Power Women: Ashley M Lands of Stuff Oui Love On How To Successfully Navigate Work, Love and Life As A Powerful Woman

An Interview With Ming Zhao

Setting goals is the first step. — There should always be something in your life that you are passionately striving for! It can be your family, your education, bettering yourself, bettering your career, or all of the above. In order to avoid long periods of time in which you are unproductive and lagging behind, it is essential to know what you are working toward.

How does a successful, strong, and powerful woman navigate work, employee relationships, love, and life in a world that still feels uncomfortable with strong women? In this interview series, called “Power Women” we are talking to accomplished women leaders who share their stories and experiences navigating work, love and life as a powerful woman.

As a part of this series I had the distinct pleasure of interviewing Ashley Lands.

Ashley Lands is the CEO of a digital marketing company in New York City, she also founded a lifestyle and travel website with over 55,000 subscribers. Ashley enjoys spending time with her family and her significant other, an anesthesiologist at Mount Sinai Hospital. Meanwhile, Ashley has been suffering from chronic, undiagnosed illnesses for more than three years. During today’s interview, we will discuss how she’s been able to successfully navigate work, love, and life in spite of all of these obstacles along the way!

Thank you so much for doing this with us! Before we dig in, our readers would like to get to know you a bit more. Can you tell us a bit about your childhood “backstory”?

Thank you very much for having me! I was born and raised in Texas, attended school in Houston, and continue to visit my family there on a regular basis. At the age of eight months, I was diagnosed with diabetes, and as a child, I suffered from a variety of illnesses. At a young age, I realized that if I was to achieve anything in life, I would have to fight for it. While society is becoming much more open to the understanding of those with disabilities, chronic illness, and other ‘out of the norm’ life scenarios, it’s still unbelievably difficult and sometimes scary. The idea that a person is either healthy or disabled is simply untrue. As a society, I hope that we are able to address these issues and make the workforce more accommodating for people with health conditions.

Can you tell us the story about what led you to this particular career path?

I have always placed a high priority on maintaining a close relationship with the media and those within the media community. Since social media has evolved at such a rapid pace, I realized there was a great opportunity to establish a business if you could provide brands with the services they require. I knew specifically that I wanted to help brands develop their voice, and I had a real love for style and travel. The result was the creation of Stuff Oui Love, a platform for Inspirational Style & Travel. As we developed the look and feel of our platform, I looked to brands such as Conde Nast & Belmond for inspiration. Our inspiration for storytelling is found in the classic narrative styles of Martha Stewart, Julia Child, Samantha Brown, and Lynette Jennings. Our platform is pairing classic styles with modern stories. By embracing local traditions, communities, and cuisine globally, Stuff Oui Love shares experiences that are as authentic as they are unique.

Can you share the most interesting story that happened to you since you began your career?

My most interesting story is also my most confusing, and it led me on a journey I never expected. In 2018, I began experiencing repeated episodes of ‘food poisoning’. The situation lasted for several months. No explanation could be found by any physician. The symptoms eventually subsided and other symptoms began to appear. A three-year journey in which hundreds of symptoms were experienced, dozens of physicians were consulted, and no answers could be found. As I tried to run my business and maintain my personal life, I experienced chronic pain, migraines, and fatigue. After losing the ability to walk, I eventually ended up in the hospital. Whatever the severity of the symptom, it would eventually go away and be replaced by a new one. In 2021, I became convinced that I was not able to continue. I began to consider what my life would be like when I had to live on disability income. It was suggested that I look into Chinese medicine by my boyfriend’s mother. A friend told her that a particular doctor was good, so we might consider seeing him. I found myself in a small clinic in Brooklyn with no appointments, no rhyme or reason to the organizational structure, and one very charismatic man who runs the front desk. It is this place, this random little clinic, which has restored my quality of life to a much higher level. All eccentricities aside, I am beyond grateful for its existence. Although I still face many obstacles, I am not faced with an existence in which I have no future in business. There is hope for me. It is for all of these reasons, as well as many others, that I consider this to be my most interesting story. If you are struggling with your own health, I urge you to keep seeking solutions until you find them. It is impossible to predict what the future will bring to you in your time of need.

