Putting The United Back Into The United States: Author Krista Rizzo On The 5 Things That Each Of Us Can Do To Help Unite Our Polarized Society

Acknowledge the issue exists — no sweeping it under the rug, it doesn’t go away. By avoiding the issues you’re making the divide worse. Having the courage to step up and start a conversation can lead to productive dialogue. With the help of a friend of mine last summer, I hosted a challenge that focused on privilege and how we can all work together to understand it and how we can make it better.

As part of our series about 5 Things That Each Of Us Can Do To Help Unite Our Polarized Society, I had the pleasure of interviewing Krista Rizzo, CPC.

Krista Rizzo, CPC is a Certified Professional Coach, Motivational Speaker, Author and the creator of the #WhyAmIYelling? Brand. After experiencing her own transformation through coaching in 2015, Krista decided she needed to help others create theirs. She helps people who are struggling with personal and professional blocks go from feeling unappreciated, invisible and unworthy to excited, happy and fulfilled by teaching them to overcome their fear of change through positive self-acceptance, relationship appreciation and faith.

With over two decades of corporate experience in relationship management, she now brings her knowledge and skills to her clients and audience. Krista has successfully delivered her workshops and keynotes to globally recognized brands including Nissan, Microsoft and American Express. She hosts a weekly interview show on Facebook Watch, is a member of the TODAY Show Parenting Team, The Female Founder Collective and Forbes Coaches Council. Her work has been featured in Thrive Global, LifeHack and Refinery 29 to name a few.

Krista holds a Business Degree from Bauder College, and she received her Coaching Certification from Coach Training Alliance. She holds certifications in Life Coaching and Career Coaching which are recognized by the International Coaching Federation (ICF).

She published her first book #WhyAmIYelling? Because…Relationships! in 2018.

Thank you so much for joining us in this interview series! Before we dive into the main focus of our interview, our readers would love to “get to know you” a bit better. Can you tell us a bit about your childhood backstory?

The daughter of two hard working parents, my father was a NYC police officer and my mom was an executive assistant, I grew up in a very traditional Catholic, Italian American home. Family dinner around the table every night, holidays with extended family and friends, church on Sunday, that kind of thing. I was raised in the suburbs of NYC until we moved to Florida when I was about 12 years old. I’ve always been a bit of a dreamer (hello, Sagittarius here!), so I had big dreams and plans of traveling the world and moving to a big city — beach life, while fun, was not for me long term.

After college I worked in retail management and sales and ended up working for a company that allowed me to travel around the country. It was during a business trip to NYC where I would meet the love of my life. Six months later, I quit my job, packed my car, and moved. During the next two decades I would get married, have two boys and work my way up the corporate ladder for one of the most recognized technology companies in the world, but something was missing. I knew I wasn’t doing what I was meant to do professionally. Not only was I stuck in a “job,” I found myself in the middle of a very toxic work environment. It was all taking a toll on me all while I was trying to tread water. After experiencing burnout, I knew I had to do something to help myself, so I ended up quitting my job and taking some time to focus on my own needs. That’s what ultimately lead me to coaching.

What or who inspired you to pursue your career? We’d love to hear the story.

This is going to sound cliché, but I inspired myself to pursue my coaching career. I had just been through one of the most challenging times of my life, and I was looking to make a huge change. Rather than go to work for another company, I decided it was time to “sink or swim” and try something on my own. My husband was a huge motivator and supporter in that he never said no to any of my ideas or plans. He gave me the gift of independence and support, and for that I will be eternally grateful.

What are some of the most interesting or exciting projects you are working on now? How do you think that might help people?

I love hosting my weekly show on Facebook Watch called #WhyAmIYelling? LIVE! It gives me the opportunity to meet people and learn more about them, their interests and passions. It’s been great fun and I’d love to take it to a bigger stage. The conversations I’ve had over the last few years are inspiring and helpful because they are rooted in giving back, educating and truth.

None of us can achieve success without some help along the way. Was there a particular person who you feel gave you the most help or encouragement to be who you are today? Can you share a story about that?

I think the person I most associate my path with is my grandmother. I’ve always wanted to make a positive impact on the world, and she was someone who gave without reservation. She always encouraged me to see things from different perspectives and to believe in myself.

Can you share the funniest or most interesting mistake that occurred to you in the course of your career? What lesson or take away did you learn from that?

Well…I’m not exactly sure how I would categorize this but, a few years ago, about 2 years into my coaching career, I met someone who could be a potential collaborator on projects. It turns out that person was a legitimate con-artist and ended up faking her credentials, experience and lying about progress on a project we had committed to. Needless to say, I learned a lot about trust, vetting and going into collaboration partnerships from that.

Is there a particular book that made a significant impact on you? Can you share a story or explain why it resonated with you so much?

