Power Women: Kate Sargeant On How To Successfully Navigate Work, Love and Life As A Powerful Woman

An Interview With Ming Zhao

SELF-WORTH — it all starts and ends here. There will be moments of hardship. There will be obstacles. There will be times of doubt. But if you believe in yourself and you love yourself unconditionally — you will be unstoppable.

How does a successful, strong, and powerful woman navigate work, employee relationships, love, and life in a world that still feels uncomfortable with strong women? In this interview series, called “Power Women” we are talking to accomplished women leaders who share their stories and experiences navigating work, love and life as a powerful woman.

As a part of this series I had the distinct pleasure of interviewing actor/writer/producer Kate Sargeant.

Kate Sargeant has written for multiple television shows including CASTLE, CSI CYBER, NCIS NOLA, BLINDSPOT, and most recently a one-hour drama for TBS entitled OBLITERATED. Kate’s newest digital series, which she created and executive produced, VIRTUALLY SINGLE, is a half hour comedy, with both scripted and unscripted elements, about a newly divorced single mom dipping her toe in the treacherous online dating pool for the first time in a decade. Beyond the hilarity and ridiculousness of having first dates on video chat, the show is about a woman’s journey to reclaim and reinvent herself so that she can become the one, to find the one, in order to keep the one. It is available on YouTube.

Thank you so much for doing this with us! Before we dig in, our readers would like to get to know you a bit more. Can you tell us a bit about your childhood “backstory”?

I was born in Northern California and moved to LA when I was seven years old. From the moment I found out we were moving to Hollywood, I was convinced it was so that I could be a “movie star.” I knew I wanted to act/perform from the first moment I stepped on stage in my first-grade play (I was a duckling in Charlotte’s Web and although I only had one line — I proceeded to mouth ALL the other characters’ lines the whole show). In reality, our move had nothing to do with the entertainment industry and my parents were a bit flummoxed by my insistence that living in LA was about making my acting dream come true. But sure enough, within a few months of living in Hollywood, I had an agent, booked the fifth audition I went on, and got myself a SAG card. My parents were always vocal about the fact that acting was an “extracurricular activity” and not my sole focus. School always came first. After lots of auditioning and a few great TV and commercial gigs, I got my big break. When I was 11, I was cast as “Emily” in the movie 3 NINJAS, which had a worldwide theatrical release the following year. Being a part of that film truly changed my life and solidified my passion for being an actress. In high school I performed in a mix of theater, TV, and film. I loved every minute I spent on stage and on set.

Can you tell us the story about what led you to this particular career path?

As I got older, I was drawn to professions that were off stage and behind the camera. Initially I wanted to be a theater director. I was getting my master’s degree at RADA in London when my career took an unexpected turn. For my dissertation I had to either direct a pre-existing play or write a new play. I chose to direct, but a week before I was supposed to present to all my professors, I was denied the rights to the play I planned on directing. With no time to apply for the rights to another play, I had no choice but to write one myself. Up until that point, I had only written essays and poems. I truly had no idea if I could even write a play much less one that I could produce, direct, and mount in a theater in London in a few months’ time. But I shut off the voices of doubt, locked myself in my dorm room for four days, and I just poured myself onto the page. And that’s when my writing career really began. I ended up directing this play, called Revolving Door, which had a three-week run in a fringe theater in London and then the production went on tour for a month to the Edinburgh Festival Fringe. It was a life-changing experience that solidified my passion for writing. After I graduated, I chose to pursue a writing career when I moved back to Los Angeles.

Can you share the most interesting story that happened to you since you began your career?

I have so many crazy stories from the many years I’ve worked in the entertainment industry but I think the creation of my new comedy series VIRTUALLY SINGLE is really the most fascinating. It was August of 2020 and the entire entertainment industry was shutdown. A large majority of my friends and I were out of work, and we were all looking for a creative outlet. I had an idea for a show we could shoot entirely over zoom so that everyone could film in the safety of their own homes.

I wanted to tell the story of a newly divorced single mom navigating the experience of online dating for the first time in a decade. At the time I was on a blind dating app and I also was part of a match-making service that was setting me up on completely blind dates. I wasn’t given pictures or profiles to swipe through like other apps and dating sites. When I showed up to the virtual date — I literally had no idea who was going to be on the other side of the screen. This felt like the perfect hook for a comedy series. But what developed out of this idea, I never could have imagined. This show truly altered my life for the better. And I am forever grateful to the entire cast and crew who stood by my side and jumped into the unknown with me.