You are a successful business leader. Which three character traits do you think were most instrumental to your success? Can you please share a story or example for each?

Perseverance, Patience, and Creativity
My health journey has certainly taught me the importance of perseverance. As a child, I remember dealing with chronic pain in the classroom. The combination of this and teachers not properly prepared to deal with the complexities of type 1 diabetes created a multitude of pains and fatigues that other students did not have to deal with. Throughout my life, I have developed coping mechanisms that have served me well in business. Owning a business can sometimes be chaotic! It is necessary to learn how to cope with one problem after another. The day-to-day struggles of your team members suddenly become your own. In order to be successful in your endeavors, you must be prepared to navigate through all of this.

As you gain patience, you will be able to understand when your dreams will take longer to develop than you initially anticipated. Yes, overnight millionaires do exist. Nevertheless, if that is not the journey you are on at the moment, it is important to take time to appreciate where you are at the moment. As a result of social media, everything appears to be easy. Obtaining wealth looks so easy, graduating from college looks easy, and purchasing your first home appears to be effortless. When in reality, all of those things can take years to complete. When you feel like the world is passing you by, patience will help you not lose your joy.

A creative approach can mask a great deal of problems, and ultimately lead to better solutions. Einstein once said: “Creativity is seeing what others see and thinking what no one else has thought.” Now Corporate America is realizing that it must nurture its own creativity in order to survive. The lackluster working environment in which everyone is subject to a set of rules and no individuality is encouraged is no longer appreciated by employees. They have moved on to other endeavors. Every individual and every company will see nurturing their own creativity in a different way. Nevertheless, in this day and age, creativity will be your best friend if you wish to survive and stand out. Because, let’s be honest, there’s a lot of competition.

Ok, thank you for that. Let’s now jump to the primary focus of our interview. The premise of this series assumes that our society still feels uncomfortable with strong women. Why do you think this is so?

In my opinion, the media is one of the most influential forces in shaping society, how we view the world, and what we believe to be true. For instance, If I ask you to picture a “1950’s American Housewife” in your mind, I can pretty much guess we will both come up with a similar image in our head. She’ll be 20-something, hair pinned up with curls, cute dress, an apron (perhaps some pearls), and probably making a meal in her kitchen. She’ll also most likely be white and smiling from east to ear. But why? Why is that SO prevalent in our mind? Well, that was the ‘perfect housewife’ that was represented on every TV show, commercial, ad, store front banner, magazine, etc. for well over a decade. America decided what they wanted the ‘American Housewife’ to be, and It was sold in every media outlet available. But does that woman we pictured offer a glimpse into the diversity, complexity, hopes and dreams of all American women at that time? Absolutely not. However the 1950’s remain the only time that America had a very solidified public opinion of what a woman is. The fight for women rights and public opinion since then has been a struggle, and a messy one at that. The struggle will always go back what the media chooses to perpetuate. Which is why a diverse group of women in media is integral to our society, and to the future of all women.

Without saying any names, can you share a story from your own experience that illustrates this idea?

I worked on a corporate-level campaign in the racing industry early in my career. While this particular brand had primarily male employees, some of the top-level executives were women. When it came time to create the branding strategy for the following season one of the female executives was chosen to lead up the strategy sessions and pick her team for this particular campaign. Only five of the 16 available individuals were women. Among the five candidates, three (including myself) had greater experience in this particular field than their male counterparts. In spite of this, no women were chosen (except for the executive leading the campaign) from the final list of participants. I was interested to know why she chose not to select any female members for her team, to which she responded: “To be honest, I just feel more comfortable having only males on my team.”

