Mindset Matters: Vlora Bekteshi of Inspire Me On How To Build Stress Resilience with a Positive Mindset

An Interview With Shawna Robins

Look forward to positive outcomes and expect it; find inspiration: Remind yourself to look at the positive aspects of life and the positive outcomes that negative experiences may achieve. When you focus more on positive outcomes you are opening doors to more positive ideas. This way brainstorming becomes a task where you find inspiration towards things that you want to achieve — even believing in yourself!

In today’s fast-paced world, stress is an inevitable part of life. However, the way we manage and respond to stress can make a significant difference in our overall well-being. Developing a positive mindset can be a powerful tool in building resilience against stress, allowing individuals to navigate challenges more effectively and maintain better mental and physical health. How can we cultivate this positive mindset and use it to bolster our stress resilience? In this interview series, we are talking to psychologists, coaches, mental health experts, authors, about “How To Build Stress Resilience with a Positive Mindset”. As part of this interview series, we had the pleasure to interview Vlora Bekteshi.

Vlora Bekteshi is the author of forthcoming book Creating a Foundation of Confidence — a companionship with insightful 8-step methodology derived from her experiential introspective observations which incorporates the Creating a Foundation of Confidence Group Coaching further elaborating the book with momentum. She is a four-time founder, life and relationship coach of Inspire Me, LLC, and six-time awarded internationally published poet. Her writing caters to non-fiction, poetry, short stories, and both writes and illustrates her children’s books.

Thank you so much for doing this with us! Before we dig in, our readers would like to ‘get to know you’. Can you tell us a bit about your background and your backstory?

I am a mother of two wonderful teens who always find gratitude and appreciation for life and are a remarkable brother and sister. I am an Albanian-American who grew up in the suburbs of Chicago. Later, I lived in three different countries in Europe for ten years. Then, moved to my current location in Florida where I have lived ever since. I worked my way up gaining experience and skills in the retail industry with quotas and sale, gradually into a ten-year milestone in the Talent Acquisition corporate settings. Alongside, building a fashion blog called Shopping Faves. I received a degree in Technology Development and Management, and founded Site Simplified. In 2014, I created Inspire Me, LLC with determination and belief in its value that it brought healing to people and their belief in me. I began healing techniques through art when I decided to separate that by founding Create with Soul.

Looking back from now to the beginning I was faced with turbulence and many trials. Despite, I was always resilient, determined, and positive. I believed in it, so I was. No matter what kind of obstacle or trauma entered my life, now, I am reminded how somehow, I found a way to move beyond it.

Being positive is a way to build resilience; yet the motor for building resilience is, first, the belief in positive thoughts. Deep down we already know who we are and who we see ourselves to be in the future. Building stress resilience is being okay with what you currently see within yourself in a way that helps you to bring clarity to propel forward with positivity.

Can you share a story with us about what brought you to your particular career path?

In December of 2014 my daughter was diagnosed with a rare disease. The greatest suffering is the one for my child. Pushing onward, with trust and faith, I believe that this too shall pass. I prayed to God that I would help humanity in the ways that I will be able to handle with the wish that God would heal my daughter. Several simultaneous trials of life guided me towards helping others by creating a Meetup group as a shoulder to lean on. Not long after, I serendipitously met someone who suggested that I make it a business. That had not occurred to me, but it felt possible, and one thing led to another with Inspire Me, LLC. Everything holds a place with its own reason. We are all guides to someone else.

Can you share with our readers a bit about why you are an authority in the stress and wellness fields? In your opinion, what is your unique contribution to the world of wellness?

I have noticed that people find me an authority in the stress and wellness fields by, first, having been a shoulder to lean on for others in my Meetup groups. Organically people were drawn to me. Some traveled for several hours to attend.

Though I have come to contemplate your question many times, humbly, I believe that my unique contribution to the world of wellness incorporates several points. First, the ability to have gone through struggles and prevailed through determination to consistently make the right choices with morals and ethics. My belief and faith during dark times. This is the number one contribution I can make, by trying to do my best to take care of myself. This is where you begin to take care of others around you. The strength to call on God when all is observed is nightmare.

