Raising Resilient Kids: Mitra Cummins Of Introspective Solutions On Strategies for Nurturing Emotional Strength in Children
An Interview With Dr. Kate Lund
Once your child is ready to move forward, guide them in reflecting on what they can learn from their emotional experience. Encourage them to take inventory of what happened and understand how they can gain insights about themselves and others. This process expands their emotional intelligence and equips them to better handle similar situations in the future.
In today’s fast-paced world, children face numerous challenges that can impact their emotional well-being. Developing resilience is key to helping them navigate these obstacles and grow into emotionally strong individuals. How can parents, educators, and caregivers foster this resilience in children? As part of this interview series, we had the pleasure to interview Mitra Cummins.
Mitra Cummins is an Introspective Parent Coach who helps parents of neurodivergent kids to consciously and effectively communicate with their kids so they can find joy in parenting again. Mitra has a B.A. in Cognitive Linguistics and is certified as an Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP) Coach, Trainer of NLP, Mental and Emotional Release® (MER®) and Hypnotherapy, and incorporates Ancient Hawaiian Energy Work during her sessions. Mitra has been supporting families through social, emotional, behavioral, and academic solutions in one-on-one and group settings for over 10 years and is passionate about supporting her clients in navigating parenthood.
Thank you so much for doing this with us! Before we dig in, our readers would like to ‘get to know you’. Can you tell us a bit about your background and your backstory?
As I reflect on my journey, I find immense joy in the love I share with my family. Each day brings its own unique experiences, and I continue to live in alignment with my purpose and life values. However, this sense of fulfillment has been quite an adventure.
Throughout my childhood, I was often described as outgoing, hyper, loud, and energetic. Although that is what people saw, inside I was having a hard time coping with feelings of loneliness and a strong desire for acceptance among my peers. While I yearned to be part of the popular crowd, I found deeper connections with the underdogs and the quirky kids. Looking back, those moments were filled with genuine happiness.
After a few years of attempts to gain acceptance from the popular kids, I noticed a shift in myself. I became someone I was not proud of — mean and harsh — leading to the loss of those quirky friendships that once brought me joy. This disconnection from my true self left me feeling more isolated than ever.
A turning point came when I switched schools, allowing me to rediscover my quirky side and embrace it. I learned that not everyone would accept me, but those who did were truly worth my time and energy. This realization deepened year after year, where I began to confront lingering self-doubts.
Despite feeling more accepted, I carried the weight of my past, struggling to forgive myself for who I had been and how I had behaved. I had always believed that adulthood would grant me the freedom to be whoever I wanted. However, I now understand that every step of my journey — from childhood to now — has shaped my character, experiences, values, and purpose.
My mother played a crucial role in my development by fostering a community of supportive adults around me. Through these relationships, I learned more about myself and the person I aspired to be. They provided guidance during emotional times and created a safe space for me to express my feelings. Without these foundational connections, I would have felt lost in my thoughts, lacking the support of a community.
All of these experiences have taught me that authenticity is key to shining and standing in my own light. A transformational coach helped me confront the darker aspects of myself — those self-sabotaging tendencies that created chaos in my life. Through this process, I connected with my emotions on an even deeper level, transforming unconscious memories into conscious understanding. This journey has allowed me to release the burdens of the past and embrace the present fully. While my light may have dimmed at times to fit in through my adolescent years, it now shines brighter than ever.
Can you share a story with us about what brought you to your particular career path?
Growing up, close family friends noticed my natural ability to connect with kids and they consistently encouraged me to explore a career with children. Despite initially dismissing their observations, I found myself gravitating towards opportunities that involved working with kids, whether it was tutoring, engaging in play with family friends of all ages, or organizing dance parties with my neurodivergent best friends. Over time, I realized that every job I truly enjoyed revolved around fostering connections with children and families.
One significant chapter of my career led me to a company in San Diego, CA, specializing in supporting neurodivergent children facing various challenges in social, emotional, behavioral, and academics. Starting as an instructor and coach, I eventually progressed to a managerial role, overseeing after-school enrichment programs and one-on-one sessions aimed at empowering these children. I took charge of a social skills summer camp that evolved into a year-round program, I witnessed firsthand the transformative impact of providing a safe and accepting space for kids to thrive. Each group had a theme where kids enhanced their skills in mindfulness, self-regulation tools, and communication skills. Throughout the groups, the follow up for parents support evolved from documenting the successful strategies that worked for their child to follow up audio recordings about the skills lesson and how to generalize the content at home.
