Power Women: Tina Delia Of Delia Designs On How To Successfully Navigate Work, Love and Life As A Powerful Woman

An Interview With Ming Zhao

Don’t be afraid to ask for help. Most people genuinely want to help other people they care about. That being said, these people aren’t thinking about you or about helping you unless you ask. Have you ever heard the expression “Even the Lone Ranger didn’t do it alone?” What you don’t always see when you think of a “self-made” individual is all the help they’ve gotten from behind the scenes. Over the past thirteen years I’ve asked for big things and small things from my friends, family and mentors. Everything from help setting up for an event to an introduction to a connection. It may seem overly simple but reaching out can help your chances for success. If you don’t ask for help, you won’t get help and sometimes without help you will struggle and not in a good way.

How does a successful, strong, and powerful woman navigate work, employee relationships, love, and life in a world that still feels uncomfortable with strong women? In this interview series, called “Power Women” we are talking to accomplished women leaders who share their stories and experiences navigating work, love and life as a powerful woman.

As a part of this series I had the distinct pleasure of interviewing Tina Delia.

Tina Delia is the Founder & Principal Interior Designer of Delia Designs. Tina and her team offer Boutique Interior Design Services for the Hospitality & Residential industries in Philadelphia, PA & beyond. Tina has spent over a decade experiencing, imagining and realizing extraordinary interiors. She is fueled by a vision to create unforgettable design experiences. Tina believes that Interior Design isn’t only about creating beautiful spaces. It’s about touching the lives of the people that live, breathe and walk through those spaces.

Thank you so much for doing this with us! Before we dig in, our readers would like to get to know you a bit more. Can you tell us a bit about your childhood “backstory”?

I came from very humble beginnings. I was the first of four children in my family to go to college. My parents married and had us at a very young age. While we didn’t have much in the way of material possessions, we always had love and felt love from our parents. I am also one of four girls. My parents both worked and brought us up to be strong, independent women to be self-reliant.

Can you tell us the story about what led you to this particular career path?

My journey to interior design was not a linear one. I am an attorney turned interior designer. I practiced law for five years before going back to school for my Masters in Interior Architecture and Design. I absolutely loved law school but did not enjoy the practice of law that I was in. I was practicing matrimonial litigation, which is a nice way to say that I was a divorce lawyer. I sort of landed in that field by chance as the first position I took was with a judge in the Superior Court of NJ, Family Division. The clerkship was amazing and I moved on to a law firm from there. That is where the stress and anxiety kicked in. I was under an exorbitant amount of pressure every day with clients who were fighting with their spouses over money and children. When I came home at night, I just wanted to get back in alignment with the creative side of myself. I started taking evening classes in drawing and art. That’s how I found my path to interior design. A professor mentioned this book called “So you want to be an Interior Designer.” He said I would be pleasantly surprised with the analytical nature of interior design and that it would be a nice way to combine both of my passions. So with some trepidation but a lot of love and support from my friends and family I enrolled in a three year program at Drexel University and haven’t looked back.

Can you share the most interesting story that happened to you since you began your career?

I’ve always been a believer in having goals and a vision for my life. Early on in my career I had created a vision board for how I would like my career to be. On that board I had photos of a woman conducting meetings, being part of a team and being looked to as the leader. Later when I started consulting with an architectural firm for a big project, I was at a team design meeting. We were fleshing out the details of the space plan. At one point we were stuck and the Lead Architect asked “what do you think, Tina?”. That was an epic moment for me as I had envisioned it happening and it became a reality.

You are a successful business leader. Which three character traits do you think were most instrumental to your success? Can you please share a story or example for each?

Drive and perseverance

To be a successful entrepreneur you need perseverance. Most successful entrepreneurs have never given up on their dreams. When challenges arise, they have found innovative ways of overcoming them.

