Power Women: Lily Thrope of Thrope Therapy On How To Successfully Navigate Work, Love and Life As A Powerful Woman
An Interview With Shawna Robins
The hard days are not the days that define you, but the hard days are what will create change in you. “Do it scared” is the best advice I have received.
All of the hard days I have had are the ones that I feel helped me grow the most. I often feel scared of failing or having a hard day, but once the hard day or moment passes I am able to see that the moment allowed me to grow. Being afraid of the hard days prevents me from facing challenges that I can get through. Allowing myself to keep moving forward with my fears is what I have done to build my confidence and my business.
How does a successful, strong, and powerful woman navigate work, employee relationships, love, and life in a world that still feels uncomfortable with strong women? In this interview series, called “Power Women” we are talking to accomplished women leaders who share their stories and experiences navigating work, love and life as a powerful woman.
As a part of this series, I had the distinct pleasure of interviewing Lily Thrope, LCSW.
Lily Thrope is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker and Founder of Thrope Therapy LCSW PLLC, a boutique private practice located in NYC. Lily specializes in working with eating disorders, body image, self-esteem, anxiety and depression. Lily is passionate about helping people heal and learn to thrive with their emotions.
Thank you so much for doing this with us! Before we dig in, our readers would like to get to know you a bit more. Can you tell us a bit about your childhood “backstory”?
Hi! My name is Lily and I was born and raised in Port Washington on Long Island. I have an older brother and sister and I am the youngest in my family. As the youngest in the family I was often carted around to my other siblings’ activities. This was honestly fun for me. I am a very social person and would often make friends with the other siblings who were there, or even with the parents. These situations prepared me for my comfort in socializing and making friends. A major part of my career today is connecting with clients and other providers to cultivate collaborative networks.
As a child, I was very connected with my Jewish identity and participated in many Jewish learning experiences. This helps me today as I run a Young Professionals group at East End Temple in NYC and a collective of Jewish therapists and dietitians supporting each other through Zoom calls. I was always a good listener and loved being a supportive friend. In high school I was nominated to be a part of a group called Natural Helpers and was able to attend a workshop on leadership in mental health initiatives to bring back to our school. I have always been told that I am a natural leader but also a very empathetic listener. I think these traits were a part of me as a young child and have allowed me to be a great therapist and networker.
I had my own mental health challenges that started when I was a teenager. I was diagnosed with depression at age 15 and an eating disorder at age 20. I have worked incredibly hard with therapists and dietitians to support my own mental health needs and have seen how effective this can be. I am living proof that things can change and get better. I hope to be this force for my clients! Working in mental health is my dream and I am so grateful I get to do this work.
Can you tell us the story about what led you to this particular career path?
I was a dual-sport athlete in college:, soccer and lacrosse. I went to Occidental College, a division 3 school in Los Angeles (a far way from New York.) I arrived at college as a Kinesiology major and started taking all my pre-med classes with the eventual goal of becoming a physical therapist. In my third year I started taking anatomy, one of the required courses for my major. I had made it through Organic Chemistry 1 and 2, Physics, Calculus 1 and 2 and now I was ready to take anatomy. I started the class very excited and engaged but as the year went on I was not able to grasp the material. I went to every single one of my professor’s office hours and studied my hardest and I still could not find a way to memorize the locations of the bones and muscles. My professor had to have a hard conversation with me where he helped me see that this was not going to be the right path for me. This was a pivotal moment where I paused and asked myself what I really wanted to do and what I cared most about. I realized that I cared most about helping people and watching them on their recovery journey. Instead of focusing on physical injury, I started to become more interested in the mental challenges people have. This also aligned with my lived experience with mental health. I switched to a Philosophy major and finished my college years ready to become a Social Worker. I went to grad school at New York University at the Silver School of Social Work. I loved my experience in grad school and was able to identify my passion for working with people recovering from eating disorders and shape my career around that passion.
Can you share the most interesting story that happened to you since you began your career?
I got married in August 2023 and one week before my wedding I received an email from one of my employees that she was leaving the practice. This was really hard news to take in as I was in a building phase of my practice. I felt that the timing was awful and hurtful. I felt anxious and scared, emotions I often feel due to the pressure I place on myself to run a successful business. Thankfully, I was able to utilize emotional regulation skills to navigate the anxiety and transition into a celebratory mode for my aufruf (a Jewish pre-wedding celebration), which was the very same night I received the email. I am grateful to my family and my now-husband for the incredible support they gave me in this moment. This is where my professional and personal life collide; they cannot be separated when you are solely responsible for maintaining the strength of your business 24/7/365. I am constantly working to balance these two worlds. I have learned how to quickly shift from being in “business mode” to “personal relationship mode”. As a female business owner there is more pressure to not be in “business mode” all the time and take care of others in addition to my business.
You are a successful business leader. Which three character traits do you think were most instrumental to your success? Can you please share a story or example for each?
Passion
I built Thrope Therapy because of my personal mental health experience and desire to create something I wish had been available to me; something which was still lacking in the industry. Being a passionate person helped me build Thrope Therapy into a practice known for having relatable therapists who are skilled at working with eating disorders and LGBTQIA+.