Despite the success within the group setting, there was still a gap when families were trying to generalize these strategies into their day to day. This realization sparked my passion for creating a support system for parents and caregivers, recognizing their pivotal role in a child’s development. By empowering parents to understand their own needs, emotions, and thought processes, my husband, Dr. Chase, and I aim to facilitate the effective implementation through parentings modeling the essential tools and strategies. Our ultimate goal is to help parents rediscover joy in their parenting journey, align with their values and purpose in parenting, and harness their inherent leadership within the family dynamic.
Can you share with our readers a bit about why you are an authority on raising resilient kids? In your opinion, what is your unique contribution to this field?
As someone who has personally experienced and embraced resilience, stemming from a family environment that values and nurtures resilience, I bring a unique perspective to parent coaching. Through empowering parents to recognize and harness their own parenting strengths, this leads to positive transformations within the family dynamic.
A parent came to me to address their overactive responses towards their neurodivergent teenager which lead to their son becoming aggressive during times of conflict. During our initial coaching sessions, we uncovered an unconscious limiting belief of “not being good enough” that had been ingrained since childhood, causing emotional turmoil. By addressing and releasing these emotions and beliefs, my client experienced a sense of relief and inner peace. Throughout our coaching, I supported them by harnessing their purpose in parenting, aligning with their values, and establishing healthy habits to rebuild the relationship with their teenager. As a result, they now navigate conflicts more calmly and effectively and communicate openly with their child.
I believe that we all strive to do our best with the tools and knowledge available to us at the time. I am honored to be able to assist parents in unlocking their potential and fostering resilience within themselves and their children.
Do you have a favorite “Life Lesson Quote”? Do you have a story about how that was relevant in your life or your work?
During my husband’s doctoral studies in clinical psychology, his professor shared a quote on attachment theory that deeply resonated with both of us: “It is impossible to be perfect because we never know if our action was the right thing to do until we have already done it and see the response we get from our child.” This quote has stayed with me over the last year as I stepped into my role as a mom. Becoming a parent for the first time is a journey into the unknown, as there is no direct prior experience to draw upon. Similarly, children are navigating life for the first time. It is through mutual learning, reflection, and growth that both parents and children can evolve together.
During the first few months postpartum, there were many times where my husband and I would try something new with our daughter to help with soothing her and building her skill sets for healthy habits like sleeping and eating. At one point in particular, I called upon a friend who I look up to as a mother and asked her when will the sleepless nights end, and she reminded me, “this too shall pass,” and rephrased the quote I shared earlier in her own way. Everyday we are transforming. Change is inevitable. As my daughter grows, I see that everything is temporary. Her newborn snuggles came and went quickly and so will each year, so will each stage of testing boundaries, so will each new skill development towards independence. One thing she can rely on consistently is my unwavering support, regardless of any mistakes we may make.
Every interaction presents an opportunity to learn and adapt with one another. A mistake made once is a chance for growth, but repeated mistakes can form negative patterns that require conscious effort to change. As a parent coach, I work with parents to identify and reprogram the perpetuating negative patterns, fostering a supportive environment for growth and development within the family unit.
Ok, thank you for all that. Now let’s move to the main focus of our interview. How can parents handle situations when a child faces failure or disappointment? What strategies can parents use to help a child bounce back?
When a child faces failure or disappointment, it is crucial for parents to approach the situation with empathy and understanding. By connecting with your child on an emotional level and acknowledging their feelings, you create a safe space for them to process their emotions. Avoid dismissing their feelings or rushing to find a solution, as this may hinder the opportunity for genuine connection and growth.
Taking the time to validate your child’s emotions by saying phrases like “I can see how you must be feeling” or “I know how important this was to you” can go a long way in showing your support. A child’s prefrontal lobe of the brain (where logical and decision making skills are constructed) is not fully developed until their mid-20s meaning that children tend to experience their emotions as big and everything is a big problem and “the end of the world” because it is the first time they are faced with the social and emotional circumstances. Through experience and providing a nurturing environment for your child to express themselves, this will help them work through their disappointment and is essential in helping them bounce back from setbacks.
Simply being present, offering reassurance, and holding space for your child can make a significant impact. By demonstrating empathy and compassion, parents can help their children navigate through challenging moments and build resilience.
What role does parental modeling of resilience play in the development of emotional strength in children? Can you share an example of a resilient parenting moment that you experienced directly or that you have come across in the course of your work?