The truth is that sometimes you do all you can do and put all you have into something and ultimately you don’t have control over what happens. That does not mean that you should give up. It just means that it wasn’t meant for you. “What is meant for you will never miss you and what misses you wasn’t meant for you.” Haven’t you heard that saying? “it wasn’t your door to open.”.

After changing careers and becoming an interior designer, I continued to hear the word “no” over and over. A couple of years after starting Delia Designs, I quickly learned that the Commercial projects I really wanted to work on don’t start with the Interior Designer. They generally start with the Architect. But since I couldn’t get a job, I decided that the only way to work on those projects would be to form a strategic alliance with Architectural Firms that didn’t have an Interiors department in house.

One architect I met at an event had just started up a firm. We bonded over the weak economy and struggling to start up a firm. It seemed that he was eager to hear more about my work so we agreed to grab a coffee after the event. During the coffee meeting I expressed that I was looking to consult with people just like him and he flat out told me that they would never work with me because they already work with another interior designer with an established business. That was devastating. I left that meeting and went home to cry. I was angry, frustrated and quite frankly disheartened. Not because of him but because of the countless times I had heard the same thing. I started to wonder if anyone would give me a chance.

I had to learn how to deal with the rejection and persevere. At that point in my life, I thought I was impervious to the feelings of personal rejection, but the reality was, I wasn’t. I had been rejected so many times in both my law career and this new career and yet I still got emotional. It definitely made me stronger. It’s also a badge of honor. Ultimately, you have to expose yourself to criticism and rejection in order to grow. It takes courage to pick yourself up and continue to walk towards your dreams.

I know that transformation and change is one of the hardest (and scariest) things you can do. Change is the only way that you can truly grow. As a person, in relationships, and even in business. The best way to transform is to constantly focus on doing better than you previously did. As you push yourself further and further, little more each time, you’ll become much more confident in yourself and your abilities in trusting yourself, and believing in yourself.

Patience and willingness to fail.

Patience makes the difference between someone who consistently works on their goal for five years and someone who is inconsistent and gives up within a couple of months or years. Remember that mastery takes time. The real growth comes when you stick.

One of the most significant failures in my life was not passing the Bar Exam the first time or the second time. That’s right. I took the Bar Exam three times until I finally passed. What made this failure especially difficult is that it was entirely due to me. No one could do it for me and no one could fail but me. It felt like I was not just failing myself but the friends and family who supported me along the way. Thank God they never stopped believing in me. And, thank God I had the patience to not stop believing in myself. Failure made me examine what my strengths are and more importantly, my weaknesses. I was so anxious about failing again that I let it paralyze me. I couldn’t relax during the exam. This time in my life was extremely challenging but one of the richest and most educational times of my life. It helped me to realize exactly how resilient I am. I had to dig deep and believe in myself and my abilities. I couldn’t let failing the Bar exam allow me to believe that I was a failure. It’s ok to ask for help. I needed help. I hired a tutor to help me. Not only did he help me understand what the examiners were looking for but he also helped me relax during the exam. I was substitute teaching at an Elementary school at the time. One of the teachers at the school befriended me. She seemed genuinely interested in me and why I was there, what path I was on. When she found out that I was taking the bar exam for the third time, she taught me about the power of visualization. She told me to start visualizing myself feeling calm and confident at the exam site and to see myself knowing the answers. I did that every day for at least a month prior to the exam. It worked. I am so thankful for this person who came into my life during that part of my journey.

Once I finally passed the bar and started working, no one cared or even remembered how long it took me to pass the Bar Exam. It didn’t define who I was or what I accomplished during my law career.

Purpose

Ok, thank you for that. Let’s now jump to the primary focus of our interview. The premise of this series assumes that our society still feels uncomfortable with strong women. Why do you think this is so?

Despite how far we have come with regard to gender equality, the World remains stubbornly resistant to the idea of women leaders. There’s a common belief among men and women alike that women are too delicate to lead. I understand this on a personal level as I’m a very petite woman with a delicate frame and a high voice. I’ve been underestimated all my life and I’ve been working hard every day to have my seat at the table.

