Power Women: Gianna Biscontini Of W3RKWELL On How To Successfully Navigate Work, Love and Life As A Powerful Woman

An Interview With Ming Zhao

Nonjudgemental awareness. Learning this skill opens so many doors. Awareness allows us to know when it’s time to sprint and when we will benefit from rest, when we are going in the wrong direction, or when we need to check ourselves — or someone else. Being able to get off the hamster wheel and notice, without judgement, what is happening within you and around you is one of the top underrated skills for most adults these days. My meditation practice was 2 years strong by the time I formally started to hustle at my business. Because of the awareness I gained, I knew that after two long and crazy days, I needed a 1/2 day of rest or else I would get sick. This was based on awareness and data, so I would give myself two days to hustle hard, then plan a few hours of rest the next morning. I didn’t judge myself for it, because I knew the alternative. This wasn’t being lazy or unmotivated, just the opposite — it was restoring my capacity.

How does a successful, strong, and powerful woman navigate work, employee relationships, love, and life in a world that still feels uncomfortable with strong women? In this interview series, called “Power Women” we are talking to accomplished women leaders who share their stories and experiences navigating work, love and life as a powerful woman.

As a part of this series I had the distinct pleasure of interviewing Gianna Biscontini.

Gianna Biscontini is a Board Certified Behavior Analyst who challenges women to overcome harmful narratives and fight for their rights to live outside the limiting boxes created by society. Her work as a keynote speaker, lifestyle design and leadership coach, experimentalist and writer has gained national attention in publications such as Forbes and has reached podcast audiences in over 100 countries. In addition to publishing her new book, F~ckless: A Guide to Wild, Unencumbered Freedom, Biscontini is the head analyst and founder of the innovative employee wellbeing agency, W3RKWELL.

Thank you so much for doing this with us! Before we dig in, our readers would like to get to know you a bit more. Can you tell us a bit about your childhood “backstory”?

Thank you for having me!

I grew up in a small town in the woods of Pennsylvania and was fortunate to spend a ton of time in the peace of nature, playing with the neighborhood kids or just sitting by myself. I even had a “thinking rock” where I would spend hours immersed in thought — I was a different kind of kid! Looking back, I very much enjoyed being unencumbered and free to explore in the woods. My body always appreciated the forward motion of exploration.

My interest in behavior started when I was 7 or 8 years old. I would spend hours looking out my front window, watching neighbors interact and build relationships with one other. It fascinated me to watch the differences in their behavior depending upon who they met on the sidewalk, the days and even the weather. When I turned 13, my identity shifted from “private school ballerina with married parents” to “public school athlete with divorced parents”. It was a lot of upheaval, but I got to experience my first real life experiment. My behavior changed significantly — I went from being bullied to being a bully, my grades plummeted, my social life skyrocketed, everything changed. It was then that I became officially interested in how our environments shape us.

Can you tell us the story about what led you to this particular career path?

With my lived experience as to how our environments shape us, I continued my experiment into college, which I chose based on the fact that I didn’t know a soul there. I wanted to see how I would change, if I would change, and who I’d become. I did this for years, wandering about the world — literally, 42 countries! — until I found behavior analysis through my psychology and counseling backgrounds. I could study behavior in whatever environment I wanted to! So I became a BCBA and worked my way up in clinical and leadership positions in healthcare. Over dinner with a friend, he asked if I was enjoying my work. I wasn’t anymore, and he brought me into his executive coaching company. That sparked my interest in working with leaders and, eventually, coming to an understanding of all the systemic, behavioral issues preventing companies from being optimally successful. It boiled down to leadership and wellbeing, the very human side we don’t teach in schools, and I started W3RKWELL in order to help companies gain clarification on the cultural variables hurting them the most. Culture was such a buzzword, and I wanted to help those at the top understand that it is so much more complex than perks and cool offices, but doable all the same. We wanted to provide a roadmap that was actionable, effective and affordable. We kept hearing about large expensive consulting companies coming in for months or years, but producing little that was visible to employees. We didn’t want to be that. From there I was asked to coach executives and leaders, so I added that to the mix.

