Raising Resilient Kids: Breeda McGrath Of Pacific Oaks College & Children’s School On Strategies for Nurturing Emotional Strength in Children

An Interview With Dr. Kate Lund

Spend time sharing stories about unexpected successes and resilience to fuel their imaginations, goal setting, and persistence.

In today’s fast-paced world, children face numerous challenges that can impact their emotional well-being. Developing resilience is key to helping them navigate these obstacles and grow into emotionally strong individuals. How can parents, educators, and caregivers foster this resilience in children? As part of this interview series, we had the pleasure to interview Dr. Breeda McGrath.

Dr. Breeda McGrath is the newly appointed president of Pacific Oaks College & Children’s School, bringing over 20 years of higher education leadership and expertise in school psychology. Previously, she served as Associate Dean at The Chicago School, where she led significant growth in online enrollment and expanded academic offerings.

Dr. McGrath holds a Ph.D. in School Psychology from Loyola University Chicago and is committed to advancing partnerships with educational institutions across California.

Thank you so much for doing this with us! Before we dig in, our readers would like to ‘get to know you’. Can you tell us a bit about your background and your backstory?

I grew up in Ireland and started my first career as a high school teacher in Dublin. I was always fascinated by psychology and decided to pursue graduate studies in School Psychology at Loyola University in Chicago. Following graduate school, I worked as a school psychologist in public schools while teaching as an adjunct at Loyola. When The Chicago School launched a school psychology program, I joined the faculty and then transitioned into academic affairs leadership working with all our graduate programs in Chicago and Online. Then in July 2024, I joined Pacific Oaks, where my background in teaching, my experience in training and supervising various psychology programs, my academic expertise, and my community engagement could all come together. It felt like a logical next step in terms of the values and mission of Pacific Oaks.

Can you share a story with us about what brought you to your particular career path?

I was always fascinated by the importance of social and emotional development and the difference that a small amount of support could make. Working as a school psychologist it became clear to me that each person defines their own potential, their strengths and weaknesses, and given a little space to be themselves, each one can thrive and move forward each day. Access to mental health services and quality education have always been social justice and civil rights issues for me, and I could see how support developed resilience in students and their families. I wanted to work on supporting all children, regardless of how society labeled them or what challenges they and their families were facing.

Can you share with our readers a bit about why you are an authority on raising resilient kids? In your opinion, what is your unique contribution to this field?

As an optimist with a practical side, I was drawn to working as a psychologist in public schools where all students could get access to services, regardless of their ability to pay or their health insurance coverage. The training I received as a school built on the foundation I had developed as a teacher. My research in graduate school looked at international systems and I kept a strong focus on cultural components of child development and psychology throughout my work. As a professor in school psychology, I taught a wide range of subjects from theory to assessment and intervention. That helped me stay current with the research and dig deeper into the questions of what really works for children. I continued that engagement throughout my time as a dean and am very active in several professional associations including the APA Coalition for Psychology in Schools and Education. Together we hard to provide materials that apply the best of psychological science and research to support teachers, parents, and children. Seeing a failure as a temporary setback, as opposed to an identity defining event is an essential aspect of building resilience.

Resilience is the ability to thrive and to cope with the stress of difficulty and disappointment. Children need to experience safe, stable, nurturing relationships and environment to grow optimally. Research has shown that these experiences are important to healthy development and overall adjustment. The more resilient a child is, the more likely they are to be able to deal with negative situations in a healthy way. Everybody can become resilient when they have the right environment and support in place.

Do you have a favorite “Life Lesson Quote”? Do you have a story about how that was relevant in your life or your work?

“Begin with respect” is my motto and it has worked for me in many different situations, from therapeutic day schools to individual and group therapy sessions, to conflict resolution with parents, teachers, and faculty. When you open with respect and help others do the same, you change the range of possibilities for outcomes. I knew it worked with children, from my days as a teacher, a school psychologist, and as a faculty member and dean. At Pacific Oaks it is one of the most powerful tools we use as a team and that’s one of the reasons that we’re a good fit for each other. We share that same value, and it is one you will see in the children at the school — they practice respect in how they play together, how they resolve issues around toys, and how they treat one another. It’s amazing to see that 2- and 3-year-olds can do it — there’s hope for the future!

Ok, thank you for all that. Now let’s move to the main f ocus of our interview. How can parents handle situations when a child faces failure or disappointment? What strategies can parents use to help a child bounce back?

Children often take their lead from the narrative their parents tell them, and parents have a lot of sway in shaping that interpretation. When parents empathize with their child and normalize the experience of failing and the feeling of disappointment, they make the narrative about the process of trying, as opposed to focusing only on the outcome. Failing or succeeding is only about the result in that moment, it’s not the whole story. The story is about the courage to take the risk, the tenacity and discipline to practice, the strength to go further push for a good performance, and the bravery to face fear. The final stage of the outcome only lives as long as you allow it to be the last word. Success itself has a lifespan and life requires us to move on and try something more. When you face disappointment, getting up and trying again is where the character lies, and helping children see that as a key part of the picture is important. They can be defined by the full story, or by one moment.

What role does parental modeling of resilience play in the development of emotional strength in children? Can you share an example of a resilient parenting moment that you experienced directly or that you have come across in the course of your work?

