Overcoming Anxiety: Dr Sola Togun-Butler of Butterfly Counseling Services On Five Effective Strategies for Mental Well-Being
An Interview With Nancy Landrum
It is imperative for me to start the day with my morning routine. I begin with prayer and do my morning stretches and wall pilates. The body movement in the morning gets me into a calm body, gives me energy and mental clarity. Over the course of the day, I make sure that I take breaks, even if it is 5 minutes, to engage in a self-care activity such as deep breathing, butterfly tapping, soothing with the senses, and stretching. I firmly believe that self-care should be proactive, not just reactive, to have balance.
Anxiety seems to be the dis-ease of our times. More people than ever are taking medications to help them cope with stress. Nearly everyone I talk to is consumed with anxious feelings that hijack any pleasure they could be getting from their lives. The pressure to “produce” combined with a perception of “not enough time,” combines to create anxiety, self-doubt, frustration and resentment. Resentment, then, is often taken out on your closest, most important relationships. As a part of this series, I had the pleasure of interviewing Dr. Sola Togun-Butler.
Dr. Sola Togun-Butler is the Founder, CEO, & Psychotherapist at Butterfly Counseling Services. Previously, she was an Assistant Professor and Associate Chairperson in the Human Services Department at St. Joseph’s University in Brooklyn, New York. She established Butterfly Counseling Services to make mental health services accessible and affordable for a diverse client population and to challenge the stigma associated with receiving mental health services by humanizing mental health. She is an award-winning professional speaker highlighting the importance of mental health and wellness while offering solutions to minimize stress, prevent burnout, and achieve balance for industry conferences, colleges/universities, agencies, and corporations. Dr. Sola has been interviewed by NBC News New York and Spectrum News NY1 on her areas of expertise.
Thank you so much for joining us in this interview series! Before we dive in, our readers would love to “get to know you” better. Can you tell us a bit about you and your backstory?
As a successful person in your field, have you or do you experience anxiety? And if so, how do you manage, reduce or eliminate anxiety so you can work efficiently and enjoy your non-work hours?
Most people who decide to go into full-time entrepreneurship will experience anxiety from time to time. I have experienced anxiety when considering the financial health of the business from time to time or the practice not having any more availability to take clients in need of mental health services. The most important thing for me is having a morning and nighttime routine that involves body movement. Body movement gives me a nervous system reset that helps me start and end my day in a healthy way. I also set time boundaries so that once I am done with work, I carve out time for self-care, engaging in activities I enjoy, and spending time with my family.
Have you gone through a period of time in your life where you felt as though you were drowning in anxiety? If so, please share your experience and what you perceive as the reasons.
When I decided to leave my full-time job as an Assistant Professor at a university to pursue full-time entrepreneurship, I was anxious about leaving the security of a regular paycheck and concerned about my financial security and that of my family if the business was unsuccessful. The entrepreneurial journey is truly one of courage because it means going against the grain and taking risks. I was worried that the risk would result in failure and the negative impact that would follow. My father used to say, “No person is an island unto themselves”. The anxiety about failing and then having my family deal with the consequences of that failure was heavy for me.
What or whom did you lean on to help you cope with anxiety?
To cope with anxiety, I believe that it is crucial to connect with our community of support. I have the support of family, friends, and colleagues. In addition, as a Christian, reading the Bible helps me cope with anxiety as there are verses in the Bible that I repeat to myself to reduce my anxiety. One of my favorite verses is 2 Timothy 1:7, which states, “God has not given us a spirit of fear but of power and of love and of a sound mind.”
What lessons did you derive from that dark period of time, that serve you now?
The most important lesson I have learned is that anxiety is not a negative emotion in and of itself. Like other emotions, anxiety is a storyteller, and we need to pay attention to the story it tells us. Anxiety often means that there is something we need to pay attention to and address. It is then up to us to process and healthily release anxiety. The lessons I have learned are to welcome anxiety without judgment, listen to the message it is telling me, and find healthy outlets to release anxiety.
Do you have days or circumstances that still cause excessive stress?
I have to admit that being a parent can be stressful. I continue to work very hard to meet my children’s needs and accept that they are now teenagers. The world can be a scary place, and I worry about their safety as they slowly step out into the world. Finding a balance between holding on and letting go has been a source of stress.