Can you share the most interesting story that happened to you since you began your career?

Haha, yes — the most fearful moment of my career. I was asked by the president of a behavioral science publication to write an article on the topic of management and supervision. I came back with a piece on meditation and yoga titled, Behavioral Xanax. At the time, you couldn’t talk about the “mind” or any type of private event without receiving backlash, but I thought it was important to buck conventional wisdom and shine a light on important things we were avoiding. I vividly remember sitting at my kitchen table, looking at the send button and feeling sick to my stomach. It was a risky move and could have discredited my work, which was just starting to gain recognition. I took a deep breath and hit send. After it was published, I received emails from around the world thanking me for coloring outside the lines. That’s when I knew I touched on something important. Fast forward three years, and we were attracting clients like Landon Donovan and his leadership team. I was coaching Simon Sinek and Christina Schwarzenegger. To a behavior analyst, what we were doing was obvious, but to those in business and leadership we were bringing in new, rich insight as amphibious pioneers. We were taking seemingly separate industries — behavioral science, business and health — and combining them together. I still look back and laugh at the crazy ride it’s been, and it how it all started with the push of a send button.

You are a successful business leader. Which three character traits do you think were most instrumental to your success? Can you please share a story or example for each?

This question is so important, because understanding the behaviors that make us successful allow us to take control and learn those things. My three traits might not look like anyone else’s, but they are truly responsible for any success I’ve had. I should also note that it’s important to define success, as my definition tends to focus more on balance and number of values served over financial results.

Slowing down is the first one. I’m extremely energized by what I do and I have a natural operating speed of 120 miles per hour. I bought into the hustle culture, and many business leaders do the same because moving quickly makes us feel productive. Running hot is addicting, and slow used to feel extremely uncomfortable to me. But in the summer of 2016 I read Into the Magic Shop by Dr. James Doty and became enamored with meditation and mindfulness. I never resonated with the beautiful, calm woman on the expensive meditation pillow. But when I began my research into the neuroscience and brain changes that occur with meditation, I was hooked. I couldn’t believe I was spending 18 hours a day on unnecessary pieces of my business and flying straight past the tasks that would’ve made me more successful. Meditation has opened more doors for me than any other single thing I’ve learned, because it taught me to slow down. When I slowed down, a whole new set of skills were available to me, like taking new perspectives, acting strategically and making decisions based on accurate, curated information. My cognitive abilities were also able to shine brighter, because I was much clearer.

If we can slow down, we can start to see things differently, especially ourselves. So my second trait would be staying authentic and understanding that my unique identity and skills hold a high value. My now ex-husband once caught me in the awkward situation of acting like someone else in order to earn a large contract. I was battling the story that told me I couldn’t be taken seriously because I was a young woman from academia, and I was using all kinds of “move the needle” jargon to try and fit in. He said to me, “You have something they want, they value what’s unique to you. Just go be yourself”. Anyone can fall in temporary love with the traditional corporate charisma, and there’s noting wrong with that. There’s a place for that. But I stand for challenging conventional wisdom on work and life so we can do things differently. Leaders come to me to work on their identities so they don’t have to find themselves in the position I just described. No one wants to feel like they have to be someone else. At the end of the day, everyone just wants to belong. That callout moment was when I realized that I had to publicly mirror my values with my behavior and own it. Now there is very little light between my work self and my social self. It feels fantastic and liberating, and I’ve gained clients because of it.

