Mindset Matters: Author Rebecca Faye Smith Galli of Morning Fuel On How To Build Stress Resilience with a Positive Mindset

An Interview With Shawna Robins

Gratitude is a superpower. We build positive outlooks with every grateful thought. The process of naming what we are thankful for automatically changes the way we perceive our surroundings, strengthening our awareness of what we have instead of what we are lacking.

In today’s fast-paced world, stress is an inevitable part of life. However, the way we manage and respond to stress can make a significant difference in our overall well-being. Developing a positive mindset can be a powerful tool in building resilience against stress, allowing individuals to navigate challenges more effectively and maintain better mental and physical health. How can we cultivate this positive mindset and use it to bolster our stress resilience? In this interview series, we are talking to psychologists, coaches, mental health experts, authors, about “How To Build Stress Resilience with a Positive Mindset”. As part of this interview series, we had the pleasure to interview Rebecca (Becky) Faye Smith Galli.

Rebecca (Becky) Faye Smith Galli is an author and columnist who writes about love, loss, and healing. Surviving significant losses — her 17-year-old brother’s death, two children with special needs including autism and epilepsy, divorce and then her own paralysis, she still believes, “Life can be good — no matter what.”

Thank you so much for doing this with us! Before we dig in, our readers would like to ‘get to know you’. Can you tell us a bit about your background and your backstory?

I grew up in a loving family of five that was reduced to an awkward and foreign configuration of four when my 17-year-old brother died in a water-skiing accident. Twenty at the time, I had the heartbreaking, yet informative experience of not only losing a sibling but also watching my parents cope with the devastating loss of a child, their only son. Despite their grief, they helped me tend to mine. My father suggested journaling as a way to calm my spinning thoughts. I found it to be helpful and continued the practice, especially each time life hurled another loss my way — my son’s seizures (and subsequent death), my daughter’s autism, my divorce, and then paralysis.

Can you share a story with us about what brought you to your particular career path?

When I was paralyzed in 1997, long before social media, a high school friend I hadn’t seen in nearly twenty years read about my paralysis in my father’s newspaper column and emailed me. I’ll never forget the title of that first email, “Is that you?” The subsequent email exchange became another journaling outlet as I began to craft my stories of adjustment to life from the wheelchair. One story about playing soccer with my five-year-old son — from the wheelchair — was published by The Baltimore Sun and led to my From Where I Sit newspaper column. These columns became the basis of my first book, Rethinking Possible: A Memoir of Resilience and my latest book, Morning Fuel: Daily Inspirations to Stretch Your Mind Before Starting Your Day, a daily reader.

Can you share with our readers a bit about why you are an authority in the stress and wellness fields? In your opinion, what is your unique contribution to the world of wellness?

Although I hesitate to use the word “authority,” I have had sustained experience over different kinds of losses — a sibling, a child, my marriage, and my mobility. Some of these losses were acute and immediate; others were more chronic with constant adaptation. Life with paralysis is a constant challenge. I call my body below my waist my “two-year-old” because she is so unpredictable! Nevertheless, through each of these challenges, I have discovered some patterns of coping with stress that seem to work for me and have also resonated with others when I have shared them.

Do you have a favorite “Life Lesson Quote”? Do you have a story about how that was relevant in your life or your work?

“What’s planned is possible,” is the family mantra I grew up with and have maintained. The key word in my youth was “planning.” However, as life’s stressors mounted, “possible” became the primary focus. I had to train myself to focus on the positives of what I could still do, the possibilities, especially when life did not go as planned. Although my publisher chose the title of my memoir, Rethinking Possible, I’ve found it to not only be the story of my life, but how I aspire to live it daily. Despite limitations, what can I still do? I try to stay possibility-driven.

Ok, thank you for all that. Now let’s move to the main focus of our interview. Let’s start at the very beginning so that we are all on the same page. What is the definition of stress? How is it different than anxiety or overwhelm?

My favorite definition of stress comes from Dr. Wilkie Wilson, professor of pharmacology at Duke University, from a talk he gave to parents during my son’s high school years:

“Stress is the effort of the brain to adapt to a change in the environment.”

That definition was a game-changer for me. At that time, my extended family had just left after a lengthy holiday visit. When I recalled times of stress where I felt overwhelmed or anxious [and became frustrated and edgy] — an emergency trip to the vet, spoiled meat, pneumonia, a power outage, and a migraine–I realized I had been reacting to an unexpected change.

The anxiety and overwhelm I felt was my reaction to stress. In a strange way, though, it was comforting to think that these reactions were caused biologically; they were my brain’s effort to adjust to change.

I wasn’t being irrational, grumpy, or rude — my brain just needed a moment to adjust to a new circumstance.

It’s important, however, to formulate a healthy response to each stressor. Wilson went on to define acute stress and chronic stress, noting how our bodies were built to handle the ups and downs of acute stresses, where we respond to sudden changes and then recover. But chronic stress, he warned, could be dangerous. When changes are not resolved before another change takes place, there is no time for the body to recover, and the effects steadily accumulate.