After we all took this leap of faith, what followed was pure magic. I wrote, produced, and starred in nine half-hour episodes. I employed friends and colleagues who all stepped up in huge ways to help me bring my vision to life. My entire production and post-production team were comprised of women. I got to make my current dream a reality — to showrun my very own series from beginning to end. We created a season of television I’m enormously proud of under the most difficult of circumstances. I self-financed the project and executed ALL of it while I was quarantined in my house with my five-year-old daughter. It was the most challenging and inspiring experience of my life and I’m so happy I can finally share this labor of love with the world.

You are a successful business leader. Which three character traits do you think were most instrumental to your success? Can you please share a story or example for each?

1. Determination — Rejection is a huge part of being a writer/producer/actor. I have had many heartbreaking moments and too many projects to count that didn’t get a YES. But I’ve persevered. I’ve never let all the NOs stop me from pursuing this career.
2. Self-worth — I think this trait will probably surprise people reading this article but really this is what it all comes down to. If you don’t believe in yourself, no one else will. You’ve got to have passion but also confidence in yourself and your project in order for it to be successful.
3. Kindness — I came up in the business as an assistant. I was a set PA. I was an executive assistant. I was a writer’s assistant. I was a script coordinator. I know how thankless those jobs can be for extremely low pay. And I’ve been mistreated along the way. And I’ve watched many people in power wield it irresponsibly and with no thought to how their words and actions affect the people working for them. When I run a show — I want everyone to enjoy their experience working for me. I want to always come from a place of kindness. I want my working environments to be enjoyable and to make sure everyone in them feels valued and appreciated.

Ok, thank you for that. Let’s now jump to the primary focus of our interview. The premise of this series assumes that our society still feels uncomfortable with strong women. Why do you think this is so?

I’ve been told that my strength makes me intimidating. Do you think a man has ever been told that? I doubt it. Strong women who know what they want — who are confident and own their self-worth — are often feared. Maybe it’s because we’re not going to bend to the patriarchal system. Maybe it’s because we want to rewrite the rules. Maybe it’s because our very existence upends the status quo. But I say — good. Let’s topple the broken, archaic, and often toxic systems that have been in place for centuries and rebuild something better.

Without saying any names, can you share a story from your own experience that illustrates this idea?

I think it always surprises men when I take control on set while I’m producing an episode of television. It was a world dominated by men up until very recently. The shift is happening, but it’s been a slow transition. There are expected growing pains but I’m hopeful the dynamic is going to change.

What should a powerful woman do in a context where she feels that people are uneasy around her?

My advice — don’t dim your light for ANYONE. Be exactly who you are. Revel in your strength and your power. The right boss will appreciate everything you have to offer. Don’t settle for less than you deserve. If you put positivity and love out into the world — that’s what you will receive. I know the law of attraction feels a little “woo woo” — but at the end of the day all we are is energy and we do attract exactly what we project into the universe. So believe in yourself. Go after your dream. Manifest the life that you want. No matter what the naysayers tell you.

What do we need to do as a society to change the unease around powerful women?

There just needs to be way more of us in positions of power! And women need to support and help each other rise. For a long time there has been this unhealthy and often toxic competition between women. There was often only one position available for a woman in a television writers’ room. So women were pitted against each other. It doesn’t foster a feeling of connectivity and generosity. This is slowly changing but we need to all do a better job of mentoring. Of reaching behind us on the ladder and helping other women up.

In my own experience, I have observed that often women have to endure ridiculous or uncomfortable situations to achieve success that men don’t have to endure. Do you have a story like this from your own experience? Can you share it with us?

Years ago, I was interviewing for an executive assistant job for two male bosses and I was asked some ridiculous and demeaning questions. I want to be clear — this was not a personal assistant job. And yet they asked me if I was good at doing laundry. Would I do their dishes and clean up after them? These men knew I was college educated and had a graduate degree and they had the gall to ask me if I knew how to google. I wish I was joking. Or that they were trying to be funny. But they were fully serious. I just… I will never get over that.

In your opinion, what are the biggest challenges faced by women leaders that aren’t typically faced by their male counterparts?

