Mike Glazer: Five Things I Wish Someone Told Me When I First Became A Professional Comedian
You can stay out until five every night, but that doesn’t mean you have to drink until five every night. I think that’s a good one.
Every year, you’re gonna get better. So patience is important. Like this special, I recorded it this time last year. Even looking back at it a year ago, I’m like, “Oh man, I’m so funny now and my stuff is so much better.” What a great time capsule to see how far I’ve come.
Oh, I got one. Always order chicken fingers before the show so you can take them back to the hotel room and eat them alone while watching SportsCenter. I think that’s a good one.
Resentment and anger are good fuel, but they don’t burn clean.
Weed is pretty cool and it helps you be funny.
Oh, and also, just be nice and be a great hang and everyone will support you and you’ll support others. The flip of that is don’t mess with people who don’t mess with you. You don’t have time for that.
I had the pleasure of talking to Mike Glazer. Born and raised in St. Louis, Missouri, Glazer’s journey from a childhood marked by unique challenges to becoming an entertainment multi-hyphenate is a testament to his resilience, versatility, and sheer talent. Best known for his work on HBO’s Emmy-nominated “Night of Too Many Stars,” and his recent foray into the world of podcasting with “Life Rules! The Show,” Glazer’s path has been anything but ordinary.
Glazer’s early years were shadowed by a dark family atmosphere, with mental illness pervasive in his immediate surroundings. Diagnosed with Manic Bipolar Disorder and growing up with outside members of his family being diagnosed with schizophrenia among other mental health challenges, he sought solace and escape through laughter, using humor to bring light into his household. This early coping mechanism laid the groundwork for his future in comedy, underscoring the power of humor as a healing force. Glazer’s openness about his mental health and medication has become a hallmark of his public persona, encouraging a broader conversation about mental health, especially among men.
Athletically gifted, Glazer found unexpected success as a roller hockey goalie, a role that brought him a gold medal with Team USA. This achievement hinted at the varied talents Glazer would come to be known for. His transition from sports to comedy and entertainment was seamless, marked by memorable performances alongside legends like Dave Chapelle and cooking with Gordon Ramsay, showcasing his adaptability and range.
Glazer’s comedic style is difficult to pin down but is often described through anecdotes that mirror the quirky and unexpected turns his career has taken. His ability to share wild stories from his life, including a familial connection to Al Capone, adds a rich layer to his performances, blending history, humor, and personal narrative.
As a podcaster, Glazer has carved out a unique niche. With the launch of “Life Rules! The Show,” Glazer embarks on a new journey, exploring the life rules of his guests, thereby offering audiences new perspectives on celebrating life. His engagement with his audience extends beyond the microphone, as evidenced by his active and entertaining presence on social media platforms like Instagram, TikTok, and YouTube.
Glazer’s philanthropic efforts reveal a deep commitment to community and social causes. His endeavors span a range of initiatives, from raising funds for the Missouri Wildlife Foundation and the Best Friends Animal Society to supporting the Downtown Women’s Center in LA. This aspect of his career highlights a holistic approach to his public life, where entertainment and advocacy intersect.
Looking ahead, Glazer continues to push boundaries and expand his creative horizons. His debut comedy special, “Life Rules! Mixtape Vol 1,” along with a national tour, marks another milestone in a career characterized by constant evolution and innovation. Glazer’s ability to navigate the complexities of the entertainment industry, while staying true to his roots and values, positions him as a multifaceted artist with much more to offer.
Mike, it’s a delight and an honor to meet you. Before we dive in deep, our readers would love to learn about your personal origin story. Can you share the story of your childhood and how you grew up?
Man, yeah, I grew up in St. Louis, Missouri, to a pretty cool family who did their best. I was a roller hockey goalie for 25 years because I was the little round kid they stuck in goal in the church parking lot.
I got mad about being that round kid in goal until I got really, really good at roller hockey and was the best in the country. As a teenager, I was on a bunch of men’s teams that were winning roller hockey gold medals all over the country while sponsored by strip clubs.