My book isn’t a business book or a motivational masterpiece, but I can honestly say that “Eat, Pray, Love” by Elizabeth Gilbert spoke to me when I read it for the first time. I’ve since read it a few more times, but it came to me during a time in my life when I was at a crossroads, and maybe because I didn’t have the ability to just drop everything the way she did to go explore and find myself, I took several cues from the book to help me get motivated to change my path.

Can you share your favorite “Life Lesson Quote”? Why does that resonate with you so much? Do you have a story about how that was relevant in your life or your work?

There are several “mantras” that I use in my life, but none the way I use “deep faith eliminates fear” — I even wrote my TEDx talk around it! I believe in using personal faith as a guideline for your life. We have the ability to create our own belief systems from very young ages. Through life experience, influences, and education if you believe in something enough, and do the work to accompany that belief, you can overcome your fear to actually make it happen. I do it every day, in my business, my relationships and through out my life.

How do you define “Leadership”? Can you explain what you mean or give an example?

I think Leadership comes from within. Going back to that belief system that you cultivate and nurture. Leadership for me is about education, support and encouragement. It’s about learning along the way and being relatable to others. It’s about being able to see a big picture and be okay with changing the path along the way if it will benefit more people. Flexibility, the willingness to work collaboratively, having an open mind and being able to have uncomfortable conversations in the name of success are all things that come to mind.

Ok, thank you for all that. Now let’s move to the main focus of our interview. The polarization in our country has become so extreme that families have been torn apart. Erstwhile close friends have not spoken to each other because of strong partisan differences. This is likely a huge topic, but briefly, can you share your view on how this evolved to the boiling point that it’s at now?

I think a lot of it has to do with permission. When you have people in authority or leadership positions that allow inaccurate information or derogatory comments about other humans, some people view it as allowable rather than reprehensible. For the last four years, we’ve had an allowance of behavior that is completely unacceptable. The permission that was granted let regular every day people believe that it’s okay to expose their true identities that they had potentially been suppressing out of decorum. Division in relationships stemmed from that permission. It’s hard to see the true colors of someone you love whether it be a friend or family member. And it’s hard to look in the mirror and question your own intelligence because your views from people you thought were like you are drastically different.

I have no pretensions about bridging the divide between politicians, or between partisan media outlets. But I’d love to discuss the divide that is occurring between families, co workers, and friends. Do you feel comfortable sharing a story from your experience about how family or friends have become a bit alienated because of the partisan atmosphere?

Life has a way of twisting and turning, there are some people who will stay in your life forever, and others that will be part of your story for a season. I have people in my life who I haven’t been in close touch with in recent years who have expressed radically different views than mine, and that has potentially alienated any future relationship we may have. I teach a lot about boundaries, especially now during a pandemic and political unrest, it’s important to know what you’re willing to accept in your life and what you’re not. It’s perfectly okay to step away from a relationship if it’s not serving you.

In your opinion, what can be done to bridge the divide that has occurred in families? Can you please share a story or example?

I think it all starts with responsibility and education. We have to be more open minded to other people’s views and beliefs. One of the greatest gifts we can give ourselves is the gift of life experience. To not use that as an opportunity to grow and learn is unfortunate. There are so many resources out there that are reliable and helpful. Even reaching out to a friend to have a conversation can be eye opening. I’ve had the great pleasure of making education about important topics part of my work with my clients and audience, and it’s been a wonderful experience.

How about the workplace, what can be done to bridge the partisan divide that has fractured relationships there? Can you please share a story or example?

As with familial relationships, workplace relationships need to be addressed through education and responsibility. Companies can no longer turn a blind eye to what has been happening for decades within their walls. We have to have the uncomfortable conversations with our teams. We have to employ and educate and be inclusive when it comes to diversity. We have to take a stand and create business cultures that are built on working together.

I think one of the causes of our divide comes from the fact that many of us see a political affiliation as the primary way to self identify. But of course there are many other ways to self identify. What do you think can be done to address this? I think self identity is made up of so many things, including political views, but not isolated to them.

Self identification is something we each have the opportunity to build for ourselves. In the past, for me, politics in general has not been part of my identity, specific beliefs are. I think if we change the narrative from a specific party to a belief system, we have an opportunity to create better understanding and change. This moment we are living in with regard to politics is one where we can each take a good look at ourselves and define our beliefs (if we haven’t done it already), or have the courage to engage in conversations that can ultimately create new thoughts and ideas.

Much ink has been spilled about how social media companies and partisan media companies continue to make money off creating a split in our society. Sadly the cat is out of the bag and at least in the near term there is no turning back. Social media and partisan media have a vested interest in maintaining the divide, but as individuals none of us benefit by continuing this conflict. What can we do moving forward to not let social media divide us?