Another reason I believe society is still uncomfortable with strong women in business is that women are seen as the care givers. Generally speaking, it’s the women that are the parents who have more responsibility with the children, who are responsible for nurturing the children and for leaving work early to pick up a sick child. If mothers and fathers continue to conform to these archaic gender roles within the home, and if girls are directed into nurturing roles while boys are nudged into decision-making positions, then it’s unsurprising that beliefs about women’s leadership potential will remain frozen.

Without saying any names, can you share a story from your own experience that illustrates this idea?

I started consulting with a new client a few years ago. Everything was seemingly going well until a male employee of this client started professionally bullying me. He would turn down any and all ideas I had for a project. He went to the CEO and complained about me not giving the firm credit on my website for projects we completed together and yet he wasn’t giving me credit for those same projects on their site.

What should a powerful woman do in a context where she feels that people are uneasy around her?

A woman should never dim her light. At the same time, she should never put anyone else down. Just stand in her power and beauty. She should embrace and connect with the people she feels are uneasy to put their minds at ease.

What do we need to do as a society to change the unease around powerful women?

Changing the unease around powerful women is going to take a while. I believe it can be done with the promotion of more women into positions of power and educating our young children to accept and get used to the idea of powerful women. I think it’s also about teaching young boys

In my own experience, I have observed that often women have to endure ridiculous or uncomfortable situations to achieve success that men don’t have to endure. Do you have a story like this from your own experience? Can you share it with us?

Once at a presentation for a client team of men, I was presenting perspective renderings (photo realistic 3d drawings) of the proposed space. I had included people in my drawings to show scale and proportion. Apparently, the woman in my rendering wasn’t showing enough cleavage. I was asked by one of the men to remove her and replace her with a woman wearing a tight dress showing off her chest. The team proceeded to show me images created for another project with the type of people they like in their renderings. After the meeting we were taking the clients to lunch. When we asked where they would like to go, one of the men said he wanted to go to a strip club. I was appalled. I refused to go. The sad an unfortunate part about this is that after telling this story to a female sales rep who was also working with this team, she told me that this particular client also wanted to go to a strip club after her meeting and she went. She felt like she had to take him there to get the sale.

In your opinion, what are the biggest challenges faced by women leaders that aren’t typically faced by their male counterparts?

Women constantly have to prove themselves. If I present an idea or a product to a client, I am often questioned about that idea or product and often interrogated and insulted about it. For example, often times when I suggest a flooring type for an application, I am questioned about the validly of such product. Is it durable? Is it appropriate? , etc. A male counterpart suggested the same product to the client and gets a pat on the back about how great it is. Ultimately women are questioned more and are not given the same benefit of the doubt that men are given.

Let’s now shift our discussion to a slightly different direction. This is a question that nearly everyone with a job has to contend with. Was it difficult to fit your personal and family life into your business and career? For the benefit of our readers, can you articulate precisely what the struggle was?

There is a limit to going beyond the expected. Although you may go above and beyond on occasion, doing so all the time is bad for business. In fact, it’s critical that you set boundaries in your business. Setting and consistently sticking to a work schedule that provides balance, taking vacations, holidays, sick days and personal days are perhaps even more important when you’re the boss. Being available 24/7 isn’t something to be proud of, it’s something to worry about. But it’s not always easy. My first few years in business I failed miserably at disconnecting. (Although at that time I was working on my business and not always in my business.) My office was always right there in my home, tempting me on weekends, holidays and when I was sick to just fire up the computer and check that email. Of course, once I read that first email, I was lost and suddenly I found myself working when I wasn’t supposed to be. Over the years I’ve learned the true value of disconnecting. One of the most effective ways I’ve found to disconnect both physically and mentally from my business is by challenging myself physically. Finding something that engages both my mind and body is extremely important to me. It keeps me from logging on to my email or thinking about the to-do list. My most productive work days have been since I’ve learned to completely disconnect from my business during off-hours and holidays.