Women with drive and ambition are often looked at as being pushy and domineering. Qualities that are encouraged and celebrated in our male counterparts are seen as negatives when we have them. We have to work twice as hard to prove ourselves. We have to consistently go above and beyond. And if we make even ONE mistake — that could cost us everything.

Let’s now shift our discussion to a slightly different direction. This is a question that nearly everyone with a job has to contend with. Was it difficult to fit your personal and family life into your business and career? For the benefit of our readers, can you articulate precisely what the struggle was?

When I was five months postpartum, I went back to work. Trying to balance my life as a mom and as a working writer/producer was extremely challenging. My hours were incredibly long. I had to travel and be away from her for weeks at a time. When I was working in LA, I barely saw my child during the week and I was utterly exhausted (and still writing/working) on the weekends. I really wondered if I could have it all. Was that just a fantasy? The guilt of it all was overwhelming. When I was at work, I felt guilty about being away from my child and when I was with my daughter I had the weight of work hanging over me. Right now, since I’m working from home and making my own hours, I can pick my daughter up from school. I can be the one to tuck her into bed at night. I can take her to soccer practice. The silver lining of the pandemic is that I’ve been able to spend quality time with her and make up for the years of being relatively absent. I’m so grateful for this and I hope I can somehow continue to have this work/life balance post pandemic.

What was a tipping point that helped you achieve a greater balance or greater equilibrium between your work life and personal life? What did you do to reach this equilibrium?

Honestly, it wasn’t until I worked on a show that had reasonable hours that I was able to see how an equilibrium would be possible (shout out to BLINDSPOT). We worked from 10am to 3pm. And then I could spend time with my daughter. Maybe do some self-care. Run some errands. You know — have a life outside of work. It was so refreshing, and I plan to model any writers room that I’m in charge of off that schedule.

I work in the beauty tech industry, so I am very interested to hear your philosophy or perspective about beauty. In your role as a powerful woman and leader, how much of an emphasis do you place on your appearance? Do you see beauty as something that is superficial, or is it something that has inherent value for a leader in a public context? Can you explain what you mean?

I was once told (by a powerful woman) that in order to be taken seriously by male writers that I had to “dirty myself up.” Not be so put together. Not have my hair done. No make-up. Ponytails, bare-face, t-shirts and jeans. The fact that my appearance would affect the way men viewed me and treated me in the room was honestly demoralizing. That even with all my education, my intelligence, my talent — some lipstick and a dress would render all of that meaningless in the eyes of a male co-worker. I rebelled against the advice. Because I’m not dressing for THEM. I like wearing skirts and dresses. I enjoy putting on make-up. And that doesn’t change the fact that I’m an experienced and talented writer/producer. If my pencil skirt changes your opinion of me — that’s about YOU not me.

How is this similar or different for men?

I highly doubt that a man has been told to change his appearance so that he will be taken seriously in the workplace.

Ok super. Here is the main question of our interview. Based on your opinion and experience, what are the “Five Things You Need To Thrive and Succeed as a Powerful Woman?” (Please share a story or example for each.)

1. FAITH — You need to have unwavering faith in yourself, in your dreams, and in your chosen career path.
2. A TRIBE — in order to succeed you need to surround yourself with other women and men who you trust and depend on. Support one another and help each other grow.
3. AMBITION — there’s nothing wrong with having blind ambition. Don’t let the bumps in the road slow you down. Keep fighting for what you want. For what you are truly meant to do.
4. KINDESS — treat others how you want to be treated. Relationships are EVERYTHING. So build them wisely. Invest in people who have similar goals and then rise together.
5. SELF-WORTH — it all starts and ends here. There will be moments of hardship. There will be obstacles. There will be times of doubt. But if you believe in yourself and you love yourself unconditionally — you will be unstoppable.

We are very blessed that some very prominent names in Business, VC funding, Sports, and Entertainment read this column. Is there a person in the world, or in the US with whom you would love to have a private breakfast or lunch with, and why? He or she might just see this if we tag them.

Phoebe Waller Bridge. She was my inspiration as I was writing my comedy series VIRTUALLY SINGLE. Her show FLEABAG got me through some of the early dark days of the pandemic and I would love to thank her in person. Plus, I think we have a lot in common (both actors/writers and RADA grads who started our careers in theater) and we’d get along like a house on fire. Let’s make it happen!

Thank you for these fantastic insights. We greatly appreciate the time you spent on this.