Second, the ability to be open-minded and compassionate towards others.

Contributing to the world of wellness does not just encompass external giving, people think that because they cannot seem to give externally, they give up on the concept entirely. Realistically speaking, not everyone has the same purpose. Some people need to solely focus on bettering themselves, because that alone is a challenging task.

Third, getting the strength to transform the negative of my experiences to a strong foundation with constant determination and the drive to serve others by naturally building my business through my vulnerability.

Fourth, the choice to move forward with serving others even in tough times. This purpose is continuous. I know now that it was the purpose because I kept doing it. I kept being available for people even when I struggled with my own negative experiences. One example is when I had an injury and was on bedrest, but I had already scheduled a Meetup that I did not want to cancel. I felt I needed to be there. The person said that they felt my energy while I was healing them, and that he almost had given up on getting guidance but decided to come to the meeting. We can make a difference in people’s lives just by being available.

Fifth, the strength of courage and faith that there is always a step further that I can go when I put myself out there to a greater audience. What transpires is not the focus and point, but rather the act of courageously showing yourself to the world for the world, by growing the heart to hold more healing for humanity.

Do you have a favorite “Life Lesson Quote”? Do you have a story about how that was relevant in your life or your work?

I like to encourage people to be their own and develop their own source of inspiration. A person can be their own source of inspiration when they choose to see a negative situation in a positive light. When I first started helping people through my observational skills, I noticed that we are all guides to someone. Whether we know it or not. Even with just a smile.

We guide people in ways that we cannot imagine. Sometimes this is because the focus is mostly on the insecurities of a person where miscommunication leads. Just one word you say to someone has the power to alter their reality.

I understood immediately that the purpose of healing others was there from the deep openness of my heart and love for humanity that God had shown me the feeling of. This was the understanding of true love. To spread this love without expectations or needing anything in return. When you understand that the love which you hold inside is yours and it can’t be taken away from you, you learn how to share it more without emotional imbalances. I initially created a Meetup Group in 2014, with December marking the ten-year anniversary of guiding the community complimentary!

Ok, thank you for all that. Now let’s move to the main focus of our interview. Let’s start at the very beginning so that we are all on the same page. What is the definition of stress? How is it different than anxiety or overwhelm?

I like that you began by asking to define, because this is how I like to explain things. Many people have experiences in different levels and scenarios. I like to simplify concepts so that you may leave it to your own interpretation and be given options to make your own choices.

To me, stress is when there is too much of the same thing or different things, positive and/or negative, that are happening at the same time which gives a person a sense of pressure regarding expectations, decisions, or insecurities.

Stress can differentiate from anxiety because anxiety is a sense of feeling that circumstances are out of your control. The anxious feeling becomes uncontrollable. Additionally, insecurities and the inability to take a step back enhance anxious behavior and negative self-talk.

Overwhelm has a place in both stress and anxiety as it is too much of something which both of those are, but there is a difference of it being in each. With overwhelming circumstances in stress there is hope and room to make changes, observe and find a solution. However, being overwhelmed in the state of being anxious is a level of giving up and hopelessness.

Can you discuss some common misconceptions about stress and those misconceptions can hinder our ability to manage it effectively?

One misconception about stress is when people express stressful situations, they are unacknowledged because the circumstances do not apply as stressful situations to another person.

This misconception can hinder our ability to manage it effectively because invalidation can down spiral a person’s stress levels and insecurities. Everyone experiences situations which are part of their journey to learn and move past those stressful times. In any case, when a person is stressed, it is valid and must not go unnoticed. When someone expresses their stressful situation, no matter how small it seems to another person, they deserve to be heard. Verbalizing stress is very helpful towards healing situations. The person doing the listening does not have to teach or say something — just being there is enough.

How does one’s environment play a role in stress management and maintaining a positive mindset? Can you provide examples?

