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Sapha Arias of Your Soulful Goddess: How To Learn To Finally Love Yourself

Learn to embrace yourself — If you’ve been qualifying the reasons why you love yourself (say for example, you’ve been trying to be grateful for your body because it gets you from point a to point b rather than just loving your love handles without trying to melt them away), it’s time to stop. It’s time to do the uncomfortable thing, and truly, radically, and completely embrace yourself. And I don’t mean in spite of.

As a part of our series about “How To Learn To Finally Love Yourself” I had the pleasure to interview Sapha Arias.

Sapha is a feminine embodiment and relationship mentor with over a decade of experience specializing in helping women reclaim their feminine self-authority, so they can get the aligned relationship and life they deeply desire.

She’s known for her unique approach to feminine energetics, empowerment, and no-nonsense introspective work that explores the root of trauma and core wounds in a person’s subconscious with compassion and respect for each individual’s needs.

Sapha’s mentorship has helped numerous clients reconnect to their purpose, inner power, and sense of self; effectively providing them with tools to change their lives for the better.

Sapha’s personal experience with emotional and psychological trauma, as well as her passion for life has led her to search for, cultivate and refine healing techniques that allow her to guide women to become deeply devoted to their process without dismissing the validity of their life experiences. Her goal is to see every women empowered, in love, and deeply fulfilled.

Thank you so much for joining us! I’d love to begin by asking you to give us the backstory as to what brought you to this specific career path.

Thank you so much for the opportunity to share in this time with you!

A little on me, and how I got here, ok, imagine waking up one morning and realizing that you’ve been living your life on autopilot. Just, going through the motions, but never really connecting to what you are doing, who you are with, or what you are experiencing.

Then, picture what it would feel like to also recognize that you no longer know who you are. And I don’t mean that in a “oh, we all go through periods of rediscovery in our lives” kind of way. I mean this in the most heart-wrenchingly terrifying burden of having given so much of yourself, sacrificing so much just so that everyone around you could be taken care of at your own expense, that the essence of who you are is simply gone.

That disconcerting, and numb place is where my current work as a feminine embodiment and relationship mentor began. It was a gradual awakening that brought me here, and it’s a tale of courageous action, and unyielding dedication.

It’s the tale of a journey through the underworld, and it all began with a tear-filled breakdown on my yoga mat.

I always laugh when I describe this, because in all honesty, I didn’t choose this quest right from the first. Honestly, it chose me, and it found me, in the middle of a vinyasa class, surrounded by beautifully bendy yogis who must have been at least a little uncomfortable to hear my sniffles as they blissed out in pigeon pose.

But yeah, that’s where it all began, and that was my first clue, my first exposure to the world of true embodiment, and even when I didn’t know it by that name in that moment, I knew that the tears I had found while “flossing” my hips were going to be my way back to the land of the living.

It was in that moment that I chose to pay attention to the stories my body was telling me, and it was through that process, that I was able to find the courage to research, study, and ultimately, become adept at feminine embodiment. *A term, which, by the way, still confuses various members of my family, and some strangers, and which I take deep pride and pleasure in.

Because it’s not as if there was a specific PHD on this, but I’d been able to, not only heal much of my subconscious patterns through these practices, but to also reclaim my life entirely, so show could I not pursue it?

I’d gone from numb, disconnected, and voiceless to radiantly present, and deeply empowered! And all I could think of was, “I want this for every single woman out there”. And so, here we are.

Are you working on any exciting new projects now? How do you hope that they might help people along their path to self-understanding or a better sense of wellbeing in their relationships?

Well, my heart of hearts is my Freedom of the Goddess program, which is an intensive on feminine leadership, emotional intelligence, and empowered action reflective of the feminine archetypes — I even created a little quiz for the program, where you can find your personal archetype, which is lots of fun.