Can you discuss some common misconceptions about stress and those misconceptions can hinder our ability to manage it effectively?

So often we’re told how to manage, avoid, or overcome stress. Wilson’s definition doesn’t do any of that; it simply grants us a new freedom to embrace it as part of daily living that’s inevitable.

Perhaps it is worth remembering that both the changes we experience and those we impose on others will inevitably cause stress.

But, no worries. We simply need to acknowledge the science at work, give our brains (and theirs) a moment to adapt, and press on with an appropriate response to the changed environment.

We may not be able to control what happens to us, but we can control how we respond.

How does one’s environment play a role in stress management and maintaining a positive mindset? Can you provide examples?

Your environment should act as a recharging station, setting the stage for restoration, comfort, and joy. Design and maintain it according to your self-knowledge. Know what healthy practices calm you, energize you, and relieve stress. Also note what makes you laugh and brings you joy.

When life is moving smoothly, spend some time paying attention to your reactions and build a mental “go-to” list for those times you may need a boost. Coffee, fresh flowers, and a good dark chocolate are always on hand in my home as well as my play-list for funky music and some Wild Planet tuna.

A change of environment can also knock you out of self-absorption. A quick trip to the mailbox or walk through the neighborhood allows nature to refresh me or distract me from a nagging concern.

What role does physical health (e.g., exercise, diet, sleep) play in building stress resilience?

A strong base of healthy habits is paramount in building any form of resilience. If the base is compromised, everything is magnified. The stronger the base, the better we can deal with life’s inevitable stressors.

Structure and consistency help. Consider what’s in your best interests for your long-term health and create a sustainable routine to address it.

To be on my game, I know I need a good night’s sleep, a balanced diet, plenty of water, attentive self-care, and my daily morning reading time where I read, reflect, write, and take stock of what is doable for the next twenty-four hours.

Ok. Here is the main question of our discussion. Can you please share “5 Ways to Build Stress Resilience with a Positive Mindset”? If you can, kindly share a story or example for each.

1 . Be honest about the situation, your feelings, and your ability to deal with it.

• Acknowledge the change in your circumstance and give your brain a chance to adjust as you begin to consider your response.
• Feel the feelings around the change. Name them, even the uncomfortable ones, and write them down. Once you own that feeling, it’s easier to manage. If you discount it or deny it, it often expresses itself in other undesirable ways.
• Even though I was broken-hearted after my brother’s death, I was ashamed that I had some feelings of anger toward him for leaving me to miss him for the rest of my life. I didn’t feel comfortable sharing that feeling with my family or close friends because they, too, were devastated and I didn’t want to add to their pain. So I journaled about it, getting all that emotion out of my heart and onto the page.
• Although journaling is one great option for relieving stress and gaining perspective, never hesitate to reach out to a trusted professional if you feel your progress is stalling or your stressors are accumulating.

2 . Be proactive. Develop and maintain a strong support system

• We are built for community. Evaluate your needs and consider what resources could be helpful. Who has been through something similar? Who has expertise relevant to your situation? Invite people to be “in the boat” with you for support and guidance.
• Admitting we need help is a strength, not a weakness.
• I knew nothing about autism when my daughter was diagnosed. At that time, the traditional resources — educators and physicians — had little to offer. But other parents did! By sharing our discoveries, we not only helped our children, but also became a resource (and later a non-profit) for other parents, too. What a great stress relief it was (and still is) to no longer feel alone.

3 . Approach life’s challenges like a camera lens.

• Zoom out and recognize the stress as a biological reaction to an unplanned change. Give yourself a moment to see the change from a different perspective.
• Zoom in and decide what can be done today about that issue. If possible, I take action or make a plan. However, if there’s nothing more to do, I place it gently on a shelf in my mind out of the center of my thinking. Then I refocus on other parts of my life.
• “Don’t judge a performance in the middle of an act,” is often a comforting thought for a lingering stressor. So often we get stuck in the moment of despair. It helps me to remember that there is more to come. The moment of anguish or pain won’t last forever. Time moves on. Hopefully we will too.
• With the right perspective, life’s inevitable bumps can be reframed as opportunities to learn.

4 . Stay fortified with daily practices.

• Gratitude is a superpower. We build positive outlooks with every grateful thought. The process of naming what we are thankful for automatically changes the way we perceive our surroundings, strengthening our awareness of what we have instead of what we are lacking.
• Keep a running list of what you appreciate. I list three things I’m grateful for before I even get out of bed. They can be as simple as a good night’s sleep, I didn’t snooze my alarm, or my wheelchair’s battery fully charged overnight.
• Having trouble finding something to be grateful for? Observe a cherished belonging and consider its history. Was it once a wish? A goal? A dream? It’s sometimes easy to take for granted what we have until we appreciate its history.
• Keep moving. As Churchill famously said, “If you’re going through hell, keep going.” Take at least one positive action each day. Then plan something to look forward to. Don’t isolate yourself. Surround yourself with “plus” people who energize or refresh you.

