Power Women: Bina Patel of Transformational Paradigms On How To Successfully Navigate Work, Love and Life As A Powerful Woman
An Interview With Ming Zhao
Treat her kindness as a strength. I am fortunate to know a handful of kind and humble female leaders. Her kindness is not weakness — in fact it should never be doubted. The day you cross her, watch out! I can say this because I am one of them. ☺
How does a successful, strong, and powerful woman navigate work, employee relationships, love, and life in a world that still feels uncomfortable with strong women? In this interview series, called “Power Women” we are talking to accomplished women leaders who share their stories and experiences navigating work, love and life as a powerful woman.
As a part of this series I had the distinct pleasure of interviewing Bina Patel.
Bina Patel, PhD is an Ombuds, Arbiter and an Organizational Health Strategist. She is the founder of Transformational Paradigms, providing leadership executive consulting to C-Suite teams on establishing healthy workplace cultures. Dr. Patel provides leadership and career coaching to leaders at all levels and specializes in conflict management services. Her area of expertise includes establishing an ombuds program and an alternative dispute resolution programs, as well as providing conflict resolution consultative services. She is an author, public speaker, and a consultant. She has published several case studies related to workplace diversity, multiculturalism, and racism in the workplace, as well as female suicide terrorism. Dr. Patel’s book on Female Suicide Terrorism: Understanding the Radicalization Process focuses on human behavior. She is due to publish her next book on female suicide terrorism, death, and cleansing very soon.
Thank you so much for doing this with us! Before we dig in, our readers would like to get to know you a bit more. Can you tell us a bit about your childhood “backstory”?
I am originally from Kenya. And yes, originally my family is from India. Born in Kenya in a small town named Kericho. Raised in the United States. I want to shed some insights into my culture. I share this experience with humor. As a Hindu, it is customary to get our charts read by an astrologer. Whether or not the astrologer is legitimate is another concern. When I was born, my parents had my astrology charts made. The astrologer had shared a couple of things that were questionable and perhaps concerning. The first was that I would have two marriages. Yes, that proved to be partially true. I have been married once. The second, I would never study and make it to college. The latter proved to be wrong. Growing up, I probably had to work harder than my siblings. While I did not always have the best grades, they were good enough to pass honors and advanced placement classes. And for the most part, I was actually content not being #1 in my class. More importantly, I was not afraid to work hard. I was that student who was curious and wanted to know more, be better, learn deeply. So with that I had a habit of asking my teachers to I my teachers to spend time with me after school. While it was always serious business, I felt that my time with my teachers allowed me to gain greater insights. The latter was so important to me. And my teachers gladly helped. I must thank my teachers and professors because without their guidance, I would not be in the position I am today. Working hard has always come easy for me. In fact, it gave me great satisfaction to work hard, study long hours, and do well. I found personal fulfillment with it and when I reached grad school, I fell in love with learning. Looking back today, I had to prove my father wrong. He believed this astrologer, while my mother doubted the man the entire time, I had a personal desire to learn, do well, and be successful.
And the story continues. As a young girl, I watched “One Fine Day” with Michelle Piffer and wanted to be that successful corporate woman. Oddly enough, that’s all I recall from that movie — and growing up, I reminded myself that if I worked hard, I could be a corporate female leader working in Manhattan (one of my favorite cities today) like her character. While it is great to visit the city, as an adult, I can say, I am quite content not living there. I look back today at this movie and think about how I have made my dream a reality.
Can you tell us the story about what led you to this particular career path?
I literally walked into my career path. When I enrolled in the doctoral conflict resolution and peacekeeping analysis program at Nova Southeastern University for my personal interest to study female suicide terrorism, I was also working in corporate America. What I learned in school; I began to apply with organizational conflict in the workplace. And we had a lot of workplace toxicity and conflict! I began to see how systems in organizations are designed to not really care for the average employee. It was all about the bottom line. I was that individual who was hired to replace an employee who had served the organization for over two decades. It was sad to see how organizations were releasing employees without their benefits and retirement. It was at that point that I realized how organizational systems are designed to drive profits and employees are nothing more than production line subjects. This bothered me — a lot! It was wrong and unjust.
