Parham Nematollah of Buckeye Recovery Network On How Each Of Us Can Leverage The Power Of Gratitude To Improve Our Overall Mental Wellness
An Interview With Shawna Robins
Expressing gratitude can indeed have a profound impact on mental wellness, particularly in how it influences our thought patterns. By focusing on gratitude, we’re often brought into the present moment — a key aspect of mindfulness. This present-moment awareness helps to interrupt and shift away from negative thought patterns that are typically tied to past regrets or future worries.
As we all know, times are tough right now. In our post-COVID world, we are also experiencing what some have called a “mental health pandemic”. What can each of us do to get out of this “Mental and Emotional Funk”? One tool that each of us has access to is the simple power of daily gratitude. As a part of our series about the “How Each Of Us Can Leverage The Power Of Gratitude To Improve Our Overall Mental Wellness” I had the pleasure of interviewing Parham Nematollah.
Parham Nematollah holds a master’s degree in Marriage and Family Therapy, specializing in child development. He is a licensed Advanced Addictions Counselor with over a decade of experience in mental health and addiction treatment. Currently, Parham serves as the Chief Operating Officer at Buckeye Recovery Network in Huntington Beach, CA.
Thank you so much for doing this with us! Before we dive into our discussion, our readers would love to “get to know you” a bit better. Can you share with us the backstory about you and about what brought you to your specific career path?
I am grateful for the opportunity to be here and to participate in this interview. My hope and intention are to offer value to the readers, providing them with practical tips and tools to unlock the transformative power of gratitude in their daily lives.
In my mid-twenties, I lost sight of my goals, dreams, ambitions, and my connection to myself. During this challenging period, I was referred to a counselor who had the knowledge and experience to help me find my way back. I vividly remember leaving his office after our first visit and promising myself that one day, I would make another person feel the way that man made me feel. Since then, my entire career has been dedicated to creating that feeling in the lives of others.
Can you share the most interesting story that happened to you since you started your career?
In my mid-twenties, I found myself at a crossroads, struggling with personal challenges that seemed insurmountable. A counselor I had met suggested a potential path to recovery: volunteer work. Eager to find a sense of purpose, I reached out to my old high school coach. I was honest about my struggles and asked if there was any way I could help out with his program, whether it was cleaning the building or sweeping the floors. He welcomed me back without hesitation.
For several months, I dedicated myself to these tasks, finding solace in the routine and the sense of accomplishment it brought. Then, one day, my coach offered me an opportunity I hadn’t seen coming. He asked if I would be interested in becoming the head freshman basketball coach. The idea terrified me, and I was gripped with self-doubt. Yet, before I could overthink it, I blurted out, “Yes coach. I will do it.”
Fast forward 15 years, and I am still part of the coaching staff for Aliso Niguel High School’s boys basketball program. Over the years, my role evolved far beyond coaching basketball. I incorporated mental health and wellness into the program, recognizing the crucial role these play in a young athlete’s development. My aim has always been to help our student-athletes grow not just as players, but as individuals equipped with skills for life both on and off the court.
Looking back, what started as a way to cope with my own struggles turned into a rewarding journey of growth and impact. It has been a privilege to mentor these young athletes, helping them navigate their own challenges and achieve their potential. The transformation from a volunteer to a coach has been a testament to the power of seizing unexpected opportunities and the profound effect they can have on our lives and the lives of others.
Can you please give us your favorite “Life Lesson Quote”? Why do you think that resonates with you? Do you have a story about how that was relevant in your life?
“When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.” — Wayne Dyer.
This powerful quote is a cornerstone in my personal and professional toolkit. It serves as a constant reminder that our experiences in life are shaped by our perceptions.
On April 10, 2023, I faced the most challenging experience of my life: the sudden loss of my brother to cardiac arrest. He was just 43 years old. The impact of his passing was profound, affecting everyone around me, especially my parents. His birthday on December 31 was a particularly difficult day, filled with grief and longing.
In the midst of this pain, I turned to Wayne Dyer’s quote. It helped me reframe and refocus my perspective, providing the relief I needed to navigate that evening. I realized I had two choices. I could focus on the loss, dwelling on the sadness, anger, and disconnection his absence brought. This choice would only deepen my grief and sorrow.
Alternatively, I could choose to remember the 39 years I was blessed to spend with my brother. This perspective celebrated our friendship and brotherhood, which spanned childhood, adolescence, and part of my adulthood. Focusing on these cherished memories left me feeling grateful, happier, and more connected to him.