Also, at the beginning of this year, I opened the doors to “DEVOTED”, a 12-week program aimed at helping powerful women get into an aligned partnership with a person that is their equal even if they’ve been in a toxic relationship in the past. — My intention with this program was to help women reclaim their voices, take pleasure in falling in love with their energetic match, and put away the old narratives that told them they needed to be perfectly healed or impeccably delicate to be in an equal partnership. I know what that’s like, and I want better for every women out there.

I’ve also got a year-long luxury experience I’m creating right now that I can’t wait to launch, but everything is still in the “womb” as of today, so to speak.

Oh, and I will be relaunching my signature Shadow Work course again later this fall, which I am incredibly excited about because the transformations from that particular container have been incredible!

Do you have a personal story that you can share with our readers about your struggles or successes along your journey of self-understanding and self-love? Was there ever a tipping point that triggered a change regarding your feelings of self acceptance?

I love this question, because, yeah, the truth is I have stories upon stories, and they all bring tears of joy to my eyes and a need to share all the lessons inside my heart, but since I can be a little verbose, allow me to share some of the most powerful insights I’ve come across on my personal journey with self-love.

Growing up, I related to the world from a space of “other”. I felt very much like the outcast everywhere I went, and I internalized people’s words, actions, and judgements in such a way that I became convinced I wasn’t good enough.

I felt broken, lost, and incomplete, and it didn’t help when I got bullied in school or found that I wasn’t being held in safe space to talk about my childhood trauma in a validating and gentle way. So, I spent much of my early life obsessed with becoming “good”, and doing anything and everything in my power to, not only fit in, but to be seen as worthwhile.

Echoes of the pain I experienced at being pushed away became little wounds that I tried to numb into silence by eating less, following the rules, being “perfect” and sweet. In psychology, this is a unique type of trauma response known as fawning. And the more I “fawned” the “safer” I believed I was, but the further away from myself I got.

All of my efforts to look a certain way, act, say, and be all the things I really and truly believed I needed to be in order to be loved by the outside world had left a huge whole inside my heart. A hole that, nothing outside of my own love and awareness would ever fill in, but one that I believed needed to be ignored, or else, filled in by someone other than me for it to properly close up and heal.

Like I said earlier, I was numb, disconnected, and not really present. I went about my days with an obsessive focus on how much weight I could lose, or how nice I could be so that the people in my life would keep loving me and stick around, rather than walking out the door. (The latter being a story I held onto for the longest time — that people leave, and that I wasn’t good enough to ever be “chosen”)

I carried so much pain inside my heart, you know? And I internally rolled my eyes at people who spoke of self-love because it seemed like such a foreign concept to me. It was like this completely made up realm everyone seemed to get access to except for me. Like everyone else had gotten an invitation to Narnia, but Aslan had locked me out because I wasn’t “pure enough” to gain access to the promised land.

And for a while, I thought that acceptance was my way in.

I’d wake up and journal, like everyone else, I’d work out and do yoga and meditate, and try to use my daily affirmations as a way to somehow heal all the wounds inside my very soul.

“If I can “accept” myself”, I thought, “I’ll be able to love myself somehow”

And so, I would thank my legs every morning, because they allowed me to walk, and run, and do incredible things. I thanked my hands, and my skin, and my muscles, I journaled on how incredibly powerful I had become through the practice of yoga, and how wonderful it was to connect to my body in such a powerful way, when I had barely even been aware that I had a body to connect with for so long.

It was a good beginning, but I didn’t recognize that to my body, mind, and heart, this process of acceptance had become nothing more than a little band aid meant to cover up what I deemed unsightly within and about me. And it’s not that I wasn’t trying to heal my relationship to myself in earnest, it was simply that I was approaching myself as a thing I needed to “put up with”.

You see, I am a huge nerd, and I love words. I firmly believe that our words have power, and that the way in which we use them can create or destroy worlds, universes, and microscopic changes in our very cells. And where the word “accept” is concerned, the energetic field, and the subconscious messaging that many of us associate with what it meant to be “accepted” is one of being “put up with”.