Specifically, what bothered me was how individuals were dehumanized to drive competition. Managers at supervisory trainings were taught to pit employees against each other. For some managers, they questioned it and did not abide by these training concepts. For others, well it was too easy not to pit employees against each other. It was early on in my career that I recognized why it is vital to always lead with your personal values and to never forget where you came from. I am a principal minded individual. I believe in doing what is right and fair. I show up to work everyday with this mindset because it is who I am. As an organizational ombudsman I see that my profession as a change agent and building a cohesive environment is essential to driving employee productivity. I often tell managers, it is important to make decisions based on your mission, but don’t forget the people who do the work for you everyday. You have to consider them, be compassionate, understanding, and be considerate to their needs. Afterall, employees are the wheels that drive your chariot. Without your employees, you cannot make the chariot move forward. In my practice, I consistently remind organizations the necessity to humanize the workplace. I have worked with toxic managers, who by far will never be leaders. They use employees to grow their own careers, often leaving their team members hanging. This is an issue today in all sectors. Removing rank, status, and ego, it is vital to lead with values and see an individual as a human being, not a political abstraction to drive your growth. And this begins with actions that reflect personal values.
Can you share the most interesting story that happened to you since you began your career?
When I first started my career, I had no idea I would be asked to monitor a senior leader. While I am asked to do many things in my profession, monitoring a senior leader to keep them in check is really not something I signed up for. Early on when I began working in the ombuds profession, I was tasked by my boss, who I have the utmost respect for today, to monitor a senior leader, a male, with a wondering eye. He admired young women at his senior age. And unfortunately made comments that would be a major liability to the organization. I would have to attend high level meetings to make sure his eyes did not stray. In one of our many coaching sessions, I asked, “what goes through your mind when your eyes begin to wonder?” And his response, “Bina, I just can’t help myself. I try so hard, but you see, Bina, I am used to rewards that come with certain ranks.” I realized it was more than just looking, it was all about having power over females who are in unequal positions. On a professional level, I had to provide a recommendation and that was to keep my workforce safe from a serial predator.
You are a successful business leader. Which three character traits do you think were most instrumental to your success? Can you please share a story or example for each?
Thank you. I have worked very hard to be where I am today and there is a lot more work to do. The three most important character traits I know have been instrumental in my success:
Hard work: I have an extremely strong work ethic. I show up to work to give my 150% everyday and it means going above and beyond! I believe hard work is the key and this means not taking short cuts. As I mentioned earlier, I have always had to work hard — more than my siblings and I did not mind because now it comes very easy to me. I am frankly addicted to working hard. A personal story — when I put my mind to something I do it well. When I don’t want to do something, I cannot make myself do it. I recently was quite ill and had been exposed to the virus. While I did not feel 100% everyday, I showed up to work and pushed myself until exhaustion. My mind and body simply gave out on me forcing me to take a day off. This is who I am. I forget that our brains and bodies need a break.
Integrity & Accountability: Being honest with yourself and others is vital in having a successful career. This means being practical, straightforward, and honest. When I help someone, it comes from my heart and I will make sure to help them with full commitment, which means being honest if something is not going to work. Having integrity also means addressing issues and having those hard conversations. I reflect on my day everyday. This is a habit. I also hold myself accountable when I make a mistake. I am not shy about owning up to my mistakes. This is also another reason I habitually self-reflect. It includes what I said, how I said it, and what I could have done better. In my practice, I incorporate these principles. While I cannot change people or the world, I can make it a better place by living in truth.
Humility & Empathy: I am an empathetic person. I can feel the emotions of others and recognize their pain. This is mostly because I have a strong intuition, but also, I have been taught by my parents to put myself in the shoes of others. In my leadership training sessions, I consistently remind managers that in order to be effective you have to learn the emotions of your employees. Put yourself in the shoes of others to hear what they are saying and not react. Empathy can be taught, but more importantly, it has come from within. This starts with being considerate and understanding. I lead with empathy because I care deeply about people. I am also quite humble. I don’t take my success for granted. I use it to help people. I know how hard I have worked to be where I am today. I have been blessed to have very good mentors in my life. And for this reason, when I want to help someone, I will go out of my way to make sure they succeed. I also have not ever forgotten where I come from. This is perhaps the reason why I love what I do. As an ombuds, I can relate to the issues faced by employees, at the lower and mid-levels, and those in leadership positions. It brings me deep satisfaction to bridge gaps, problem solve, and coach. It all comes down to building and sustaining long term relationships.
Ok, thank you for that. Let’s now jump to the primary focus of our interview. The premise of this series assumes that our society still feels uncomfortable with strong women. Why do you think this is so?