My third trait follows the previous two — connecting. Relationships are everything, and it turns out we are much better at connecting when we are moving slowly enough to sincerely see and hear others, and when we feel safe and comfortable with ourselves first. When I got to the place where I understood the value of relationships, whether or not an individual became a client, I began to attract people that shared my values and understood our purpose. I met people who loved what we were doing and genuinely wanted to support us or work with us. That led to interesting conversations, which led to ideas, which led to assets or other work — truly a force multiplier, and a fun one at that. I’ve also enjoyed dozens of coffees, lunches and walks that never even touched upon work but instead focused on the things we were passionate about, like rescue dogs or travel. As a single woman focused primarily on her career, it is extremely important for me to create friend groups and work networks who find fulfillment in the same ways I do.

Five years in, I have numerous warm friendships I would never have had if I hadn’t understood the power of connection. If everything went haywire and I failed miserably in business tomorrow, I would sleep at night because I never failed at creating genuine relationships. You can’t fail when you surround yourself with good people.

Ok, thank you for that. Let’s now jump to the primary focus of our interview. The premise of this series assumes that our society still feels uncomfortable with strong women. Why do you think this is so?

Well, our current definition of strength is primarily through the lens of a white, heterosexual male. It’s aggressive, loud, domineering, maybe coercive. That’s problem number one, we have to redefine strength in terms of what it really is. For example, it takes more strength to give grace, be vulnerable and exercise empathy than to yell or grandstand. So I prefer talking in terms of power. But because strength and power are used in similar ways, we can say that power is still something seen as primarily male. When women hold power, that is to say when they behave in a way that results in them having influence and control, it disrupts the storyline. They violate expectations, which creates a feeling within us that says “that’s wrong”. We know, of course, that it’s not wrong. It’s just new. But our brains don’t typically do well with new, so we judge and lash out instead.

Some people fear anything outside the norm or anything they don’t have experience with. We project that fear onto a woman as if she woke up that morning on a mission to wage psychological warfare on our lives. Society has this nasty habit of trying to nail a woman’s feet to the floor. We need to support one another, even when it triggers our ego or makes us jealous or threatened. Society needs to check itself. People will say they support strong women, that they value and empower them, which may be true. However, what is usually meant by that is that they want women to be strong and powerful and effective, but not in a way that is triggering or makes them feel like they’re being surpassed. In effect, “Be good, but not as good as me.”

Without saying any names, can you share a story from your own experience that illustrates this idea?

Oh goodness, how much time do we have?! I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been told how brilliant I am, or how good at my job I am, but then receive a confused look when I pull up a seat at their table. As if I’m the one with the audacity.

In all of my stories, there is absolutely a pattern. In both dating and business, men beam when I mention my work, that I’m a homeowner, that I’ve traveled the world, sometimes by myself. They share with me how much they love strong women. But there is always a point when that becomes threatening and difficult to keep up with. Relationships can be mirrors, and powerful women are powerful mirrors that (accidentally or on purpose) highlight another’s shortcomings. Or, men will tell me about their strong mothers — how they sacrificed everything, put everyone else first and stayed quiet when their father lost his cool. Their definition of strength is just different, and when other women don’t play into their version of strength, it can be quite jarring for them.

I will also say, in business, I have been brought in to modernize, ignite diversity and add my female perspective. Again, powerful women become mirrors. I’ve pointed out how things could be better along with solutions for how to move forward — something I’ve seen men do 100 times without the mental effort of saying it nicely and politely — and sometimes there is a lot of offense taken Meanwhile, when a man does it, he’s “direct” or “just telling it like it is”. I’m paid lots of money to fix problems! Solutions are good things, not threats to take personally.

So yes, I have dozens of stories to illustrate this idea.

What should a powerful woman do in a context where she feels that people are uneasy around her?

It’s important to first think about why they might be uncomfortable. Are they threatened? Are they acting out of ego? Did you make them feel that way on purpose? Is it your issue, or theirs? Take a beat to first consider your own behavior and intent, resisting the urge to absorb their energy and believe their feelings are your fault. We have this insane gendered belief that a woman’s value is in being liked at all times. If someone doesn’t like what she’s doing, she has to change, to tone it down. If someone is uncomfortable around a woman simply because she’s good at her job, naturally powerful or highly skilled, that is none of her business. Clearly no one should hurt others or make them uneasy on purpose, but women shouldn’t immediately blame themselves, either.

