Overcoming Anxiety: Author Dr Melanie Mcnally On Five Effective Strategies for Mental Well-Being

An Interview With Nancy Landrum

Pay attention to how your body feels when you’re anxious or stressed so that you can get better at identifying the signs early on. I sometimes notice the physical sensations before I’m aware of the thoughts that are actually creating them. Do you tend to tense your shoulders when getting anxious? Or do you feel it in your stomach? Is there a sense of dread in your chest, or do you get a headache? The next time you’re stressed, see where you feel it in your body.

Anxiety seems to be the dis-ease of our times. More people than ever are taking medications to help them cope with stress. Nearly everyone I talk to is consumed with anxious feelings that hijack any pleasure they could be getting from their lives. The pressure to “produce” combined with a perception of “not enough time,” combines to create anxiety, self-doubt, frustration and resentment. Resentment, then, is often taken out on your closest, most important relationships. As a part of this series, I had the pleasure of interviewing Dr. Melanie McNally.

Dr. Melanie McNally is a licensed clinical psychologist and brain coach who helps people maximize their potential so they get the most out of life. From adolescents struggling with motivation to executives seeking direction, she helps people feel less overwhelmed, figure out their next steps, and reach meaningful goals. Dr. Melanie has worked in the mental health field since 2005 and has written two books, The Emotionally Intelligent Teen and Helping Your Unmotivated Teen. Recognized nationally for her expertise, Dr. Melanie has been invited to the White House to discuss the paramount importance of teen mental health. She’s appeared in The Huffington Post, Parents Magazine, Business Insider, Fast Company, and more.

Thank you so much for joining us in this interview series! Before we dive in, our readers would love to “get to know you” better. Can you tell us a bit about you and your backstory?

I grew up in a pretty dysfunctional home and struggled with anxiety most of the time. I worried about everything — grades, what others thought of me, my parent’s constant fighting, my future, money, swim meets and softball games… you name it, I worried about it.

I had chronic stomach aches and problems, trouble falling asleep, and felt irritable and grumpy a lot. And to make it worse, I was taught to hold in whatever I was feeling and that I should NEVER tell anyone what was going on inside me.

I ended up learning about psychology during my undergraduate school and loved it; however, I wanted some life experience before I was going to do anything with it. As I told my mom at the age of 21, how could I help teens deal with life experiences if I had none myself? How could I help others with anxiety if I hadn’t yet learned how to deal with it on my own?

So off I went to San Francisco, where I gathered enough life experience to fill a few lifetimes — I traveled the country and the world, I met people from all walks of life, and I worked lots of fun jobs. I also used that time to go to therapy to learn how to deal with my anxiety, to journal, to create boundaries within unhealthy relationships, and to just learn how to like myself. Eventually, I felt ready to return to school and begin my graduate training, first with a master’s degree in counseling and then a doctorate in clinical psychology.

I empower people to better understand how the brain works so they can maximize their potential. Recognized nationally for my expertise, I was invited to the White House to discuss the paramount importance of teen mental health. I’ve also been featured in Fast Company, Business Insider, Parade Magazine, Parents Magazine, and more.

I love helping people find clarity, discover their voice, and blow the lid off as they jump into who they’re meant to be. Nothing makes me happier than hearing a client change their negative self-talk, become less anxious, and learn to like themselves, flaws and all.

I want every person to know that they can live a life aligned with their values. I want you to not just be the best version of yourself, but to be a version of yourself that you feel proud of. I want to be a part of the journey.

As a successful person in your field, have you or do you experience anxiety? And if so, how do you manage, reduce or eliminate anxiety so you can work efficiently and enjoy your non-work hours?

As I mentioned, I grew up feeling anxious much of the time. Not only was it hardwired in me from a genetic perspective, but my homelife was very stressful as well. I didn’t know how to manage it when I was younger, and it wasn’t until I left home that I felt comfortable going to therapy and learning how to deal with it. I still deal with anxiety from time to time, but it’s not nearly as intense as it was when I was younger. I make sure to get exercise, time outdoors, and time with friends daily and to talk to my support people when I’m really stressed.

Have you gone through a period of time in your life where you felt as though you were drowning in anxiety? If so, please share your experience and what you perceive as the reasons.

I get pretty anxious about money and worry about retirement. I can easily get caught up in a scarcity mindset and think that I won’t have enough money later in life or worry about what might happen if I can no longer work. I’ve found that when I dive into the numbers and create plans, my anxiety dissipates though. However, when I had to spend a large chunk of money on some unexpected home repairs, my anxiety went sky high. I think that was the worst it’s ever been and lasted about 3 days. I couldn’t stop worrying and felt nauseous. My husband was out of town and I was too embarrassed to tell my friends how bad I was feeling so I avoided them. I just isolated and spiraled deeper into the anxiety hole. It was awful.

What or whom did you lean on to help you cope with anxiety?

My husband can be a great help at times, although it’s tricky because he doesn’t worry as much as I do. He thinks that by telling me to not worry about something, I’ll feel better! I like to talk to my friends who get anxious about similar things as I do because they’re better about knowing about what helps- they challenge my unrealistic thoughts and help me laugh at how silly they can be. But with this incident, I couldn’t admit to how bad I was feeling so I avoided them. In hindsight, I know they would’ve been helpful.

Instead, I did an exercise I use with my clients when they’re anxious. I did a brain dump and wrote down all the things I was anxious about. I then crossed off anything that was out of my control, like the weather or stock market. I focused on the things I had control over and created a plan of action for how I’d handle the worst-case scenario for each item on the list. My anxiety decreased tremendously.