A person’s environment plays a major role in stress management and maintaining a positive mindset differently in every household. When planning to apply a process of choice for stress management the person is deciding to better themselves with small steps into transitioning to a newfound lifestyle. Though, many times, when a person may think of stress management, they might reason that all they must do is keep themselves from expressing emotional needs or emotional insecurities. There is more to that, and this is where stress management goes beyond a person’s hands and expands to the outside environment. These outside environments may affect the individual negatively even during the choices and actions of maintaining stress.

As foremost self-experienced, a scenario is in environments where there are unhealthy households with verbal and emotional abuse. There are scenarios of women and men not being able to manage the stress, because of repetitive cycles of fearing to leave a situation, the inability to speak of fear of retaliation, and insecurities of self. These situations can lead to anxiety, overwhelm, and depression. I send a message of encouragement to call on help where you feel safe.

Another example would be unhealthy household communication. This can create misunderstandings, insecurities, trust issues and more confusion. Especially in households with children who continuously grow in the area of communication.

What role does physical health (e.g., exercise, diet, sleep) play in building stress resilience?

Physical health plays a role in building stress resilience because although we do not have control of outer circumstances, attending to your physical needs is a preventative measure of preparing for the future. Taking care of your physical health also helps you build focus and regiment to daily tasks and routines. Any change of routines, however small, is a welcome one because it changes the dynamic of situations around you and your thought process. Physical health, whether it is eating habits or physical exercise, creates change with continuous repetitive routines.

Additionally, physical exercise is a creation of a hobby. You might not like doing certain things, but still make a difference when you try.

You might be experiencing what seems like unmanageable stress because you are still learning about yourself. So, familiarize yourself with what you like. Do things you have not tried before. For example, I like to do multiple forms of physical care. I also alter each type at the time I feel like doing it. I add it to my calendar and check back at the end of the week what my routine looked like. Then, the following week I can challenge myself if I want or change the routine again. Do not pressure yourself but experience it as simply a process of you getting to know yourself. The more you focus on the feeling of not wanting to do something, the more difficult it becomes to do it. This creates stagnation in physical and mental movements and progress.

Ok. Here is the main question of our discussion. Can you please share “5 Ways to Build Stress Resilience with a Positive Mindset”? If you can, kindly share a story or example for each.

My methodology divides the answer to this question into four parts: above the surface, under the surface, negative and positive spectrum, and navigating.

The fourth part, navigation, explains five ways to build stress resilience. In the third part, negative and positive spectrum, I introduce the five identifiers that are the core to the 5 ways to Build Stress Resilience with a Positive Mindset:

Can you share an experience where you applied these stress resilience techniques in your own life? What was the outcome?

I applied these stress resilience techniques in my own life experiences by learning how to catch myself in negative circumstances. This was helpful because it gave an immediate positive outcome that instilled change through the choices I needed to make during those instances. Through my experiential process I learned techniques that I applied in addition to the above the surface ways of building stress resilience with a positive mindset, we immerse under the surface by exploring more.

Above the surface, we addressed great questions that can be included in these five ways:

1. Clarify stress: Learn how you define stress and clarify the situations that you feel bring it on.
2. The effects of your environment: ask yourself, are you happy with your environment? What would the feeling be like if you didn’t have to experience those things?
3. Physical health: are you taking care of your physical health?
4. Hobbies — learning about yourself: are you exploring getting to know yourself? Think of something you do that transports you to somewhere else — scribbling is a great way to do this that does not take much out of you.
5. Community: Do you have a shoulder to lean on?

