Rising Through Resilience: Actor and Author Dolores Reynals On The Five Things You Can Do To Become More Resilient During Turbulent Times

An Interview With Savio P. Clemente

Making Changes: Reflecting on what we want to change, and when we lack clarity, allowing ourselves to have uncertainty, instead of forcing decisions to feel like we are progressing. Writing in a diary helps me with this, sometimes I find that I am giving answers to myself.

Resilience has been described as the ability to withstand adversity and bounce back from difficult life events. Times are not easy now. How do we develop greater resilience to withstand the challenges that keep being thrown at us? In this interview series, we are talking to mental health experts, authors, resilience experts, coaches, and business leaders who can talk about how we can develop greater resilience to improve our lives.

As a part of this series, I had the pleasure of interviewing Dolores Reynals.

Dolores Reynals is an actor and author from Mendoza, Argentina. She became a radio actress before pursuing formal acting studies in London. Since then, she has embraced an international lifestyle, living in London, Buenos Aires, Madrid, Los Angeles, Tulum and Mexico City, and is currently based in Athens. She recently released her memoir “The Smallest Wave,” a woman’s journey to live true to the person she is, even if it meant releasing everything else.

Thank you so much for joining us! Our readers would love to get to know you a bit better. Can you tell us a bit about your backstory?

I was born in Mendoza, a province at the feet of the Andes in Argentina. Since I can remember, I wanted to go exploring the world. Not just to travel, but to live in different places; I was a nomad who had not left yet. At 18, I left for the first time with savings from jobs in high school and an invitation from my Spanish family to spend a summer. I stayed around Europe until I spent the last cent and could not find a work permit, sneaking into trains when I could not pay for travel any longer, sleeping on benches in Spanish squares and train stations. I then came back home, threatened by my parents, to study journalism while taking acting classes in the evening. I became a radio actress straight away, but left for London as soon as I could, to carry on studying Theatre, working many odd jobs to pay for it. I majored in Drama and minored in Creative Writing, which I did not devote any time to until many years later. I began wanting to discuss certain themes, and as an artist I found that acting was not enough. I was not finding my place in it; I was only at the mercy of the stories that others wanted to tell. I began writing a short film about femininity which then turned into my first novel about a few other themes, in the form of memoir. It is called The Smallest Wave.

Can you share with us the most interesting story from your career? Can you tell us what lessons or ‘takeaways’ you learned from that?

When I was a student in university (although I am still and always a student) I used to think I had to pick one thing and stick to it. I wanted to be a “serious” actor, as they say in Argentina. I wanted so badly to get into a play at university, but I enrolled too late and there was no space left for me. So I had to take part in the Dance-Theatre class because I needed the credits. I was afraid of movement and of following choreography. I could not believe I had gone all the way to England and I was not going to do the “straight” play. I just wanted to do a play for God’s sake. But when I started Dance-Theatre, I realized I was in the right place. Apart from it being a new expression, I saw how much my body needed to dance all this time, to move, to express itself. I needed to get out of my head and become a performer outside of my ideas of it. In my career, I found many times that a detour has been an opportunity.

None of us are able to achieve success without some help along the way. Is there a particular person who you are grateful towards who helped get you to where you are? Can you share a story?

I felt so alone when I started in London. I was a foreigner, an insecure young woman who had left home without any form of support. I had learnt to rely on myself so much that I forgot how to ask for help or advice. I thought I could figure it all out on my own. And sometimes I found people who trusted me, believed in me, and gave me a hand. The manager who decided to help me when I was looking for a sponsor for my U.S. artist visa, for instance. She had very little to gain from helping me, and what if I was denied that visa? She was generous. And any other agent who took me on later, they had to work so hard at getting me work.

At times when I have been doing something new, like when I wrote ´The Smallest Wave´ and it was time to share it and I had never published anything before, I thought about just burning it. It was all my fears together trying to tell me this was too risky, I have never done this before, just leave it. With the help of a psychologist, I listened to those voices, saw where they came from, and moved from there. I would not have put the book out if I didn´t have support and got to a better perspective.

Ok, thank you for all that. Now let’s shift to the main focus of this interview. We would like to explore and flesh out the trait of resilience. How would you define resilience? What do you believe are the characteristics or traits of resilient people?

I see resilience as the ability to come back to ourselves when going through any form of hardship. Facing setbacks and obstacles with perspective. In the event of tragedy or a big setback, we will not remain the same. However, with acceptance, we will be able to have a better perspective of where we are, and have hope.

