit. Can you tell us a bit about how you grew up?

I was a latchkey 80s kid who grew up in Anchorage, Alaska, which I feel still gives me a unique perspective on the world. It is unlike any other place on earth, and I don’t think anyone can live there for any length of time without carrying a piece of it with them forever. I am technically the youngest of three sisters, but only by ten minutes. I have an identical twin and an older sister who were both very influential in making me who I am today. My father was in the Army and did his best to raise girls who knew their strength as well as their worth. My mother worked outside the home full-time and was the ultimate role model for us. They balanced a healthy dose of pushing us to do our best with unconditional love and support, which was invaluable in keeping us grounded and emotionally healthy.

You are currently leading an initiative that is helping to promote mental wellness. Can you tell us a bit more specifically about what you are trying to address?

For of us many, mental wellness means changing something that we perceived as wrong with us or that needs to be worked on or improved. This kind of “improvement” usually means people are hyper-focused on all the things they don’t do well to “be better” and I think this is counterproductive to our mental wellness. I want to shift the conversation and start to put focus on what is right with people as opposed to fixing flaws. We live in a world where the focus is on competition and getting ahead by trying to be everything when a healthier focus would be to figure out how to be the best version of yourself more often. That is your gift that no one else can do. By learning to live with that gift, you are giving yourself the best chance to be mentally healthy and show up in your life the way you want to.

One of the ways to start to harness our innate gifts is by using the CliftonStrengths® assessment developed by Gallup. This inventory helps us identify our unique strengths and figure out how to use those strengths to be our best. This assessment has historically been used mostly in a business setting, but it can have an incredible effect on all areas of our life. I am passionate about helping ppl use this knowledge in all areas of their lives, especially interpersonal relationships and parenting, which is the focus of my coaching.

Can you tell us the backstory about what inspired you to originally feel passionate about this cause?

I first heard about the CliftonStrenths® from my sister for whom it was life-changing. She was in what she had always thought would be her dream job, yet she was unhappy. She took the assessment at a seminar, and it helped her see that a large part of her job was doing things that she did not like and frankly wasn’t that great at. She realized she didn’t have to feel the frustration of trying to be something that she wasn’t because there were parts of her job at which she excelled, and she just needed to find a position that highlighted those gifts. She left a job people said she was crazy to leave and has since been doing exactly what she is suited for, feeling confident about herself and her work and in a much healthier space mentally than she ever was at her other job.

Watching her go through that process really solidified the value of this assessment and the impact it could have on people’s lives, and I knew that I wanted to become a CliftonStrengths® strengths coach so I could be a part of that change for people. Once I took the assessment for myself, I was even more convinced of its value. I finally had a language to talk about the unique ways I am wired and walk through the world and learned how to cultivate those talents into strengths that are beneficial in all areas of my life. I was able to embrace my strengths and see them as gifts more easily. It was also eye-opening to look at how I had been naturally using these strengths in my life for years and gave me a road map to grow them and get better at using them to build the life and relationships I want more intentionally.

There is tremendous healing power in understanding yourself this way. You stop feeling like a failure because you can’t do what others can and you stop comparing yourself to others. You can see your unique combination of strengths as a gift and the peace that brings invaluable to your mental health. I became a coach because I saw the impact it had on me and wanted to share that with others.

Many of us have ideas, dreams, and passions, but never manifest them. They don’t get up and just do it. But you did. Was there an “Aha Moment” that made you decide that you were actually going to step up and do it? What was that final trigger?

Though I was very happy with the work I was doing as a therapist and personal trainer, I had been feeling like I was just not quite living my purpose. though I was fulfilled by what I was doing, I couldn’t shake the feeling that something was missing, and that I could be doing more with the gifts and talents that I have. In 2019, I was presented with a situation that I didn’t see coming which forced me to choose between staying in the city I had been in for 18 years or upending my life and moving across the country. As scary as it was, I chose the move. I had been contemplating making the pivot to coaching, but with no road map as to what that might look like, I’d been scared to try. I decided to play all my courage cards at once and pursue my goal of being a coach in my new city. If there was ever a time to reinvent me, to take a chance on myself, and to just go for it, that was it.

There were so many moments after that where I second-guessed myself, specifically about 6 months after the move when Covid hit. Starting a new business in a new city during a global pandemic is not what I signed up for, but there I was. I had already taken that leap and needed to make it work. It was rocky and harder than I anticipated, but I have never been sorry I did it because I know now that I am fulfilling my purpose. Living in that “what if” space can be maddening, and I just didn’t want to have any regrets.

