Authority Magazine
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Authority Magazine

Sapha Arias of Your Soulful Goddess: How To Learn To Finally Love Yourself

Learn to embrace yourself — If you’ve been qualifying the reasons why you love yourself (say for example, you’ve been trying to be grateful for your body because it gets you from point a to point b rather than just loving your love handles without trying to melt them away), it’s time to stop. It’s time to do the uncomfortable thing, and truly, radically, and completely embrace yourself. And I don’t mean in spite of.

  1. We become deflated and stop trying
  2. We act as if we are doing the thing (like I did for so long) and pretend all’s well when in truth, we are spinning out of control internally without a way to stop and/or change
  1. Honor your shadow — Shadow work has become more popular over the last few years, and it makes my heart sing, because we all need it, and we can all gain so much from it. But I want to encourage you to acknowledge that shadow work isn’t perfect, permanent, or easy. This isn’t a practice you can or should try to throw rainbows and unicorns at, and it is a practice, so you will need to revisit it time and again without expectations. When you can learn to do that, your integration process will be much more accessible, and your love for yourself will be so much the sweeter for it.
  2. Speak to yourself like you would a lover — I’m sore you’ve heard this before, and I am delighted to bring it up again, because it is paramount. If you speak to yourself like you are not enough, you will never be enough. If you keep berating, chastising, and bullying yourself, you will never trust yourself to love yourself. And if you think you don’t need to speak to yourself as often or as kindly as you do the people you love in your life, you are telling your subconscious that you aren’t worth anyone’s time. Don’t do that to yourself. Write a letter each day if you need to or say “stop” out loud when you hear yourself taking crap about yourself, but show up for YOU. You deserve to be loved, you deserve to be cherished, and you deserve to be talked to with respect, tenderness, and kindness. And it has to start with you.
  3. Stop seeking perfection — You will never be perfect, and the longer you seek to achieve that goal, the further away from your self-love you will become. Always remember that true love isn’t performative or circumstantial. True love is unrelentingly unconditional, and that means, it never expects perfection, so release the grip on the need to perform to perfection, and simply love who you are in this moment, right now, without needing to change a single thing.
  4. Learn how to become radically self-authoritative — When you remember that you are the most important being on this whole Universe, and that YOU get to choose how you will show up for yourself, you will remember that, not only are you worthy of love, you are capable of it too. So, stop looking for someone to blame, and start deciding that you are the one at the helm.

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