I think it is important to remember that women can also perpetuate these stereotypes and make it more difficult for other women in the field. Our only way to begin to understand what the American woman looks like in the workplace, at home, and in the corporate world is by working together, not hindering one another.

What should a powerful woman do in a context where she feels that people are uneasy around her?

I believe that finding common ground can be powerful in some situations. Could you perhaps see it from their point of view? Is there a middle ground to be found? Of course, may times this is not achievable! But I do think it can be so helpful to look for the situations where empathy can be accessed.

What do we need to do as a society to change the unease around powerful women?

Mother Teresa once said “If you hold an anti-war rally, I shall not attend. But if you hold a PRO-PEACE rally, invite me.”

We often speak about powerful women in terms of the differences they point out, as well as the negative aspects and injustices that they are striving to overcome. So many women have become identified with these struggles and aggressions. This phenomenon is prevalent in our society. Please consider a group of women with whom you feel you have no common ground. Please visualize them. How do they look? Who are they speaking to? Now let’s consider what you might have in common. You are likely to have at least one thing in common with each of them. It could be as simple as the fact that both of you are humans and both deserve respect. I have observed numerous talk shows with women-led panels that I felt were cruel. Some of these situations involved women who had opposing opinions to the other panelists being publicly humiliated, and the rest of the panel seemed to just accept this practice. What if even one of those panelists took that opportunity to say: “You know, we shouldn’t disrespect one another simply because our opinions differ on this issue.” What if one woman stood up and said: “I’m not willing to publicly humiliate another woman.”

In the public’s perception of Powerful Women, there is little focus on commonalities. Every one of us has the opportunity to look for what we share with others, rather than what divides us.

In my own experience, I have observed that often women have to endure ridiculous or uncomfortable situations to achieve success that men don’t have to endure. Do you have a story like this from your own experience? Can you share it with us?

I have a copy of an email from a company responding to my mother’s job application that reads as follows: “While we believe you are an excellent candidate, we are currently hoping for a man to fill this position.”. Despite my repeated requests for her to file a lawsuit against the company, she declined to do so. For the majority of my own professional career, I lived with this feeling of ‘loss’ as so many worthwhile opportunities were compromised by some unforeseen red tape, unwanted advances, and bias. My heart reaches out to women who deal with this type of struggle on a daily basis. Whether you’ve personally experienced it or not, it’s there.

In your opinion, what are the biggest challenges faced by women leaders that aren’t typically faced by their male counterparts?

America is at a crossroads. We are still experiencing a society that has not re-established what a woman can be, what a woman should aspire to. Added to that is the notion that if we do not agree politically, I will not be able to fight for your rights as an individual. In particular, this is detrimental to women and minorities, who have always been marginalized. There is evidence of this in wage gaps, women in politics, and women in executive positions. The corporate environment is focussing more on discussing ‘micro aggressions’ and ‘feelings’ then addressing the true issues of wage discrepancy and women’s representation at the corporate level. Despite our differences and sometimes extremely differing opinions, women need to fight for other women, all women, in order to overcome this challenge.

Let’s now shift our discussion to a slightly different direction. This is a question that nearly everyone with a job has to contend with. Was it difficult to fit your personal and family life into your business and career? For the benefit of our readers, can you articulate precisely what the struggle was?

For me, I found so many solutions in my family, friends, and in my own relationship. In the end, a “who can help me do this” solution was found, rather than a “how can I do this alone”. What I found was that I have the most incredible support system anyone could ask for. My mother, who has been my business partner since we founded the company, relocated to New York City in 2021 to help me rebuild. This is after essentially shutting it down in 2019 due to continued health issues. Since then, our growth rate has been astounding. The business has grown beyond what I could have imagined it would after a long time away. I could not have continued this business journey without her. If your life feels too big, too overwhelming, it may be time to start asking yourself who you can reach out to for advice, for motivation, for answers.

What was a tipping point that helped you achieve a greater balance or greater equilibrium between your work life and personal life? What did you do to reach this equilibrium?