What was a tipping point that helped you achieve a greater balance or greater equilibrium between your work life and personal life? What did you do to reach this equilibrium?

I was working on a huge project with a developer. The deadlines were very aggressive. The client had us jumping through hoops of fire to please them. In order to finish the work and meet an important deadline, I had to work all night with little sleep. The next morning two of the major decision makers (men) were not at our meeting because they were skiing in Jackson Hole, Wyoming. I was furious because I had worked so hard for them and compromised my own well-being for them and their project while they were off skiing. I had also been putting off pulling the trigger on my own vacation because of that project and the fear that I would miss a deadline. After that situation, I planned my get away immediately and have been putting myself first ever since. At the end of the day, I realized that it’s up to me to set the boundaries and strive for balance between my work life and personal life.

I work in the beauty tech industry, so I am very interested to hear your philosophy or perspective about beauty. In your role as a powerful woman and leader, how much of an emphasis do you place on your appearance? Do you see beauty as something that is superficial, or is it something that has inherent value for a leader in a public context? Can you explain what you mean?

As an interior designer, I am judged from the second a client meets me. If I am not pulled together with my appearance, I have little hope of convincing a client to trust me with the design of their interior. I do believe that beauty has many dimensions, and is not inherently superficial. With that said, “beauty is in the eye of the beholder”, right? What is most important for a woman in business is to pull herself together in a professional way and dress appropriately for her body. I do not believe that women need to be super models to be successful in business. A client once told me that she passed on another interior designer because her handbag and shoes were worn. It’s bad enough that we are judged by men but other women do it as well.

How is this similar or different for men?

I don’t think it’s the same for men at all. Generally speaking, men are in positions of power over women. It doesn’t matter if he’s handsome or well dressed. Men learn to “play the game” and be part of the old boys’ club. Ultimately it doesn’t matter what he looks like as long as he’s a team player he will be pushed forward by other men.

Ok super. Here is the main question of our interview. Based on your opinion and experience, what are the “Five Things You Need To Thrive and Succeed as a Powerful Woman?” (Please share a story or example for each.)