Now, I know that on the surface, this radical point of view may come across as strange, but I can earnestly tell you, that realizing this one thing, changed the game for me entirely. Best way I can describe this, is…

Ok, imagine the person you love most in this world takes your hands into theirs, looks into your eyes with sincere vulnerability, & says, “ I love you, and I want you to know that I see all of you, the good, the bad, and I honestly accept it all. I accept you”

How did that feel?

Would it land any differently, resonate at a higher level if instead they would have said, “I love you, and I want you to know that I see all of you, the good, the bad, and I embrace it all, honor it all, hold space for it all. I am devoted to you in your fullness because I love you”?

In my case, the second I realized that this was how I had treated myself my whole life, everything changed.

I could see that the eating disorder that had plagued me from an early age tried to hide behind the mantra of “self-acceptance”.

That the toxic relationships I was in were steeped with acceptance, and that in that space, I treated the people who were in my life as saints, because, hey, “They’re saintly for putting up with me. I’m way too much, and I’ll never find anyone else who will do that.”

I realized also that the core wounds I had been running away from for so long (the ones I was trying to bandage up) were placing this false affirmation in front of me every day to keep me from feeling too much. To shift my gaze away from the real healing that needed to take place, and instead, give me something much more tolerable to look at, and hey, it came in the guise of a tool everyone seemed to be using to achieve self-love, so I thought it would work.

Making that one change, choosing to become completely devoted to every single part of who I was without trying to “accept”, but rather, delight in, take pleasure in, and embrace was what allowed me to learn how to love myself in full in earnest. That, was my tipping point.

According to a recent study cited in Cosmopolitan, in the US, only about 28 percent of men and 26 percent of women are “very satisfied with their appearance.” Could you talk about what some of the causes might be, as well as the consequences?

One could point the finger at so many external factors, couldn’t one?

I mean, we are all more than well-acquainted with the negative psychological effect media’s portrayal of beauty, and our modern-day filters on social platforms have on us, aren’t we? Yet, we continue to seek this state of external perfection to the detriment of our hearts, our minds, and our souls.

We’ve become addicted to the idea of a pore-less existence, and a wrinkle free future that promises to keep us looking younger every single day, and which will ensure that our value, quality, and worth as people won’t decrease as our skins sag, and our breasts lose their perkiness.

We desperately seek to stop the clock, and we kill ourselves to fit the currently acceptable body-shape of the year so that we can have status, recognition, and love in our lives.

We declare ourselves priority number one and claim that we are seeking only to become healthier people, yet when our bodies change even one fraction, or when that number on the scale or on our jeans climbs up, the first thing we do is look for a diet that can help us shed just “10 lbs.” so wan can continue being “healthy”. All the while, not daring to recognize or admit that health has nothing to do with it, and that we couldn’t be making ourselves less of a priority in our lives when we deny ourselves so willingly and in such a disconnected way.

But that’s the thing, I can’t sit here and point fingers at external factors, when I know from personal experience that nothing can or will change until we are willing to take radical responsibility. The kind of radical responsibility that invites us to open up about why we feel that we need to fit these rigid parameters to “fit in” or be welcome in our society to begin with.

The kind of radical responsibility that doesn’t make this about how we are the ones to blame, but rather, how we are the ones to transform, change, heal, and expand in such a way that we can, in fact love ourselves so deeply that no matter how many lbs. life may bring, or how much hair we have left on our heads, we know without a shadow of a doubt that our true worth hasn’t changed in the least. And that no matter what, we aren’t worthy of mere acceptance, but rather, that we are worthy of deep, unyielding, unwavering love.

The kind of love that helps you smile when your arms jiggle, and no, not because they can do amazing things, but because they simply are, and that is enough to make you love them exactly as they are in this moment without wanting to change a single inch of them.

The kind of love that reminds you to embrace your deepest truths, and honor them with deep devotion, rather than run away from, distract, or lie about them so you can feel more comfortable at a time in your life when things don’t look or feel all “high-vives only”.

Yes, there are things that can trigger unhealed parts of us that lead us to be even more disconnected with and from our physical image, but ultimately, the medicine doesn’t lie out there, in something that we can change so we can magically be rid of this disconnect.