The importance of empathy cannot be overstated. Once you understand how a child is feeling, you can support them and help them develop strength. Using past examples of where they faced their fears, showed tenacity, and took a good risk can be important encouragements to cheer a child on and help them bounce back from disappointment. If you meet them where they are in their disappointment, you can help bring them out of it and practice optimism.

Involving children in setting goals and taking risks that are measured are also important. Building that self-confidence through effort and painting a realistic picture of what a stretch goal might look like can also be important supportive actions. Helping children process their feelings and tolerate the emotion that comes with performance anxiety and disappointment are also important parental supports. Demonstrating persistence and providing examples from our own lives can also help children believe that disappointment is not fatal, and success after persistence is what really brings joy.

A recent example of the impact of parental modeling that shows up very strongly at Pacific Oaks is when students share their reason for pursuing their degree. They share stories about sacrifices made and dreams that were held for multiple generations. The number of people who talk about being raised by a single parent is a testament to that resilience; it is not a story about failure. There are many stories in the people around us: children of immigrants, those who have lost a family member, people who have experienced serious financial hardship, medical challenges, natural disasters, housing problems, and family breakups. Life brings disappointment and failure, and in that experience of falling and getting up again lies the true nature of humanity.

What approaches do you recommend to foster a growth mindset in children, encouraging them to see challenge as opportunities to learn?

Growth mindset is an adult way of describing something that children do naturally — they are constantly taking information in and adapting to it. How they interpret and interact with what they experience is where the adults come in. We can help them interpret information and experiences in positive ways to help children make the most of each opportunity.

How can parents balance providing support with allowing their children to experience and overcome difficulties on their own?

Remember that adults fear failure and children are naturally inclined towards exploration. By allowing children to lead a little in making decisions, risking failure, and focusing on growth, we are providing them with practice opportunities for later life. If children are protected from failure and disappointment, they won’t have the tools to deal with it emotionally in adulthood, where the stakes are even higher.

What self-care practices would you recommend for parents to maintain their own resilience while going through the everyday challenges of raising children?

Learn to understand and respect your own feelings about failure and disappointment, even if you don’t like them. Give yourself the space to forgive your shortfalls and try to lean more heavily on a positive appraisal of your own resilience. It will be very difficult to do it effectively and authentically with your children if you don’t do it yourself. They will spot the difference, and you may end up parroting “do what I say, not what I do.” Consider compassion for yourself, as well as for others, not least because you want your children to follow that model. Comparing ourselves to others in a hierarchical manner isn’t as effective as finding ways in which we are alike and tackling similar goals or circumstances. In disappointment, misery loves company, it doesn’t love further put-downs. We are more alike than we are different, so find support partners in those areas of risk and potential failure.

Beware of the danger of the single story — there are many ways to look at every success and failure — learn to dialogue around the many faces of success. Remember it’s how we reflect on success that has lasting impact, not what power it holds in the moment.

Can you please share “5 Strategies To Raise Children With Resilience and Emotional Strength”?

1. Stay curious and try to be flexible.
2. Help children to develop interests that aren’t just competitive and help them develop humility.
3. Practice compassion with your own emotions, knowing that children will do what you do.
4. Take gently about uncomfortable topics so that children might bring up difficult topics.
5. Spend time sharing stories about unexpected successes and resilience to fuel their imaginations, goal setting, and persistence.

How can mindfulness and emotional regulation techniques be incorporated into daily routines to support children’s emotional resilience?

Mindfulness and emotional regulation techniques can be very helpful. It’s important to practice them first or get guidance. The strategies should age appropriate and concrete enough for the child’s age.

Specific examples include affirmations and mantras, and grounding techniques.

Are there any specific tools or resources (books, apps, courses) you recommend for individuals looking to improve in this area?

• Baruch-Feldman, C. & Comizio, R. (2022). The Resilience Workbook for Kids.
• Denham, S. A. (2023). The Development of Emotional Competence in Young Children.
• High Five: Searching for the Best Early Childhood Program.
• Kelly-Vance, L. (2022). Social-Emotional Learning in the Early Years.
• Alter, O. P. (2024). Children’s perceptions of their parents’ behavior during COVID-19 lockdowns, International Journal of Early Years Education.
• Kluth, P. (2023). You’re Going to Love this Kid.
• Achor, S. (2013). The Happiness Advantage.
• APA Coalition for Psychology in Schools and Education.
• The Tough Kid Toolbox (2020).
• Snowden, S. (2018). The Anger Management Workbook for Kids.
• Brooks, R., & Goldstein, S. (2001). Raising Resilient Children: Fostering Strength, Hope, and Optimism in your child.

Is there a person in the world, or in the US, with whom you would like to have a private breakfast or lunch, and why? He or she might just see this, especially if we tag them.

Michelle Obama — she has multiple projects that illustrate persistence, planning, and support for resilience building.

This was very meaningful, thank you so much. We wish you only continued success on your great work!

About the Interviewer: Dr. Kate Lund is a licensed clinical psychologist, podcast host, best-selling author and Tedx Speaker. The power of resilience in extraordinary circumstances kept her thriving as a child. Dr. Lund now helps entrepreneurs, executives, parents, and athletes to see the possibility on the other side of struggle and move towards potential. Her goal is to help each person she works with to overcome their unique challenges and thrive within their own unique context.