Midlife Crisis to Midlife Reset: Andrea Slominski On How To Use A Midlife Crisis as an Opportunity to Embrace Change and Unlock New Possibilities
An Interview With Shawna Robins
Time to Care for Your Body and Mind- Midlife offers women a powerful opportunity to reassess many aspects of their lives. This is an opportunity to identify your needs and goals for your mental and physical health. The changes that you make now will support you as you age through Regency and into your Wise Woman years. Midlife women experience many symptoms and changes in their physiology due to menopause and aging. These changes can be minimized if you start taking care of yourself as soon as possible. Find an OBGYN specializing in menopause treatment to be as healthy and strong as possible. If you are experiencing mental health issues, find a female coach or therapist who specializes in helping women in Midlife.
Many people experience a midlife crisis as a time of uncertainty, loss of purpose, or even fear of change. But it doesn’t have to be that way. Midlife can be a powerful turning point — a reset that opens doors to new opportunities, personal growth, and a fulfilling next chapter .As part of this interview series, we are interviewing Dr.Andrea M. Slominski.
Dr. Andrea M. Slominski, AKA “Dr. A.” is a women’s therapeutic midlife and menopause coach, speaker, and author. She returned to school at fifty-five and earned her M.A. and Ph.D. studying women’s psychology and mythology, focusing on the triple transformation women must navigate in midlife. In her Ph.D. research she identified the new life stage that emerged for women over the past 120 years, naming this new life stage from ages 45–70+ “Regency,” she identifies it as women’s new power years.
Thank you so much for doing this with us! Before we dig in, our readers would like to ‘get to know you’. Can you tell us a bit about your background and your backstory?
Sure! I was born and raised on the East Coast of the U.S. I live in Southern California with my husband of thirty-four years and have three grown children. The first part of my career was in the arts. I worked as a producer, director, and college instructor of live theater for over thirty years. My passion has always revolved around storytelling and the power of stories to influence our lives. I returned to school to expand my options as a college professor. After my first year in the MFA program, I decided to change schools and my career.
Can you share a story with us about what brought you to your particular career path?
It’s actually kind of amazing; two times in my life, I have broken bones which have ended up changing my life path. This particular change in my life path occurred when I broke my foot and was unable to complete a short film I had been working on for the MFA Grad program. I had to retool the project to do it from my desk.
I was researching, which led me to discover the Pacifica Graduate Institute and its library, which houses Joseph Campbell’s private collection of mythological texts and notes. The discovery of PGI and its graduate program, Mythological Studies with an Emphasis in Depth Psychology, rekindled my inner calling to work with the power of story. However, this time, it was a calling to work with individual stories as a therapeutic coach through the universal stories in myths and the great tales. I earned my MA and PhD from PGI. My research and dissertation focused on the emergence of a new life stage for women that I call Regency and the triple transformation women undergo during midlife and menopause.
You are a successful leader. Which three character traits do you think were most instrumental to your success? Can you please share a story or example for each?
Authenticity is key to being a good leader. To live and lead authentically, you must know who you are and what ideas and principles are the most important to you. It takes constant effort, inner work, and deep reflection to hold fast to one’s meaning, purpose, and belonging while gratefully supporting and allowing others, whose ideas, values, and focus may differ greatly from yours, to live their authentic lives.
Deep Listening is key to being a good leader. No matter what field you work in, highly developed listening skills are essential. Whether you are working with a client to solve problems in their business, with an individual to resolve issues in workplace relationships, job performance, or with people in their personal lives, deep Listening is key. Deep Listening allows others to express their feelings, problems, and ideas without being interrupted, negated, shut down, gaslit, or contradicted. Listening to partners, employees, or loved ones in this way invites all parties to build perspectives of understanding. It offers an opportunity for co-creating solutions to problems.
Work as hard or harder than anyone else in your organization. Strong leaders will never ask a partner or employee to work harder or longer than they would be willing to. Leading by example is key to creating a team that always gives their best. When deadlines loom, inspirational and effective leaders will support and work alongside their teams to achieve their goals.
What are some of the most interesting or exciting projects you are working on now?