Because, look, let’s say that we make it a rule to destroy all filters, and do away with all surgeries, and disintegrate any kind of fashion tape or corset or fill in the blank contraption that makes you look more curvy or less fat or whatever, do you really think that if we did away with all of that, we would all magically wake up one morning and simply love ourselves just because those contraptions are gone?

Or are we more likely to continue struggling until we can come to terms that the real work is internal?

To some, the concept of learning to truly understand and “love yourself,” may seem like a cheesy or trite concept. But it is not. Can you share with our readers a few reasons why learning to love yourself it’s truly so important?

Yeah, I get that. And I think the biggest part of that, is that, for many of us, not only does it seem cheesy or trite, but impossible.

It’s like, we’ve come face to face with the challenging and uncomfortable nature of the process, and in discovering that we feel unequal to the task (in other words, that we feel like we just can’t learn how to “love ourselves” because we just don’t have whatever gene those freakish, confident people seem to have that makes them love themselves in earnest), we choose instead to pivot.

And in that pivot, we do one of three things:

  1. We overcompensate and “mock” the concept
  2. We become deflated and stop trying
  3. We act as if we are doing the thing (like I did for so long) and pretend all’s well when in truth, we are spinning out of control internally without a way to stop and/or change

So, yeah, I get it, and I have been there.

And it isn’t a bad thing, in fact, it is a very natural, and human thing to do.

Because we haven’t really been taught how to sit with uncomfortable, painful, and challenging things. We’ve been taught to suppress, push aside, diminish, and in some cases, try to obliterate anything that is “in the way”, so to speak, and in so doing, we have closed the door to our true healing, turned our backs on it and dismissed it as stupid or useless.

And the thing is, it’s entirely your choice.

If you want to keep turning away from the process because walking through the underworld is too awful, I get it. And you have a right to do just that.

No one is saying that you “have to” want or choose better for yourself and/por your life. And it IS a choice that you get to make, that is all.

So, it really comes down to this, do you want to keep living life in this way? Or do you want to risk feeling a little silly or a little uncomfortable, or a little vulnerable in order to change, and ultimately, learn something new along the way?

Why do you think people stay in mediocre relationships? What advice would you give to our readers regarding this?

I am laughing because, I have been that person.

I was that person for 12 years!

What I can tell you, is that it all comes down to what you believe is true about yourself.

If you really believe that you are “too much”, or “not enough”, or that you’re “broken”, or “incomplete”, then you are going to act accordingly. Meaning, that you will unconsciously choose to give your power away to external sources and factors that you deem more important, more adequate, or more worthy than you, and in so doing, you will allow those people, and/or external factors to dictate your life.

And please, understand that I am one hundred percent NOT saying that any of it is your fault.

I hate that line of thinking, in fact, I hate it so much that one of the first things I share with my clients is that they are not to blame. Because all that talk of “well, if you’re not healed, you’re gonna keep attracting the same people in different guises” sounds really elevated and accurate, but in reality, it is super dismissive, bypassy, and unhelpful.

So, no, that is not what I am talking about.

You are not to blame, you are not broken, this isn’t your fault, and you are NOT “attracting” anyone because you are wrong and unhealed and imperfect. Just, NO.

What I am talking about here, is something deeper, much more potent than the old paradigms of “be perfectly healed so you can “attract” someone who isn’t a scum bag”.

What I am talking about here is true feminine self-authority.

The kind of self-authority that knows, “Hey, these are my very valid, very important needs, and I WILL show up for myself by honoring them and asking people in my life to honor them in empowering ways that do not hold space for bypassing or obfuscating responsibility”.

I’m talking about the kind of awareness that says, “I am NOT too much, and I WILL show up in love for every aspect of my true self, and if you can’t hang with that, super cool, there’s the door.”

If you’re stuck in a toxic dynamic, it’s not because you’re weak, or broken, or because there is something wrong with you, it’s because you have forgotten who you truly are and how to show up for, fight for, and honor YOURSELF in such a way that there is no room in your life for anything less than what you actually deserve, and darling, you deserve the world because you aren’t one of a kind, you are one in a lifetime.