Can you share the most interesting story that happened to you since you began leading your company or organization?

I can’t think of a specific story, but the most impactful thing that has happened on this journey is meeting people who have read my book and hearing how it affected them. My book is about co-parenting after divorce so I, of course, assumed that it would appeal most to parents who were in that situation. What I didn’t expect was to hear from so many people who were children of divorce and to learn that this book really resonated with them as well. I truly believe that what most of us want most is to feel seen and I think this book gave them the sense that someone truly understood their stories and their perspectives and that they weren’t being overlooked. I had no idea that message would come across in the book, but I am so happy that it did and them sharing it with me means more to me than I can ever express.

None of us can be successful without some help along the way. Did you have mentors or cheerleaders who helped you to succeed? Can you tell us a story about their influence?

I have had so many people who have influenced me throughout my career who probably don’t even realize it. The most impactful thing that they have all done is believe in me when I didn’t quite believe in myself. I think one of the reasons I have the confidence I have now to bet on myself is because of these women who have bet on me even before I felt like I earned it.

When I was in graduate school, I applied for a graduate assistantship at the Women’s Center at the University of Cincinnati. This was the first year this position was being offered and they had won a competitive grant to fund the program. So, there was a lot of excitement and anticipation surrounding the position. The job entailed a peer advocacy program and whoever was hired would be building the program from scratch, creating a curriculum, teaching a class for the advocates, and overseeing their work. I felt like the position was perfect for me, however as I sat in the interview and got a better sense of just what the job would entail, I started to second guess myself. I knew what an important program it was and how crucial it was that the person leading do a good job and I was afraid that between classes and my field placement, I would not be able to give the job the attention and time it deserved. I made the decision that even if I was offered the job, I would not take it. But less than an hour after the interview ended, I got a call from the director, Dr. Chris Bobel, offering me the job. When I tried to explain why I couldn’t take the job, she cut me off and said, “Yes you are, and here’s why”. She proceeded to tell me all the potential she saw in me and the unique things that only I could bring to the position. By the time I hung up, I not only had a new job but a whole new confidence in what I had to offer the Women’s Center. Dr. Bobel remained a constant cheerleader even after I graduated, and I have always been so grateful for her belief in me and the confidence she helped me build in myself.

According to Mental Health America’s report, over 44 million Americans have a mental health condition. Yet there’s still a stigma about mental illness. Can you share a few reasons you think this is so?

We don’t talk about it. We aren’t educated about mental health issues, and we continue to categorize them differently than other physical health conditions. This avoidance reiterates the outdated notion that having a mental health issue is some sort of personal failing or character defect. We would not shame someone with arthritis or a heart condition, we would treat them with empathy and make sure they had the care they need to live the best life they can. That is what we must start doing with mental health. As part of the over 44 million, we must start bravely speaking openly about our struggles with depression or anxiety or whatever we are dealing with and being unapologetic about saying we are not okay sometimes. The more we normalize this, the more we give people permission to be who they are, feel how they feel, and do what they need to do to treat it.

In your experience, what should a) individuals b) society, and c) the government do to better support people suffering from mental illness?

Individually, we can just talk about it. There is so much power in sharing and showing others that they are not alone in their struggles and that they are not the only ones feeling the way they feel. Share with your family, ask loved ones how they are doing, and then really listen to the answer. Make sure people in your life know you are a safe place for them NOT to be okay and that you will not shame or judge them.

As a society, we need to have those conversations on a larger scale. We need to Have representation of people living and thriving with mental illness in the media and not just sensationalized negative depictions. Show the faces of mental illness so people can see themselves reflected there and feel less alone. More education is key to helping us understand what mental illness is, how common it is, and how we can support each other.

Most importantly, we need to make mental health treatment affordable and accessible. This is one of the biggest barriers to people getting the support they need and just serves to reinforce the notion that mental health is not important. The government can be supportive by ensuring that there are adequate resources and funding for mental health services and for research. Additionally, the government can work to protect the rights of people with mental health issues through legislation and regulations.

What are your 5 strategies you use to promote your own well-being and mental wellness? Can you please give a story or example for each?