So I would spend my weekends going through puberty and hanging out in the champagne room at Diamond Cabaret and P.T.’s in downtown St. Louis. Also at that time, Nelly was trying to make his big moves as a music superstar. I would be playing roller hockey at the same roller rink that Nelly was recording his music to become the phenom we know today.
Then I won a gold medal as a roller hockey goalie with Team USA, retired from that career because, believe it or not, there’s no future in roller hockey. I moved to Chicago and started working for Second City, worked my way up there, moved to LA, started doing standup comedy, and put out my first album. I just moved from one career with an uncertain future to another. That’s my origin story.
That’s great, that’s fantastic. So you probably have a lot of fascinating stories and you have already touched on some. Can you share with our readers one or two more humorous or memorable stories that have happened since you started your careers?
Actually, yeah, I don’t get to tell this story a lot, so I’ll tell it. It’s the worst bomb I’ve ever had as a standup comedian because I want people to watch this special. Imagine how bad this went, and then imagine how great my special is.
I was doing a big charity show in Los Angeles where it was a bunch of comedians and celebrity chefs. The idea was a comedian would perform, then a celebrity chef would give their dish to the crowd, and so on. We were behind, and they asked me to go up first. I was like, “Of course, I wanna go up first.”
In the crowd were all these executives, Marc Summers, who I grew up watching on Double Dare and then on Unwrapped. He’s a legend in the food community, and I’m a huge foodie. I was on Food Network’s Worst Cooks, went to culinary school, so getting to talk to Mark Summers before the show was amazing.
They bring me on stage and say, “Ladies and gentlemen, your first comic for the night, thank you all for being here and donating so much to charity. Put your hands together for Mike Glazer.” I grab the mic, and it goes out, so no one can hear me. The first chef says, “We’re behind. I can’t leave my food on the pass waiting and dying while this guy does 15 minutes.”
They start bringing his food out to the tables while I’m doing standup with no microphone on stage. They’re pouring broth around the edges of the plate, saying, “This is a shaved truffle with rare duck in an au jus,” and so on. Everyone’s looking at this beautiful plate of food. No one can hear me perform, and then I just hear forks and knives clinking against plates. Marc Summers looks up at me, shrugs, and goes right back to eating his food. I just had to talk to no one for 15 minutes. That was the worst bomb I’ve ever had. But, you know, we raised a bunch of money for charity, so you take one, you lose one.
Here is another great story. I used to do this show called Glazed, and it was the most popular show in Los Angeles. It was in Rolling Stone as the most promising show in LA. Everyone had done it. Tiffany Haddish did my birthday show. Jerry Seinfeld dropped in once. It was incredible.
One night I had a full band, and Dave Chappelle comes in. This is maybe five or six years ago at this point. Dave Chappelle goes, “Could I do a set?” I was like, “Please do a set.” He does a set and goes, “Mike, this is a great show. Can I host with you the rest of the night?”
So Dave Chappelle and I hosted my show to a packed out room for three or four hours. We’re both on stage together, doing tags, doing bits. At the end of the show, because I have a live band, he said, “Do you guys know Radiohead’s Creep?” The band’s like, “We actually do.” An enormous crowd all sang “creep” with Dave Chappelle before they opened the doors and we floated into the night air. That’s awesome. That was pretty cool. It’s like a dream.
Have you been able to stay in touch?
Well, I haven’t seen him since, but what I will say about Dave, especially him choosing to do that on stage with me, he’s such a smart celebrity that he knew that would elevate my career. So him making that conscious choice to hang out, to stay around, he knew that that’s a co-sign for someone he didn’t know before that night. For him to make that choice, I’ll be grateful forever.
It’s been said that sometimes our mistakes can be our greatest teachers. Do you have a story about a humorous mistake that you made when you were first starting and the lesson that you learned from it?
Well, yeah, I’ll tell you a beautiful mistake that became a gift. Thanks to Craigslist, I was on Food Network’s Worst Cooks in America because I ate three frozen pizzas a day and would drink melted Ben and Jerry’s that I would microwave. I’d never been a healthy dude.