When I talk about self-love and understanding I don’t necessarily mean blindly loving and accepting ourselves the way we are. Many times self-understanding requires us to reflect and ask ourselves the tough questions, to realize perhaps where we need to make changes in ourselves to be better not only for ourselves but our relationships. What are some of those tough questions that will cut through the safe space of comfort we like to maintain, that our readers might want to ask themselves? Can you share an example of a time that you had to reflect and realize how you needed to make changes?

I agree one hundred percent, and this is what, in my mentorship, I call “radical self-authority”.

What I mean by this, is getting to a place where you can love yourself so deeply, and with so much integrity, that you are willing, ready and able to take responsibility and ownership of your own growth without falling into the old trap of self-martyrizing deprecation many of us are prone to run to.

In other words, this isn’t about pointing fingers, assigning blame, and making ourselves feel bad because there is room to grow in our lives, but rather, stepping up to the plate with awareness and delight in the truth that at the end of the day, the only person responsible for your own actions, your own thoughts, and your own life, is you. And I find that exceedingly liberating.

Because it takes you out of the realm of what in psychology is known as the “drama triangle” and it puts you at the helm of your own life. It is an incredible tool for empowerment, and once you learn to lean into it in real time, it really up levels your emotional intelligence, helps you become more vulnerable, and ultimately, can help you harness deeper intimacy in all areas of your life.

Also, you mentioned comfort, and this is such an incredibly important component of the equation, because when we feel comfortable, we tend to settle for things that don’t fully align with our inner needs, desires, and values as a way to dodge or get away from what we perceive as “too painful”; namely anything that will ask us to get uncomfortable, take imperfect action, and ultimately, grow. So, always look to the places and things in your life where you feel so incredibly comfortable that nothing is growing, because I can guarantee you that upon further inspection, these will be the places where you will need the most healing, and from which you can derive some of the most incredible medicine and expansion in your life.

As for my personal growth in this area, I have learned that when I lean into the discomfort with tenderness, things shift for me in miraculous ways.

For example, one of the things I have learned about myself over the years, is that I grew up believing I had to take a defensive stand in order to protect myself from the emotional trauma I’ve undergone and how I internalized it. This particular part of my shadow self, before full integration and embodiment work, kept me in a perpetual state of reactivity where it was impossible to tell me almost anything, especially if I wasn’t ready to hear it.

This, of course made communication with others challenging, and I’ve learned slowly over the years how to set boundaries that help me show up in an empowered way at times when my old wounds show up. — Things like “I need a moment to process everything you’re telling me before I respond” have become incredibly useful, and again, they help me bring this back into my own space of radical self authority. Because it isn’t the responsibility of the people in my life to walk on eggshells around my trauma. It is up to me to show up for myself spot the trigger, love into that area, and choose how to show up from that point on.

And the whole process is free of blame, because this isn’t about me bending over backwards and people pleasing either, it’s about knowing how to spot my wounds in real time, lean into them with love, and work with them to better my life from a place of deep devotion, love and ownership. And this is a tool we can all learn to use with time, practice, and dedication.

So many don’t really know how to be alone, or are afraid of it. How important is it for us to have, and practice, that capacity to truly be with ourselves and be alone (literally or metaphorically)?

Yes! Oh, this is so incredibly true! And you know what? One of the biggest lessons in my life has been to learn the distinction between alone and lonely.

Take it from someone who has had first-hand experience with this, being with someone, surrounded by people whom you love and who care for you, and even living in a community that is replete with people does not guarantee that you will never feel lonely ever again.

In fact, and many of us know the bitter truth of this, but there are few things quite as painful as being with someone (or several someones) and still feel utterly alone and lonely. Truly, it’s a deeply heartbreaking experience, and it takes a lot of tenderness to heal over time.