Parental modeling of resilience plays a crucial role in the development of emotional strength in children. How parents handle failure and disappointment in their daily lives serves as a blueprint for how children learn to manage their own emotions. Children observe and learn from their parents’ reactions to challenges, setbacks, and adversity, shaping their own coping mechanisms and emotional resilience.
An example of resilient parenting that I have come across in my work involved a client with an 8-year-old son who has ADHD and ODD. The parent expressed frustration that their child was not listening to anyone, despite trying various strategies. Through introspection, we discovered that the parent was not actively listening to their child, their partner, or other family members. This lack of listening extended to themselves, as they struggled to trust their intuition and inner voice, often passing judgment on themselves and shutting down emotionally.
After taking them through release work and aligning their values with the goal of becoming an active listener and trusting their instincts, the parent experienced a significant shift. They began actively listening to their loved ones, which gradually improved their relationships through consistent practice and implementation of communication tools learned during coaching sessions. The parent established a daily introspective practice to reflect on their past, in order to be present, and integrate how they wanted to be in the future, aligning their actions with their desired role as a model for listening for their child. They shared towards the end of our program that their child has been less reactive and more active in conversations within the family unit creating more peace and enjoyable interactions.
By demonstrating resilience, active listening, and mindfulness, this parent not only improved their relationship with their child but also served as a positive example of emotional strength and resilience for their family. This ongoing commitment to personal growth and modeling resilience has had a lasting impact on their child’s emotional and communication development.
What approaches do you recommend to foster a growth mindset in children, encouraging them to see challenge as opportunities to learn?
Establishing a growth mindset in children involves fostering resilience through learning from mistakes, overcoming challenges, and adapting when faced with obstacles. It is essential to encourage children to view challenges as opportunities for growth and learning rather than sources of regret.
One effective approach is to highlight instances where a child has successfully navigated a challenge and emerged with a positive outcome. Drawing parallels to their interests like video games where levels progressively become more difficult but are eventually conquered through persistence and strategic thinking. Just like in a game, taking breaks to reassess and approach challenges from a new perspective can lead to the successful completion. Always take times to celebrate these growth opportunities no matter how easy it was, that will help build the momentum to cultivate that strategy during the difficult times.
In my experience, kids I have worked with do not enjoy homework time and I have found creative ways to make learning enjoyable, such as incorporating fun activities like dance parties or sports as rewards for completing tasks. By associating positive experiences with learning, children are more likely to engage enthusiastically and develop a sense of accomplishment to persist through homework more independently as they get older.
Celebrating small victories and reflecting on the process can help children recognize their progress and build confidence in their abilities. With practice and encouragement, children can cultivate a growth mindset that enables them to approach challenges with resilience and a willingness to learn and grow.
How can parents balance providing support with allowing their children to experience and overcome difficulties on their own?
Establishing independence and resilience in children is an essential aspect of parenting that evolves with each developmental stage. Initially, parents provide hands-on support and guidance to help their children navigate new experiences, demonstrating that they are there to offer assistance and encouragement. As children progress and acquire skills, parents can gradually step back and allow them to tackle challenges independently, while still being available for support when necessary.
Take a moment to recall your child learning to walk. From rolling over to crawling, standing, balancing, and finally taking those first steps, parents are there every step of the way, offering assistance as needed. However, once the child masters a skill, such as rolling over, parents no longer need to intervene in that specific skill. Similarly, as children learn to walk, parents may initially provide support but gradually allow them to practice and develop their abilities without constant intervention. Children will fall when learning to balance and test their own strength in walking, and being there to hold them if they bump their head and cry, and then when they are completely processing the emotion, encouraging them to get right back up to go again builds resilience.
Creating a nurturing healthy attachment and open environment where children feel comfortable sharing their feelings and experiences is essential. When faced with difficulties, parents can guide their children by encouraging them to reflect on past successes and strategies that helped them overcome similar challenges in the future. For first-time experiences, parents may need to offer more support, whereas for recurring situations, children can benefit from learning and reflecting how to navigate them independently.
It is crucial for parents to assess whether they are enabling their children to learn from their experiences or simply providing quick fixes to alleviate discomfort. By striking a balance between offering support and allowing children to face and overcome difficulties on their own, parents can foster independence, resilience, and valuable life skills in their children.
What self-care practices would you recommend for parents to maintain their own resilience while going through the everyday challenges of raising children?