That being said, if she did not intend on making them feel uneasy, she can use some well-placed humor and humility to show that she’s human, too. This does not mean to launch herself into a self-deprecating monologue about all the ways she isn’t perfect. That’s self-disempowerment. I mean that she can lighten the mood and relax the other person by highlighting their superpower and how it’s useful, and she can do this from a place of centered confidence. As I mentioned earlier, the more we feel comfortable with ourselves, the less we will feel the need to make everyone else comfortable, backpedal, apologize or diminish ourselves to a size people find easier to deal with. Men don’t do that, and women shouldn’t either.

It’s hard enough to hold power as a woman, and maybe we don’t need to add “keep everyone else comfortable” to our list of things we give energy to.

What do we need to do as a society to change the unease around powerful women?

Behavior is bidirectional. This means that change at a societal level requires women to behave differently for everyone else to behave differently. We as women can stop apologizing for having needs, desires, thoughts and ideas. There is no need to back up and make sure that what you want for yourself, or who you are, is okay with everyone else first. When a woman speaks her truth and exercises power, she can make a statement and end with a period, not a pause. There is no need to leave ourselves open for judgement, backpedaling or permission. Say what you have to say, ask for what you want, and end it there. It is uncomfortable until you get used to it, but a woman has to believe she can withstand temporary discomfort in order for her power to remain in tact.

Next, we need to change the way we define masculinity, because it’s hurting us all. We can teach men that a powerful woman is not a threat, but an ally. We need to redefine strength and power to be more inclusive of both traditional masculine and feminine qualities, as we all possess some level of both. Women have babies, women build companies and create movements; they have incredibly inherent power. If they didn’t, they wouldn’t require tactics like gaslighting or need oppressive systems to try to manage and control that power.

I would love to see trainings and summits for men on how to understand if and how they are being triggered by women and how to work through this. It could lead to so much self reflection and work, which would open doors for more collaboration and better relationships between all genders. We need to stop telling women the reason they’re not at the top is because they’re not powerful enough, loud enough, something enough in a world that largely operates to keep them seated and silent and at bay. It frustrates me to see “female leadership summits” that teach women things they already know or how to be different — meaning less like a woman, more like a man — to fit in and get ahead. It just reinforces the message that women are something to be fixed.

Women know what they’re doing, they just need everyone else to get out of the way, support them and acknowledge their work. That’s equality. When we can listen to powerful women like we listen to powerful men, that’s equality. Thats how things move forward to balance.

To add to that, the use of gender qualifiers like “women’s leadership meeting” or “female CEO” is powerful language that silos women away from the roles to which they so rightfully belong. It sends the message that powerful women are the exception, not the rule, and our behavior follows. We have to get to the root of the issue, which is that powerful women are a threat. We just want to do good work and build our own wealth like any man is doing. And society needs to accept that we have that right.

In my own experience, I have observed that often women have to endure ridiculous or uncomfortable situations to achieve success that men don’t have to endure. Do you have a story like this from your own experience? Can you share it with us?

I have an entire book’s worth! When I first sat down to write, I intended on interviewing and sharing stories from many different women. As I wrote, I used placeholders from my own life until I could clean up my interview notes. I realized I had so many stories on this topic, it shocked and saddened me. So yes, I have many stories about the uncomfortable, painful things women are given to handle and push through that men aren’t — the stories we’re given from birth — to be small, be soft, be chosen, be fixed, be dependent, be less, be sexy but sweet, be everything to everyone. The list goes on.

I was once told that, if I could fix my own tail light, it would show the male partners that I was independent and worthy of a job at their firm. Mind you I had already given them hours of free labor creating solutions for how I would approach their most challenging problems, — which they used — that I had backpacked through Southeast Asia without a man by my side and that I had just purchased a home as a single 32 year-old woman in Southern California. But I needed to fix my taillight by myself in order to prove my ability to coach executives and create organization-wide change? It was embarrassing and soul-crushing. We don’t infantilize men this way, and it hurts the work. No one can perform at their best when put in situations that oppress their accomplishments.