Despite the women’s rights movements and all the social norms that are being challenged today, one thing is for sure, this country which I love so much is not ready for a female President. Unfortunately, our society’s elites are still running this country with views that are patriarchal and to a greater extent with a colonial mindset. I see this in the workplace, corporate America, and many aspects of society. When we look around us, while there is a fight for minority representation, it is not a fight for racial equality necessarily. The latter has been severely misunderstood. Today, it is a fight for minority representation, which includes having a female President. Women are getting ahead of men in many industries. They are able to balance work, home life, a marriage, keep it real with the in-laws, and be that pillar, so why is she being punished for being a superstar? Well women need women to support them. The 2014 elections proved that our society, including women specifically from the baby boomer generation may not have been ready to have a woman be in a leadership role. This is terrible. But this is the hard truth and I see it in the workplace today. Women in senior positions rarely promote women — why is this the case?
Without saying any names, can you share a story from your own experience that illustrates this idea?
Yes of course- I have been passed over for promotions because a female boss was afraid of my success. In fact, I have been denied leadership training so that I wouldn’t be “too marketable”. And denied promotions because I had to “serve my time.” The bottom line is that while I may have lacked experience early on in my career, I looked up to my female managers to mentor me. And instead, I gained 5 elderly Caucasian mentors — who have been with me for life. They are my champions and guide me. Their vested interest in me contributes to my success. I often tell them, my success is their doing and I am forever grateful. As for the women who did not believe in me — well they are still in the same positions today. Almost 20 years later, they have not grown or promoted women. This makes me so very sad. I am not saying all women are this way because I have been fortunate to have three female managers who have helped me in my career today, as well. But why does it take a man to recognize talent in a woman to promote her more than 85% of the time?
What should a powerful woman do in a context where she feels that people are uneasy around her?
Show your human side. As a powerful woman, you don’t always have to be on guard or serious. It is good to show that caring side of you. We all have a caring side — this is the human side. Connect with people by sharing similar interests, mistakes, and laugh with them. Being powerful and successful doesn’t mean being serious all the time — it means being humble, personable, empathetic, and kind. As a powerful woman, I always start by saying, “Hi, I’m Bina” and offer a handshake or fist bump. I am the first one to say hello on a first name basis to break the ice. This is important to me. I ask people to not call me “Dr. Patel” — it feels too uppity and traditional. I don’t like it.
What do we need to do as a society to change the unease around powerful women?
Treat her kindness as a strength. I am fortunate to know a handful of kind and humble female leaders. Her kindness is not weakness — in fact it should never be doubted. The day you cross her, watch out! I can say this because I am one of them. ☺
In my own experience, I have observed that often women have to endure ridiculous or uncomfortable situations to achieve success that men don’t have to endure. Do you have a story like this from your own experience? Can you share it with us?
Yes — a thousand times over. When I was federal contractor, my contract came to an end. The individual who was chosen over me had lied about his education (did not have it), and was offered a position on the next contract. I was told point blank by a female contracting representative that I was not selected because I did not have a house, a new baby on the way, and my PhD would be good enough to get me another job elsewhere. The male was transferred to another contract simply for those reasons and was always considered my equal. Mind you, he had a master’s in arts and music, but had lied and stated he held the same education and experiences. Thereafter, I was called by a recruiter who yelled at me and said, “I may look good on paper, but I could not compete in a man’s world”. I was angry, hurt, and simply frustrated. I felt humiliated. They hired an individual for all the wrong reasons and I had worked so hard, was fully qualified with skills and experience to obtain this job. This was hard and I quickly realized how unfair this world was, but I did not let that stop me. I had the support of the Center Director and received a job offer shortly thereafter.
In your opinion, what are the biggest challenges faced by women leaders that aren’t typically faced by their male counterparts?
Women still have to work harder, obtain far more experience, and be overqualified for a job than their male counterparts. And even then, they are not always hired for those positions. Unfortunately, this is still happening today.
Let’s now shift our discussion to a slightly different direction. This is a question that nearly everyone with a job has to contend with. Was it difficult to fit your personal and family life into your business and career? For the benefit of our readers, can you articulate precisely what the struggle was?
Yes, to a greater extent growing up, my family did not always understand my desire to work and be on call even while on vacation. I had figured out how to survive corporate America and I simply did not mind being the ‘go-to’ person. I wanted to be the ‘go-to’ person because it gave me an opportunity to learn many new things that most people would not get that opportunity to do so. When asked, I rarely said no, and took my laptop everywhere. I could see how this would irritate my siblings, but I am a very responsible human being and when I make a commitment to do something, I will do it. I am also ambitious, so I am fine working hard to reach my goals. Today, I have learned to balance my personal and professional life. I have a constant reminder in my life, my uncle’s last words before he passed. I think about him often and when he comes in my dreams, I think of his presence as a reminder to just relax and have fun. What gets the best of me is my curiosity and constant thirst for learning. And more often than not, I struggle with saying “no” and not balancing my work-life schedule. I am in a better place today in many ways, where I have also learned to establish boundaries in order to spend more time with my family.