1. To remember that Passion is not enough. I started my business during a time when there were no jobs to be had. You might say I had nothing to lose. As I quickly discovered, being an entrepreneur is like heading out into uncharted territory. It’s rarely obvious what to do next, and you have to rely on yourself a lot when you run into problems. There were many days when I felt like things would never work out and I just wanted to quit and find a “job”. I had to stomach the roller coaster of emotions that comes with striking out on your own. Passion is not enough. Entrepreneurship is about blazing new trails, about believing in yourself, your mission and inspiring others to join you in the journey. What sets [entrepreneurs] apart is the will, courage and sometimes recklessness to actually do it. Because, it really does take a lot of sweat equity. If you are not willing to do as much as you can to succeed (meaning working around the clock for the first few years, putting yourself out in the community and forming as many relationships as you can, not earning money for the first few years, going out on your own may not be for you. And that is ok. When I was an employee, I worked on my business in the morning before work and at night after work. Guess what? Though I’m passionate about what I do, I wasn’t always thrilled to work on my business after a full day of work. I did it anyway. Many people start their own company because they want to focus on what they love. But as a small business owner, you’re not just doing the thing you want to do; you’re responsible for everything else, too. You’re the bookkeeper, the project manager, the creative director, the website manager, the social media marketer, the lawyer — you do everything.
2. You have to fail forward, make mistakes. Those who experience hardship are said to develop more resilience, determination and courage than those who don’t. Failure rarely means the end of something and usually, it’s often the beginning. This is not a concept I understood when I was younger. I didn’t want to fail at anything. I still don’t to be honest. However, I know now that failing doesn’t necessarily mean that you have to fall flat on your face though. It’s not merely the act of failing that leads to career success. It’s failing and then getting back up and trying again. If I gave up after every single rejection, I wouldn’t be celebrating 13 years in business. It really stung when I didn’t land a project but not every project was the right fit for me. Those rejections opened me up for the projects that were right for me.
3. Work hard and stay humble. Working hard will help you get to a certain level. But when you reach that level, you will realize that everyone works hard. Expertise and hard work just become the expectation, and will not help you up the ladder. What I realized is that the best leaders not only work hard but are also humble. Intellectual humility means recognizing that we don’t know everything. It allows us to acknowledge our limitations, seek answers and accept new ideas. Without humility, it’s difficult to step into the vulnerability needed to succeed in leadership where you’re surrounded by uncertainty, risk and emotional exposure. A few years ago, I was working on a huge interior design project. It was the most high-profile project of my career at that point. I put through a huge furniture order for this hotel and when the bar stools arrived, the seat height was too high for the stools to sit under the bar. I thought, “How could I let this happen?” and “what am I going to do?” Ultimately, I took responsibility for the mishap and asked what I could do to rectify the situation. I couldn’t afford to eat the cost of these bar stools but the right thing for me was to admit I made a mistake and accept the consequences. Thankfully I was not asked to pay for the bar stools and we were able to repurpose them elsewhere. When we are able to connect with others through humility, we start to understand that connection is rooted in vulnerability. Being able to admit when you are wrong and take accountability for it makes it easy for people to relate to you.
4. Don’t be afraid to ask for help. Most people genuinely want to help other people they care about. That being said, these people aren’t thinking about you or about helping you unless you ask. Have you ever heard the expression “Even the Lone Ranger didn’t do it alone?” What you don’t always see when you think of a “self-made” individual is all the help they’ve gotten from behind the scenes. Over the past thirteen years I’ve asked for big things and small things from my friends, family and mentors. Everything from help setting up for an event to an introduction to a connection. It may seem overly simple but reaching out can help your chances for success. If you don’t ask for help, you won’t get help and sometimes without help you will struggle and not in a good way.
5. And last but not least, Find your purpose. Purpose is the reason you journey; passion is what lights the way. I truly believe that no matter what challenges or setbacks or disappointments you may encounter on your way, you will only find true success and happiness if you fulfill the highest most truthful expression of yourself as a human being. You have to find your purpose. The quality of your life is the quality of the meaning you give to everything in your life. This idea is so powerful to me. I remember the first time this really hit me. I realized that I truly had the power to transform lives through interior design.

About two years after starting my business I hired a business coach. I knew I needed help with making my dream of being successful a reality. One of the first things I was tasked to do with my business coach was to identify my “purpose in life”. I knew I was passionate about interior design but I thought my purpose couldn’t just be to make beautiful spaces. It’s the often-materialistic view of interior design that I did not relate to. But, as fate would have it, I got hired by a woman who was looking to expand and renovate her home. A home that she and her husband had purchased as newlyweds. They raised two children in that home and built a beautiful life together. One morning, Kathy and Bill said their goodbyes never knowing that it would be their last. Bill had a massive heart attack at work and never came home. Stricken with grief, Kathy had set out to make their dream of a renovation a reality. She needed that home to be a retreat from the outside world. Through the process of helping Kathy, I realized that interior design is not just about creating beautiful spaces. It’s about touching the lives of the people who live, breathe and walk through those spaces.

We are very blessed that some very prominent names in Business, VC funding, Sports, and Entertainment read this column. Is there a person in the world, or in the US with whom you would love to have a private breakfast or lunch with, and why? He or she might just see this if we tag them.

If I could have breakfast, lunch, dinner or all three with anyone in the world it would be Oprah Winfrey. She is such a beautiful female business leader. She has struggled in her life, persevered, grew a phenomenal business and has given back to the women of the world in an amazing way. She has shared conversations with the most influential thought leaders in the world so in a way, sitting down with her would be like sitting down with all of those other leaders.

Thank you for these fantastic insights. We greatly appreciate the time you spent on this.