I began to say “no” more frequently. “No” to parties, “no” to jobs that weren’t in line with my interests, “no” to stress. People-pleasing will not lead to a happy and fulfilling life. In my opinion, the key to your big breakthrough lies in being laser focused on your dream life. Do you feel tired of being broke? Take a moment to envision what your life will be like when you have exactly what you need. Feel that life, focus on it. The power of your mind is one of the most important factors in your success. It is important to persevere and focus on overcoming the little obstacles that can sometimes detract from your joy.

I work in the beauty tech industry, so I am very interested to hear your philosophy or perspective about beauty. In your role as a powerful woman and leader, how much of an emphasis do you place on your appearance? Do you see beauty as something that is superficial, or is it something that has inherent value for a leader in a public context? Can you explain what you mean?

I think beauty is defined be how you carry yourself, your own style, your version of it all. As a leader, I believe you always want to give the younger generation something to aspire to. I hope now, we’re telling young people that you are beautiful, no matter how you feel that day. That beauty starts on the inside and it’s your journey to develop what beauty means to you, and how you’re going to share it with the world around you.

How is this similar or different for men?

The best way I can describe it is “it is what it is”. A man can experience just as many insecurities as a woman does. In other words, men are told they should ignore it, and women are taught that they should take action about it to improve their situation. I think too much of either scenario can be dangerous. It is crucial to focus on being the best version of yourself that you can be! It is essential, however, that you begin by identifying what ‘the best’ version of yourself is based on what you feel in your heart, rather than what society tells you that you should be.

Ok super. Here is the main question of our interview. Based on your opinion and experience, what are the “Five Things You Need To Thrive and Succeed as a Powerful Woman?” (Please share a story or example for each.)

Setting goals is the first step.

There should always be something in your life that you are passionately striving for! It can be your family, your education, bettering yourself, bettering your career, or all of the above. In order to avoid long periods of time in which you are unproductive and lagging behind, it is essential to know what you are working toward.

Second, prepare yourself for change. The course of your journey may involve many significant changes. The steps you take, people you meet, and lessons you learn will all influence you in some way. It is imperative that you are prepared for this journey in order to achieve success.

The third step is to establish a social network for yourself. Develop your social media presence and let people know that you enjoy attending events. Engage in a dialogue with key stakeholders in your industry. When attending events, make sure you speak with everyone. Show up and make an effort every time!

The fourth step is to understand the power of the media. A little time and effort invested in public relations can have a profound impact on your life. No matter what industry you work in, you should strive to become a leader. The media plays a significant role in providing information about the key players in the industry. Developing relationships with media outlets is a great way to achieve this goal. If these outlets share your story, be sure to share it on your own social media channels and thank the editors for their efforts.

Bringing me to my last point…

Never forget to be grateful! If you receive assistance from someone in your life, please express your gratitude. Make sure they know how much you appreciate what they have done and how it has positively impacted your life. It’s hard to support someone who is entitled. The majority of people are willing to help those who they feel truly appreciate their assistance. In the end, that is what we as humans are really searching for, to be loved, appreciated, and understood.

We are very blessed that some very prominent names in Business, VC funding, Sports, and Entertainment read this column. Is there a person in the world, or in the US with whom you would love to have a private breakfast or lunch with, and why? He or she might just see this if we tag them.

Mark Cuban would be my choice. Throughout my life, I have been impacted by the struggles that the average American with chronic illness faces accessing prescription drugs. Similarly to so many others, I was 21 years old and paying $960 per month for insulin because my insurance company would not cover the specific brands I needed. For many years, I paid more per month for insulin than I did for rent. Mark’s work in the pharmaceutical industry interests me greatly. Mr. Cuban recently stated: “Our sole mission is to provide low-cost drugs for as many drugs as we can.”

21-year-old me needed that hero, and I hope Mark can be that for future generations.

Thank you for these fantastic insights. We greatly appreciate the time you spent on this.