The Food Network was like, “You are absolutely hired for this show.” I went on that show and got third place. I fell in love with cooking. I learned how to make things other than frozen pizzas. Although I still do love a Newman’s Own and a Totino’s. I just wanna shout those out in case they wanna sponsor me.
I took the money that I won on Worst Cooks and went to culinary school on the weekends in Pasadena. I learned all my basics and then immediately got hired to cook behind the scenes and improvise on a Gordon Ramsay show. Gordon Ramsay told me that I would make a really great line cook.
So I got to improvise with Gordon Ramsay and cook perfect filet mignons all day long for an entire season of TV. Me eating nothing but frozen pizza and drinking Phish Food by Ben and Jerry’s led to me cooking with Gordon Ramsay.
Is there another person who made a profound impact on your professional life?
I’d rather tell a story about my best friend than about some celebrity encounter. This is where I wanna shout out to my best friend in the world, Joel Hadley.
I’ve known him since kindergarten and we’ve just been connected and so close for so long. When I moved to Chicago, I texted him and said, “Hey buddy, I’m moving to Chicago out of St. Louis.” He goes, “I’m moving there next week.” I was like, “Oh my God.”
So we lived in Chicago together. Then I was like, “Hey man, I’m thinking about moving to LA.” He’s like, “Me too.” And now we live in LA together. He’s just always had my back. I’ve always supported him. To have a friend since kindergarten to today is one of the most beautiful things I can think of.
Okay, so Mike, you have so much impressive work. Can you share with our readers the exciting projects that you’re working on now?
Please, please. I self-funded a special. It’s called Life Rules. It’s on my YouTube right now. The audio version will be on Spotify, Sirius, everywhere you listen to anything on March 29th.
I have a monthly show at the Comedy Store called Glazer’s After Party. We just turn up, turn out, lean in, go hard. It’s a blast. We’ve sold out the past two, the third one on the way. That’s every month at the Comedy Store.
I’m also going on tour starting in April with two friends, Billy Anderson and Carmen Morales. We’re gonna be touring all over the country, Vancouver, Canada as well, Oregon, Washington, Montana, California, Minnesota, Wisconsin, we’re everywhere. You can find tour tickets for that at my Instagram or anywhere at GlazerBoohoohoo.
What do you do to get material to create your comedy? What’s the creative process like?
Man, that’s a good question, dude. I love that question. Because the special is called Life Rules. I truly believe that life is amazing, but also I’ve learned a lot by making a lot of mistakes.
My whole mantra is just to say yes, just say yes. By saying yes, I got to smoke weed with Snoop Dogg. By saying yes, I got to go backstage and meet Weird Al Yankovic. By saying yes, I also got my fake ID taken away and had to do community service at a wildlife foundation.
So say yes and good things happen. That’s where I get my material from. I just say yes, try and make a memory I never expected to make and then talk about it on stage.
How would you describe your comedy? What’s your shtick? What’s your niche?
Well, when I was on Food Network’s Worst Cooks in America, and we were doing a commercial, I walked in, the costume designer said, “Oh, you’re a weird Galifianakis for this season.” So I think that’s a pretty apt tale — weird, true stories from a guy who was compared to Zach Galifianakis.
This is our signature question. You’ve been blessed with a lot of success now. Looking back to when you started, can you share your “five things I wish somebody had told me when I first started my comedy career?”
Great question.
You can stay out until five every night, but that doesn’t mean you have to drink until five every night. I think that’s a good one.
Every year, you’re gonna get better. So patience is important. Like this special, I recorded it this time last year. Even looking back at it a year ago, I’m like, “Oh man, I’m so funny now and my stuff is so much better.” What a great time capsule to see how far I’ve come.
Oh, I got one. Always order chicken fingers before the show so you can take them back to the hotel room and eat them alone while watching SportsCenter. I think that’s a good one.
Resentment and anger are good fuel, but they don’t burn clean.
Weed is pretty cool and it helps you be funny.