What was a tipping point that helped you achieve a greater balance or greater equilibrium between your work life and personal life? What did you do to reach this equilibrium?
Burn out and my uncle’s death. My uncle, who was my father’s brother, was like another father figure to me. He too had a very strong work ethic and I learned a lot from him. When he passed away, his death was so hard on me. I still see him in my dreams today especially when I need to relax, make a decision or have a hard conversation with myself. Before he died, he reminded me that life is too short. He always said, “you need to enjoy life. Eat and not diet. Spend time with the family. Enjoy your life — because look at me, I am not ready to go and yet I am dying”. This was a game changer for me. Before he passed, I was going through a divorce. I was in a lot of pain. I turned to work and lined up several projects to create distractions by focusing my energy on school and work. I forgot to live, enjoy life, and just be with my family. My uncle’s words serve as a daily reminder.
I work in the beauty tech industry, so I am very interested to hear your philosophy or perspective about beauty. In your role as a powerful woman and leader, how much of an emphasis do you place on your appearance? Do you see beauty as something that is superficial, or is it something that has inherent value for a leader in a public context? Can you explain what you mean?
I will be honest I am addicted to working out and the feeling after a good workout. And this only applies to me. I have three major addictions: working out, eating healthy, and working hard-professionally. I work out every day — and I do this because it makes me feel good, mentally, emotionally, and physically. I like feeling good and looking fit, not skinny. This is important for me. But this is not beauty in my eyes. Beauty is who you are internally. I know many beautiful and good-looking people with rotting personalities. The bitterness and jealousy that resides within them really puts a damper on who they are. I keep my distance from these types of people. And I can do it quite well! In my eyes, if you are a genuine and kind person, you are beautiful. I don’t care if you weigh 500pounds, it is who you are that matters. Ask my friends and family — they will confirm it.
How is this similar or different for men?
Men can’t help themselves when they see beautiful women. I say this facetiously and truthfully. ☺ From my experience, men who chase looks are often less happy in the long term. Looks fade, but more importantly when the true character of an individual presents itself, give or take 6 months, men will learn their lesson the hard way. I will tell you, I am an average looking person, and I wear it confidentially! I feel good in my skin. There are very good-looking people with amazing personalities — but like a diamond in the haystack, they are quite rare.
Ok super. Here is the main question of our interview. Based on your opinion and experience, what are the “Five Things You Need To Thrive and Succeed as a Powerful Woman?” (Please share a story or example for each.)
Persistence, self-accountability, hard work, ambition, and a f*ck it attitude. When I fell in love with learning, my grades reflected it. This landed me my first job in corporate America. I began working in corporate America and learned the hard way to establish boundaries with toxic colleagues and bosses. I developed a backbone — one that is built on humility and a f*ck you attitude. By the latter, I mean, I don’t care if people talk about me. I also don’t care if they think I am too confident and don’t like me. I will always continue to work hard, be kind, and move forward. If I stop to care, I will never move forward. So, if you don’t like me that’s okay. I will not give it a second thought and move forward. My attitude of being persistent, asking for help, being curious and kind, and being accountable for my mistakes has all contributed to my success today. I am who I am and have not forgotten where I come from. I tell my clients, if I make a mistake, you will be the first to know because I hold myself accountable and am not afraid to do better and be honest. There is nothing to hide and it is important to be that person and hold yourself accountable.
We are very blessed that some very prominent names in Business, VC funding, Sports, and Entertainment read this column. Is there a person in the world, or in the US with whom you would love to have a private breakfast or lunch with, and why? He or she might just see this if we tag them.
I am truly thankful for this opportunity to interview with you — thank you so much! I would like to meet the Obamas. I look up to them as individuals who experienced quite a bit of unfairness and yet they remain humble. How did you do it? I admire Michelle and Barack’s strengths, courage, and actions as they led this nation. I would also like to meet Fareed Zakaria and Christiana Amanpour. I love their content. They offer insightful, real-life issues that are impactful and quite important from an international perspective. As an avid researcher in terrorism and global conflicts, I truly look forward to their shows. As a professor at Southern New Hampshire University, I share their reporting with my students.
Thank you for these fantastic insights. We greatly appreciate the time you spent on this.
Thank you again for this opportunity. I am truly grateful for the time you have spent with me. Thank for considering me for this interview.
Bina Patel, PhD
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/bina-patel-ph-d-33b25212/
Instagram & Twitter: @binapatelphd
Website: www.transformationalparadigms.com
Thank you for these fantastic insights. We greatly appreciate the time you spent on this.