The event remained the same, but my outlook transformed my experience. By choosing to focus on the positive memories and the time we had together, I found a way to cope with my grief and honor my brother’s memory in a way that uplifted me. This shift in perspective is a testament to the profound impact of how we choose to view our experiences.
Is there a particular book that made a significant impact on you? Can you share a story about why that resonated with you?
“Think and Grow Rich” by Napoleon Hill has been a cornerstone in my personal and professional development. The profound impact of this book continues to resonate with me. At its core, Hill’s work introduces a simple yet transformative concept: everything in life is created twice. First, it is created in the mind; second, it is manifested in reality.
Understanding this principle was a turning point for me. Once I internalized that my thoughts and visions were the precursors to my reality, I realized the power I held to shape my life. Hill’s book provided the tools and strategies to harness this power effectively.
By visualizing my goals in every area of my life, I could see a clear path to achieving them. This mental creation became a blueprint for my actions. I diligently applied Hill’s principles, such as definitive purpose, unwavering faith, and persistent effort, to bring my visions to life.
“Think and Grow Rich” taught me the importance of a positive mindset, a clear vision, and the relentless pursuit of my goals. It has been an essential guide in my journey, helping me create the life I envision, one thought at a time.
Are you working on any exciting new projects now? How do you think that will help people?
I am currently working through and completing the application process to become a full-time faculty instructor at Saddleback College. I taught my first class this past Spring for the college, and I loved the experience. The department that I will be teaching for provides certificate programs for mental health, addiction studies, human services, criminology, and more. The reason I want to teach for this specific department is that these individuals often transition out and become therapists, counselors, or social workers. My goal is to properly equip these future colleagues early on in their educational and professional careers with the tools needed to succeed, effectively help those they serve, and learn how to take care of themselves to avoid burnout in the process.
None of us are able to achieve success without some help along the way. Is there a particular person who you are grateful towards who helped get you to where you are? Can you share a story about that?
There have been many people along the way who have helped shape me into the person I am today. However, the three people that stand out are my mom, dad, and brother. They loved me when I could not love myself. They believed in me when I stopped believing in myself, and most importantly, they did not give up on me when I had given up on myself. For that, I am forever grateful.
Ok, thank you for all that. Now that we are on the topic of gratitude, let’s move to the main focus of our interview. As you know, the collective mental health of our country is facing extreme pressure. We would like to explore together how every one of us can use gratitude to improve our mental wellness. Let’s start with a basic definition of terms. How do you define the concept of Gratitude? Can you explain what you mean?
When it comes to gratitude, I always like to start with the following: Gratitude that is not expressed does not exist. It does not matter how grateful you think you are for the people in your life, the things you have, or shared experiences throughout this journey of life. If it is not expressed, it does not exist. It dilutes and waters down with the other thousands of thoughts we have on a daily basis.
Gratitude is something that needs to be consciously brought to the forefront of our mind. It needs to be structured and prioritized in our daily life. It is a filter, a lens through which we experience life. It is a tool that allows us, at any moment, to find peace in the midst of chaos and to go from feeling inadequate to feeling content.
It is said that grateful people are happy people, and those who aren’t, aren’t.
Why do you think so many people do not feel gratitude? How would you articulate why a simple emotion can be so elusive?
Gratitude is a powerful emotion that can be accessed at any given moment we choose. However, our society has conditioned us to believe that happiness exists outside of the current moment. Many people think that if or when they get something they do not have, then they will be happy. The truth is that happiness comes from acknowledging and appreciating who and what you already have and expressing your gratitude for it.
This might be intuitive to you, but I think it will be constructive to help spell it out. Can you share with us a few ways that increased gratitude can benefit and enhance our life?
It would be easier to say in what areas gratitude does not enhance our daily lives. The expression of gratitude has been shown to have a positive impact in the following areas:The Benefits of Gratitude
- Improved Mental Health: Gratitude can reduce feelings of envy, frustration, and regret. It has been linked to lower levels of depression and anxiety.
- Enhanced Relationships: Expressing gratitude can improve your connections with others, fostering a sense of trust and mutual respect.
- Increased Resilience: People who practice gratitude are often more resilient in the face of adversity. They can find silver linings and maintain a positive outlook.
- Greater Overall Happiness: Regularly practicing gratitude can lead to a more sustained and deep-seated sense of happiness.
Let’s talk about mental wellness in particular. Can you share with us a few examples of how gratitude can help improve mental wellness?
Expressing gratitude can indeed have a profound impact on mental wellness, particularly in how it influences our thought patterns. By focusing on gratitude, we’re often brought into the present moment — a key aspect of mindfulness. This present-moment awareness helps to interrupt and shift away from negative thought patterns that are typically tied to past regrets or future worries.
