Raising Resilient Kids: Dr Kristi Smith Of Children’s Lighthouse Franchise Comapny On Strategies for Nurturing Emotional Strength in Children

An Interview With Dr. Kate Lund

Foster Strong Relationships: Encourage connections with peers, family, and mentors. Supportive relationships provide a safety net and a source of encouragement. Teach them how to communicate effectively and resolve conflicts with empathy.

In today’s fast-paced world, children face numerous challenges that can impact their emotional well-being. Developing resilience is key to helping them navigate these obstacles and grow into emotionally strong individuals. How can parents, educators, and caregivers foster this resilience in children? As part of this interview series, we had the pleasure to interview Dr. Kristi Smith.

Dr. Kristi Smith is the Director of Education and Training for the Children Lighthouse Franchise Corporation in Fort Worth, Texas, where she oversees the curriculum, accreditation, and training. Prior to this position, which began in 2017, she served as the Executive Director of a private early education school for 23 years. During that time, she also worked as an adjunct faculty for a private university, teaching Master of Education Courses in early education and organizational leadership. Dr. Kristi holds a Doctorate of Education in Leadership and a Master of Education in Early Education Administration.

Thank you so much for doing this with us! Before we dig in, our readers would like to ‘get to know you’. Can you tell us a bit about your background and your backstory?

Regarding the topic at hand, I come from resilient genes! My grandparents on my father’s side were from small villages in Germany that suffered from World War 1. They began working in their elementary school years and saved money to make the passage to America as teenagers in search of a better life. They met on Ellis Island during citizenship classes. On my mother’s side, my great grandmother crossed the plains pushing a hand cart to Utah with her family to escape religious persecution in England.

My childhood was a delightful mix of enjoying European cultural family activities with my logical, yet creative, father and learning rugged homesteading skills with my people-loving, vivacious mother. My father taught me that when faced with a problem there is always another solution if you think creatively. My mother taught me to love the adventures in life. I had a cognitively and socially stimulating childhood. My world was rocked at 11 years of age when my parents gathered me and my younger brother to tell us that they were getting a divorce. My sixth-grade year was an emotional rollercoaster, and my grades plummeted. The divorce was hard on us as well as my parents, but the lessons passed on by our resilient grandparents regarding thriving despite challenging times carried us through.

Can you share a story with us about what brought you to your particular career path?

Survival and establishing a home were paramount to my grandparents. While they were resilient and industrious, higher education was not a priority. Neither of my parents were encouraged to go to college, so my university dreams were not supported. I enrolled myself at our local community college, earning miscellaneous credits over a five-year period as I tried to find my path in life. Through a set of life events, I was asked to teach a class of four-year-old’s at my church’s weekday preschool. I had no idea what I was doing but found that while teaching tiny humans, I could use all my talents at the same time. I found my passion for preschool education!

As I progressed in my career, my mother went back to school and earned her nursing degree at 55 years of age. Through her example, I found the courage to go back to college when I was 40 years old. One year later I graduated with my associate’s degree. My mentor, Dr. Mary Campbell, encouraged me to enroll in the university where she taught Master of Early Education Administration Courses. Through Dr. Mary’s encouragement, and the support of my mother, I earned my bachelor’s degree in professional studies and my Master of Education in Early Education Administration. The day of my graduation, the university contacted me and told me that Dr. Mary was retiring. They asked me if I would like to teach her Master of Early Education courses, but to do that, I would need to be working on a Doctor of Education degree. The next thing I knew, I was teaching adjunct courses at a private university and working on my Doctorate! At 51 years of age, I was named “Dr, Kristi!” I share this story because of the emotional strength Dr. Mary and my mother provided me as a late life student.

Can you share with our readers a bit about why you are an authority on raising resilient kids? In your opinion, what is your unique contribution to this field.

The combination of seeking creative solutions to challenges and embracing life’s adventures has carried me through my profession. As a novice preschool teacher, dealing with poor behaviors and explosive emotional episodes of the children in my classroom was something for which I was not ready. I discovered creative ways to re-direct children with challenging behaviors. Often, this helped children develop coping skills based on their individual temperaments, personalities, and learning abilities. Brain research became my passion when working on my graduate courses. From a culmination of years of experience, graduate studies, brain research, raising my own children, and now being involved in the lives of my grandchildren, I have been training early educators around the world on topics such as anxiety, discipline, helping children through stressful times, and classroom management.