I’m looking forward to launching some fully digitized versions of my live classes this year. This will allow women who have been unable to work with me due to scheduling or time zone conflicts to take classes at their own pace. I’m excited about a new Women’s Circle that I’m launching in January to support midlife women feeling particularly stressed by current events in our culture. I’m also working on my book detailing my theory of the Regency life stage and the opportunities and challenges for women in midlife.
Let’s now shift to the main part of our interview. Let’s start with a basic definition, so that everyone is on the same page. How do you define the idea of “Midlife Crisis”?
For men and women, midlife is a predetermined life stage where we can feel the pull to abandon the outer world of achievement and focus instead on the inner world of psyche, soul, and spirit. This impulse to undertake a life reassessment can cause us to question our meaning, purpose, and belonging. Midlife is also the time of life when we may first begin to acknowledge our mortality. The midlife transition can begin as early in age as the mid 30s and continue through the mid 60s.
I specialize in therapeutic coaching for women ages 45–70+. Clients in my practice have described their midlife angst or crisis in numerous ways. They said that their midlife crisis began with feelings that emerged when they began to reassess what they had accomplished in life, such as,
“Is this it? Is this all there is? I thought I would be happy by now.” or
“I thought I would have accomplished more by now”, or
“I have everything I thought I wanted, why am I so unhappy?” or
“I sacrificed all my goals and dreams for (insert family, career, or others here as applicable), and what do I have to show for it?” or,
“Everything that I have accomplished up until now feels empty. I want to focus on something more meaningful.” or
“I have more time behind me than ahead of me; I don’t want to waste time doing things I don’t want to do anymore.”
A midlife crisis can be understood as the feelings and states of heart and mind that appear from waking up one day/week/month/year and realizing the life you have is not the life you dreamed of, hope for, desired, worked for, or now want. These feelings can include grief, regret, anger, resentment, frustration, sadness, despair, fear, shame, and guilt, among others.
What are the most common signs that someone is experiencing a midlife crisis?
It is important to note that women go through a unique, profound triple transformation at this time of life. These three transformations are :
The Physical — perimenopause to post-menopause
The Psychological — Midlife
The Spiritual — Reassessment of Meaning, Purpose, and Belonging
The influence of menopause and midlife overlap in women’s lives. In fact, they are so interwoven that they cannot be separated. If you pull on one thread, you snag the other.
Some of the common indicators of a midlife crisis are also evidence that women are experiencing a menopausal shift in hormones. These include anxiety, depression, mood swings, irritability, sudden emotional outbursts, the return of repressed anger and resentments, anti-aging obsession, compulsive exercising, insomnia, weight changes, either obsession over or neglect of appearance, extreme changes in spending habits, withdrawal from social activity, increased risk-taking behaviors, feelings of hopelessness, and a loss of meaning, purpose, and belonging. The overlap between indicators of midlife and menopause underscores the importance of finding help from professionals who are educated in both.
Beyond the cliches, what are some of the lesser-discussed challenges that people face during midlife?
One challenge you don’t often hear discussed regarding Midlife is changing roles. Whether a woman stays at home and raises a family, goes out into the world and creates a career, or does both, Midlife presents a unique series of challenges for her. For the woman who stayed home and raised children, Midlife is often when her children leave home to start their own lives, leaving her to navigate an empty nest. The roles she filled, such as everyday mother, caregiver, nurse, chef, tutor, chauffeur, confidant, and cheerleader, all disappear. The roles that were attached to her children and their activities such as sports coach, or club booster disappear too.
Women who have a career often hit a glass ceiling in Midlife and come into direct conflict with ageism and sexism in the workplace.
Additionally, in Midlife, many women suddenly become the caretakers for their aging parents or other family members. This new caretaker role can put additional pressure on women hoping to finally have time for themselves after the children are launched or when they retire.
Women who have pursued a lifelong career often find that after retirement, they encounter a new identity crisis. They are no longer the manager, CEO, or entrepreneur, and their work relationships frequently disappear, leaving a sense of isolation and loneliness. The people with whom they spent eight hours a day or more working on projects, sharing experiences, and developing workplace friendships dissolve into the mists of retirement.
Changing Roles is an important aspect of Midlife.
Do you think societal pressures or expectations play a role in triggering or exacerbating a midlife crisis? If so, how?