I bring this up because there are two things that are paramount in our development of self-love in this arena. The first, is that if we feel lonely while in the presence of someone, it means that we are not feeling seen, taken care of, loved, or cared for. It means our needs aren’t being met, and that we need to take a look at what values, beliefs, boundaries, and parts of self are being denied, dismissed, or even obliterated in the name of being “with” this person or persons.

The second, is that being with yourself can feel incredibly confrontational and unsafe when you haven’t taken the time to fall in love with all aspects of self.

You see, when you spend your time turning a blind eye to the pain you carry inside, when you bypass your truth, and when you try to fit the mold you believe you “have to” fit into in order to be welcome in this world, you end up becoming disconnected from yourself so harshly, that it’s as if you’d become your own worst enemy. And so all your interactions with self are tainted by anger, fear, resentment, and scorn.

Being alone is, in fact an incredible practice that can replenish our spirit when the world seems to be falling apart around us, but it is a practice we must enter into with the willingness to discover all the shadow aspects of self, and the readiness to love these aspects without expectations or hidden agendas to “make them better”.

It’s another example of allowing ourselves to become fully embraced by ourselves, rather than trying to force self-acceptance into the equation. And I have found working with my clients and in my own life, that the second we change these dynamics, being alone becomes a delight, rather than a fear-filled space of lack, judgement, and internalized aggression.

Once you learn how to love yourself so deeply that being in your presence becomes a delight, you will never be lonely, even if you are the only person upon the face of the earth in that moment.

How does achieving a certain level of self-understanding and self-love then affect your ability to connect with and deepen your relationships with others?

Each of us can only connect to and create intimacy with the people in our lives to the degree we are ready to show up for ourselves.

If we show up in our relationships from a place of disempowered self-depreciation, we will believe every lie, every story, every wound we have ever experienced, and we will learn to look to others to “complete us”.

We will look to the people in our lives as a potential distraction, hero, or protector, which is a tremendous amount of pressure to put on others, and a really weak position from which to try to create connection and intimacy with someone. — It’s like putting yourself at the effect of the people in your life because you know and care so little about your own essence, that you would rather prioritize their lives above your own.

And that may sound harsh, but again, take it from someone who has been there.

When you make everyone in your world number one in your heart, mind and soul, you will be residing in a state of reactive disempowerment that will eventually deplete, exhaust, and diminish your light.

The deeper your love and understanding of self, the more powerful your boundary creation, the mode intimate your connections, the more creative your delight within each relationship will be.

In your experience, what should a) individuals and b) society, do to help people better understand themselves and accept themselves?

I think this is the time for us all to pause and release the narratives of old.

It’s time to let go of blame designation, and vilification. It’s time to relinquish the idea that taking care of ourselves is selfish, and it is time for us all to take radical responsibility and ownership of our own healing and growth.

Because expecting the world around you to be better for your own benefit isn’t enlightened, it’s selfish. And learning to prioritize your healing, your life, your needs, your values, your boundaries, your desires, your dreams, and your peace isn’t selfish, it’s self-aware.

So, as individuals, it is up to us to remember that our happiness, our fulfillment, and our worth are not determined by our societies, or the people in our lives. If you want to thrive, it is up to you to choose who you will be as you show up in and for your life each and every moment, even when things get tough, painful, uncomfortable or scary.

It’s up to you to choose radical self-responsibility and self-authority so you can stand up for yourself, speak your truth, and remain in integrity with your spirit.

It’s up to you to love yourself so fearlessly and unconditionally, that you will never put yourself in a position where you are giving your power away to anyone or anything for any reason.

It’s up to you to choose how you will live your life, and it’s up to you to choose yourself and to make yourself a priority, rather than an afterthought.

When we are able to do that, communication, interaction, and intimacy within our communities can be more fluid. We can hold space for one another in a loving way and listen to what we are saying without falling into the drama triangle, where someone always loses.

We can start teaching our children that loving themselves is way more important than looking for person charming, and we can show up for one another in loving ways that allow for vulnerable connection, rather than dismissive or forceful intent.