As the Director of Education & Training at Childrens Lighthouse Franchise Company, I have had the honor to lead a team of smart and dedicated curriculum and training specialists. We have just finished a new curriculum enrichment module, Lighthouse Pathways® Approach to Classroom Management that is unique in the field. It is based around the idea that “feelings cause reactions” since behavior is an outward expressive response to inward social and emotional stimulation. I strongly feel that we can help children develop resiliency and self-discipline when we nurture their emotional awareness and teach them to have healthy reactions to life’s ups and downs.

Do you have a favorite “Life Lesson Quote”? Do you have a story about how that was relevant in your life or your work?

“We are the music makers and the dreamers of dreams” is one of my favorite quotes from the whimsical figure and “philosopher,” Willy Wonka. My mother has always had a flair of whimsy, and my dad taught me to be a dreamer.

As a young parent, I realized that how I reacted to something was often how my children would in turn react. I set the “tempo” for their daily life and how they reacted to things that came up. For example, when my daughter tripped and hurt herself, she would immediately look at me for my reaction. If I were upset, she would be upset. But, if I said “safe,” like an umpire declaring a runner safe on a base, she would usually dust herself off and go on playing. Later in my doctoral research I found research that supported that child would take on the bias of the trusted adults in their lives. Still to this day, I love being the “music maker and dreamer of dreams” in my children’s lives. Now I have grandchildren to help develop a love and passion for learning and life!

Ok, thank you for all that. Now let’s move to the main focus of our interview. How can parents handle situations when a child faces failure or disappointment? What strategies can parents use to help a child bounce back?

Rejection and failure are a part of life, but adults can be “music makers” and help children learn to view rejection and failure as opportunities. The first thing that parents must do to help their child face failure or disappointment is to keep their attitude positive. Very few people experience being 1st at a competition, elected president of the club, or getting promoted into “the” position. This includes children. We must learn to embrace the journey along with the lessons we learned and the friends we made. Winning should be a bonus. I strongly feel that the number one thing parents can do to help children bounce back from failure or disappointment is to model a positive attitude.

What role does parental modeling of resilience play in the development of emotional strength in children? Can you share an example of a resilient parenting moment that you experienced directly or that you have come across in the course of your work?

At four years of age, Rachel was signed to an agent, and we went on many auditions and “go sees.” At that time, if a child booked one modeling/acting job for every six “go sees’ in the Dallas/Fort Worth area, they were considered a top child actor. Rachel was one of those top child actors, but that also meant five rejections for about every booking. To help her, and frankly me, manage the rejection, we treated “go sees” as opportunities to see her other acting friends and meet new people. The act of “going” became a positive event.

Today, as a grandmother and an early education professional, I encourage parents to focus on the positive aspects of doing something, instead of winning. When we focus on the positive aspects of the process and celebrating all achievements, failure usually becomes a secondary emotional response to a child. But, even then, don’t fool yourself. Your child is watching you for your response to failing to reach a goal. If you are upset, you can usually bet that your child will be upset. It is through the adult’s positive outlook that a child can tap into their positive memories to deal with defeat or failing to reach their desired outcome.

What approaches do you recommend to foster a growth mindset in children, encouraging them to see challenge as opportunities to learn?

A growth mindset helps children to view challenges as opportunities. We must teach them that challenges are opportunities to put our creative thinking into gear and try something a different way so that the desired end can be accomplished.

I love working with preschoolers because the first five years of development are prime in laying the foundation to this type of thinking. One of the best ways to foster this mindset is through a child’s play with a trusting adult nearby who encourages the engagement of higher thinking skills. Simply asking open-ended questions such as “What would happen if…” and “How can you….?” while a child is engrossed in playing helps in developing a growth mindset.

How can parents balance providing support with allowing their children to experience and overcome difficulties on their own?

This is such a great question! The number one thing to remember is to not “rescue” them too soon. The first thing to do when a child is experiencing a difficulty is to empower them to think of solutions. This is done by asking “how, what, where, when, or why” questions such as “How do you think you…?”, “What do you need…?”, “Where did you see…?”, “When have you…?”, or “Why did it…?”. If a child has not acquired effective communication skills or is too emotional to respond, follow up the question with a few suggested answers. I recommend preferencing the questions by acknowledging their feelings. Statements like “I see you are upset” or “You look frustrated.”

What self-care practices would you recommend for parents to maintain their own resilience while going through the everyday challenges of raising children?

Resilient parents are those that prioritize their own self-care. Outside of taking care of your physical needs to stay healthy, one of the most important things is having a shared hobby with a spouse or other significant adult.

Can you please share “5 Strategies To Raise Children With Resilience and Emotional Strength”? If you can, kindly share a story or example for each.