5 . Embrace a possibility-driven mindset.

• Possibilities are opportunities for tremendous creativity.
• Acceptance changes everything, bringing freedom to examine new possibilities. It keeps our minds forward-focused. What solutions are viable within the circumstance?
• One of my favorite techniques to kick into possibility-driven mode is to consider:

Even though__________(the stressful circumstance)

I can still_____________(name a possibility within the stressful circumstance)

Can you share an experience where you applied these stress resilience techniques in your own life? What was the outcome?

In 1997, I was paralyzed by transverse myelitis, a rare inflammation of the spinal cord that affects one in a million. Although two-thirds of those affected have a partial or complete recovery, there is no way to predict if or how long recovery will take. So at age 38, with kids ages three, four, six, and nine, I came home from the hospital, paralyzed but hopeful of a full recovery. I had no idea what was next for me or my family so I just kept moving through life.

Within a few weeks, Madison, my daughter with autism, brought home a yellow flyer inviting me to the home of a classmate to learn about a new speech therapy. We tried it with Madison and it worked!

I wasn’t the only parent to have these happenstance stories. Soon a small group of parents met regularly. We wanted to help each other learn all the useful things we had discovered for ourselves. Within three years, our small group founded Pathfinders for Autism, a nonprofit directed at improving the lives of individuals with autism and their families that now regularly serves more than 20,000 individuals each year.

Looking back, I now see that the three-year effort to found Pathfinders gave me purpose while I was waiting for clarity about the permanence of my paralysis. It felt good to accomplish something positive and helpful for my child that also benefited others.

Even though — I was paralyzed with an uncertain future

I could still help my child and expand our support community.

How can building a supportive community or network contribute to stress resilience and a positive mindset?

A supportive community invites others to share the journey through stressful times. It enlarges our base of support while offering different views of common stressors. Possibility-driven thinking grows as the community expands. A community environment also shifts the focus from self-reflection and waiting to helping and doing.

Are there any specific tools or resources (books, apps, courses) you recommend for individuals looking to improve their stress resilience and mindset?

Daily readers jumpstart my day with a thought or two that run in the background of my mind for the rest of the day. What we focus on expands so I choose readings that inspire, encourage, or make me think. Mark Nepo’s The Book of Awakening and Melanie Beattie’s The Language of Letting Go are two favorites.

Journaling is a regular part of my morning routine. I’ve also enjoyed the five-year journals that offer one line a day entries. It’s a great perspective-giver when you review the previous years’ entries and note how time gives a different value to an event or a thought.

Wonderful. We are nearly done. Is there a person in the world, or in the US, with whom you would like to have a private breakfast or lunch, and why? He or she might just see this, especially if we tag them. :-)

I would love to have a chance to chat with Reese Witherspoon. I admire her approach to life and commitment to personal and professional growth. Based on her own personal experience while reviewing scripts, she saw a need and dug down to the root of the problem — not enough real-world women’s stories — and crafted a plan to encourage and empower women to tell them. Her book club and podcasts feature women who are “heroes of their own stories.” Love that!

Plus, I like her style. Honest. Down-to-earth. Whip smart, yet vulnerable. Generous with her notoriety and built a community born out of her experience and ideas of how she could improve the lives of others.

We align in several areas:

• She kept a possibility-driven mindset as she navigated her career from actress to producer to a powerhouse media company.
• She tapped into the power of community when she discovered a need and created a company to address a problem larger than her own.
• When she initially struggled with success with her media company, she wasn’t afraid to ask for help and “get people in the boat” with her whose expertise would help her run Hello Sunshine.
• And interestingly, we were both inspired by Margaret Renkl, Reese’s high school English teacher, and for me, the first interview I had about my life after my paralysis. Margaret’s thoughtful questions opened my mind to the possibility that my life story and experiences could be helpful to others.

How can our readers further follow your work online?

Website: https://rebeccafayesmithgalli.com

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/chairwriter/

X: https://twitter.com/chairwriter

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/chairwriter/

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/rebecca-faye-smith-galli-061501a/

Pinterest: https://www.pinterest.com/rfsgalli/pins/

This was very meaningful, thank you so much. We wish you only continued success on your great work!

About the Interviewer: Shawna Robins is an international best-selling author of two books — Powerful Sleep — Rest Deeply, Repair Your Brain and Restore Your Life, and Irresistibly Healthy — Simple Strategies to Feel Vibrant, Alive, Healthy and Full of Energy Again. Shawna is the founder and CEO of Third Spark, an online wellness hub for women over 40 who want to reignite their sleep, reset healthier habits and respark their lives. Shawna is a sleep expert, hormone health expert, and a National Board-Certified Health and Wellness Coach (NBHWC). She has been featured on many podcasts including Dr. Mindy Pelz’s “The Resetter Podcast” and in Authority Magazine, Thrive Global, and The Huffington Post. A free download of her latest book can be found at www.thirdsparkhealth.com/powerful-sleep/ You can follow her on YouTube, Facebook, Instagram and LinkedIn.