My own mental illness started when I was a teen, and this led to my particular passion of working with this age group. You are in such a prime position to help them build strong emotional skills before they transition to college. This is such a precious time in the lives of the teen and their family.
Passion is what motivates me to market my business, hire great clinicians, work long hours and put my business before almost everything else in my life. An example of this passion is what I would call my “relentless marketing strategy.” I can be seen giving my business cards to anyone and everyone that I meet. For example, you will see me at the doctor’s office handing over a stack of business cards to share with other patients who might need therapy. You also might see me on the subway platform handing out business cards or in a coffee shop talking with my tablemates about my business. I feel so proud of my business and really believe that the services we offer are needed. This makes it easy to market and share with colleagues and strangers. People will not know you exist if you don’t share your story. I love talking to people and getting to know their stories, too.
Empathy
When you are creating a business, you will be most successful if you have a personal understanding of your clients’ concerns. As a person who has struggled with mental illness I deeply understand the pain that my clients experience. I easily empathize and sit with clients in their struggles. One of the main traits of being an effective therapist is empathy, which looks like tolerating big emotions from clients and not trying to “solve” them. Many people have the knee jerk reaction of wanting to be a fixer when big emotions come up. As a therapist and human, I always try to lead with empathy and not immediately jump into “solutions mode.” Empathy brings people together and is what really makes therapy special. Here is my favorite video on empathy which is narrated by Brene Brown. Brené Brown on Empathy
Multitasking
As a business owner, I am constantly multitasking. At any moment I can be answering client emails, writing blog posts, entering client notes, managing my team, posting on social media, seeing clients and organizing the books. More often than not I am pushing the limits of my ability to focus. This also relates to my personal life. For example, when I am on vacation I will still be checking my email and responding to incoming inquiries from new clients. A great example is being on a line for a ride at Walt Disney World and using that downtime to respond to a few emails and check in on my associate therapists.
Ok, thank you for that. Let’s now jump to the primary focus of our interview. The premise of this series assumes that our society still feels uncomfortable with strong women. Why do you think this is so?
Men have historically been depicted as the providers and women as the caretakers of the home and of physical beauty. The idea of a strong and powerful woman challenges that traditional trope. If a man feels inferior to a woman, that may disrupt his worldview and make him feel less valuable. Women face a lot of pressure to not only care for their family (including their partner) but also to look a certain way through partaking in expensive and time-consuming beauty rituals. I think this has prevented women from being as strong and powerful as they could be. But now there has been a shift towards women taking back power and control. By valuing ourselves for being more than merely caretakers and eye candy, we can put more time and effort into being successful in our careers. This scares some men because we may assume greater influence over industries which have historically been male-dominated. But powerful women are good for everyone. It allows for fresh perspectives in leadership roles and improved workplace collaboration. And this is, of course, not to lose sight of the value we can still provide and be proud of as caretakers.
Finally, the only constant in life is change but somehow we all still feel very uncomfortable with change. If you can learn to embrace change you will feel much more at peace.
Without saying any names, can you share a story from your own experience that illustrates this idea?
In order to start my own business I had to work through my own limiting beliefs about myself. As a kid, I always thought I would be a stay-at home-mom. Perhaps this was because my mom played this role in my life or perhaps it was because I was socialized to believe this was all I was capable of. As I started my career in social work I realized that I had goals and dreams I had previously been unaware of. I felt a lot of self-doubt about starting a business as a young woman. I had to work through the beliefs I held around myself as a woman and what they meant. I gradually started letting go of these limiting beliefs and allowed myself to step into my power. As I did, I found my business expanded faster. There is a strong desire, as a woman, to be “good” according to the definition our society has crafted for us. I had to reframe this for myself and develop a new understanding of what I believed to be “good.”
What should a powerful woman do in a context where she feels that people are uneasy around her?
Stay strong. Know that the right people will recognize and see you. Know that you are doing everything right. Confidence comes from feeling fully in alignment with your own values. If you are living that way, people will be attracted to you. Don’t let the few detractors be the voices you hear loudest. Hear the voices of all the people lifting you up and supporting you. Also, find female community.
What do we need to do as a society to change the unease around powerful women?
It would be great if our society could embrace each person’s individual power and recognize that we work best when we are all collaborating together. The idea that one person threatens another by being powerful is outdated and not true. The shift in society could be celebrating each person’s contributions and allowing people to collaborate rather than pitting people against each other to inspire the best work.
In my own experience, I have observed that often women have to endure ridiculous or uncomfortable situations to achieve success that men don’t have to endure. Do you have a story like this from your own experience? Can you share it with us?
The first private practice I worked at had strict rules for what women had to wear, but not for men. Men were allowed to wear business casual attire, but the women were instructed to wear a suit or very nice dress with heels. I really hated wearing this type of clothing as I am a more casual person. I had to invest in a new wardrobe and force myself to wear heels daily. We were told that this would help us appear older and more experienced in our field. Since starting my own practice I have transitioned back to my casual style and it has been so much more effective for me as a provider, not to mention so much more comfortable! I believe that my clients feel more comfortable around me because I am being myself. One of the most important traits I embody as a therapist is authenticity. If I can show up authentically it allows my clients to show up more authentically.