What are your dependable “go to” strategies that you use to restore balance to your emotions?
One strategy that I use to reduce anxiety is to create a worry plan. I write down what I am worried about and then determine what is within and outside my control. I then focus on creating a plan for what is within my control. For example, when preparing to embark on my entrepreneurial journey, I created a worry plan, attended workshops on resources for small businesses, saved money, and ensured I had enough client base to quit my full-time job. My worry plan indicated to me that I had taken steps within my control to ensure the success of my business, and that helped reduce my anxiety.
Please name five tips, practices, beliefs or affirmations that you recommend to anyone going through a highly stressful time.
1 . The Circle of Control (Identify what is outside of your control, what you can influence, and what is outside of your control)
2 . Create a Worry Plan (A worry plan helps you identify what you can control about the situation)
3 . Body Movement (Walking, Running, Jumping Jacks, Pilates)
4 . Prayer & Meditation
5 . Soothing with the Senses (What can you see, touch, feel, taste, smell that can calm you down)
On a scale of one-ten, if 8–10 was your former, chronic level of anxiety, how would you score your usual level of anxiety today?
My current level of anxiety today would be at level 2. It is because I am aware of the tools, coping mechanisms, and skills to reduce anxiety. I use these tools daily to ensure that I am in a calm body before the start of my day and regularly throughout the day.
Do you have daily practices that support you in maintaining peace, calmness or balance in your life?
It is imperative for me to start the day with my morning routine. I begin with prayer and do my morning stretches and wall pilates. The body movement in the morning gets me into a calm body, gives me energy and mental clarity. Over the course of the day, I make sure that I take breaks, even if it is 5 minutes, to engage in a self-care activity such as deep breathing, butterfly tapping, soothing with the senses, and stretching. I firmly believe that self-care should be proactive, not just reactive, to have balance.
Was there any particular saying, person, or book that taught you the skills that enable you to escape or avoid the higher levels of anxiety that used to plague you?
I recite different Bible Verses to myself during prayer and meditation, which helps me avoid higher anxiety levels. These verses are often reminders for me of what to do about situations outside of my control and what I need to do to reduce worry and anxiety. These verses highlight the importance of faith and knowing that God is in control, so I am not alone in what I am going through as he is with me.
Thank you for sharing your wisdom with those who are reading this article. Are there also other ways you are sharing your wisdom?
As a psychotherapist and certified professional life coach, I share many tools with my clients. I aim to collaborate with them to identify the tools that will work best for them so they can be the people they want to be.
Wonderful. We are nearly done. Is there a person in the world, or in the US, with whom you would like to have a private breakfast or lunch, and why? He or she might just see this, especially if we tag them. :-)?
The person that comes to mind is Prince Harry. Prince Harry, like his mother, the late Princess Diana, is an amazing Humanitarian who is passionate about mental health awareness. He has spoken openly about his mental health struggles to encourage others to be open about their own experiences and know that there is no shame in seeking help. It would be such an honor to meet him!
You are a person of enormous influence. If you could start a movement that would bring the most amount of good to the most amount of people, what would that be? You never know what your idea can trigger. :-)
My movement would center around humanizing mental health by having people talk openly about their mental health struggles. Mental health struggles are part of the human experience, and the more that we talk openly about our struggles, we can destigmatize mental health and understand that struggling with mental health issues is part of the human experience.
How can our readers follow your work online?
The readers can visit my website at www.butterflycounselingservices.com
Thank you so much for joining us. This was very inspirational.
About the Interviewer: Nancy Landrum, MA, Relationship Coach, has authored eight books, including “How to Stay Married and Love it” and “Stepping Twogether: Building a Strong Stepfamily”. Nancy has been coaching couples and stepfamilies with transformative communication skills for over thirty years. Nancy is an engaging interviewer and powerful speaker. Nancy has contributed to The Washington Post, Huffington Post, Authority, Medium, Yahoo, MSN, Psych Central, Thrive, Woman’s Day magazine, and more. Nancy is the Founder of the only one of its kind online relationship solution, www.MillionaireMarriageClub.com. Nancy coaches couples across the globe in person and via Zoom. Nancy’s passion is to guide couples and families to happy lasting marriages where children thrive and lovers love for life.