Under the surface, with these five ways to achieve a positive mindset:

1. Good parts of your life: Focusing on learning about yourself and emotions. The good that you have achieved or want to.
2. Be positive to yourself: Trying not to give yourself a hard time. Sometimes we can be our worst critic. Ask yourself why and the expectations that were put on you during childhood and teen years. When stress grips to you acknowledge it. That is why it is gripping — your body is trying to talk to you. Emotions are trying to speak. Feel the energy of overwhelm in your body by acknowledging it. When doing so, a sense of release will override. Then, move the energy through into a different emotion by a different feeling which can be done with a hobby, skill, habit, or positive memory.
3. Observe the quiet in the chaos: Take a step back to observe the moment you experience that are inching in. Every experience does not require a reaction or immediate follow up. Take some time to process; then, reflect and lastly find a solution. We practice being positive to others, but forget we have the capability to give ourselves that sensation of positivity too.
4. Accumulate positive memories: Find things that calm your mind or bring a moment of joy: a photo or memory. This way you remind your body and mind that you can transition calmly between emotions that you have already experienced.
5. Look forward to positive outcomes and expect it; find inspiration: Remind yourself to look at the positive aspects of life and the positive outcomes that negative experiences may achieve. When you focus more on positive outcomes you are opening doors to more positive ideas. This way brainstorming becomes a task where you find inspiration towards things that you want to achieve — even believing in yourself!

Let us say resilience is a boat. We don’t know how long we are going to be out in the water, because the weather changes from season-to-season. The motor is the driving force of the boat, in this case the resilience. Therefore, what is your motor? What is the reason that is already built within you that instills that resilience and drive. Understanding what drives your resilience brings insightful clarity and when focused upon can propel intentional positive action. The boat with a motor scaled with two types of people: one focused on the word stress and the other already with a positive mindset.

When initially reasoning on how to build stress resilience, the process of elimination might come to mind. Therefore, your focus becomes the elimination of the negative. When this happens there is an ebb-and-flow that is created between what is understood as being eliminated, and the other scale being replaced with something that is positive and new. Although this is one way of building stress resilience, let us say we do not want to focus on the negative. We want to build stress resilience through focusing on positive thoughts. How do we do this when the core issue is not understanding how to stop the negative thought patterns? The same way that we have repetitive negative thoughts that have been learned, the same way we need to repeat the positive thoughts as daily habits to learn a new pattern of thinking.

Asking that question alone, building stress resilience, does not mean that you will be able to build it solely on positive thinking because you are using the word building. By building you are growing into the way you want your mind to receive information and to react and give information — both in an emotional sense and logically.

See resilience as being something of momentum. When it is such, there is long term sustainability involved in the act of resilience. The question is how you define resilience and what is the motivational force that drives its motor? Including, how to build inspiration for yourself to be able to pull through into the next level?

View resilience as being something of momentum. Long term sustainability is involved in the act of resilience.

There is split focus on both stress and resilience, because during those moments of contemplation the mind is trying to deal with the stressful situation and find a way to prevail. This may stem from the person not believing in their capabilities.

For me, resilience does not mean the lack of needing to achieve a positive experience or feeling that I do not have, because I have past experiences of having been resilient. When you define resilience in the positive sense your thought pattern goes from, I am unsure that I am resilient to I am resilient, I feel that I am going to get over this! Just the idea of knowing you have been or are resilient is encouragement for the capabilities that you hold.

In other words, from my viewpoint, I am already a person that I can adapt to situations. How have I come to know this? Well, past experiences can tell us a lot about how we have handled situations. When resilience has been built repeatedly exercised like a muscle, naturally there is the inner knowing of self that a situation will come to improve and that you already have the strength. When that resilience is built, and you have that feeling of strength when new issues arise the thought process does not involve your previous insecure thought patterns. Due to resilience having been adapted as a natural state of being through the technique, thought becomes focus. Then, the state is more on resolving the situation rather than being stuck in not believing in yourself and being disappointed of your non-resilience. At that point it comes to be realized that, due to your belief in self and drive, you are resilient because you have decision and control over your feelings.

Acquiring and maintaining self-belief leads to a positive mindset. When familiarized with feelings, emotions, and reflective thoughts we can establish the identifiers. Then, paring those five aspects of the identity with their attributes and actions discussed in the fourth part, navigating.