1. Prioritize self-care — The most important thing I do to maintain my mental wellness is to make self-care a priority. I don’t just mean in the getting massages and taking bubble baths kind of way, although those are nice additions. I mean self-care in the sense of doing things that bring me back to the center, things that help me get quiet and check in with myself to see what I need in my life and how I need to take care of myself. And then prioritizing those things and not letting them take a back seat to the other responsibilities I have. You can’t pour from an empty bucket, so if I want to show up in other areas of my life, I must show up for myself first.
2. Talk things out — I also believe it is crucial that we have someone to talk to about the things that are going on in our lives. I personally think that everyone could benefit from therapy, but if that is not for you for whatever reason, at least have a trusted friend with whom you can process life’s challenges. We all need to connect. We all need to feel seen and to understand that we are not alone, and we are not the only ones who have dealt with whatever the issue may be. I recognize that it can be scary to take the step to talk to a therapist. Even as a therapist, I was hesitant to reach out during my divorce because I felt like I should be able to handle it on my own. We are not meant to walk through this life alone and having the courage to lean on the people around us is one of the best things we can do for our well-being.
3. Do things that bring you joy — I work really hard at being proactive in keeping myself mentally healthy and not waiting to focus on my well-being when things are going wrong. A large part of that is making time to do the things that bring me joy. It sounds simple but we can get so overwhelmed with the day-to-day of what we “have to do” that we forget to make time for the things that breathe life into us. It doesn’t matter how small it is but find time to do something every day that serves no other purpose than to bring you joy. Recently, I was invited to a friend’s baby shower, and I decided to crochet a baby blanket as a gift. I hadn’t picked up a crochet needle in years, but as soon as I started, I remembered how much I loved the whole process of creating in that way. It may not be something that I do every day, but I am grateful for the reminder of this little thing that adds some joy to my life.
4. Move your body and get your rest — A key component to good mental health for me is taking care of my physical health. For me, that means moving my body every day and getting enough sleep. Some days my movement is a really hard workout, and some days it is just a quick fifteen or twenty-minute walk, but whenever I can get my blood flowing, I feel a shift mentally. Exercise means you must breathe, and breathe deeply, and that alone helps bring me back to the center, clears my head, and makes me feel just a little more in control. In the same way that moving my body helps me reset, getting at least 7 hours of sleep does the same thing. When my daughter was young and would have a meltdown because she was tired, I would tell her that sleep was magic and that whatever was wrong would be at least a little bit better when she woke up. As silly and simple as that may sound, I still believe that. When it comes to handling the tough things in life, getting rest helps us think more clearly and handle our emotions better so that things can get just a little bit better.
5. Journaling — Lastly, I rely heavily on journaling to help me maintain my mental well-being. It is a wonderful way to process the things that are going on in my life and work through hard emotions. Sometimes I am not even away of what I am feeling or thinking about an issue until I write it down. Journaling helps me make better decisions by helping me get clear on what I feel and what I want. We all know what is best for us, but sometimes the noise in our heads drowns out that knowledge. Journaling is a great way to slow down and process our emotions which helps us move through the world in a more grounded and intentional way.

What are your favorite books, podcasts, or resources that inspire you to be a mental health champion?

I am a huge fan of both Brene Brown and Elizabeth Gilbert. The book Big Magic is my current favorite, but both have such wisdom to share that I think just about anyone could benefit from hearing their message. Oprah’s Super Soul Conversations podcasts always give me so much to think about and I finished them feeling inspired and energized.

If you could tell other people one thing about why they should consider making a positive impact on our environment or society, like you, what would you tell them?

We all have a story to tell that someone needs to hear. There is so much power in knowing you are not alone, and that sharing your story and your truth with the world will inevitably touch someone else’s life. Powerfully enough, that is how we make a positive impact, one person at a time. I would encourage people to be fearlessly vulnerable and unapologetically share their gifts, whatever they are, with the world. There is only one you and you are unique. And the world needs your uniqueness.

How can our readers follow you online?

You can find me online at www.darlenetaylor.com and www.dytconsultant.com. You can also find me on Facebook and Instagram @thedarlenetaylor.

This was very meaningful, thank you so much. We wish you only continued success on your great work!

About the Interviewer: Inspired by the father of PR, Edward Bernays (who was also Sigmund Freud’s nephew), Michelle Tennant Nicholson researches marketing, mental injury, and what it takes for optimal human development. An award-winning writer and publicist, she’s seen PR transition from typewriters to Twitter. Michelle co-founded WasabiPublicity.com.