Yes, of course. The cultural pressure put on women to remain young-looking and to show no signs of aging can heighten a woman’s sense of anxiety and panic during Midlife. Instead of maturing into the next life stage, many women are desperate to hold onto their 20s and 30s. This can trigger anxiety and depression as well as an identity crisis.
What mindset shifts are essential for transforming a midlife crisis into a period of renewal and positive change?
My first advice is to research what you are going through. Knowledge is power. The first and most essential mind shift is understanding that aging is a natural part of life. There are predestined, psychologically encoded life stages that a human being is meant to live through. Midlife is one of them. We don’t question our childhood. We don’t question our adolescence; even though it may not have been fun, we knew that it was something that we had to go through to mature. Then we became young adults and lived through our years as householders.
Unfortunately, no one warned us that Midlife and old age are approaching. So, it takes us by surprise.
Midlife is one of the stages of psychological development in human life. It is an opportunity to rediscover who you are. It is an unprecedented opportunity to turn away from the outside world of achievement and go deeper into the world of meaning, purpose, and belonging. It is often the beginning of determining and designing our legacy. Adolescence is our first opportunity to discover who we are. Midlife is the second opportunity to recreate ourselves with everything that we have learned, including all of our wisdom, knowledge, career experience and life experience. This is time when we can begin to become our most authentic selves.
Can you share a personal or client success story where a midlife crisis led to a transformative life reset?
Briefly, I have a client who was unhappy in her career, where she was living and with her family situation. When we first started working together, she was feeling stuck, anxious about her future, and depressed. Over a year, we worked together to put together an actionable plan that she could follow to change her life. Now she is one month away from retirement, she’s moved into a new neighborhood that she loves, she’s living in a new home, and her family situation has been resolved. She’s really looking forward to the next phase in her life, which will be retirement and going back to school for something that she’s always wanted to study.
Midlife is not one month. A midlife crisis or shift can take time to work through. Profound change can take time and can be painful, but if you persevere and contend with the challenges of Midlife, you will be well-positioned to take advantage of the opportunities.
How can someone overcome the fear of starting over later in life?
The only way to overcome this fear is to face it. That being said, you must have an actionable plan and determine your priorities to execute the plan. If you’re considering changing your career at Midlife, you need to do some research to see if you need more training or education to make your move. You need to determine your qualifications and find the best way to approach a new career.
There are so many factors that women must consider before they make big changes at Midlife. Do you have the financial resources to make the changes? If you don’t have the financial resources yet, do you know where to acquire them? Yes, you can start over at Midlife, but you must have a plan to achieve your goals. A goal without a plan is a dream.
If you think that you’re experiencing a “Midlife Crisis” it’s likely because parts of your life feel like they no longer fit. Midlife is the time you are supposed to reassess everything. Do you want to change your entire life? Do you want to change only some parts of your life? Now is the time to reclaim your life for you. This process of reassessment doesn’t happen overnight, and it doesn’t have to be an all or nothing proposition. This is the time to give some long and hard thought to who you are, what is most important to you in your life, and where you want to go from here.
Ok. Here is the main question of our discussion. Can you please share “5 Ways To Use A Midlife Crisis as an Opportunity to Embrace Change and Unlock New Possibilities”? If you can, kindly share a story or example for each.
1. Time to Care for Your Body and Mind- Midlife offers women a powerful opportunity to reassess many aspects of their lives. This is an opportunity to identify your needs and goals for your mental and physical health. The changes that you make now will support you as you age through Regency and into your Wise Woman years. Midlife women experience many symptoms and changes in their physiology due to menopause and aging. These changes can be minimized if you start taking care of yourself as soon as possible. Find an OBGYN specializing in menopause treatment to be as healthy and strong as possible. If you are experiencing mental health issues, find a female coach or therapist who specializes in helping women in Midlife.
