Power Women: Pamela Wilson On How To Successfully Navigate Work, Love and Life As A Powerful Woman

An Interview With Ming Zhao

Advocate for yourself. — If you want to embody life as a powerful woman, you must be prepared to advocate for yourself on a regular basis. Don’t drown out your feelings — use them to empower your direction.

How does a successful, strong, and powerful woman navigate work, employee relationships, love, and life in a world that still feels uncomfortable with strong women? In this interview series, called “Power Women” we are talking to accomplished women leaders who share their stories and experiences navigating work, love and life as a powerful woman.

As a part of this series I had the distinct pleasure of interviewing Pamela Wilson.

Pamela Wilson coaches people in mid-career to build profitable online businesses. She’s an online educator, author, keynote speaker, and founder of PamelaWilson.com.

Pamela is the author of two books: Master Content Marketing and Master Content Strategy, and the creator and head coach for The Offer Accelerator, The BIG League, The Content Lab, and The Image Lab.

Thank you so much for doing this with us! Before we dig in, our readers would like to get to know you a bit more. Can you tell us a bit about your childhood “backstory”?

As the middle child of five kids, being a powerful woman began early! I ended up being the spokesperson who lobbied my parents when we wanted something. I was good at timing my requests, and I got more yeses than the others. Even though I had two older brothers, I was the one who got pushed in front of our parents to ask for what the whole group wanted.

Can you tell us the story about what led you to this particular career path?

I’m an online business coach for people in mid-career.

Like many people, when I was approaching my own mid-career point, I was feeling less and less challenged running my successful design and marketing agency. I knew I was coming into the second half of my career and I was struck by a thought one day: Where would I grow from here?

It wasn’t about growing my current business. It was about growing into something different. I started feeling like I wanted to do something new, but I wasn’t sure what that would be.

I did some exploring and stumbled into online business. I realized it combined my love of teaching and helping people, and allowed me to reach — and help — people in mid-career who were feeling the same way.

Can you share the most interesting story that happened to you since you began your career?

Interesting things happen to me every single week — it’s one of the best things about my work!

The most interesting thing that happened in my current career in online business took place at Copyblogger’s annual event in 2014. I was a panelist on one of the sessions. I left that event with a job offer from Copyblogger — an offer made by their CEO. I did not see that coming! It happened at a moment where I was about to move across the country. I moved into a new phase in my life as well as my career.

You are a successful business leader. Which three character traits do you think were most instrumental to your success? Can you please share a story or example for each?

• Persistence. There’s always more than one way to be successful. Don’t give up — pivot. I completely changed the direction of my business when I went online. I had to relearn everything I knew about reaching and serving customers. But I brought persistence to the table, and that served me well.
• Dispassionate observation. The more you can approach business like a series of experiments, the easier time you’ll have. I use this for every campaign I run. I check to see how people are responding and I adapt my approach. Treat your business efforts like a scientist treats experiments — gather data and act on what you learn.
• People lover. People are fascinating! After experiencing life as an exchange student in my teens, I consider it a personal challenge to find points of connection with everyone I meet. I enjoy supporting colleagues and networking — and it turns out, that’s great for business.

Ok, thank you for that. Let’s now jump to the primary focus of our interview. The premise of this series assumes that our society still feels uncomfortable with strong women. Why do you think this is so?

This issue has changed so much during my lifetime. There have always been strong women, and that legacy has spread steadily.

I think we’re in the midst of a change in who holds power in our society. Younger people already feel more comfortable changing the status quo. My daughter is a young woman who works as a supervisor, responsible for all genders and ages. She’s at ease in her position, and her team is as well.

I believe this is more of a generational issue. It’s like “digital natives” — people who are comfortable with a way of working and living because they didn’t have to adapt from an old system, versus people who had to wrap their heads around new technology and new ideas.

We’re living in a time when there’s a whole group of people who see powerful women as the norm. As more strong women take their places in society, time will see societal discomfort fade.