We all have the ability to make good choices. It’s our individual responsibility to be open minded and take the initiative to educate ourselves with the resources that are out there. Yes, there are social media outlets that influence us as we’ve seen recently, but we have to be smart enough to know that exists. I often recommend the movie “The Social Dilemma” to my clients as an informational tool to help them better understand the motives and influences that social media has on society.

What can we do moving forward to not let partisan media pundits divide us?

The same thing goes for media pundits — we all have the choice to educate ourselves to expand our views and educate ourselves. You can’t claim to know about a certain subject if you’re not willing to learn about the entire thing.

Sadly we have reached a fevered pitch where it seems that the greatest existential catastrophe that can happen to our country is that “the other side” seizes power. We tend to lose sight of the fact that as a society and as a planet we face more immediate dangers. What can we do to lower the ante a bit and not make every small election cycle a battle for the “very existence of our country”?

We have to make sure laws are being followed and new laws that prevent people from having access to things they need like healthcare, voting rights, etc are not passed. The fear that exists in this country about “the other side” is ridiculous to me. It’s time to get back to basics, peel back the onion, and get to the root of humanity. I choose to believe we are more alike than we are different.

Ok wonderful. Here is the main question of our interview. Can you please share your “5 Steps That Each Of Us Can Take To Proactively Help Heal Our Country”. Kindly share a story or example for each.

Acknowledge the issue exists — no sweeping it under the rug, it doesn’t go away. By avoiding the issues you’re making the divide worse. Having the courage to step up and start a conversation can lead to productive dialogue. With the help of a friend of mine last summer, I hosted a challenge that focused on privilege and how we can all work together to understand it and how we can make it better.

Validate your feelings and the feelings of others — this helps in repairing all kinds of relationships. We all want to be heard and we all have the right to do so. When you’re having a conversation with a loved one or a colleague, make sure you are present and aware for that dialogue. Acknowledging everyone’s feelings matter is the first step in productive communication. When we feel heard and seen, we are more apt to allow bigger conversations to happen.

Communicate your point of view in a clear manner. Put thought into it so you can be prepared with a response. Don’t react! This is important, it’s easy to react to something, especially when it’s not part of your personal belief system. Take a breath, step away from the interaction, and think about how you want the situation to end. When you have a clear idea of the result you want to achieve, respond accordingly. Name calling, or derogatory arguing is never productive and only leads to aggression.

Educate and Learn so you can grow personally. Education is one of our greatest tools in every situation. It’s okay to not know everything, in fact, it’s expected that none of us knows it all. Admitting that you have more to learn and are willing to do so can help your communication and the outcome of the situation. We have a huge opportunity right now to educate ourselves on subjects like climate, healthcare and of course, COVID-19. Do the work and take the time to learn.

Act on behalf of yourself and humanity to encourage change. Start each day with the phrase “how can I help.” Think about ways you can contribute to humanity. It doesn’t have to be a big, grand gesture, it can be as easy as holding a door open for a stranger. Kindness starts small and grows. We all have a responsibility to our neighbors and our society, it’s time for each of us to realize that and act accordingly.

Simply put, is there anything else we can do to ‘just be nicer to each other’? we have to try harder to be open to dialogue on issues we disagree on. It’s hard to avoid feelings for the sake of “being nice” especially when the outcome of those beliefs is potentially dangerous. We’re passed the “don’t talk about it at the dinner table” phase, but not so far passed it that we have lost all recognition of civility. Treat people with respect, that’s the first step.

We are going through a rough period now. Are you optimistic that this issue can eventually be resolved? Can you explain?

I’m always optimistic that change can be created. Without conflict, change doesn’t happen, so we were due for a shake up — maybe not one this big, but one none the less. Change takes time, it takes effort and work and energy. I believe if enough of us come together to work to create change and raise awareness around many topics, we will get through it.

If you could tell young people one thing about why they should consider making a positive impact on our society, like you, what would you tell them? The more positivity we have in our society the better! Be curious about other races, religions and creeds. Expand your social circle to include people who don’t look like you and learn about them. I’m very fortunate to have raised my kids in NYC. That has afforded them the ability to have friends from all over the world. It’s eye opening, educational and fun to learn about!

Is there a person in the world, or in the US, with whom you would like to have a private breakfast or lunch, and why? He or she might just see this, especially if we tag them. :-)

I’m on a truth journey right now with my Facebook Watch show, interviewing guests about sharing their stories of truth and how it has changed their lives. I would love to chat with Pete Souza, former White House Photographer for Obama. I’m obsessed with his work!

How can our readers follow you online?

I can be found everywhere on social media @whyamiyelling_ or at www.whyamiyelling.com

This was very meaningful, and thank you so much for the time you spent on this interview. We wish you only continued success on your great work!