To maintain resilience while navigating the daily challenges of parenting, I recommend incorporating self-care practices that prioritize introspection and personal well-being. It is essential to carve out dedicated time and space each day for self-reflection. This could involve activities such as journaling, meditation, going for walks, engaging in conversations with a trusted family member or friend, or seeking guidance from a coach or other service professional.
Regardless of the specific practice chosen, the key is to establish a consistent routine that allows you to focus on self-care without self-judgment or parental guilt. By dedicating time to nurture your own emotional and mental well-being, you can recharge and build resilience to better handle the demands of parenting. Remember that taking care of yourself is not selfish but rather a necessary step in maintaining a healthy balance between caring for your children and caring for yourself. Your kids learn through observing you. When you model taking care of yourself before taking care of others needs will alleviate behaviors like people-pleasing and instill healthy boundaries, beliefs and values encompassing resilience.
Can you please share “5 Strategies To Raise Children With Resilience and Emotional Strength”?
In my experience working with children, I have applied the following 5 strategies many times with great success and exceptional results across various developmental age groups. Throughout this section, I share a story about one child, we will call him Joey, who had ADHD and ODD within each strategy so that you can see how he grew within them over the course of five years.
1. Create a Space for Connection.
Establish a designated area where your child feels safe and comfortable to share their thoughts and feelings. This could be during car rides, at the dinner table, on a special couch, or a favorite outdoor spot that you can frequently visit. By incorporating this space into your daily routine, you ensure that it becomes an integral part of your interactions, making it convenient and accessible for meaningful conversations.
Initially, Joey exhibited challenging behaviors such as throwing things, yelling, and being aggressive. By creating a safe connection space, I encouraged him to express himself and gradually built a foundation on trust which expanded our conversations to deeper discussions.
2. Stay Calm and Empathetic.
Maintaining a sense of calm is crucial during emotionally charged moments. Avoid passing judgment on your child’s feelings or behaviors. Instead, respond from the heart, acknowledging their emotions in a serene and supportive environment. This approach encourages your child to open up and share more in the moment, fostering a sense of trust for future discussions.
Despite the fact that Joey often felt overwhelmed and frustrated, I made it a point to stay calm and grounded. I reassured him that he was in a safe space, where he could express himself without fear of punishment. Over time, he began to trust this process and recognized that sharing his emotions in a healthy way was both acceptable and beneficial.
3. Take Breaks When Needed.
If emotions are still running high, it may be best to pause before moving to the next step. Allow your child time to regulate their nervous system and process their feelings. It’s important to recognize that during moments of heightened emotion, it’s not the time for logical reasoning — it’s about feeling and navigating those emotions. I once heard that “emotions are energy in motion (e-motion),” and while some emotions dissipate quickly, others might take longer. If necessary, guide your child to use self-regulation tools to help them through the emotional experience.
In my experience with Joey, we often needed to take breaks within our connection space before fully unpacking his feelings. We would utilize his self-regulation tools like play tag, run race, take deep breaths, ect. He learned that these breaks were not a punishment, but rather a tool to help him regulate so we could continue our connection conversations more effectively.
4. Help Them Reflect on Their Experience.
Once your child is ready to move forward, guide them in reflecting on what they can learn from their emotional experience. Encourage them to take inventory of what happened and understand how they can gain insights about themselves and others. This process expands their emotional intelligence and equips them to better handle similar situations in the future.
Initially, Joey was not sure what he was feeling and experiencing, and why a certain behavior received a negative response from peers or staff. As my client progressed, I helped him develop the self-awareness and social awareness to identifying his emotions and analyzing how his behaviors affected his social interactions. Over time, he became more versed in the process and he would share with me that he didn’t mean to be disruptive; he just struggled to tame the “wild beast” within himself. Through reflection, he gained clarity about his feelings and could articulate them more effectively for the social interactions.
5. End with a Positive.
Conclude the conversation by focusing on how they can approach similar experiences positively in the future. Encourage your child to identify strategies for managing their emotions next time, reinforcing their ability to navigate challenges independently. Over time, this practice nurtures their self-trust and resilience, empowering them to tackle emotional situations on their own.
During the beginning of our time together, Joey’s initial response was “I would not do [the negative behavior] again.” But I dove deeper with him to describe what he would do instead. Our unconscious mind cannot process negatives, so if I tell you “don’t think of a purple penguin” then your first thought is about a purple penguin before not thinking about it. By reframing what not yelling, not cussing, not ect. to what to do instead gave his mind the opportunity to stay focused on the positive. At the end of our time together, this child had transformed where he learned to independently seek out our connection space when he felt overwhelmed, embraced it as a positive part of his life, and began to recognize when to take breaks for self-regulation. Through consistent practice and these strategies, he became capable of identifying his feelings, utilizing coping tools, and planning appropriate responses for future situations. Watching Joey’s growth over those five years was a testament to the effectiveness of nurturing resilience and emotional strength through these 5 strategies.