Without saying any names, can you share a story from your own experience that illustrates this idea?

I grew up with a mother who was in the generation of women who were supposed to aspire to be homemakers and raise children, and that was about it.

She wasn’t interested in fitting into that mold. She aspired to something new. She stepped into her life and her own version of power.

During my childhood, my mother went back to college, got her degree, and rejoined the workforce. I got to witness her graduation the same month that I graduated from high school. She’s an amazing role model.

What should a powerful woman do in a context where she feels that people are uneasy around her?

It’s not any woman’s job to make people feel comfortable. The best thing she can do is be herself. She shouldn’t be oblivious to the people around her, or use people to reach success — we should all be good human beings.

Acting with integrity and empowering people through leading by example will inspire confidence. But if someone feels uneasy with the idea of a powerful woman, that’s something they need to work on, and not something she needs to “fix.”

What do we need to do as a society to change the unease around powerful women?

Powerful women don’t need to do anything except live their lives and make sure they support the people around them, and bring others with them along their journey. As a society, I think this will become easier as people grow up with powerful women.

In my own experience, I have observed that often women have to endure ridiculous or uncomfortable situations to achieve success that men don’t have to endure. Do you have a story like this from your own experience? Can you share it with us?

When I was pregnant with my first child, I was working in a small design studio. I was four or five years into building a great career, doing work I loved. Even though I was working for a woman, she couldn’t change the reality of childcare. She offered to allow me to bring my new baby to work, but I couldn’t imagine getting work done with an infant in her office.

My salary was our primary income at the time. My husband was just getting his career started, and childcare was extremely expensive. My only option was to leave that job and start my own business, so I could figure things out on my own.

I think childcare is incrementally better now. The big change is so many more jobs can be done from home, and that’s now considered normal. When I set up my design studio, working from home was considered embarrassing!

That’s one thing we need to figure out in our culture so that women can reach their full potential.

In your opinion, what are the biggest challenges faced by women leaders that aren’t typically faced by their male counterparts?

This doesn’t impact all women, but we’re still typically the primary decision-makers on how children will be cared for. And there aren’t a lot of great options. Men don’t face that challenge to the same degree. Women have to decide if they want to focus on their careers, or bring the additional challenge of children into their careers.

Let’s now shift our discussion to a slightly different direction. This is a question that nearly everyone with a job has to contend with. Was it difficult to fit your personal and family life into your business and career? For the benefit of our readers, can you articulate precisely what the struggle was?

I saw my biggest challenge was going to happen before I lived it — the person I first worked for had one child who was just starting school. She had a family member willing to provide childcare, and I also helped out, driving her to school to pick up her child and bring them back to the office.

When my first child was very young, I moved to South America where I was able to hire live-in childcare. I was very fortunate to have that assistance while I was building my business. I was close by and could spend time with my children, but I also had support.

It’s a solution that’s not available to most people. I would love to see women have the ability to pause their careers for a period of time without repercussions if they decide to have children. I don’t see that happening any time soon, but I think it’s incredibly important.

What was a tipping point that helped you achieve a greater balance or greater equilibrium between your work life and personal life? What did you do to reach this equilibrium?

I keep coming back to starting my own business — that independence made a huge difference. But there are drawbacks to having your office in your home. It’s too easy to drop into work after hours.

The greater balance for me was when I began to draw boundaries around the hours I work.

When I push away from my desk at 5:00, I have an activity that’s already planned. By focusing on the thing that’s waiting for me, I’m able to shut down for the day.

The next step was to stop working on weekends. I still have to do that occasionally, but drawing those boundaries gives me reliable time to rest, relax, and have a personal life. It sounds like a small thing, but it’s made a big difference.

I work in the beauty tech industry, so I am very interested to hear your philosophy or perspective about beauty. In your role as a powerful woman and leader, how much of an emphasis do you place on your appearance? Do you see beauty as something that is superficial, or is it something that has inherent value for a leader in a public context? Can you explain what you mean?