1. Model Resilience: Demonstrate how to manage setbacks and stress in your own life. Share age-appropriate stories about challenges you have faced and how you overcame them. Your reactions to difficulties can teach them how to respond.
2. Encourage Problem-Solving: Instead of immediately stepping in to solve problems for them, guide your children in finding solutions. Ask questions like, “What do you think you could do?” This fosters critical thinking and confidence in their abilities.
3. Teach Emotional Awareness: Help your children identify and express their emotions. Use tools like emotion charts or storytelling to discuss feelings. Encourage them to talk about their experiences and validate their feelings, which builds emotional intelligence.
4. Promote a Growth Mindset: Encourage your children to see challenges as learning opportunities rather than obstacles that cause missed opportunities. Praise effort and perseverance instead of just achievements. This helps them understand that failure is a part of growth.
5. Foster Strong Relationships: Encourage connections with peers, family, and mentors. Supportive relationships provide a safety net and a source of encouragement. Teach them how to communicate effectively and resolve conflicts with empathy.

How can mindfulness and emotional regulation techniques be incorporated into daily routines to support children’s emotional resilience?

Incorporating mindfulness and emotional regulation techniques into daily routines can significantly enhance children’s emotional resilience. Here are some practical ways to do this:

1. Mindful Mornings: Start the day with a short mindfulness practice. This could be deep breathing, stretching, or a simple guided meditation. Even five minutes can set a positive tone for the day.
2. Emotion Check-Ins: Establish a routine where everyone shares how they are feeling at the start or end of the day. Use emotion charts or “feeling faces” to help younger children articulate their emotions. This practice fosters awareness and communication.
3. Mindful Breathing Techniques: Teach children simple breathing exercises, such as “breathe in for four counts, hold for four, and breathe out for six.” Encourage them to use this technique during moments of stress or overwhelm.
4. Mindful Transitions: Use transitions (like moving from school to home) as opportunities for mindfulness. Practice being present by noticing the sights, sounds, and feelings around them. This can help them unwind and shift their focus.
5. Gratitude Journaling: Encourage your child to keep a gratitude journal. Each night, they can write down three things they are thankful for. This practice promotes positive thinking and emotional awareness.
6. Storytime with a Twist: Choose books that focus on emotions and resilience. After reading, discuss the characters’ feelings and choices. Ask questions that encourage children to reflect on their own emotions.
7. Mindful Movement: Incorporate yoga or movement activities into playtime. These can be fun ways to help children connect with their bodies and learn how to regulate their emotions through physical activity.
8. Calm Down Corner: Create a dedicated space in your home where children can go to practice mindfulness when they are feeling overwhelmed. Include calming items like soft pillows, books, or sensory toys.
9. Role-Playing: Use role-playing scenarios to practice emotional regulation. Discuss situations that might cause frustration or anxiety, and role-play responses. This can help children prepare for real-life challenges.
10. Evening Reflection: At the end of the day, spend a few moments reflecting on what went well and what could have been better. Encourage children to express their feelings about the day and identify coping strategies for the future.

By weaving these techniques into everyday life, you can help children develop strong emotional regulation skills and adopt a mindful approach to their experiences, fostering resilience as they grow.

Are there any specific tools or resources (books, apps, courses) you recommend for individuals looking to improve in this area?

I suggest that parents and guardians contact their children’s teachers and spiritual leaders for resources in your area. Because they often know you and your child, they are usually familiar with what will fit your family’s needs.

The organization, Zero to Three, offers free mindfulness resources for families with young children. Their “Mindfulness Practices for Families” includes details on using tools such as calming glitter bottles, starfish breathing, and pleasure gazing to help when parents and children are feeling big emotions. https://www.zerotothree.org/resource/mindfulness-practices-for-families/

Wonderful. We are nearly done. Is there a person in the world, or in the US, with whom you would like to have a private breakfast or lunch, and why? He or she might just see this, especially if we tag them. :-)

I would love to spend the afternoon with Laura Bush to discuss raising and mentoring strong women in today’s world.

How can our readers further follow your work online?

Visit www.childrenslighthouse.com to see our Lighthouse Pathways® Approach to Learning and educational blogs that I have written.

This was very meaningful, thank you so much. We wish you only continued success on your great work!

About the Interviewer: Dr. Kate Lund is a licensed clinical psychologist, podcast host, best-selling author and Tedx Speaker. The power of resilience in extraordinary circumstances kept her thriving as a child. Dr. Lund now helps entrepreneurs, executives, parents, and athletes to see the possibility on the other side of struggle and move towards potential. Her goal is to help each person she works with to overcome their unique challenges and thrive within their own unique context.