Let’s take this one step further and apply these strategies with yourself, as the parent, too. Each of these strategies can serve as examples for parents to model resilience and emotional strength for their children. When appropriate, sharing personal experiences with your child can provide valuable learning opportunities and demonstrate that you, too, are human. By engaging in these conversations, you can show your child the importance of learning and growing from life’s experiences.
How can mindfulness and emotional regulation techniques be incorporated into daily routines to support children’s emotional resilience?
Incorporating mindfulness and emotional regulation techniques into daily routines to support children’s emotional resilience is crucial for their overall well-being. One effective way to do this is by engaging in introspective moments with your kids on a daily basis. This can be done during car rides, at the dinner table, or before bedtime.
During these introspective moments, encourage everyone present to share a “glow” and a “grow” from their day. A “glow” can be a positive highlight, favorite memory or gratitude moment, while a “grow” can be something that you’d like to improve or literally grow in next time and how you may approach that situation in the future. By fostering a reflective environment without judgment, you create a space for mindfulness to thrive, allowing children to identify and acknowledge their highs and lows of emotions throughout the day.
By developing a habit of recognizing both the positive and challenging aspects of emotional or behavioral situations, children who go introspective in this way can build self-awareness skills and understand what emotional regulation techniques work for them and what adjustments can be made for future situations.
Encouraging children to always find something to highlight and learn from promotes resilience and personal growth. Whether faced with challenging or rewarding days, there is always a chance to find a “glow” and “grow” moment. By instilling this mindset early on, children can navigate their emotions more effectively and build the foundation for emotional resilience in the face of various situations.
Are there any specific tools or resources (books, apps, courses) you recommend for individuals looking to improve in this area?
One resource that I highly recommend for individuals seeking to enhance their skills in nurturing emotional strength in children is Dr. Ross Greene’s Collaborative & Proactive Solutions (CPS). This resource has proven to be a game changer in my experience, particularly when assisting parents in managing difficult behaviors or helping children overcome challenges. Many tools out there are retroactive and reflective where the purpose of this model is to be proactive in nature and integrate collaboration with the child. He refers throughout his work that “Kids do well if they can” which means that when kids are provided and nurtured with the skills to overcome challenging behaviors, then they will be set up for success. By utilizing his CPS approach, children are empowered to actively participate in finding solutions, fostering a sense of ownership and independence in problem-solving processes. As children transition into their teenage years, it is crucial for them to develop the necessary tools and confidence to navigate challenges independently, ultimately enabling them to persist, learn, and grow from their experiences. He shares his work through his non-profit Lives in the Balance which provides free resources on the CPS model.
Wonderful. We are nearly done. Is there a person in the world, or in the US, with whom you would like to have a private breakfast or lunch, and why? He or she might just see this, especially if we tag them. :-)
You may have guessed it… Dr. Ross Greene.
With his accomplishments in the psychology field and keen approach for children’s success and resilience, I would love to chat with him more about how we have evolved in the neurodiversity field and how we can participate in the proactive approaches to empowering kids and families including hearing if he has any new work coming out.
I am also curious to ask him some questions on a personal level including: who are some people he is inspired by and why, what brought his life journey to psychology and child/adolescent work, and what keeps him motivated to continue in this field.
How can our readers further follow your work online?
Our website holds a lot of great information from events, workshops, interviews, and free parent resources. Feel free to check it out: myintrospectivesolution.com.
We are also excited to offer you a a FREE 6 step guide to effectively communicate with your neurodiverse kids: https://myintrospectivesolution.com/6stepguide.
You can connect with us more on Facebook (https://www.facebook.com/myintrospectivesolution) & Instragram (https://www.instagram.com/myintrospectivesolution/).
This was very meaningful, thank you so much. We wish you only continued success on your great work!
About the Interviewer: Dr. Kate Lund is a licensed clinical psychologist, podcast host, best-selling author and Tedx Speaker. The power of resilience in extraordinary circumstances kept her thriving as a child. Dr. Lund now helps entrepreneurs, executives, parents, and athletes to see the possibility on the other side of struggle and move towards potential. Her goal is to help each person she works with to overcome their unique challenges and thrive within their own unique context.