How can building a supportive community or network contribute to stress resilience and a positive mindset?

A supportive community or network contributes to stress resilience and a positive mindset by creating an environment that is positive, supportive, and one where you do not feel alone. Also, a supportive community creates a positive space and atmosphere to get away from stressful environments. Being part of a community positively enhances your overall wellbeing within your own household and makes a difference in your neighborhood. Giving back is a great way to build a positive mindset.

Are there any specific tools or resources (books, apps, courses) you recommend for individuals looking to improve their stress resilience and mindset?

Thank you for the interview; it has me ruminating in a positive way instilled with encouragement and inspired me to create a course and an e-book to share and two other types of resources to improve stress resilience with a positive mindset. Additionally, a positive mindset is an easier said than done task. The course is created with actionable techniques to get you started involving a thorough explanation of building resilience with a positive mindset in my four-part methodology.

Your neighborhood is the best resource for you to learn to connect with yourself and others. This topic reminded me of how awing it is to compare the past and present both encompassing such determination, drive, positivity and optimism through the hardships in my life when resilience did not seem visible. The memories when people believed in me when they opened themselves to me for guidance when I was uncertain of the path of my journey. Resilience can have nuances which challenge individuals differently, but when you are a shoulder to lean on or you have one to offer it makes a big difference.

We addressed above the surface and under the surface building resilience with a positive mindset. We can continue the momentum by joining my course, Creating a Foundation of Resilience with a Positive Mindset Course Inside Access Registration Pre-launch We will immerse ourself and enhance this methodology by learning about techniques to fortify the propellers and the motor of resilience.

The Complimentary Creating a Foundation of Resilience with a Positive Mindset Resource Guide e-Book is an exploration and self-reflection towards planning and making decisions on the best type of ways for you to begin learning and get guidance. There is a list of resources, worksheets, and the next actionable step.

I have created a methodology based on my experiential process the entirety of the last ten years in my forthcoming book, Creating a Foundation of Confidence. Pre-launch sign up for my new Creating a Foundation of Confidence Group Coaching will encompass the books methodologies more thoroughly.

Wonderful. We are nearly done. Is there a person in the world, or in the US, with whom you would like to have a private breakfast or lunch, and why? He or she might just see this, especially if we tag them. :-)

I believe that the best people to have breakfast or lunch with are those that we are currently getting to know or working with. The people we are surrounded by are precious. Everyone has their own voyage. Our objective is to become more of ourselves — not the aspiration of what others have become.

Therefore, mine would be with the founder of Authority Magazine. Having a thoughtful moment with someone you currently have met and are working with can be impactful, because at that moment you are expanding the relationship further or moving on and opening new doors. Building and enhancing relationships with the people nearby leads to closer steps towards building a stronger community and sincere connections.

How can our readers further follow your work online?

I invite to connect by signing up for updates on my website: https://InspireMeLLC.me

Follow and comment that you found me from this article on one of my Instagram posts: https://instagram.com/bekteshi.vlora

Keep in touch on Facebook: https://facebook.com/inspiremellc

This was very meaningful, thank you so much. We wish you only continued success on your great work!

About the Interviewer: Shawna Robins is an international best-selling author of two books — Powerful Sleep — Rest Deeply, Repair Your Brain and Restore Your Life, and Irresistibly Healthy — Simple Strategies to Feel Vibrant, Alive, Healthy and Full of Energy Again. Shawna is the founder and CEO of Third Spark, an online wellness hub for women over 40 who want to reignite their sleep, reset healthier habits and respark their lives. Shawna is a sleep expert, hormone health expert, and a National Board-Certified Health and Wellness Coach (NBHWC). She has been featured on many podcasts including Dr. Mindy Pelz’s “The Resetter Podcast” and in Authority Magazine, Thrive Global, and The Huffington Post. A free download of her latest book can be found at www.thirdsparkhealth.com/powerful-sleep/ You can follow her on YouTube, Facebook, Instagram and LinkedIn.