In your opinion, what are the biggest challenges faced by women leaders that aren’t typically faced by their male counterparts?

I see three main areas that detract, distract and disempower women over men. First, women are constantly having to prove themselves. When women walk into a room they feel the extra weight of having to over-establish credibility, which detracts from the job at hand. We have to find ways to become believable as leaders even before we start the job. We have to work harder to earn trust, whereas men will hire one another based on little more than sharing a few beers.

Second, women are typically viewed through a visual lens. A woman’s worth is found in her visual value over her intellectual value. This also detracts from our work because we spend unbalanced amounts of energy standing in front of our closets trying to look professional, but not rigid or boring, but not good enough to alert a man’s attention and receive a coercive invite to a “business dinner”. A male friend once told me, “It’s easy to get business, just be their friend.” and showed me a string of texts between he and a client. He was asking him personal questions, inviting him to drinks and being chummy. My friend had no concept of the fact that if I sent those texts, it would be taken as a sexual advance or “asking for it”. So, we have to prove ourselves, but not like a man proves himself, and we have to dodge the sexual undertones.

While interviewing at the same firm who requested I change my own tail light, each of the four male partners took me to dinner in the name of “discussing the role”. Each time after 7pm. Each time, dinner and drinks at a fancy place. Each time, I answered every question. I never got the role. I realized it was more about them being seen with a younger woman, gaining insight and a look at my intellectual property in the process. They hired a younger, less experienced man instead. Many women face this nearly every time they work with men at or above their level, or when a man is in a position of power, like a hiring manager or a boss.

Third, women are exponentially more likely to be questioned and second-guessed at every corner, but when they speak with power and expertise, they incur the assertiveness penalty, which shows that women are penalized for the same behaviors men are rewarded for. Meaning, women now have to answer these additional questions in a way that avoids making the inquirer feel less capable or infantilized, or avoids making the woman look shrill or aggressive. All of this illogical, crazy back and forth takes a lot of energy and much of it occurs even before women start the work they were hired to perform.

Let’s now shift our discussion to a slightly different direction. This is a question that nearly everyone with a job has to contend with. Was it difficult to fit your personal and family life into your business and career? For the benefit of our readers, can you articulate precisely what the struggle was?

I have a bit of a different situation in that I don’t have children and was only briefly married. I typically feel stifled in the context of relationships and I have had the good fortune to be a financially independent, single woman, so I do not carry the additional responsibilities and struggle for balance that many women do. We are a family of two — my rescue pup, Franklin, and I- so life is easier in that regard. However, I will say that I’ve built businesses while in relationships, and that can be tough. There was a palpable strain. My ex- husband was watching me “soar”, as he put it, and eventually felt like he couldn’t keep up. Also, and this is an unpopular thing to say, but I am more interested in building my career and finding fulfillment in my work contributions than in being a wife. I my marriage, he and I almost immediately went in two different directions, and I found I could not build the life or career I wanted within the relationship. I absolutely learned what it felt like to choose myself, and it was the right thing for us both.

What was a tipping point that helped you achieve a greater balance or greater equilibrium between your work life and personal life? What did you do to reach this equilibrium?

Well to start, there is very little light between my life and my work, and that is by design. The purpose of my work is to inspire positive, meaningful change for companies and individuals, and it is also the aim in my friendships, living an eco-friendly lifestyle, relationships, charity work, rescuing animals, and so on. To be completely honest, my optimal balance came when I chose to be single for a year, and then another year. I created more space and energy to grow authentically, I had more freedom because I didn’t have to run anything by anyone else or wonder how it would affect them. I came to understand what life as a man must be like! I was (am) just living for myself and making the choices that are best for me.

