Parental Alienation: Prerna Menon of Boundless On What Parental Alienation is, And How We Can Mitigate it

An Interview With Nancy Landrum

Be mindful about how you talk about the other parent in front of your child. Refrain from making any disparaging comments about them when your child is around.

The bond between a parent and child is often seen as unbreakable, yet alienation can occur, leading to deep emotional and psychological challenges for both sides. What are the causes, effects, and pathways to healing this complex issue? In this series, we are talking to family therapists, counselors, authors, and anyone with personal or professional experience in understanding and addressing alienation between a parent and child. As a part of this series, I had the pleasure of interviewing Prerna Menon, LCSW.

Prerna Menon is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker, a Certified Clinical Trauma Professional, and the co-founder of Boundless — an expanding psychotherapy practice in New York! As an LGBTQ+ immigrant of color, she brings a unique, integrative and systems perspective to the mental health landscape. As a Third Culture Kid (TCK), she pulls from eastern wisdom and western science to approach her clinical work with cultural humility and evidence. With a journey that has included working in non-profit organizations, public health, and private outpatient settings, she brings a diverse narrative to the wellness conversation, empowering individuals and families to rebuild trust and connection.

Thank you so much for doing this with us! Before we dig in, our readers would like to ‘get to know you.’ Can you tell us a bit about your background and your backstory?

Absolutely! I was born in India and spent most of my adolescent and teenage years in Mumbai. After that, I got my undergraduate degree in Dubai, UAE. I finally immigrated to the U.S. in 2017 for graduate school and have been in New York ever since!

Navigating cultural shifts, being closeted, assimilation pressures, and adjusting to changing roles within my family system as I moved away from home gave me a firsthand understanding of the complexities families face when dealing with differing perspectives. These experiences fueled my passion for helping families navigate challenging dynamics. Today, I lead a thriving private practice in New York and Massachusetts, helping clients address everything from trauma to relational conflicts.

Can you share a story with us about what brought you to your particular career path?

Growing up in India, and taking a birds-eye view of Indian society, I witnessed firsthand the stigmatized narrative around mental health. Often being attributed to “black magic”, crazy-making and mystical dimensions.On a micro level, I saw my family struggle in more ways than one as they navigated cultural pressures, strained marriages, anxiety, depression and trauma. I saw my friends have estranged relationships with their parents, or siblings, often with limited access to care and help. It was heartbreaking to bear witness to the anguish around me. As a queer Indian woman, I too experienced isolation, shame, and depression. This, however, only deepened my resolve to make a difference and be the change I wanted to see in the world.

In 2023, I co-founded Boundless with my wife (who is also a social worker!) — a queer and woman-owned, South Asian and LGBTQ+ focused practice. My journey started as a social worker in the truest sense, as I worked in non-profit organizations, community settings, and advocacy centers. While I found this work deeply rewarding, I felt a strong calling and draw to supporting South Asian communities. This led me to establish my own group practice, which now proudly serves a 98% Asian-diverse population.

None of us are able to achieve success without some help along the way. Who has been the inspiration or model for you? Can you share a story about that?

My mother has always been my anchor — she has always been a fierce advocate for equity, often mediating family disputes with compassion and strength, setting boundaries with love, and naming dysfunction when she sees it. She led the way in our family so that women could make their own independent decisions and feel empowered to do so. As a child of divorce, I deeply admire how my mother handled this experience for her children. Allowing her children to make their own judgments, find their own meaning, and shape their own relationships with each parent.

Her ability to hold space for dialectic truths shaped how I approach my work. It’s her voice I am reminded of when working with families, where healing — individual healing — is almost always possible, even in the most fractured dynamics.

Let’s now pivot to the main part of our interview. Let’s start with a basic definition so that we are all on the same page. How do you define parental alienation? How does it manifest?

Parental alienation typically occurs when one parent seeks to weaken and or discredit their child’s relationship with the other parents. This may happen through negative messaging, withholding interactions and access, or manipulation. The child may grow to develop unwarranted fear, rejection, hostility, and anger towards the alienated parent. This process isn’t always intentional; however, the impact is always significant regardless of the intention. Wherein, it directly affects the child’s self-esteem, self-efficacy, identity formation and general sense of safety.

What are some of the primary factors that lead to parental alienation? Are there common patterns or triggers?

Some primary triggers are contentious separations, divorces, or infidelity in the relationship. This unresolved resentment then spills into the co-parenting dynamic. Alienation may also arise from one parent’s neglected fear, trauma, or worry about losing their child’s adoration. In collectivistic cultures and family systems, these issues may be amplified when one parent is perceived as “undeserving” of their child’s loyalty.

How does parental alienation affect the child, the alienated parent, and even the parent causing the alienation?

The child — a being who is likely growing — is an incredibly malleable individual who can be highly influenced. Hence, alienation creates a splintered sense of self — typically resulting in depression, anxiety, social anxiety, and difficulty sustaining or building interpersonal relationships. The alienated parent, on the other hand, may experience feelings of hopelessness, grief, rejection, helplessness, and emotional fatigue. Lastly, the parent facilitating the alienation is likely struggling with unresolved insecurities, anger, or shame, which then perpetuate their behaviors and will harm the family system in the long run.

What are some warning signs or behaviors that might indicate parental alienation is occurring?

• Unwarranted animosity directed at one parent
• Strong favoritism of one parent over another
• Avoidance, rejection, or complete refusal around visiting or communicating with the other parent without justification
• Echoing critical remarks or accusations that mimic the favored parent

How do family courts or legal systems handle cases of parental alienation? Are there gaps in the system that exacerbate the problem?

