Raising Resilient Kids: Sarah Keating Of Girl Scouts of the USA On Strategies for Nurturing Emotional Strength in Children
An Interview With Dr. Kate Lund
Get moving: Create a new dance move for your favorite song. Dance to the beat every day for a week, or throw a dance party and teach it to friends.
In today’s fast-paced world, children face numerous challenges that can impact their emotional well-being. Developing resilience is key to helping them navigate these obstacles and grow into emotionally strong individuals. How can parents, educators, and caregivers foster this resilience in children? As part of this interview series, we had the pleasure to interview Sarah Keating.
Sarah Keating is Vice President of Girl Experience and Program Delivery at Girl Scouts of the USA which means that she has the pleasure of stewarding all of the badges, awards, and experiences that make Girl Scouts what it is. She has a master’s degree in education and has spent her career focused on out-of-school time education and youth empowerment at places like Disney and Scholastic. She’s the mom to a high schooler and has the pleasure of being her Girl Scout troop leader as well.
Thank you so much for doing this with us! Before we dig in, our readers would like to ‘get to know you’. Can you share a story with us about what brought you to your particular career path?
I have yet to find anything that I’m not interested in 😊. I am perpetually curious and was a little shocked to realize as a kid that other people don’t feel that way. They see learning as a burden or boring — so I’m on a bit of a mission to redefine what learning and discovery can be — especially outside of a formal classroom. Some of the most fun I’ve ever had was when I owned a bookstore on the Outer Banks in North Carolina. Every summer, I led programming for kids that blended history, science, and storytelling. I put together a treasure hunt that helped kids learn about the history of piracy on the Outer Banks, we made “magic” potions with a chemistry set, and so much more. It really drove home this idea that “learning in the wild” is so much more organic and dynamic than a formal classroom. And kids really need both — school is great at teaching the foundation and play is perfect for discovering how to use it.
Can you share with our readers a bit about why you are an authority on raising resilient kids? In your opinion, what is your unique contribution to this field?
I have been listening to kids and working to understand what they want and why for more than 25 years. Through my work with the Walt Disney Company, Scholastic, and now Girl Scouts, I’ve had the great pleasure of being able to really dig into what makes youth and adolescents happy and what environments and programs help to create the psychological safety that allow an exploration mindset to blossom. I have a huge respect for kids and teens and understand that it is a privilege to be invited into their world as a trusted adult and mentor. I never take that for granted.
Do you have a favorite “Life Lesson Quote”? Do you have a story about how that was relevant in your life or your work?
I’m a big fan of AA Milne’s Winne the Pooh stories. In one story, Pooh says “Sometimes the smallest things take up the most room in your heart” and this has always resonated with me. The world can feel really big and noisy — there are so many inputs that we try to process and assess at a million miles an hour. But this quote (and it’s on my wall at work) reminds me that quiet, deliberate interactions can make the biggest difference. Here’s one example — I have a Girl Scout troop here in New York City. When they were in middle school, we took a trip to a really cool museum in honor of Native American Heritage Month. The girls had a great time, but the most interesting thing to me was that each of them came up to me separately during that trip to tell me what was going on in their lives — school, family, friends — they walked with me for a while, we chatted, and then they went back to hang out with the other girls. We didn’t plan it — I’m not even sure that each of them knew the others did it. But those six quiet conversations and the trust and care they represented, were some of the most meaningful interactions on that trip.
Ok, thank you for all that. Now let’s move to the main focus of our interview. How can parents handle situations when a child faces failure or disappointment? What strategies can parents use to help a child bounce back?
It might sound crazy, but it’s 100 percent true: to set your kids up for success, you absolutely have to let them fail. Scraped knees, bruised egos, embarrassing moments, and regrettable decisions don’t feel good in the moment — and the very thought of them can leave many helicopter parents running for the hills — but in the long run, they’re some of the most valuable experiences you can give your child. Why? Because it’s those moments of not succeeding that set the foundation for them to become a resilient, forward-thinking leader who approaches challenges with bravery, handles life’s hiccups with confidence, and generally faces life with a can-do (or at least can-try!) attitude. Now, we’re not suggesting anything as extreme as encouraging them to flunk out of the fourth grade or sending them off for their driving test with zero training, but there are occasions where the benefits of failing far outweigh the momentary discomfort that you might feel as their parent. So, the next time one of these things happens, take a deep breath, step back, and let them do their thing.
None of these moments are easy for a parent to get through — there’s not much worse than watching your child suffer, especially when you could do something to prevent it — but they’re worth it when it comes to giving your child a solid foundation for life. So let go and let them make a few mistakes. If they’re open to acknowledging the mistakes — and even more if they’re willing to talk to you about them — grab the opportunity as a teachable moment. Empathize. Share a time when you made a similar decision and it turned out awful. Consider what you learned, but don’t dwell. It’ll be one of the smartest parenting moves you can make.
What role does parental modeling of resilience play in the development of emotional strength in children? Can you share an example of a resilient parenting moment that you experienced directly or that you have come across in the course of your work?