When I think of resilient people, I see them as present. Present with themselves, looking at the moment and their participation in it. When I am most resilient, I am able to feel my feelings and work on accepting a situation, turn a setback into a learning experience, something useful for my life.

Courage is often likened to resilience. In your opinion how is courage both similar and different from resilience?

I have heard that Courage comes from the word Heart, in Latin. After a setback, all kinds of fears can arise. Your subconscious, your whole body will tell you it is a bad idea to take a risk again, did you not see what just happened? Your fear will try to protect you, that is its purpose. It takes courage to take risks again after being disheartened, and gathering that energy again is not easy. It can be scary to follow our heart, to act from those desires, and to do things out of your comfort zone. Personally, it feels like hell when those fears are gripping me, and I have given in many times. Overcoming fears is a great achievement.

When you think of resilience, which person comes to mind? Can you explain why you chose that person?

My grandmother lost a child when he was fifteen. She spoke about him so naturally and lovingly, even though you could tell she missed him as she spoke remembering good things about him. She kept his photograph on a wall. It was as if she accepted his destiny. I cannot think of anything harder to go through, yet she was always so loving and warm with everyone. It did not harden her. To me that is an example of resilience.

Has there ever been a time that someone told you something was impossible, but you did it anyway? Can you share the story with us?

The first thing that comes to mind is when my parents said I would end up poor and living in the street when I decided to study Theatre and work in radio. I replied that there was nothing else I would rather do, I had to.

I have been told many times that something I am about to do is a bad idea. Usually when I haven’t asked for an opinion, and usually when I am about to make a move that I will look back to as one of the best decisions I have ever made. When I decided to leave Los Angeles and move to the beach in Mexico, quite a few people in my life thought it was a big mistake. They warned me against leaving my friends and environment, said I would not be safe by myself. I trusted my gut and I am so glad that I fulfilled my dream of living at a beach.

Did you have a time in your life when you had one of your greatest setbacks, but you bounced back from it stronger than ever? Can you share that story with us?

A few years ago, I was hit by a car and broke my hip in three parts (while I was living at the beach, and yes it was still worth it!). One moment I was pedaling fast on my bike and the next moment I was lying on the street looking up at the sky in a lot of pain, unable to move my leg, passing out and coming back, saying my full name to strangers.

After a few days in hospital, I returned home carried up by two strong guys in an ambulance stretcher. They put me on my bed where I would stay for one month, with a urinal next to me. My youngest cousin who happened to have just arrived in a city near me, ended up in charge of organizing nurses, MRI’s, and insurance. I felt guilty that he had to help me eat, brush my teeth, and with my meds. We also arranged for nurses who could help me bathe and look after me a few hours a day, and some nights.

I could hardly believe my x-rays. I was literally in pieces, and I wondered how on earth my body was going to do the work of putting all those bones back together.

Meanwhile, my friends showed up every day. They cooked, brought food, sometimes wine, and a guitar. There would occasionally be a dinner party around my bed. I got a projector and we had film nights. I began to relax into this moment of rest and enjoyed all the company. I even had to let my friends empty my urinal, and I saw how much of a sense of humor I actually have. And how kind people can be. As a person who always likes to know I can do everything myself, it was a huge lesson on accepting help, and valuing my community.

My body amazed me as it began to recover and one day I could lift my leg. Then, of course, I urged myself to stand up, losing patience. I felt bad that my recovery took a bit longer than the doctor said it would, and had to accept the place I was in, again and again. Every day I had to see where I was. It took me a month to be able to stand up on one leg, another month of crutches while I slowly began walking in a swimming pool, training my left leg to do a simple step and I had to be patient with it. I had two panic attacks during this time, I was not used to being outside of my bed. As much as I learnt that I can be too demanding with myself and life, I saw how strong and patient I can be and how lucky I am to have good people in my life.

How have you cultivated resilience throughout your life? Did you have any experiences growing up that have contributed to building your resiliency? Can you share a story?

When I was little, we were four kids: myself and the triplets who were two years younger, my two sisters and brother. There was chaos in the house every day. I learnt to share thanks to the triplets. I also learnt about defending myself and my space. We would fight every day about anything, for toys, for attention.

I was older and I could not control anything, even though I tried to be the boss and sometimes the referee. All I could ever do was lend an ear or some help. Otherwise, every time I tried putting my nose in their business, I would have a band of three against me, this is how they united.