Oh, and also, just be nice and be a great hang and everyone will support you and you’ll support others. The flip of that is don’t mess with people who don’t mess with you. You don’t have time for that.
I read in the bio that your grandfather had a connection to Al Capone. Can you share that story and what do you do with that?
Yeah, it’s crazy. When I lived in Chicago and worked at Second City, there’s a place called the Green Mill. In the Green Mill is a door to all of the tunnels that go underneath Los Angeles, and that’s how prohibition worked. All of these people would be running bottles under these tunnels and then popping them up to bars.
My grandfather, John, worked for Al Capone. He’s dead now so I can tell this story, but shout out to my grandma, Sally. She’s alive and I love her very much, and some of this is from her. Essentially my grandpa’s job was to pick up the other mob bosses and mobsters from other places outside the city who were coming in for meetings. He was the “whatever you need man, I got you” guy.
“Oh, you wanna go here? I got a connection there. Oh, you wanna eat at this restaurant? I know the person there. We’ll get you the best table.” So he would pick up all these mobsters from everywhere, grease palms left and right in Chicago, and be a made man who would show everyone from out of town the best time, which is ironic because now I travel all over the country showing people the best time I can. I just don’t have the same mob connections that he did.
Okay, we’re almost done. So share with the readers any of the self-care routines that you do to help your body, mind and heart to thrive.
Yeah, honestly, I feel pretty late to the game on the mental health self-care tip. I know it’s never too late to take care of yourself, but I wish that I knew and grew much earlier than I have. Like this, even this past year has been such a blossoming stage in my life.
Shout out Peter Tuesdays at noon, that’s my therapist. He helps me so much. Shout out medication for severe depression and bipolar disorder, that really helps as well. Honestly, microdosing mushrooms and MDMA helps me a lot. It’s a really nice balance.
I also wanna say a really hot shower every single morning when you get out of bed and making your bed means all the difference in the world. I also like to set up a cup of room temperature coffee next to my bed so when I wake up, I can immediately grab coffee and start waking up because it usually takes three or four hours to wake up.
Long walks, long walks with headphones in and no music so you can be alone with your thoughts and work through your problems. Shout out to a long walk. And lastly, if you can get a cat and have it curl up in your lap, there’s nothing better than that. That solves all the world’s problems.
Mike, because of the great work you do and the platform you’ve built, you’re a person of enormous influence, and people take your words very seriously. If you could spread an idea or inspire a movement that would bring the most good to the most people, what would that be?
Honestly, I think it’s the little things that make the biggest difference. A small rock thrown into a lake can cause waves to reach the shore. So, I believe in the power of please and thank you, and in keeping things balanced to make the world hum. If you’re the first car in the left turn lane waiting for the green arrow, stay off your phone. You have a duty to all the other cars behind you to make that turn as efficiently as possible. No one should have to honk at you. If you’re in line at Starbucks, have your credit card ready before you reach the register and know what you’re going to order. Let’s keep it moving and think about everyone around us so we can all have more time to do the things we want to do. When you walk through a door and someone holds it for you, take a moment to say thank you. You’re not royalty. Just be humble, be grateful. I believe those actions reflect back on you.
So, Mike, how can our readers continue to follow your work online? How can they purchase anything you have to offer, whether it’s your specials, your comedy, or your tours? How can they continue to support you in any way?
Honestly, just follow me on all my social media platforms. Instagram, GlazerBoohoohoo. Share my special, watch my special. You can even watch it on mute in the background while you’re at work all day to boost those numbers. You don’t need to watch it intently 12 times. Just leave it playing on mute in the background. Listen to it on Spotify. Come see a live show. The live shows are fantastic. The material I’m working on for this new hour is deep, honest, true, and very funny. We’re selling out shows across the country. And tell a friend. If you’ve discovered a new comedian that you like and hadn’t heard about before, let them know they should check it out too.
That’s great. Mike, it’s been so awesome to meet you. I wish you continued success and good health. And I hope we can do this again next year.
I would love to. This has been a real pleasure. It’s really great to speak with you. Thank you for having me on.
The pleasure is all mine