Here’s a fun example: I took my troop camping when they were in fourth grade and a few parents came with us. (Keep in mind that these are city kids — camping was a completely new and scary experience for the girls and their families). Before we left, I took the parents aside and explained that the girls had planned meals and activities and were ready to take the lead on everything. All they needed was a little encouragement and our eyes just to be sure everyone stayed safe. The first morning, the girls were making pancakes over a campfire. It was taking FOREVER. Pancakes were burning, girls were frustrated, and it was getting late. The parents started to move in and take over and I asked them (kindly) to sit back and watch. Within the next 15 minutes, we watched the girls finally get the hang of it and create a great meal. They were so proud of themselves and declared it the “best breakfast ever.” To this day (six years later), those same parents look at me when their daughters are having trouble and say, “This is like the pancakes, isn’t it?” Yup. Sometimes, you just need to give it time and be ready for crispy pancakes.
What approaches do you recommend to foster a growth mindset in children, encouraging them to see challenge as opportunities to learn?
When you become a parent or caregiver, it’s like a switch flips in your brain and reprioritizes everything. Instead of thinking of your own best interests, you automatically take on extra stress or pain so your child doesn’t have to feel any at all. But before you get ready to go toe-to-toe with a playground menace, you might want to rein it in a bit. Seeing you run to their rescue any time something goes awry might make them question their own ability to handle difficulties and make them think you don’t have much confidence in her — which couldn’t be further from the truth. So the next time you’re tempted to smooth the path for your child or help them out of a sticky situation, take a step back and let them try it solo first. It’s easier said than done, of course (you might feel more nervous than they will!), but following these steps, you can support them without taking over — and build their confidence along the way.
How can parents balance providing support with allowing their children to experience and overcome difficulties on their own?
It’s tough to think clearly when you’re upset so help your child develop strategies to get them into a headspace that will allow them to overcome obstacles. It could be a walk or a car ride away from distractions to give you time to talk and think, or even draw together to explore different ways to tackle a problem. And remember that your child may make choices that are different than your own — and that’s ok. As long as they are safe, there are many ways to approach a problem. Respect their process and be supportive if things don’t go quite as planned.
What self-care practices would you recommend for parents to maintain their own resilience while going through the everyday challenges of raising children?
Be sure to carve out time for yourself — and I know it’s difficult. And let your child see you taking the time to refresh and center yourself. You can even invite them to join your walk, quiet reading time, or whatever else rejuvenates you. For me, it’s video games. My daughter and I take turns with the XBOX — it’s fun to share the time together, plus it’s something I genuinely enjoy.
Can you please share “5 Strategies To Raise Children With Resilience and Emotional Strength”?
In 2020, we created a free program to help kids and families called Resilient. Ready. Strong (link). The activities in the program were designed to help lift a person’s mood, calm you down when you’re stressed, and help you face challenges. We focused on 10 skills, but here are five to think about with some simple activities to try:
1. Understand emotions: Create a “happy box” filled with five things that make you smile, such as photos, art supplies, books, or favorite toys. Open the box when you’re worried, upset, or just need a little cheering up.
2. Get moving: Create a new dance move for your favorite song. Dance to the beat every day for a week, or throw a dance party and teach it to friends.
3. Experience nature: Go on a night sky scavenger hunt and identify stars, constellations, or planets. Use a book, star wheel, or an app to chart your way
4. Share stories: Create a family crest to tell the story of your family’s heritage, values, or memorable moments. Or design a crest for any group you belong to, such as a school club, athletic team, or your Girl Scout troop.
5. Take action: Put up a bird feeder, plant flowers to attract hummingbirds, or plant a tree as part of the Girl Scout Tree Promise.
How can mindfulness and emotional regulation techniques be incorporated into daily routines to support children’s emotional resilience?
Learning to regulate our emotions and act with deliberate care takes practice. Build in time to practice every day. Perhaps it’s how you start your morning together (affirmations in the mirror might be fun) or how you engage in conversation over the dinner table. One of the things that we suggest Girl Scout troops do is start or end every meeting with “roses and thorns.” Each person (girls and leaders) shares something good and something not so great. It allows the whole group to understand how others are feeling and sets the tone for appreciation and understanding. It can also help the leaders know if the group is worried about an upcoming test, or excited about an upcoming trip.
- We also have an amazing set of patches for 4th-12th grade to help kids with this. (link)
Are there any specific tools or resources (books, apps, courses) you recommend for individuals looking to improve in this area?
You need to find the books and tools that work best for you and your family. Consider what’s important to you and use that as a launching point. Your local librarian may have excellent resources to share that are appropriate for a variety of age levels and needs. For example, one family might be looking for support for anxiety, others for adding more physical activity to their daily lives.
Wonderful. We are nearly done. Is there a person in the world, or in the US, with whom you would like to have a private breakfast or lunch, and why? He or she might just see this, especially if we tag them. :-)
What a fun question! I’ve been doing a lot of reading about the science of happiness — particularly the research coming out of the University of California at Berkeley. I’d love to talk to Dr. Emiliana Simon-Thomas, the science director at UC Berkeley’s Greater Good Science Center about her work on the importance of relationships and community on happiness and joy.
How can our readers further follow your work online?
You can follow me on LinkedIn (https://www.linkedin.com/in/sarahkeatingnyc/) but the best thing to do is to join Girl Scouts! The Girl Scout Leadership Experience is embedded into everything that we do and the entire family can benefit.
This was very meaningful, thank you so much. We wish you only continued success on your great work!
About the Interviewer: Dr. Kate Lund is a licensed clinical psychologist, podcast host, best-selling author and Tedx Speaker. The power of resilience in extraordinary circumstances kept her thriving as a child. Dr. Lund now helps entrepreneurs, executives, parents, and athletes to see the possibility on the other side of struggle and move towards potential. Her goal is to help each person she works with to overcome their unique challenges and thrive within their own unique context.