In your opinion, what are the biggest challenges faced by women leaders that aren’t typically faced by their male counterparts?
Women are expected to do it all and not show any emotions, especially not anger or frustration. When a man is frustrated it is interpreted as being passionate about his work. When a woman is angry she is called “crazy” or “unhinged.” There is a double standard between men and women and the way they work. Women will frequently take on more responsibilities and not ask for help, having to overcompensate for being erroneously viewed as naturally “weak.”
Let’s now shift our discussion to a slightly different direction. This is a question that nearly everyone with a job has to contend with. Was it difficult to fit your personal and family life into your business and career? For the benefit of our readers, can you articulate precisely what the struggle was?
It is absolutely a difficult, daily calculation. As a therapist, I see clients at varying hours. I often work late nights and do not have the same schedule as my friends and family. It is consistently hard to plan dinner with friends or my partner due to my unusual schedule. I have tried to articulate to my friends and family as best as I can that my time is limited due to the work I do. It can be challenging to have to say “no” to many social invites to put my business first. But the people closest to me understand the meaning and purpose my work gives me, and they honor those time commitments.
What was a tipping point that helped you achieve a greater balance or greater equilibrium between your work life and personal life? What did you do to reach this equilibrium?
During the planning of my wedding I really had to find a strong balance between my work and personal life. I was able to be disciplined with my work and focus on getting tasks done before the evening when I would spend time with my partner on our wedding tasks. This also showed me that I am capable of more than I realized. I could complete a day of work and still find focus and energy to plan the wedding.
I also have a very close relationship with my family, including my niece and nephew who are both toddlers. Despite my strict work-related time commitments, spending time with my family has always been something I’ve wanted to prioritize. To help balance these competing priorities a bit better, I recently moved to live significantly closer to them.
Based on your opinion and experience, what are the “Five Things You Need To Thrive and Succeed as a Powerful Woman?”
1 . Take care of yourself first. Have a strong relationship with yourself and your value before you step into a powerful role.
This was the first step for me in starting my business. Working through my own limiting beliefs and realizing my capability was very important in my journey to starting my business. If you can take care of yourself first, you will be able to support others.
2 . Find/create community that uplifts and empowers you to step more into your power
I have been so lucky to have a community of therapists and dietitians that I work closely with. We lift each other up and collaborate on cases in a way that feels empowering and supportive. Having this community has helped me grow and learn as a business owner and person. On a challenging day I know that I can reach out to my community for support which is so helpful.
3 . Don’t tie your self-worth to other people’s opinions of you. You are only in control of YOU.
There was a time when my self-worth was dependent on other people’s perception of me. This was absolutely exhausting and the constant striving for approval really slowed me down. When I was able to let go of this and focus on my own view of myself and live in alignment with my values, I felt so much stronger.
4 . Have hobbies that allow you to mentally turn off and recharge.
I love to knit and it is one of the main hobbies that helps me reset and recharge. Knitting is a great mindfulness activity. When I am knitting I am fully focused on the activity and I am not multitasking. There is something very special about creating a scarf, hat, blanket or sweater from scratch. I love sharing these projects as gifts for friends and colleagues. I also have a strong knitting community which feels very fun and different from my work community.
5 . The hard days are not the days that define you, but the hard days are what will create change in you. “Do it scared” is the best advice I have received.
All of the hard days I have had are the ones that I feel helped me grow the most. I often feel scared of failing or having a hard day, but once the hard day or moment passes I am able to see that the moment allowed me to grow. Being afraid of the hard days prevents me from facing challenges that I can get through. Allowing myself to keep moving forward with my fears is what I have done to build my confidence and my business.
We are very blessed that some very prominent names in Business, VC funding, Sports, and Entertainment read this column. Is there a person in the world, or in the US with whom you would love to have a private breakfast or lunch with, and why? He or she might just see this if we tag them.
Brene Brown. I would love to meet and collaborate with her. I have read all her work and she does an amazing job at breaking down shame and helping people see that they can change their shame-related views and be kinder to themselves. I would also love to talk to her about her beliefs on diet culture and eating disorders because I have not heard her speak much about that.
Thank you for these fantastic insights. We greatly appreciate the time you spent on this.
About the Interviewer: Shawna Robins is an international best-selling author of two books — Powerful Sleep — Rest Deeply, Repair Your Brain and Restore Your Life, and Irresistibly Healthy — Simple Strategies to Feel Vibrant, Alive, Healthy and Full of Energy Again. Shawna is the founder and CEO of Third Spark, an online wellness hub for women over 40 who want to reignite their sleep, reset healthier habits and respark their lives. Shawna is a sleep expert, hormone health expert, and a National Board-Certified Health and Wellness Coach (NBHWC). She has been featured on many podcasts including Dr. Mindy Pelz’s “The Resetter Podcast” and in Authority Magazine, Thrive Global, and The Huffington Post. A free download of her latest book can be found at www.thirdsparkhealth.com/powerful-sleep/ You can follow her on YouTube, Facebook, Instagram and LinkedIn.