I never would have thought I’d be happily single for so long, but that’s the thing with balance. You can have everything, you just can’t have it all at once. Sacrifices are made no matter what we choose, especially for women. I think in terms of harmony. Am I fulfilled? Is there homeostasis? Or do I feel large pieces missing? I will also say having a strong mindfulness practice has changed my life more than most things. It has allowed me to decipher between what I want and what I’m told to want, or what I used to want but don’t anymore. It helped me get to the moments where I could say “I didn’t do ___ this week. Okay, lets make space for it next week” instead of allowing myself to believe that part of me failed in one of my roles.

I work in the beauty tech industry, so I am very interested to hear your philosophy or perspective about beauty. In your role as a powerful woman and leader, how much of an emphasis do you place on your appearance? Do you see beauty as something that is superficial, or is it something that has inherent value for a leader in a public context? Can you explain what you mean?

Oh, thank you for asking this question. This is my favorite soapbox! Women are consistently messaged this incredibly debilitating, unrealistic belief: women are sexual objects first, wives and caregivers second, and whatever else they have time for third. Our visual value, the expectations of beauty placed upon women, have stayed the same since the day of the 1950s housewife, while the time we have to hit them gym, get facials, eat healthy, stay hydrated and keep up with the latest beauty and fashion trends has not. We tell women, sure, you’ve got your doctorate, you run this company, but that outfit could be more flattering. In addition, now there is a billion dollar industry of self care, defined in terms of, not surprisingly, beauty products. True self care is attending to your health and wellbeing. Why are we telling women manicures are self care? Entire industries were built on the backs of women who were made to believe that they were the problem. These industries thrive on women who live in a world that makes them feel unsure of how to be right, beautiful, confident, or enough.

I have several issues with these messages: They drive commercialism in a way that takes advantage of women in need of something much more real, sustainable, and authentic. They function as a temporary redirect and promise things they cannot possibly deliver. And they create additional stress by showing women what they don’t have, but should have, because other women have it. I’ve loved fashion my entire life, and I love feeling beautiful. But my definition of beauty has changed. We live in a world that puts women in a glass box- something shatters regardless of the direction in which she moves. In reality, no matter how she presents herself to the world, society is likely to speak on it — too skinny, too heavy, too beautiful, not beautiful enough, too focused on fashion, not put together enough. My definition of beauty is confidence, health, peace and being unaffected by those without jurisdiction over my life, which gives way to authenticity. I have hair extensions because they save me time, I sometimes wear eyelash extensions because I don’t like mascara. My makeup routine is embarrassingly simple; moisturizer, foundation and lip gloss. I don’t let society’s take on beauty steal my time anymore.

How is this similar or different for men?

I do think attractiveness helps men achieve success — and research would support that for all genders — but men don’t carry the story that their value is mostly visual. When we look at leadership, entertainment, business, sports, etc. there are men who are attractive and men who aren’t, and the world is fine with it either way. This decreases the amount of time men must spend on their looks. They can typically get away with a well tailored suit or a Zuckerberg-esque hoodie look and call it a day.

Ok super. Here is the main question of our interview. Based on your opinion and experience, what are the “Five Things You Need To Thrive and Succeed as a Powerful Woman?” (Please share a story or example for each.)