We can stop “accepting” one another, and learn to love in truth, and it all starts with each of us learning how to do that on an individual level.

Here is the main question of our discussion. What are 5 strategies that you implement to maintain your connection with and love for yourself, that our readers might learn from? Could you please give a story or example for each?

  1. Learn to embrace yourself — If you’ve been qualifying the reasons why you love yourself (say for example, you’ve been trying to be grateful for your body because it gets you from point a to point b rather than just loving your love handles without trying to melt them away), it’s time to stop. It’s time to do the uncomfortable thing, and truly, radically, and completely embrace yourself. And I don’t mean in spite of.
  2. Honor your shadow — Shadow work has become more popular over the last few years, and it makes my heart sing, because we all need it, and we can all gain so much from it. But I want to encourage you to acknowledge that shadow work isn’t perfect, permanent, or easy. This isn’t a practice you can or should try to throw rainbows and unicorns at, and it is a practice, so you will need to revisit it time and again without expectations. When you can learn to do that, your integration process will be much more accessible, and your love for yourself will be so much the sweeter for it.
  3. Speak to yourself like you would a lover — I’m sore you’ve heard this before, and I am delighted to bring it up again, because it is paramount. If you speak to yourself like you are not enough, you will never be enough. If you keep berating, chastising, and bullying yourself, you will never trust yourself to love yourself. And if you think you don’t need to speak to yourself as often or as kindly as you do the people you love in your life, you are telling your subconscious that you aren’t worth anyone’s time. Don’t do that to yourself. Write a letter each day if you need to or say “stop” out loud when you hear yourself taking crap about yourself, but show up for YOU. You deserve to be loved, you deserve to be cherished, and you deserve to be talked to with respect, tenderness, and kindness. And it has to start with you.
  4. Stop seeking perfection — You will never be perfect, and the longer you seek to achieve that goal, the further away from your self-love you will become. Always remember that true love isn’t performative or circumstantial. True love is unrelentingly unconditional, and that means, it never expects perfection, so release the grip on the need to perform to perfection, and simply love who you are in this moment, right now, without needing to change a single thing.
  5. Learn how to become radically self-authoritative — When you remember that you are the most important being on this whole Universe, and that YOU get to choose how you will show up for yourself, you will remember that, not only are you worthy of love, you are capable of it too. So, stop looking for someone to blame, and start deciding that you are the one at the helm.

What are your favorite books, podcasts, or resources for self-psychology, intimacy, or relationships? What do you love about each one and how does it resonate with you?

Oh, man, so, I am a huge nerd, and one of my favorite books of all time is The Never Ending Story.

I bring this particular tome up, rather than, say Daring Greatly which is an absolute must in terms of self-psychology, because it paints one of the most beautifully eloquent examples of self-love I have ever come across.

There is this one scene in the book, where the main characters come face to face with their true selves, and it gives me shivers every single time. Truly, I don’t want to spoil it in case there is someone out there who hasn’t read the book or seen the movie, but, I am telling you, that level of commitment and awareness of self is exactly what I aspire to every day.

You are a person of great influence. If you could inspire a movement that would bring the most amount of good to the most amount of people, what would that be? Maybe we’ll inspire our readers to start it…

I would love nothing more than to see women all over the world reclaiming their feminine self-authority, and loving themselves as the true Goddesses they were always meant to be.

Poetic, but it’s true.

Can you please give us your favorite “Life Lesson Quote” that you use to guide yourself by? Can you share how that was relevant to you in your life and how our readers might learn to live by it in theirs?

One of my favorite quotes is, “When writing the story of your life, don’t let anyone else hold the pen”. And again, this comes down to breaking down the chains of the old paradigms that have made us believe that we have to play small, and be “good” and “perfect” in order to be loved and worthwhile.

The time for the chains of old is at an end, and it is now up to us to become empowered in earnest.

Thank you so much for your time and for your inspiring insights!

Thank you! It was a pleasure.



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Authority Magazine

Authority Magazine

Good stories should feel beautiful to the mind, heart, and eyes