What lessons did you derive from that dark period of time, that serve you now?

I wrote a letter to myself when I came out of the anxiety spiral. The letter was to the anxious version of me and told me how much better I was feeling, what I did to feel better, and how I was overreacting when in an anxious state of mind. I have the letter saved in my desk so I can return to it if I ever end up in that headspace again.

Do you have days or circumstances that still cause excessive stress?

I work hard to manage my anxiety and stress levels so that I can be more helpful to my clients. However, that doesn’t mean I don’t still experience those feelings, it just means that I’m better equipped to deal with them.

What are your dependable “go to” strategies that you use to restore balance to your emotions?

Exercise is my most helpful tool. I’m a swimmer and I prioritize getting laps in because it has such a positive effect on my mental wellbeing. I also know how important it is for me to get a daily walk with my dogs each morning because being outdoors gives me peace and calm. I end each day with quick gratitude journaling where I write down 3–5 good things that happened to me that day.

Please name five tips, practices, beliefs or affirmations that you recommend to anyone going through a highly stressful time.

1 . Talk to a trusted confidant. There’s nothing more liberating than sharing your absolute greatest fears with someone who you know will not judge or shame you. Plus, saying things aloud helps us see the ridiculousness of some of our spiraling thoughts.

2 . Ask yourself, “So what does this mean about me?” to get to the root cause of the issue. This is called the downward-arrow technique and is used in cognitive-behavioral therapy. When spiraling, write down your fears, and, for each one, ask yourself the magic question. You’ll be amazed at what comes out of this simple exercise.

3 . Learn how to self-regulate. Knowing how to control your thoughts, emotions, and behaviors, especially when facing challenging situations, is like being able to hit a “Pause” button. It helps you stop and reflect so that you can choose the best action, rather than react impulsively. Self-regulation tools include breathing exercises, meditation, taking a break, self-talk, exercise, and coloring. Practice using different tools for different circumstances and see which ones fit you best.

4 . Journaling is great way to notice when you’re stuck in a cycle of rumination, because you can see that you keep writing about the same thoughts, feelings, and situations. It also helps us separate our thoughts and feelings from who we are as people.

5 . Pay attention to how your body feels when you’re anxious or stressed so that you can get better at identifying the signs early on. I sometimes notice the physical sensations before I’m aware of the thoughts that are actually creating them. Do you tend to tense your shoulders when getting anxious? Or do you feel it in your stomach? Is there a sense of dread in your chest, or do you get a headache? The next time you’re stressed, see where you feel it in your body.

On a scale of one-ten, if 8–10 was your former, chronic level of anxiety, how would you score your usual level of anxiety today?

2

Do you have daily practices that support you in maintaining peace, calmness or balance in your life?

Yes. I start my day early with either a swim at the pool or a walk in the woods, just depending on where I am that day. I also take time to plan out my week and day, which helps ensure I have time for the things I need to do to care for myself- whether it’s scheduling in a dinner with friends, book club, or a massage, I make sure it’s written down and then I protect that time.

Was there any particular saying, person, or book that taught you the skills that enable you to escape or avoid the higher levels of anxiety that used to plague you?

My work with my therapist during my 20s was incredibly helpful. But I think everyone has to find their particular thing that helps them get into a calm headspace that they can do on a daily basis. Whether it’s meditation, yoga, or listening to music. For me, it’s swimming. I get into a rhythm, lose all sense of self, and am completely tuned out to everything, including my thoughts. I can be completely stressed out but after 2000 yards, I’m reset.

Thank you for sharing your wisdom with those who are reading this article. Are there also other ways you are sharing your wisdom?

I have two published books: The Emotionally Intelligent Teen, which is for teens to learn how to self-regulate and build self-awareness. I also have a book out for parents of teens: Helping Your Unmotivated Teen. I have other resources available on my website, including freebies, plus I provide 1 on 1 coaching.

Wonderful. We are nearly done. Is there a person in the world, or in the US, with whom you would like to have a private breakfast or lunch, and why? He or she might just see this, especially if we tag them. :-)?

Oh my goodness, I would LOVE to hang out with Pink. She’s overcome so much and seems really focused on taking care of herself and her family. She’s had to learn how to not let the haters take her down and continues to push herself physically and mentally. She’s amazing.

You are a person of enormous influence. If you could start a movement that would bring the most amount of good to the most amount of people, what would that be? You never know what your idea can trigger. :-)

I want people, especially adults, to lead by example. We’re in the midst of a youth mental health crisis and the adults are to blame. We’ve handed them something as addictive as cocaine (phones) and then are mad at them because they’re spending all their time on them. We need to focus on aligning our values with our actions and developing meaningful connections with others. If adults focus on doing this, we can change course for our young people.

How can our readers follow your work online?

My website: https://www.destinationyou.net/

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/drmelaniemcnally/

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/drmcnally/

Thank you so much for joining us. This was very inspirational.

About the Interviewer: Nancy Landrum, MA, Relationship Coach, has authored eight books, including “How to Stay Married and Love it” and “Stepping Twogether: Building a Strong Stepfamily”. Nancy has been coaching couples and stepfamilies with transformative communication skills for over thirty years. Nancy is an engaging interviewer and powerful speaker. Nancy has contributed to The Washington Post, Huffington Post, Authority, Medium, Yahoo, MSN, Psych Central, Thrive, Woman’s Day magazine, and more. Nancy is the Founder of the only one of its kind online relationship solution, www.MillionaireMarriageClub.com. Nancy coaches couples across the globe in person and via Zoom. Nancy’s passion is to guide couples and families to happy lasting marriages where children thrive and lovers love for life.