1. Conviction. Root down in who you are and what you bring. This is the ability to live from the inside and from what you know is true for you. Inner rootedness prepares us for living in a society that tends to react negatively to females with power. Bring your freak flag awesome sauce to the party and own it, or people will see the things that make you “you” as up for discussion or change. This is how we drift away from ourselves. Fall in love with your identity and tether to it instead of apologizing for it. When I do this in my own life, I make a statement, end it with a period, and make eye contact. I don’t follow up with an explanation, apology or open the door for judgement. I also really enjoy wearing whatever I’m feeling that day, be it a floppy hat and jeans or a romper with my Stan Smith’s. Anything other than business casual, which makes me feel inauthentic and uncomfortable.
2. Boundaries, boundaries boundaries! Set boundaries for your most precious resources — time, energy, finances. Understand that is not your job to be liked and acceptable at all times, or to be everything to everyone else. Your resources are extremely valuable because they are what will help you build and become. Be stingy with them, preserve them and invest them wisely. For example, a client nearing the end of a 6-month contract realized they had not utilized me for everything they wanted me to do, and asked me for several deliverables in three weeks. I was unwilling to do so because it would have required working 15 hours a day, amongst my other projects and book launch, in the meantime. The integrity of the work would have been affected as well as my health, but I’ve coached these executives for years. Instead of agreeing, rushing and stressing, I said “here’s what I can do” and came up with a plan I was comfortable with — to complete what they gave me time to do and add in a short amount of extra project time in a few months when I would be more available.
3. A clear plan. Plans were made to be broken, and I have deviated quite a bit at times when it was serving my company, clients or values. But save yourself time, resources and confusion by knowing where you want to go, how it will benefit the stakeholder — you, your client, your company — and having a plan. If you can plan well, you will be able to focus on execution. As a woman with power, execution is likely where you shine. My wellbeing company initially started as a firm of analysts an organization could hire to fix systemic issues affecting retention, performance and satisfaction. Three months in, we realized there were zero assessments we felt were accurate enough to gain the information we needed, so we pivoted to an analytics company and created an assessment that was unmatched by anything else. The knowledge we gained from starting a consulting company helped us pivot to an analytics company, and we simply followed the same process as we continued to grow. We zig zagged, but we were always moving forward with our original plan — to improve employee health and happiness through science.
4. Great people. Create warm, genuine connections with coaches, colleagues, partners, bosses and others who get you and your vision. These people will be your cheerleaders, and they won’t let you quit. They will bring clarity and love when things get tough. This example is simple, but not easy with all the time constraints most people have — make time for the people who ignite you. Community is everything. Don’t forget to reciprocate.
5. Nonjudgemental awareness. Learning this skill opens so many doors. Awareness allows us to know when it’s time to sprint and when we will benefit from rest, when we are going in the wrong direction, or when we need to check ourselves — or someone else. Being able to get off the hamster wheel and notice, without judgement, what is happening within you and around you is one of the top underrated skills for most adults these days. My meditation practice was 2 years strong by the time I formally started to hustle at my business. Because of the awareness I gained, I knew that after two long and crazy days, I needed a 1/2 day of rest or else I would get sick. This was based on awareness and data, so I would give myself two days to hustle hard, then plan a few hours of rest the next morning. I didn’t judge myself for it, because I knew the alternative. This wasn’t being lazy or unmotivated, just the opposite — it was restoring my capacity.

We are very blessed that some very prominent names in Business, VC funding, Sports, and Entertainment read this column. Is there a person in the world, or in the US with whom you would love to have a private breakfast or lunch with, and why? He or she might just see this if we tag them.

Of the four females I dedicated my book to, Glennon Doyle and Megan Rapinoe were two of them. I imagine sharing a meal with Glennon and talking for hours, getting awkward and real and exchanging ideas that change the way we view gender and pain and relationships. While women are much more communal and social, I don’t think enough of us spend our time engaged with one another that way. Glennon has been successful because she’s so good at putting into words what many of us have felt for our entire lives, and she has a graceful, earnest way of giving us permission to get out there and live. Megan Rapinoe and the World Cup team set my entire life on fire, in a good way. Their victory and their actions that followed catalyzed a completely new lifestyle for me, and was the spark that ignited my book on shedding gendered social norms without apology. Although, I imagine my meal with Rapinoe might be more of a rooftop hip-hop and champagne party. And that’s fine by me.

Strong women will always need a community of other strong women around them as a reminder that they’re allowed to have power. That we are allowed to be here and make decisions and exercise our muscle, and that its a beautiful, necessary thing.

Thank you for these fantastic insights. We greatly appreciate the time you spent on this.