I grew up in cultures where beauty was very important. I lived in south Texas in my teen years, where appearance mattered. You did not go out without looking put together. Then I lived in South America, where appearance was even more important.

On top of that, I’m a visual person. I do my best to wear clothes that communicate when I want to communicate. I do my hair and makeup when I’m going to appear on camera, but I don’t consider that to be superficial. It’s a vehicle to communicate a message.

I’m not averse to showing up without makeup, but for the most part, and I think especially as I’ve gotten older, putting effort into my appearance makes me feel more confident. My daughter jokes about not looking put together, and I remind her that she has the glow of youth! As you get older, a little makeup can help.

I actually enjoy telegraphing that I have something to say and I want people to pay attention. It’s not about attracting the male gaze. It’s about looking empowered.

How is this similar or different for men?

I think there’s still a tendency toward seeing men who are ageing as powerful, but seeing women as less powerful as they age. Men can get away with looking less polished. I think men who pay attention to their level of health and fitness tend to look more powerful than men who do not, but in terms of personal grooming, they don’t have to do much more than put on a clean shirt!

Ok super. Here is the main question of our interview. Based on your opinion and experience, what are the “Five Things You Need To Thrive and Succeed as a Powerful Woman?” (Please share a story or example for each.)

1. Know yourself. Don’t live someone else’s life. In this age of social media, it’s easier than ever to define success by someone else’s standards. Don’t do it. In order to get what you want, you have to be in touch with what really matters to you. I make time for my hobbies and interests: They help me to get in touch with what really matters to me. When I go back to my business, I’m clear about what’s important and this helps me prioritize my work.
2. Find a posse. Mastermind groups can be a game changer for your business. I’ve been in various groups since 2004. Business friends who have your back, who support your efforts, and who know your story are invaluable. They can offer guidance, ideas, and a kick of motivation when you really need it.
3. Say hard things. Hard conversations have to happen on a regular basis when you want to step into your power. As natural connectors, women aren’t wired to say uncomfortable things! We’d rather nurture a connection than jeopardize it with a hard conversation. My advice for this is to treat hard conversations like a tennis match, and it’s your job to hit the first serve. You just have to get the topic started by getting it across to the person on the other side. Sometime in my forties, I realized it all starts with a single sentence. Want to try it? Figure out how to broach the difficult subject with a single statement. Memorize the statement. Gather your courage, take a deep breath, and just say it. One awkward sentence may be all that separates you from the goal you want to achieve.
4. Practice healthy boundaries. Women are often in situations where our personal boundaries are set by our life situations, which means that we’re good at going with the flow and adapting. We need to be adaptable for survival! But this can work against us if we allow ourselves to become doormats that people walk across with no regard. It’s crucial that you go back to my previous tips and implement them if you want to have the life you crave. Know yourself and what you need. Find a posse of supporters. Be willing to say hard things. These will help you to establish your boundaries and fight so they’re respected.
5. Advocate for yourself. If you want to embody life as a powerful woman, you must be prepared to advocate for yourself on a regular basis. Don’t drown out your feelings — use them to empower your direction. I do this regularly and find that it’s easiest if I don’t let things fester — I address them as soon as possible. When something doesn’t feel right, get out there and advocate for the change you want to see. It’s not anyone else’s job to do this for you — YOU are your own best advocate, always.

We are very blessed that some very prominent names in Business, VC funding, Sports, and Entertainment read this column. Is there a person in the world, or in the US with whom you would love to have a private breakfast or lunch with, and why? He or she might just see this if we tag them.

If I can choose someone who’s passed, I’d choose Eleanor Roosevelt. She worked within the constrictions of her time to effect change in our world. She lived a unique and independent life and rose above her moment on this earth to become an inspiration for women around the world. Brunch with Eleanor would be fascinating!

Thank you for these fantastic insights. We greatly appreciate the time you spent on this.