My parents worked full-time in their own businesses, so we were left with a nanny, who also cooked and did the laundry. We were alone a lot of the time to work things out. And during the weekend our parents took us to work with them, my mother had a travel agency and my father a law practice, next door to each other. They had to work every day as my mother had gone from having her own kindergarten to having the agency which required a lot of extra hours during the first years. So, we would be there drawing, playing with travel brochures, seeing them work hard. This was also a good example for us about creating your own work and adapting to change and having independence.

Resilience is like a muscle that can be strengthened. In your opinion, what are 5 steps that someone can take to become more resilient? Please share a story or an example for each.

Feeling Your Feelings:

Sometimes we don’t have the luxury of a lot of time and space for this, but as much as we can, we have to let ourselves express our feelings or they will surprise us later on. Sometimes speaking about it with someone you trust or writing it down or however it is helpful for each of us.

Whenever I move to a new country, I find that I have to mourn the life I just left behind. It is a part of the process. I arrive and as excited as I am, there is a part of me that is still not fully there. I have to give time and be patient, it is part of adjusting. I have to let any unexpected feelings come in and then leave, before I am fully there.

Acceptance:

Accepting that change is a given. Being present with ourselves while we go through it. I believe that contemplation is a very important part of resilience. Seeing and accepting where we are, having curiosity for that moment and how it is affecting us. When I broke my hip, I had a lot time and chances to contemplate my situation. One moment I was angry or sad and at times I felt self-pity, the next I was accepting, until I could fully accept what was. Something that helped was that I became very grateful that I had the chance to get on with my recovery.

Community:

It has been important for me to surround myself with like-minded people, especially at challenging times. Positive people, not in the toxic positive way, but ones who will not fill your head with worries and fears. People whom you can trust, who have your back and who you can be yourself with, however you are today.

Self-Care and Good Habits:

To me self-care is the opposite of self-pity, and it includes boundaries with people who bring you down. It also includes resting when we are tired. This is how I regain strength, and also how I avoid running on adrenaline. A nutritionist gave me that advice once. He said that if I ever felt tired at the office (I was temping in London), I should step out of my desk and sit outside, or even on top of a toilet seat and put a timer for five minutes and close my eyes, then come back.

Sleep is a priority. It helps me have clarity and see things through the right end of the telescope. Meditation and breath-work have helped me come back to myself many times. I like to have a bag of tools I can pick from when I am in a challenging situation.

Asking for the help of a professional like a psychologist or another practitioner that you think will help you get through a difficult situation is worth investing in, when one can. Learning about ourselves can help us find strengths or blocks we did not know we had.

Making Changes:

Reflecting on what we want to change, and when we lack clarity, allowing ourselves to have uncertainty, instead of forcing decisions to feel like we are progressing. Writing in a diary helps me with this, sometimes I find that I am giving answers to myself.

You are a person of great influence. If you could inspire a movement that would bring the most amount of good to the most amount of people, what would that be? You never know what your idea can trigger. :-)

I would give children at school free-style dance and movement classes. I think sports are very useful, but I feel like we are taught how to move all the time. We also exercise at the gym following commanded movements. We should add to this the freedom of movement in a dance or movement class. It would teach children about possibility and creativity, like when encouraging freedom of thought in writing an essay.

We are blessed that some very prominent leaders read this column. Is there a person in the world, or in the US with whom you would love to have a private breakfast or lunch with, and why? He or she might just see this, especially if we tag them :-)

Salma Hayek. I would listen to her all day. I admire her kindness and her great sense of humor. She works hard and has a lot of energy and at the same time I feel she takes life and herself with lightness.

This was very inspiring. Thank you so much for joining us!

About The Interviewer: Savio P. Clemente, TEDx speaker and Stage 3 cancer survivor, infuses transformative insights into every article. His journey battling cancer fuels a mission to empower survivors and industry leaders towards living a truly healthy, wealthy, and wise lifestyle. As a Board-Certified Wellness Coach (NBC-HWC, ACC), Savio guides readers to embrace self-discovery and rewrite narratives by loving their inner stranger, as outlined in his acclaimed TEDx talk: “7 Minutes to Wellness: How to Love Your Inner Stranger.” From his best-selling book to his impactful work as a media journalist covering resilience and wellness trends with notable celebrities and TV personalities, Savio’s words touch countless lives. His philosophy, “to know thyself is to heal thyself,” resonates in every piece.