When you practice gratitude, you’re essentially training your brain to notice and appreciate the positives in your life, which can naturally dilute the intensity of negative emotions. This shift can lead to a decrease in symptoms commonly associated with anxiety and depression, such as persistent worry or sadness. Essentially, gratitude can act as a buffer against these negative mental states by promoting a more balanced and positive outlook.
Ok wonderful. Now here is the main question of our discussion. From your experience or research, what are “Five Ways That Each Of Us Can Leverage The Power Of Gratitude To Improve Our Overall Mental Wellness”. Can you please share a story or example for each?
These are some tips and stretegies that I strongly encourage those who are interested in finding a way to incorporate the practice of gratitude in their lives.
- Gratitude Letter: Writing a gratitude letter not only allows you to reflect on the positive impact someone has had on your life but also strengthens your relationship with them when you share your feelings. This act can enhance feelings of connectedness and emotional support.
- Gratitude Object: By associating gratitude with a physical object, you create a tangible reminder to focus on the positives throughout your day. This method can help ground you in the present moment and make the practice of gratitude a daily habit.
- Gratitude Piggy Bank: This approach turns gratitude into a continuous, interactive practice. By physically placing grateful thoughts into a jar, you’re creating a reservoir of positive memories that you can draw from during tougher times, which can be very uplifting and reassuring.
- Gratitude Stream of Consciousness: This exercise helps in expanding your awareness of the multitude of things to be grateful for, breaking through barriers that might limit your perception of positivity. It’s also a great way to practice mindfulness and improve mental clarity.
- Gratitude Group Chat: Sharing gratitude with a group not only holds you accountable to your practice but also increases your sense of community and belonging. Seeing what others are grateful for can inspire new perspectives and appreciation for aspects of life you might not have considered before.
Each of these methods leverages different aspects of psychological and social wellness, making them powerful tools in enhancing mental health through gratitude.
Is there a particular practice that can be used during a time when one is feeling really down, really vulnerable, or really sensitive?
I believe in taking a proactive approach to preparation. Gratitude is very similar to any muscle we exercise: the more we prioritize and practice it in our daily lives, regardless of the circumstances, the stronger it becomes. By consistently fostering gratitude, we develop the psychological and emotional resilience necessary to access gratitude even during difficult times. It is challenging to tap into the transformative power of gratitude when we feel down, vulnerable, or sensitive if we haven’t consistently nurtured and developed this practice.
Do you have any favorite books, podcasts, or resources that you would recommend to our readers to help them to live with gratitude?
The book I often recommend as a classic and a must-read for anyone looking to improve their mental health is “The Power of Now” by Eckhart Tolle. I have yet to suggest this book, whether in written or audio form, to someone who didn’t find it beneficial. In fact, many of those who read it go on to recommend it to their loved ones.
You are a person of great influence. If you could start a movement that would bring the most amount of good to the most amount of people, what would that be? You never know what your idea can trigger. :-)
I believe in the power of human transformation. I believe that all human beings, including myself, have the transformative power to change who we are, what we do, and how we live, and to start doing what is necessary to make this world a better place. The recipe for success is simple: start where you are, do what you can, use what you have, and leave everything better than you found it. If enough people adopted this approach, I truly believe that this world would be a better place.
What is the best way our readers can further follow your work online?
There are a few ways to find me:
www.buckeyerecoverynetwork.com
https://www.instagram.com/checkupfortheneckup
https://www.youtube.com/@buckeyerecoverynetwork
https://www.facebook.com/buckeyerecoverynetwork/
Thank you for the time you spent sharing these fantastic insights. We wish you only continued success in your great work!
About the Interviewer: Shawna Robins is an international best-selling author of two books — Powerful Sleep — Rest Deeply, Repair Your Brain and Restore Your Life, and Irresistibly Healthy — Simple Strategies to Feel Vibrant, Alive, Healthy and Full of Energy Again. Shawna is the founder and CEO of Third Spark, an online wellness hub for women over 40 who want to reignite their sleep, reset healthier habits and respark their lives. Shawna is a sleep expert, hormone health expert, and a National Board-Certified Health and Wellness Coach (NBHWC). She has been featured on many podcasts including Dr. Mindy Pelz’s “The Resetter Podcast” and in Authority Magazine, Thrive Global, and The Huffington Post. A free download of her latest book can be found at www.thirdsparkhealth.com/powerful-sleep/ You can follow her on YouTube, Facebook, Instagram and LinkedIn.