Family courts seem to be muddied in their ability to distinguish between parental alienation and warranted estrangement that may be caused by abuse, and neglect. Mediators’ and judges’ lack of clinical psychological training amplifies these gaps. This results in the overlooking of the subtle differences between warranted estrangement and parental alienation. The reality is that legal proceedings are often adversarial in nature and often deepen family wounds, hence, the correct detection of the issue is crucial.

What are some proactive steps families can take to prevent alienation from developing, particularly during separations or divorces?

• Committing to co-operative and respectful co-parenting, and ensuring communication is child-focused.
• Seek assistance from a therapist or mediator early on in the separation process.
• Create and materialize a co-parenting agreement, just like any other business agreement! In that, ensure that the child’s well-being is prioritized above all else.
• Be mindful about how you talk about the other parent in front of your child. Refrain from making any disparaging comments about them when your child is around.

Once alienation has occurred, what strategies or therapeutic approaches have you found most effective in rebuilding trust and connection? Can you please share your five things that can be done to mitigate parental alienation?

Family Therapy: Family therapy affords families a judgement free, and unbiased space to work through big emotions and conflict, build understanding, and foster reciprocal compassion and empathy.

Psychoeducation: Psychoeducation helps us put language into an experience. Making the unknown known is the first step. Guiding the influencing parent to recognize their actions’ impact on the child psychologically and emotionally can be a true personal awakening.

Reunification Therapy: These are structured and focused sessions that are anchored in reconnection and trust building between the alienated parent and child.

Boundary setting: It is crucial for all members of the system to feel like their personal limits are being respected. Boundaries must be vocalized and set to prioritize the wellness of the child, parents, and the larger family system. Boundary setting seeks to preserve relationships rather than hurt them.

Child-Centered Advocacy: This involves empowering the child in the family system to vocalize their feelings without feeling implicated in loyalty conflicts or worrying about either parent’s reaction.

What role do therapists, counselors, or mediators play in mitigating parental alienation, and what skills or techniques are most essential?

Therapists, counselors, and mediators act as facilitators, fostering a space that encourages honesty, safety, and transparency. Key features of their roles include offering trauma-informed care, cultural curiosity, and the clinical skills to navigate high-conflict dynamics. De-escalation skills are crucial in the work of a helper managing family dynamics.

Can you share a specific example or success story where parental alienation was addressed, and the relationship was restored? What were the key factors in that success?

I previously worked at a methadone clinical with individuals battling with opioid use disorders. I had a client who was committed to treatment and, at this point, had been sober for 3 years. She was always a great mother to her child and never used when the child was around. However, the stigma attached to addiction and the moralizing nature of her partner resulted in her child deeply resenting her. Seeing her as somewhat of a “failure.” Due to the parental alienation facilitated by her partner, she felt estranged from her child, who she loved with all of her might. Our work together in individual therapy, and some collateral sessions with the partner and child allowed a space for openness and transparency. We discussed the child’s perception of his mother extensively and where that perception came from. We talked about forgiveness, compassion, and gratitude. Most of all, we discussed accountability amongst all family system members. Things changed dramatically when my client wrote an accountability and apology letter. At that moment, her son truly saw his “mom” again for who she was. These gradual, structured, paced sessions helped them rebuild their bond.

If you could change one thing in society, family law, or mental health systems to reduce the prevalence of parental alienation, what would it be and why?

Before being a therapist, I am a social worker. It is in my DNA at this point to think about systematic solutions in addition to person-centered solutions. If I could change one thing, I would advocate for required training for all family court professionals on the following topics — cultural competence, de-escalation skills, identifying parental alienation, and trauma-informed care. Early intervention and real-time de-escalation can protect people from years of emotional damage.

You are a person of great influence. If you could inspire a movement that would bring the most good to the most people, what would that be? You never know what your idea can trigger. :-)

I would probably push for making mental health care more universally accessible. That would include a systemic shift in how insurance approaches mental health treatment, often limiting the scope of the work, pushing providers out of the network due to poor reimbursement rates, and limiting treatment duration. Healing in all regards starts with access.

Can you please give us your favorite “Life Lesson Quotes”? Can you share how that was relevant to you in your life?

“You are the beast and its rider” is a quote famously attributed to Friedrich Nietzsche that I first encountered during an intensive trauma training in 2019. It speaks to the duality that lies within all of us — the untamed passion to pursue our vision and the precise control required to overcome obstacles. Healing and growth lie in mastering this duality, finding balance, and allowing your passion to fuel your aspirations while your introspection and resilience help you overcome life’s challenges.

How can our readers follow your work online?

You can follow me at Boundless and the Boundless Blog, where I write weekly! You can also find me and my team on social media at @beginboundless, on Instagram, and on Linkedin!

Thank you so much for joining us. This was very inspirational.

About the Interviewer: At 79 years young, Nancy guides couples to transformative relationship skills, specializing in strategies for stepfamilies to succeed. Nancy brings her MA in Spiritual Psychology, personal experience and research proven strategies to guide couples to healthy communication skills and relationship happiness. Nancy has contributed to multiple media outlets including Huffington Post, Psych Central, and Woman’s Day magazine, to name a few. Nancy coaches in person, on Zoom, in her online courses at www.MillionaireMarriageClub.com , on “Relationship Rehab” TV and Talk and has authored eight books, including “How to Stay Married & Love It!” and “Stepping TwoGether: Building a Strong Stepfamily”. Nancy’s goal is to lower the divorce rate globally.