2. Create New Career Opportunities- If you’re over forty-five and thinking of changing careers or starting a business, Midlife is the time to do it. Now is the opportunity to discover what lights you up. What are you passionate about? A recent Forbes article, “Changing Jobs At Midlife Is Good For Your Career — And Your Salary,” noted, ‘Workers who changed jobs mid-career are significantly more likely to be employed at age 60.’ 1 This is good news for women at Midlife who have all of their career and life experience and their wisdom to bring to any new position. If you look at the Forbes 2024 list “50 Over 50,” you’ll find inspiration from the careers of women in a variety of fields. “Age is your best asset. Just ask any of the entrepreneurs, investors, inventors and artists on our fourth annual 50 Over 50 list.” 2
Rediscover and Reclaim your Identity- In Midlife, many women feel the call to rediscover who they are and realign their identity. During the Householder Years, from ages eighteen through forty-five, biology and culture encourage us to pour ourselves into the well-being of many others. These include our careers, colleagues, friends, families, spouses, partners, and communities. After spending 25 years of pouring our energy and creativity into others, at Midlife, our shifting hormones can encourage us to return to ourselves. We finally begin to think about our needs and how we want to live our lives for the next twenty to thirty years.
4. Redefine Your Goals- This is the time to do deep work to revisit your purpose, meaning, and belonging. Whether exploring by yourself, in a women’s circle, or with a well-trained coach, Midlife is the perfect opportunity to rethink what is really important to you. Where do you want to focus your energy, compassion, and care? Is it finally time to pour some energy into yourself to re-group and reassess all aspects of your life? It’s time to make some conscious decisions about where you want to go from here and how you’ll get there.
5. Plan Your Legacy- Planning your legacy is not only an end-of-life activity. At Midlife, we begin to face our own mortality, even though death may be quite far off. Planning your legacy can include many things. You can ensure that others will carry on your work and benefit from it, whether it be in a career, a leadership role, or a community role. Thinking about legacy encourages us to think about how we can change our lives, communities, and families for the better. The experience and wisdom that we gain during our lives can help us decide how to use our talents for the greater good.
What role does self-compassion play in navigating a midlife crisis?
Any time we cross into new territory in life, we want to be compassionate toward ourselves and others. When we were teenagers, we didn’t berate ourselves because we didn’t know everything about being a teenager. We bumbled through it and learned as we went. If we were lucky, we had people who loved us, guided us through, helped us make good choices, and picked us up when we fell short. As we age into Midlife, we can look to older, wiser women who have been through it to guide us. Women’s Circles are great communities where women can find support and compassion for the processes of living into Midlife and our Wise Woman Years.
How important is physical health when navigating life changes in midlife?
Your physical health is worth more than gold as you age. Do your best to care for your body and mind. Tending to your Sleep. Movement, Nutrition, Play and Creativity will go a long way toward keeping you healthy.
How can someone maintain the momentum and positive changes made during a midlife reset for the long term?
One day at a time. As we age, we will have plenty of change to deal with. Aging is a daily lesson of living in the moment. Make the best plans that you can and be flexible enough to make adaptations when necessary. Practice gratitude and do some service for others daily.
References
- https://www.forbes.com/sites/avivahwittenbergcox/2024/03/19/changing-jobs-at-midlife-is-good-for-your-career--and-your-salary/
- https://www.forbes.com/50over50/
How can our readers further follow your work online?
Yes, my website is www.drandreaslominski.com
FaceBook https://www.facebook.com/drandreaslominski
Instagram https://www.instagram.com/andreaslominskiphd
LinkedIn https://www.linkedin.com/in/andrea-m-slominski/
YouTube https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCPzISjU1uoQQ6eI9xyHHdtw?view_as=subscriber
This was very meaningful, thank you so much. We wish you only continued success on your great work!
About the Interviewer: Shawna Robins is an international best-selling author of two books — Powerful Sleep — Rest Deeply, Repair Your Brain and Restore Your Life, and Irresistibly Healthy — Simple Strategies to Feel Vibrant, Alive, Healthy and Full of Energy Again. Shawna is the founder and CEO of Third Spark, an online wellness hub for women over 40 who want to reignite their sleep, reset healthier habits and respark their lives. Shawna is a sleep expert, hormone health expert, and a National Board-Certified Health and Wellness Coach (NBHWC). She has been featured on many podcasts including Dr. Mindy Pelz’s “The Resetter Podcast” and in Authority Magazine, Thrive Global, and The Huffington Post. A free download of her latest book can be found at www.thirdsparkhealth.com/powerful-sleep/ You can follow her on YouTube, Facebook, Instagram and LinkedIn.
